10 Days 1 Bubble Pack AND I'M FREE! I know that many people don't want to stop accutane because they're worried about recurrences, but I have been on this for 6 months, and I'm so so so ready to be DONE! Yes, of course I'm concerned about what may happen, but I want to be free. I want to know what it is like to NOT have perpetually chapped lips. I want to NOT have my looks, energy, mood dependent on a little red pill. 10 daaaayyyys! WOOHOO
100% clear. Did you hear that? 100% clear! I have been wanting to write that for so long, but another beauty pops up just as I say it. Tomorrow I may suffer for my celebration, but right now I will celebrate! At my last appointment the derm gave me a prescription for 40 mg 2X per day so that I could do 2 months at 40 mg without having to go back---I'm glad, it saved me a lot of money...well $30, but still every bit counts I'm so happy. I finished the semester strong, have clear skin, and am going home in a few days! OOOh and also, I went to have a physical and the doc was like, You're on accutane? I've never seen anyone with skin that isn't dry! I attribute this to jojoba oil that i mix with my moisturizer as well as Carlson's fish oil (5 capsules=1 tsp per day). It works wonders! Any questions, just ask. I'm not in love with accutane, but right now i'm thoroughly thankful for it!
Wow Day 100, can't believe it! So that puts me on week 14. The derm predicted 6 months for me so lets see...80 more days? More than half-way there! Seems like a long way to go, but these 100 days have been fast enough! And GUESS WHAT!? I haven't broken out in over a week--that is a record my friends! I am not 100% clear, due to those stubborn patches that I have mentioned before (between eyebrows and near ear on each jawbone) but no new pimples makes me happy and even the stubborn patches are cooperating so my face is pretty happy! I have been noticing the dryness a lot more now--luckily my allergies have calmed down so my eyes are not constantly blood shot, but as far as my body is concerned I wish I could get a bathtub full of moisturizer to soak in! I'm sick of that prickly feeling all over my body! However, despite dryness, I am looking up I am feeling more myself now too now that I'm not on yaz--the medication of death or at least despair. I have never felt more insane than those 3 months of hormonal hell! So with hormones under control, and a clear face I bid thee good night!
Everyone is returning to campus from spring break today. One friend commented, "Your face is so clear, your red marks are nearly gone and you are just glowing!" Later, another friend (who isn't aware of my accutane) said, "ARE YOU OKAY! Your eyes are so red!" I sheepishly replied that they were dry... Such is this journey--clear skin. But red eyes, thin brittle hair, etc etc etc. My results are so encouraging, but to tell the truth I don't think that I would put myself through accutane again, even if my skin got bad again (though, it is unfair to say that in a clear skin moment). I have a love-hate relationship with accutane. I'm not going to go on a rant about it but I'm also not going to sing its praises! This week ends month 3 for me! I will get my blood test tomorrow and have my check-up on tuesday. Hope all is well! We'll see what the next few months bring
So my derm is giving me the "go ahead" to stop birth control based on my commitment to abstinence. Even though this is what I wanted, it does make me slightly nervous, and I know that my body is going to take a while to readjust so I may be a bit off for a while. My skin is relieved to be back on accutane I think, and so am I. On a different note, Shaun White = amazing! I LOVE snowboarding! Can't wait to go home and be back on the mountain in a couple of weeks!
There have been a few bumps in the road since my last thoroughly optimistic post. I'll try not to be a debbie downer, pinkie swear. So after my appointment on Friday I had iPledge problems as usual--it never accepts my login on the first try and then locks me out. The doctor got pissed at me after and briskly ushered me out of the examination room. After getting that figured out, I called the pharmacy to see if my prescription was ready and they said I didn't have insurance and it would cost $700......WHAT!!!!! So apparently my insurance company screwed up everyone from my dad's company and no one had insurance for the weekend, and seeing as it was a long weekend for president's day I had to wait until tuesday to get it figured out. FINALLY I got my prescription for $10 as usual but I had a 4 day interim of no accutane so I feel a breakout festering and I have a full blown cyst on my jawbone. Also, I missed two BCP pills in a row so I was a hormonal emotional hellish wreck. This is my 3rd month on birth control and I HATE it! I wrote my derm an email saying I have already committed to abstinence, have not even kissed a boy in over 6 months (since my ex boyfriend and I last saw eachother) and don't want to put my body through hormonal trauma anymore. Anyway, the bcp decision is still pending and I have my accutane now so once i get through this breakout then hopefully it will be all clear from then! I'm feeling positive, but still slightly anxious! I'll be honest, I'm tired of this, but I'm definitely trying to focus on the upside= CLEAR SKIN! Life is good. I hope you all know that! No matter what, Life is good!
Again I am in an interim. Yesterday was day 60 and hopefully tomorrow will be day 61 when I get my prescription! I was going to start this post off on a negative note about how frustrated I am with ipledge and doctors, but then I read some negative blogs and I decided I wanted to be positive :D So i'll focus on the good things: Perfect Blood Tests again Another month of 40 mg...they wanted to boost me, but I expressed my concerns about hair thinning etc so they decided to keep me where I am. hmmm... oh so yaz is making my boobs grow haha. I'm still an A-cup, but they are def growing, but super sore! I'm really not that into my body, but ya know, they haven't grown since 8th grade and I'm now a college sophomore so its kinda a big deal! Anyway, skin is stable...hair is thin but manageable, and hopefully I'll get my prescription tomorrow! clear skin to all and to all a good night!
Well I finished month 2 today and go back to the derm tomorrow! I had my blood test this morning, so I'm praying that everything is good again!!! So where to start...I have just been tired and down in the dumps the past week. I'm feeling so much better today though--and it was sunny! Sunshine in Rochester NY is something that should make any person, vitamin D deficient or not, smile. I've had a few new breakouts and my scarring looks terrible. I know I know in my last thoroughly optimistic post I said I was 95% clear...well I meant actives, and I have more now. My face is still about 80% scars. It seems like everyone says the 3rd month shows the most results so I'm holding out. Right now I am SOOOO concerned about my hair. It has gotten so thin and dry and brittle...I have such fine thin hair anyway, I can't really afford to lose any! I honestly can't let myself stop accutane now though--I've come to far, been through too much, and haven't yet grasped the results that will make it all worth while! Anyway, I'll let you know the prognosis tomorrow! Say a little prayer for me
my skin feels like silk. smooth soft silky. I am now about 90% clear with only 7 actives (since when can I count pimples using only my 10 fingers) I have 1 active between my eyebrows that is stubborn but going down. 1 or 2 under each ear (not visible thank god) and another couple on my cheek. I just got out of the shower and my face looks rosy and clear. My fellow accutane sufferers, you may be wondering how my skin can be anything but dry and taut at this point. Again, I must sing the praises of jojoba oil. I mix it with my moisturizer and have had no dryness issues. My lips on the other hand KILL. I also take 3 fish oil capsules with my accutane in the morning and I've started taking a tablespoon of hemp oil at night (though I don't like the taste). My hair is getting so thin that is my only major complaint right now. But life is SOOO Good
So my skin is looking all right...still some actives along jawline and on forehead, but SO much better than before! Now for the topic above. I guess this journey does not have to be just about my skin but my everyday interactions. At the end of october my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years and I broke up...It was emotionally rough and that is when I started breaking out again pretty badly. For the past 4 months I just haven't felt anything for any guys. Just no interest. It took me until a few weeks ago to really embrace my singleness and feel comfortable within myself. I really like that sense of empowerment in and of myself. Now, OF COURSE it would just so happen that a really cool, sweet guy comes into my life. All the feelings I thought were on hold came out again. We are just getting to know eachother, having great conversations...nothing that would suggest a potential relationship. But OF COURSE my mind has already taken us way past the just friends stage. I want to enjoy the NOW not the THEN. But again, I miss that connection I had with my exboyfriend and I just long for sweet kisses and hugs, handholding, understanding...I'm a very simple person. But I am complicating my life once more with BOYS gotta love them, but man they mess things up. So of course here I am wondering if I'm being too overbearing, sending the wrong message...w/ev but I have myself convinced that nothing will happen, and that makes me want him even more! We have only known eachother a few weeks, so I shouldn't even be thinking like this! If its just a silly little crush It'll blow off no prob, but I'll keep you updated if its more we'll see. I'm just glad I'm regaining confidence in my image. I still can't help but wonder how he sees me. Does he see my scars? The stubborn pimples? Or does he even really SEE me. well, we'll see.