STILL have scars. i went to the derm today, and he suggested laser treatment. skin care is serious stuff, man. just like with the accutane, i went to the derm thinking i could get a gel or a cream or something and all my problems would go away, but no. i needed some intense pill that causes cancer in rats. now, to make a bunch of tiny dots go away i need intense laser treatment. life is so hard anyway, i need to research it. like the accutane, it's probably not as bad as it sounds. then i will truely be happy with my skin also, in the beginning of the month i broke out a little... nothing bad by any means, but not as small as i'd like after taking accutane. it scares me... i told the derm today and he gave me all this junk. i hate having to use all kinds of shit on my face though! then when i go to sleepovers, not only do i have to lug around a giant toiletry bag, but it takes me waaaayyy longer than everyone else just to get ready for bed. or those late nights you come home and want to just lie in bed and die? cant do that because i need to take 30 minutes taking care of my face. i hate it. anyway, hopefully all the stuff he gave me will clear it up quick, then maybe i'll just use it as a weekly thing. kinda like with masks and nose peels and stuff. we'll see. anyway, my main thing is the lasers. if anyone reads this, advice on the lasers would bee nice! i'd like to read some stories about people who actually did it, and to find out exactly how often people get those permanant pigmentation damage. the last thing i want is perfect white circles on my face.
so i was looking at a picture from last october- almost a year ago- and my face was BAD. here's the story; all last summer i was on differin, and it worked pretty well. but it didnt make my face as clear as it is now. nonetheless, it was clear enough! i'd say about 90%. but i've heard differin stops working after a while, and i guess thats what happened (that or maybe i ran out and stopped using it, who knows) because i broke out really badly. i would classify it as severe acne. i would pile on the foundation but it didnt make any difference at all. there's a pic, but i dont want to upload it anyways, now, just a year later, my skin is perfectly clear (minus someclogged pores- if i run my hands over my face, around my jaw line, it feels a little rough). but i still have scars from it. i believe they're fading though. i really really want them to go away. anyway, just a thought. i'm glad that when all hope was lost, accutane came to save the day!
the cyst is gone!!! its been gone for quite a while now. but if i run my fingers over the spot where it was, i feel a little bump there. so it's not 100% gone. and i apply clindamycin eeeeeevery dayyyyy but it hasnt gotten any smaller. you cant see it though....not at all. only feel. so it doesnt bother me that much. besides that, and a few clogged pores i think, i'm totally clear. the really pesky thing is those red marks left behind. and i'm noticing some scars. the ones that actallu look like little tiny craters. yeah, not cool. those arent noticeable either, and theres not that many, but still. we all want perfect skin. i need to figure out something to get rid of those red marks though. i read in my seventeen magazine that acne face cleansers with benzoyl peroxide and other harsh chemicals can make rewd marks linger. so maybe i'll try a more gentle face wash. and i was going to try taking vitamin E, since its good for your skin. so thats my next mission. i hope it goes well! anyway, i've been in panama for the last couple weeks. no makeup! only because i sweat so much and i dont want it to clog my pores. but its sooooo hot here. AC is my savior. but on the plus side, i'm getting tan not as much as i'd like. i'm only a little bit more tan.... its not fair. i have one more week to work on it though!! yaaay!
well it's gotten smaller. not much, but still. and it's not as sore. so that's awesome! i am using clindamycin (another leftover... nothing ever worked before so i never finished them!) and it works great! i had a couple other tiny, barely noticeable pimples and they're gone now i use the clindamycin every morning, and the differin every other night. the differin dry's out my face. but mostly around my mouth so i dont put it around my mouth anymore. there's no problems there anyway so i'm no longer worried. well... not as much. i'm pretty sure that cyst will be gone soon enough!
alrighty... it's been what, a week now? technically i was supposed to be done about 20 days ago or so. but a while back they refilled my prescription (the time when i had issues at walmart) too much, so from then on i had a lot leftover al the time. That being said, i had my last blood test on wednesday. only a week after, but they expected me to be done earlier. plus the reason they made it so shortly after was because my derm is moving, so she needs to read them before she leaves. And she already did, they're perfect But the problem now is... its only been a weekk and i have two cysts right next to eachother big painful ones. the reasons why it worries me is 1) the derm said i shouldnt cysts anymore!! and 2) thats kinda quick... i guess i could understand a tiny zit better, as long as it went away fast. but this is a cyst, which she said i shouldnt get anymore, and it hurts, and its been there for 4 days i think! it started out small, and i expected it to go away within a couple days, but instead a smaller one popped up next to it, and the one got bigger and they hurt :( this scares me. i'm not sure how do go about with this... i'm going to go "beauty shopping". maybe some tea tree oil will fix this? i've heard good things about tea tree oil. i would just hate to buy something pricey and it not work... maybe i'll try clean and clear instead. i have some leftover differin which i'll start using. that way i can prevent this sort of thing i really dont mmind one or two measly little zits. as long as they go away faster. but these hurt. and i really hope they dont stay and then more come....i really hope i dont get all that acne again. BUT, it's too early to assume things. oh but i was looking around acne.org today and i came across this egg white mask. i heard great things about it so i tried it. i guess i didnt notice anything super amazing... actually it didnt really make much of a difference for me. but i've only done it twice. i figured, if nothing bad came out of it, why not give it more time to see if it works? maybe it's "purging" my pores, and thats whats causing my cysts to get worse- for the time being. someone said something about that on the egg white mask reviews... but like i said. i'll wait and see. so in short, being off accutane isnt going exactly how i expected. it just isnt quite as blissfull as i'd hoped :/ let's hope that changes fast!
well i never told any of my friends i was on accutane. let me restate that, i never intended to have my friends know i was taking accutane. i may have mentioned this before, but when i first decided to take it, i left the booklet out at home and my friend found it. but that's just one person, and she's my bff. plus, it wasnt so bad. not at all. and throughout the last 6 months, at least she understood my obsession with aquaphor! (actually, although i explained it to her -"my body isn't prosucing any oil! i need to create my own moisturization!"- she still never quite got it. i guess you actually have to be the one with the chapped lips to understand). but anyway... she was with her older brother and his friend one night, and they were both drunk (the two boys, not my friend) and for some reason they were talking about me... and they got into talking about my skin being clear. now, i wasnt present during all this or i would have quickly changed the subject, but the next day i was hanging out with all them. the two boys were still slightly drunk, and one says to me "hey... your face cleared up... high five." so i awkwardly gave him a high five... then changed the subject anyway i felt like sharing that. it's nice to hear good things about being clear, but i'm not really close to that kid. so i'm not sure how i felt about that. but oh well!
I took my last pill yesterday, making the my whole accutane journey last 185 days. whew, that actually went by pretty fast. i thought it would take FOREVER since i would be so excited for the end! So, no more accutane. my last update was about 2 weeks ago? almost 3. since then, my it seemed like i was gettin more oily... the rashes from being so dry (and sort of being lazy about lotion) went away, which is weird since i was still on accutane. i thought they would have gotten even more dry... and my face did seem to be a little oily. not exactly oily, but definitely not like the skin of someone taking accutane! i think it might have been because it's summer now, and the heat and the sweat and all that jazz. plus i changed moisturizers. Also, i wouldn't say i have any zits, but i think i do kinda have clogged pores. again, i'm thinking this might be from the lotion. see, before, my face was so dry and i ran out of the lotion i had been using (the store brand of eucerin) and the store stopped selling it! so i just used some neutrogena hand cream that i have. i'm not sure it's the best thing to smother on your face, but it DID get rid of that dry skin. So i'll stop that and see how it goes. overall i'm thrilled with the end results! well, the only thing i'm unhappy with is the redness. it looks like i'm sunburned. i might be just a little... it's hard to tell. but the day lotion i had been using was a store brand (yes i know, i'm cheap. if i see the store brand is cheaper, i'm likely to buy it) and i dont think the spf actually worked... plus it was kinda old. All i can do now is 1: buy a good moisturizer with better spf. and 2: wait it out until the accutane redness fades, and those pesky little red marks fade. good news on the red marks (scars? i'm not sure they classify as scars since i'm pretty sure they fade completely), they are much better than before!every morning i consider going out without make up! but after i was my face... well it looks more red after i wash it. but that time will come soon enough! i was thinking about going to nordstroms though to have them do my makeup one day just for fun! way back when my face was covered in blemishes, i would just put on makeup to cover that mess up. now that i'm clear, i wanna have FUN with makeup! (along with hiding the scars but like i said, that wont be a problem for long). another thing i want to do to celebrate... well i've had this gift card for a spa fro over a year now! i was going to use it when i first got it but... i just forgot about it. i think i was saving it for a special day and then just forgot once that day came... who knows. but i found it a little while ago and decided to save it for when i was clear! and now i am! so i can go pamper myself. it'll be put to better use now, too. a year ago, i bet i would have used it on their acne clearing facials or something. which wouldn't have worked that first time, of course. now i can go and pick anything i want, and truly pamper myself! so yes, i am very happy. in fact, i want to share that my last trip to the dermatologist, all the people in there (really it's only 2 people, i see them everytime-the actual derm. and the guy who schedules the next appt. oh and he also sets up the ipledge.) kept telling me how great i looked my last blood test is june 16th. 8 days. then my dermatologist is actually moving! so if i ever go back again, i'll have a different derm. i was thinking about that, because, as many people (as far as i have read on here) worry about, i'm afraid that maybe, just maybe, it'll come back. and if it does, odds are it wont be bad at all. i'm not worried about it being really bad if it even does come back. but anyway, let's say i get very very mild acne again, i know what i want because it worked really well before. differin. I have faith in that product because it kept me pretty much clear last summer! i'm not sure what happened...but for some reason after the school year started it got worse. i have one picture from october, my face looks HORRIBLE. it's disgusting, and i hate those pictures! but i think thats because differin wasn't strong enough to contain my acne at the time. if it comes back it wont be bad, and i know differing would be perfect but that's all if's. it's my plan B ok thats enough for the longest blog ever! hip-hip-hooray for finally being done! and clear! i'll do another post to keep track of what happens off acctuane you know, like when the redness finally goes, how oily my skin gets... all that jazz
Day 170; so i just had my last appointment. i'm pretty much done. well' i'm supposed to be, but i still have 20 pills left. soooo i'll be done next week sometime. i still got a couple zits during my last month, and in fact i have on right now... i think its more like a cyst though. but the zits went away within a couple days, hopefully this one i have right now will too, even though it appears to be a cyst... But! good news! i woke up this morning, and my skin looks so clear i'm not going to wear make up today. afterall, all it ever did was make the scars less noticable, and right now they look less noticeable than ever! i think it's because with summer here (finally) my face is a little tanned, so they blend in... not the best way, but it happened on accident! well i'm so happy now that i get a glimpse of my skin COMPLETELY clear, with barely any scars i'll post again once i finish my pack of pills.
Day 139; ugh my face has been clear for so long, but i have two pimples. well, one is a cyst, and the other is a whitehead, they're both right next to eachother. partners in crime :/ i wonder why. i mean, my face has been doing so well! all i had to complain about was the redness! but at least it was clear! so no fair i hipe they go away SOON. and NEVER RETURN! well okay, to be honest, after i'm off accutane for a while, this would be fine. but i kinda thought this just didnt happen after being on it so long, especially since i quickle cleared up and have been for so long. i mean, dont the oil glands sort of shut down? oh well. i'm also thinking about what my derm said. i went on monday, and she said as long as i stay clear this should be my last month. so i guess as long as i dont get any after this then it is still my last month. but if i do... i'm SO going to want to stay on it a little longer. i really havent been taking 2 pills every other day like i'm supposed to, just one everyday. but i started doing that again once i noticed the blemish. i'm going to take 2 every day for a little while to catch up. and now i just have to hope to clear back up and stay clear!!! i was so excited to be almost done! i hear everyone saying that accutane makes your skin heal slower, but once they're off their scars fade in no time, then they have 100% flawless skin! i want that! but this is so discouraging even if i am blowing it out of propotion haha
Day 135; so, yes, it's been a while. my computer got a virus, and after i fixed it, idk, i was just lazy about getting on my computer. so i've been to the derm since i last posted... it was a rather boring appt. she kept me on the same dose, and it's been staying the same. not much has changed... i have another appt. tomorrow, and i'm guessing it'll be the same too! she probably wont up my dose. well my skin has improved. especially my back! i wanted to wear this tank top on friday, but i never like wearing them because my back, but i looked and there's just some faint scars! i think it will be gone soon! ahhh, clear back and my face...well it seemed like a couple weeks ago i broke out just a little. i'm not sure what to think about that. it wasnt because my time of the month either. maybe it was just after... ah! i need to keep better track! my jawline has cleared up completely though. that was the problem area at first and for a while, but its completely clear now. no scars either. i havent exactly been keeping up with my dose wither, maybe thats why i broke out. its not consistent. the end of the school year is approaching and i'm getting so much homework it seems like this happens at the end of every year, i think teachers just kind of rush and cram the rest of the stuff we're supposed to learn into us. grr. oh yeah! soccer started it's a lot of fun, and i really feel like i'm getting better! i've played a couple years but that was a little while ago. now i'm starting it again but i feel like a beginner. hm. but the best part is that i'm getting into shape so soccer+accutane= lookin good and just in time for summer haha. but i'm also tired lately. not sure what to blame that on. maybe everything. homework, soccer, plus it always takes me a while to fall asleep, so i just never get as much sleep as i'm supposed to anyway. except on weekends but my mom got me vitamin B supplements, it converts food into energy, so maybe that will get me more energy! i'll try it out. but it will make me feel old or something... or like a druggie. i mean, the B supplements, accutane, and i take ibuprofin often since i get a lot of headaches (not due to accutane, i've always been like that). thats 3 different types of meds! haha all in all i guess i'm still improving and i look foreward to more improvement, primarily on my face. i think my skin is just gross right now. its very red. and it doesnt seem even. then my make up doesnt go on evenly. ugh, its upsetting. i really cant wait to be done with accutane, and i know the redness will go away, then my scars will heal, and i'll have pretty acne-free skin!!! thats all i'm waiting for, since i dont have much else to look foreward too
Day 91; wow! 9 more days will make it 100! that's pretty awesome anyway, i have been taking the two every other day.. somehwhat. i get off track sometimes, okay?! ahaha but the main thing was that lst timke they didnt completely fill my prescription because the pharmacy ran out. so i started running low, of course, and they were still out at my hospital, so i had to go to walmart. and ipledge was causing all these problems, i was just trying to complete the FIRST prescrition! jeeze, it really chaps my khakis. but i got more than nough now, they just gave me a brand new prescription i guess... but it's claravis now, not amnesteem. i dont think theres a difference anyway, but i like this packaging better. actually, i like the amnesteem pills better (no idea why) but i hate the packaging. ts way more difficult to get the pill out. okay getting to the more important part, i'm am so dry, its actually uncomfortable! and i absolutely depend on aquaphor! before i could go a few hours-or even a day- getting by on regular chapstick. no big deal, i just had to apply it a lot more. now, if i dont have aquaphor... i dont even want to know. i though i forgot it the other day, and i started to panic! i didnt want my lips to start bleeding or something!! also, i got this off-brand of eucerin (SOOOO much cheaper!) and if i forget to apply that (i have to smother my entire body in it now) then i will be itchy beyond belief all day long! in fact, one day i didnt put any on my arms, and i scratched them so bad and they got so dry that it was red-not just red, but kinda like a scab. i could FEEL it- like i got a really bad scratch and there was kind of a scab...it's hard to explain. but whatever you call it, it wont go away by my wrists. i'll have to carry around lotion with me and just constantly apply it there. hmmm i think thats all the news. just much more dry than i used to be. uncomfortable dry (unless i apply lotion liberally) but even then, at night, once i get in bed, if i'm on my side and i kinda stretch my arm over (say, putting my hand under my head or something, so it's kinda stretching a tiny bit) then i get itchy! and i'm obviously itchy from being dry, just to be clear the solution would be to put more lotion on before bed, but i'm too lazy to do that haha. i also want to add- back pain, i havent noticed it for a while. maybe i'm used to it, maybe its gone. idk. and lately, i think my face is breaking out a little. bummer :/ but is not bad. oh and nothing but scars on my back i heard people have had their black heads just fall out, will that happen with me? i have a bunch on my nose. they have cleared up since i started taking accutane, but not completely. theres also a lot of clogged pores now, around my nose, and kind of on my cheeks (the part thats closer to your nose). once i'm done with my course i'm gonna work on my scars. those are what really bothers me now >:[ i think they were the worst part from the beginning! i dont think any of them are permanent... the red ones fade, right? i'mm starting soccer at school, and i would love to play confidently with no make up, but i dont see it happening! my face is too red! i'm not sure what to do though. like at my next appointment, she's going to ask me if i'd like to stay on 40mg or go back to 20 mg. i think i can countinue with 40mg every other day, it's fine. and i'm pretty sure she will let me keep it that way, just being every other day until im all done. but i wonder if i should try 40mg every day? no back and forth, you know?
Day 72; my face is so much dryer, it's peeling! not that bad at all, but still. i'm gonna have to get a more gentle face wash i think. i never went to cetaphil because although my face was dry, it was actually okay with lotion. but with my higher dose i'm going to need it. also on the days i took the higher dose, my back hurt more! i was just walking up the stairs and it hurt! but it's alright now... i took 2 today, so tomorrow i take one... this is going to get confusing! i really need to write this down. hmmm is that it? oh! and i want to share, that on friday, i straightened my hair (something i havent done in FOREVER) and i put this glittery green eyeliner on (it was spirit day and we had to wear green) and i got all kinds of compliments! "i love your eye's christina" "you look so pretty today" "your hair looks nice" it's nice to hear those kinds of things :D sooooo yeah. my face is pretty clear for the most part. back, not so much. it was never bad, but it hasnt improved much. maybe a little. oh and my face is red. the derm said it was from the accutane. and yeah it looks like i just scrubbed my face, you know how that makes it red? only it would fade. this doesnt fade. but foundation covers it up well enough i think thats it for now! 2 months down, it feels pretty good not as bad as i thought it woull be actually... i'm excited for months 3 and 4, thats when most people start noticing BIG changes, but so far i already have!
Day 71; so i went to the derm on monday. she raised my dose but my weight is kinda on the line i guess, since they like to match the dose with your weight. i'm about 50 kg, right in between 40g and 60g. so she asked me what i wanted and i said i'd like to try a higher dose. but i only take 2 pills every other day. omg which reminds me! i took 2 pills out of the package one day, then i went to get my milk to take it with, but i only take one in the morning then the 2nd one after school. so yeah after school i looked in the little container i put them in (i put the amount i need to take that day in a container so i dont get confused or anything. just extra precaution.) and the 2nd one was gone! i have no idea what happened, maybe i took both in the morning? anyway, it remains a mystery. also my face is improving. my mother mentioned this morning "now that your face is clearing up you look so pretty!" well was i not pretty before? :/ i know what she meant though uhh gotta go! lol more later
Day 53; chest getting a little worse, face getting a little better, back the same... i think my back pain isnt as bad! that or I'm just getting used to it oh, lips: DRY. all week they were really chapped, but i managed to get it under control. now they're just really dry. if i dont have aquaphor on i cant smile! and i'm in band (i play clarinet) so i dont like to apply aquaphor while we play because it's just a big mess. but i kinda need to. ugh. thats just a little pet peeve of mine haha . so yeah thats the news. it's going pretty good.
Day 48; mkay so I"m gonna do a quickie here. my face has improved just a little. yay and my arms are like completely better! they aren't dry and itchy anymore!! oh and i think my back is better too, no more bothersome cysts or anything. back pain hasnt changed- still managable. so it's all good!