Sometimes, I really get annoyed when I walk into a beauty shop or pharmacy. Do you know why? It's because there seems to be a thousand and one sales assistants trying to sell me some anti-acne products. It really irks me to no end because I can never seem to find peace when walking around the skin products section, looking for what I need and get out quickly. In actuality, walking down a street with those facial aesthetic clinic around tend to be bothers as well. They shove flyers in my face, babbling in Chinese about some cheap treatment that will help me with the acne problem.
I get these saleswomen have to do their job, but they're not supposed to invade my space. Just today, when I was walking around Watsons looking for an AHA product, I looked at the entire section, but I couldn't find what I was looking for. In my 'quest' to look for it, this middle-aged lady kept pestering me to try her counter's products. I was shopping alone at the time, but I know the ethics of sales. A salesperson should NEVER come in physical contact with the customer, even if it is just to catch your attention. I don't think this lady got the message the first time when I politely told her 'No, thank you.' because she did not back off, and kept badgering me when I was looking at some lip balm. She even prodded me and touched my arm, and I kept at it, being polite, and I kept saying I did not want her free trial. Three times pretty much put me off the edge, and I found myself coldly telling her 'No' and briskly walking out of the store. I didn't have the time or the energy to go complain to the manager, plus I still had some compassion and consideration towards the saleswoman. She probably would not be very well off if an unhappy customer like myself made a complaint against her.
I think the only word that can describe my mood at the moment is 'irritated'. I get it, people are trying to help me with my face problem. I've had suggestions from countless people; relatives, family friends, dermatologists, my GP, as well as my parents. It's not like it's the first time that these saleswomen tried to sell me their product, but I think today just pushed me over the edge. I'm honestly tired of it, and it's not like it will stop any time soon. I'm steady on Dan's regime, and I don't intend to hide in a hole until all my pimples clear up and then there will no longer be difficult saleswomen chasing after me. It's already enough when my grandma keeps pushing her own remedies on to me every time I see her over the holidays, but when people I don't even know try to lecture me on this sensitive issue, I get downright annoyed. I've blocked them out for a long while now, but it seems that saleswomen, like the one I encountered today, would not rest if a potential customer like me walks past their store, considering they'd get commission for it.
I think it's also partly psychological. My friends are nice, they don't breach my comfort zone when it comes to my face. I am outwardly confident, but I don't handle situations which concern with my severe acne problem as well. When one guy, my senior, asked me out of curiosity how I keep getting pimples so that it's everywhere, I answered it in a professional manner, but I could tell everyone else got awkward. It's uncomfortable, knowing that everyone sees my face problem, and I have no idea what other people say behind my back. I'm socially accepted and all, but this seems like it's so big a flaw that I'm half scared that people will just turn their backs against me and call me pizza face or something. I know beauty is only skin deep, but outward appearances count too, and very much for that matter. Now I am not really in the position to attract someone of the opposite sex, knowing that they are likely to be repulsed by the idea of having an 'ugly' girlfriend...
So yeah, even if I academically excel and I have many friends, I have terrible insecurity when it comes to my skin. Even when I mask it pretty well, it all boils down to that, and it really emotionally hurts. I'd like to keep myself looking straight forward, and getting the results I want from Dan's regime so that I would not have this low self-esteem anymore. Let's be optimistic, shall we?
Well, hello, I haven't been here in a long long while.
I guess after posting on this website about convincing my parents to allow me to go on this regime, my dad checked out this website and he was pretty skeptical. He wasn't keen on ordering Dan's products considering how we live in Singapore, and the costs are quite high. Instead, during my dad's latest business trip, he managed to get me some Clean and Clear BP 5% and BP 10%. I think I started on the Regime about two weeks ago, and I feel that there is improvement. I wouldn't say there is a drastic one, but it's slowly coming along.
I curse myself that I didn't keep track of when I started the Regime, but let's guess it was on November 2nd. Close enough, I guess, and it fits the time when I was in a pretty down mood about myself. So far I have only tried out Dan's regime on my face, and I'm hoping that once I get that on track, I can try out the bacne regime. I know 10% BP is too harsh on the face, so I think I won't put it to waste and I'll just use it on my back.
Here are the products I use for Dan's Regime on the face (just for self reference, I guess):
Day and Night -
Premier Dead Sea Minerals Cleansing Facial Gel/Himalaya Herbals Purifying Neem Face Wash
Clean & Clear Persa-Gel 5% BP (soon to finish and on to Benzac AC 5% BP)
Cetaphil Moisturizing Cream
As for the back, I think I should get back on the Isotrex (Isotretenoin 0.05%) from Stieffel which I had for a while but stopped after my move back.
As you can see, I'm using 5% BP instead of the recommended 2.5% solely for the reason that it was the only available stuff at the store when I was shopping. My Clean & Clear Persa-Gel is 3/4 done I suppose, so I went to the pharmacy today to buy some new BP. Benzac 2.5% was out of stock so I couldn't try that out, and in the end, instead of wasting a shopping trip, I just bought the 5% one.
The reason why I haven't started the BP regime for the back is because I am worried about fabric bleaching. I have to wear a white shirt uniform for school, but I am worried that my mom will yell at me if she finds some abnormal spots of BP staining on it. That is, if it can be detectable on fully white fabric (I have not tried in fear of the consequences). We all know that Singapore is hot and humid, so wouldn't it be extremely uncomfortable to wear an undershirt under those layers of uniforms? Until those questions are answered for me, I am unsure about starting it. I have left my back to its own devices for a long while now (3 months or so) apart from the gentle cleansing. I don't know how to judge if it's improved or not, but I've been kept covered up and it really wasn't on my mind. I want to get past the hurdle of facial acne before I tackle it, or at least get some of it under control.
Another current worry that just stemmed from me looking at the various facial cleansers I have at my disposal. My mom bought me the Dead Sea Mineral stuff around the time I started the regime, but I never bothered to check the ingredients. My female cousin (who has also had problems with acne during her teenage and now adult years) also gave me the Himalaya Herbals Neem Face Wash some time in August, and I thought that it really improved my skin (before I got the Dead Sea Cleanser, I used it for my face but now it's used on my back). BOTH of these cleansers have got what Dan says isn't good, this Sodium Laureth Sulfate as the 3rd or 4th ingredient. I don't want to throw it away because it's been working well enough, but Dan says it's not too good as it can damage the 'protective barrier' and 'introduce irritation'. What should I do?
Note to self: Start recording face progress