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Day...who the hell knows?

Hello my acne ridden buddies! I am going to sit here for a minute and try to find out what day it is.....somewhere in the 40s....im pretty sure its day 43 or maybe 44. Ok well any way i haven't written one of these for what seems like forever. I guarantee i can give a million excuses including midterms, spring break..etc. however i of course will not do that I am resolved to update more when i get back to school just like i am resolved to do all my homework and study more..we'll see how it works out. Anyway i was looking at my first set of pictures and i could not believe my face looked that bad.. and i considered it to not be an I.B!!! Like i've probably said before my face is mostly scars but i had a bunch of huge active ones at the time and my face just looked really really bad! THE BAD-I have a pimple right by my left eye now that has effectively caused my entire eyelid to swell which is oh so much fun. And the right side of my lip is doing that crack back thing again. I have a rash on my arms and especially my hands and the back of me ankle is constantly sore. Little patches of my face get really dry especially when a pimple is there making it very difficult to cover with makeup. THE GOOD- Im feeling more optimistic than i have for a while and like i said before am more resolved to go back to school and change my major and be the responsible adult i know i should be. The unfortunate part of my two-month long "quasi-depression" are that i let my grades slip and now have some SERIOUS catching up to do. Also my hair never gets greasy anymore i only wash it like 2-3 times per week, and even though i do still get pimples they are small!!! which is something i never experienced before. it''s kinda funny that im grateful for such a silly thing but having big huge cysts all the time is the worst- the trade off is nice. OOO i also lost 10 pounds.. or rather i did before spring break, we'll see when i get back to school and my ever looming scale how much i've managed to keep off. But regardless of the numbers i see when i get back i plan on continuing to lose weight and get back into shape for the summer when my skin will finally look nice!!!! It's nice to see that i have more positives than negative i was beginning to think i was going to permanently reside in that little rut of mine! I hope all my acne buddies are doing well despite the fact that i've been neglecting you! ~Dorothea Allsmiles19

allsmiles19

allsmiles19

03/20/2010

 

Stuck on day 30 :(

helllloooo friends! It's been a while since i posted last. I would say that I'm just a very busy person and can not be expected to post at regular intervals, but in all honesty im not that busy of a person. It just seems that lately I haven't really gotten anything accomplished and yet I have no time- do you ever get like that? I think it's a symptom of laziness but i can't be sure. I swear my derm. gets the award for "most incompetent office of medical professionals. EVER." i've been going there for about a year and Monday was the first time i had seen my actual dermatologist- i had always just seen the nurse practitioner. Thats a little weird. AND they seem to not be able to do anything right. A few months before i started accutane they couldn't get me a password for a very long time and then when they finally did i had to wait like 2 months and take 2 seperate pointless bloodtests before i could even think about starting. Well anyway the dermatological "mistake o' the day" is that they didnt sign off for me to take the quiz on ipledge so my pharmacist wouldnt fill the prescription before i went back to school. so i am stuck on day 30 when i should really be on day 32. I kinda feel as if i might be an accutane junkie, i mean it's been 2 days and i seriously want nothing more than to pop my new 80mg dosage. In my defense though i think my "addiction" stems from the fact that i want to get this over with as soon as possible and all this inbetween time is aggravating! For all those people doubting my position on this, im not actually addicted to it... my face looks better-ish i mean i never really had an i.b. and as insane as this sounds, I WANTED ONE! i wanted to have it really bad for a few weeks then watch it clear up. But instead i just have the same few that i've had for 3+ months- they've gotten smaller though so i guess thats a plus. ooo And i had to buy some more heavy duty lotion last week because my measly oil free cetaphil wasn't cutting it but the only thing my school store had was burts bees and it cost me $20... On a more personal note how can you tell if you're depressed or not? I mean i still laugh and i dont cry every day but i just feel like sorta empty, confused, tired and unmotivated all the time. A lot has been going on College-wise like within the next few days i'll have to register for next year and im not entirely sure i want to keep up with journalism(much to my mom's disappointment) and i haven't been motivated to do all my homework because i feel like i have so much that im just too overwhelmed so i didnt do my statistics homework for roughly 3 weeks and i took a test today and definitely without a doubt in my mind failed it. so really i can't tell if im just emotionally and mentally drained or if i might be depressed. I need spring break to come sooner so i can have some catch up time and re-evaluate my life. thanks for reading my pointless rant- Dorothea~ Allsmiles19

allsmiles19

allsmiles19

03/03/2010

Last Reply:
03/14/2010

 

Day 23

hola all my acne.org peeps! sooo today is day 23. And i'm sitting here at my computer with a steaming cup of soap flavored tea -I dont know how that happened- ready to commence upon my third blog how exciting. I've been a little m.i.a. from this site because i went home this weekend. anywho I have to get my blood drawn tomorrow soooooo much fun! But it is really cool that im so close to being done with month numero uno! While i was at home this weekend my mom told me that she thinks i'll only need about 3 months total on Accutane because my face doesn't look that bad. She and my brother both went on it and apparently their faces were covered by this point while mine pretty much looks the same- and while that doesnt make her an expert by any means, it's nice to imagine being done by May. umm so for the face update; I put up some new pictures. I am indeed wearing the same jacket I wore in my first set of pictures. I guess i just like that jacket? I don't really know, but i see a tradition in the making. My face actually looks a lot better in person, I dont know what it is about my camera but it seems to pick up every little red mark and amplify it. So it looks kinda horrible in the pictures when in reality I only have about six active pimples right now, and they are pretty small. I do have my fair share of scars though, im hoping that will go away sooner rather than later. The " blackhead party" seems to be clearing up i have noticeably fewer of them. My skin is pretty dry right after i wash it at night- dry enough to warrant three pumps of lotion but then it's fine during the day. You know whats really weird though? my ears are drying up!! Its very strange. And i finally invested in some Head and Shoulders, dandruff is not something I fool around with. My mood is still pretty low and i'm still isolating myself from people at school, but it's not like I had very many friends here to begin with and I have no intentions of living here next year so it's all good. Ohh and I was only marginally sore after my Thursday workout soo I'm seeing that as the green light to keep working out-unless of course there are cute boys anywhere in my vicinity, in which case I will leave immediately. Hope all is well with everybody-keep on keepin' on! ~Dorothea- Allsmiles19

allsmiles19

allsmiles19

02/23/2010

Last Reply:
02/23/2010

 

day 19

Hello all It is now the end of day 19 which means thats it's close to day 20! which means THAT IT'S CLOSE TO DAY 30!! which of course is a month!! heck to the yes im excited!! i'm pretty sure i have my labs done this next Tuesday and my dermatologist appointment the following Monday which im not entirely looking forward to- particularly the lab, but it must be done. Anywho my knee started feeling better today so, of course, i decided to eff it up again by going to the gym but i didn't run on the treadmill like i normally would i worked on the elliptical and only for twenty minutes and i was going to try lifting some lighter weights, but i noticed a kid that i sorta kinda think is cute and decided my best option would be to leave the premises immediately. So we'll see how my body feels tomorrow, i hope i don't pay too much for it. i would sit here and list all those categories like i did with my last blog, but theres not much to report so i'll just keep it to one paragraph, oh and pictures aren't necessary for the same reason. so yeah- my face looks essentially the same the one pimple i was telling you was coming in came and I, unfortunately helped it along , and now its a little scab. Every derm says don't pick, but there is no way in hell im going to class with a pus-y face. bottom line. other pimples that i had are getting smaller everyday. the blackhead situation is kinda annoying but nothing makeup can't solve. my mood is still a little weird but time heals everything and i am faaaaaar from suicidal or whatever. ooo so i've heard a lot of good things about the Mario Badescu skincare line and i decided to check out the site- if you go to the site and click on the consultation link and fill out this questionnaire someone e-mails you back with a regimen you should try AND they offer you free samples!! i'm not trying to advertise for this company or anything im just VERY excited about trying some of their stuff and thought i'd share it with my new buddies!! they have this face cream thats supposed to help with scarring which i so hope works! well i guess that is it guys! talk to you later! Dorothea~ Allsmiles19

allsmiles19

allsmiles19

02/19/2010

Last Reply:
02/20/2010

 

Day 15/16

Hello again soo as promised this is my day 15 update. I’m sort of upset that I didn’t sign up for this site before I started accutane so I could keep a more inclusive diary, but it’s only day 15 so what the hell? Oh really important background info I started accutane having just gotten off a heavy duty antibiotic so my acne wasn’t all that bad, aside from this PLANET on the side of my face. seriously I know people say that all the time on here but that sucker was Guinness book of records huge it was about two inches in diameter and it stuck out maybe half an inch- it took up the whole left side of my face-not to mention it was there for a whopping 4 months. My derm injected it- it popped four times and STILL wouldn’t go away, she was going to inject it again but opted to wait it out some more. I wish I were kidding-but no. FACE-lets start off with my face in general-shall we? I have about 9 active cysts right now the one right above my right eyebrow is quite nice don’t you think? HA! and I can feel a large lurker coming in slightly to the right of my left eyebrow towards the space in-between my eyebrows. which should be fun. that one under my mole has been there for about two months and the pair above my right eyebrow have been there for awhile too, they just decidedly got WAY bigger once I started accutane. I was looking in the mirror earlier and decided that if every single blackhead in the entire world got together and had a party it wouldn’t even compare to what I’ve got going on-on my face every pore on my nose, the inner part of my cheeks and my chin is a blackhead. I have a few random smaller pimples that will go away with a day or two, and I obviously have my fair share of scarring. on the positive side the constant excess oil problem is gone- in exchange for a few scaly-flakey places LIPS- ok soo as you tell by my pictures my lips are pretty much screwed the two red patch things on either side of my lips were...drum roll please.. pimples!!! they have since popped turned into lovely red scab/dry skin areas that crack every time I open my mouth. and then the lips themselves are cracked and disgusting but there’s really nothing to be done besides constant aquaphor application. BACK- my back is surprisingly doing ok I feel little guys but nothing so huge that it’s keeping me from sleeping on my back so all is well in that department. OTHER SKIN- my hands are not holding up too well, but other than that nothing is too dry yet- my scalp on the other hand is an atrocity it was so oily before that I would have to wash it every day- sometimes twice a day, but now its soo dandruffy that I have to wash it everyday. trade one bad for another oh and non-accutane related I have a cluster of like 7 bugs bite on my ankle- very annoying! MOOD- well before I started this process and even now, i have firmly believed that accutane doesn’t make anyone depressed out of the blue, but I would be lying if I said my mood hasn’t been all-in-all pretty shitty since starting. I think its a combination of the fact that I was unhappy with a lot of things before accutane and now its just bringing everything to the surface- again I don’t think its caused my depression- it kinda just brings everything to the forefront so you have to emotionally face them. take for instance the fact that I’ve been unhappy with my weight for about a year or that I have very few friends at school- it’s all coming at once because I’ve already let my emotional guard down to embark on the accutane journey. so I’ve been crying a lot lately and I’ve isolated myself a little but I have always been a very resilient person it’s only a matter of time before I start feeling better about myself. BODY- I went on a walk around my city a few days ago and I have been paying for it ever since, especially my knees. And I have noticed a few extra aches and pains in my back. But what’s really strange is that when I go to lay down to go to sleep my left leg gets this weird tingly feeling. It starts off slow and kind of cold, but the heats up and increases, and I have to get up and walk around to get rid of it. I can’t really explain it, but I wish it would go away! anyone else experience that? Ohh also I’ve been having trouble sleeping; I’ll be tired all day but then awake right when I go to try to sleep it’s soo weird. well I guess that’s all of it for day 15. message me with any questions or comments or words of wisdom- you know- whatever!! Hope Everyone is doing well- under the circumstances... Oh here are the products I use just in case anyone is interested * Burts Bees “Radiance†facial cleanser- with royal jelly . I use this only because I left my cetaphil at home and this is what my school store had- I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it-smells good though. *Cetaphil daily moisturizer spf 15 . I only use this at night in a really thick coating because, believe it or not, my oil glands still have a bit of fight in them and would cause my face to look oily during the day if I were to use it in the morning *Banana Boat Sun Wear daily sun block moisture mist spf 50 . I should be using this waaayy more but I can only bring myself to use it when I know for a fact I’ll be out in the sun for a long time *Aquaphor -Gods gift to accutane users-seriously if you don’t have it, buy it!

allsmiles19

allsmiles19

02/16/2010

Last Reply:
02/17/2010

 

First blog EVER intro to me!

Hello I have been to this website countless times, I've read through a few accutane diaries and now I have finally worked up the courage to start up my own. Everyone on here seems so positive and really supportive so I'm thinking it will be good for me-we'll see. Anywho a little background on yours truly; I am 19 years old and in my second semester of college and I've had really bad acne for the past year. Now I know there are some people on here who have struggled with it for years and years and maybe my measly one year may seem laughable, but when it comes right down to it even a year is too long when your face is a game of 3-d connect the dots. Hmm so down to the nitty gritty I have always gotten the occasional pimple here or there starting from the age of about 13 but they have always been cystic, huge creatures that last for months and never actually develop a head. It wasn't until my senior year of high school that I saw a steep decline in the appearance of my skin-instead of one pimple I'd get three, and even then I was still okay until three turned into 10, and those ten wouldn't go away for months while new ones were emerging all the time. And even though I've always had naturally oily skin for whatever reason my oil producers went into to over drive- it wasn't uncommon for me to use three or four oil sheets at a time FOUR times a day!! I couldn't keep it under control, nothing worked. After a few horrid months I finally convinced my mom to take me to the dermatologist- I went on all the standard antibiotics and retin-a cream and what-not and just when I could finally see the- for lack of better phrasing- "light of accutane," my dermatologist brought me the news that my liver enzymes were too high. 3 different doctors, 8 months, 10 blood tests, countless doctors appointments and two ultrasounds later I got the okay to finally start accutane. I’ve been on 40mg Amnesteem (a generic for accutane) for 15 days now, supposed to be 16, but I’m only human- everyone’s entitled to one mess up right? Anyway I figured I’d write this little background section before I got into specific days and how it’s going just so if people wished to skip it they could. I plan to write a combination day 16-and day whenever-I-get-permission in a separate post later on. Hopefully I’ll be talking to you all very soon! **Condensed version for the attention span impaired** Type of acne- cystic, nodular mostly facial although my back likes to join in the fun How long I’ve had it- one year What I’m taking- 40mg Amnesteem (generic) once a day

allsmiles19

allsmiles19

02/16/2010

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