I don't really know where to begin. Adult acne rules and governs my life. All I can think about all day is how my skin looks. Right now it's pretty good, I think, no active break outs, not peeling as much, less redness. I believe, no matter what anyone says, that I have a reall bad case of acne. My skin is constantly oily, I have to blot my face at least 20 times a day! My skin, without makeup, is pale and red and blotchy. If I didn't have my Chanel Lift Lumiere foundation I'd die.
I guess I am being overly dramatic but my skin influences my moods. I never feel pretty enough or attractive enough never. My skin didn't always used to be this bad. I remember when I was living in Miami, now I am in UT, that my skin was managable. I didn't used to break out and I didn't look so bad without makeup. Ever since I had to move to UT, now I live here by choice, my skin has broken out. It could be the horrible pollution here, Utah County rated the mos tpolluted counties in the country, or it could be because I'm totally stressed because I am making it out on my own.
Either way my skin has gone from not so bad to totally I can't even deal with it any more. I love tazorac and I feel if you have mild acne that is not hormonal it can work for you. I believe I might have a hormone in balance, it's common for women to have that, and it is causing my acne. I look at my face with my makeup and I don't look so bad. From far I look like I clear skin. Up close my black heads and huge pores. I have scarring and redness from previous break outs. My skin is pale, it never tans because it's SOO oily. so my face is MUCH lighter than the rest of my tan body.
I feel no one I know, knows what I am going through. Acne is a NEVER ending battle for me. I am praying that accutane will provide me long term results. I can't keep living day to day worrying about my acne. It is definetly time consuming.
For any one reading this, I know what it feels like to feel ugly unattractive, and have VERY low self esteem. I have worked hard to look as good as I do now.And trust me when I say I work hard. Going to the gym eating right, using the prodcuts on my face, never picking, always touching up, making sure my hair doesn't tuoch my face and I wash my pillow cases, drinking lots of water and the list goes on and on.
I will start on accutane in 3 days. I do hope one day I can look at my face and feel like a movie star.