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May the Journey Begin...

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Update! Update!

Long time no type huh? Well, so much has changed I don't even know where to begin. I guess I'll start with skin. Skin isn't great but also isn't terrible. I'm about 85% clear right now. I break out really bad during my period because my birth control does SUCH a good job controlling it, that when that little 7 days of not taking it come up, BAM! Explosion explosion everywhere. This time was pretty bad, but that's also pretty typical. I should be pretty much cleared up within the next week or so if all goes according to plan and as scheduled. I switched my regimen again. I'm using the AcneFree Severe kit. Um, I love it. It works sooooo good. I think I have gotten one cystic acne since using it and it actually wasn't even half bad. Whatever combo this system uses has been helping a lot. I've never used retanol before and this kit has a step just for it. Maybe that's helping? I don't really know, nor do I care, just keep on keeping on please! I also completely stopped drinking regular Vitamin D milk. I miss it so. I switched to Lactaid, which I don't drink very often but does seem to not give my skin the sucker one, two, three, knockout punch. I've also been drinking an enormous amount of water every day (a little less on weekends). Almost 5-6 bottles a day. I know this makes a dramatic difference in my skin. When I drink water, I don't drink juices or soda (which is my absolute fave, and of course Coke). I have been breaking out a little bit more on my neck, chest, and back which stinks, but since it's winter has not bothered me a great deal. I have pretty dry skin so I think I'm going to try that Eucerin calming body wash and lotion and see how well that does for my skin. I like things like Philosophy and bath and body works but man, they break me out bad... and the smell is not worth the erruption. All in all, I'd have to say I'm about 90% happy with my skin. I think I've successfully figured out a way to control my acne pretty well, not completely, but good enough. My scars are a whole different story though. They last for months and months, but then everytime I try and treat them with a cream and such, I start breaking out again. I guess time will be the only thing to help those. I refuse to go tanning and whatever because I know that only makes it much worse. That's what makeup is for, but one day, ONE DAY, I will just need a tinted moisturizer or something... can't wait until I get there So, as far as everything else. I'm S.I.N.G.L.E! I honestly can't be happier. Sure, you miss the companionship all the time but as far as everything else goes, I'm living it up. It's so nice words can't even explain. I want so much more for myself. Someone to motivate ME, take care of ME, give ME advice and all that good stuff. Not the other way around for once. I feel like I've had to take care of my boyfriends in both of my significant relationships and it's just something I refuse to do from here on out. I want a contributor and not just a taker. Someone that appreciates me for me and all my quirks and craziness and wild likes and dislikes, ambitions, and nonsense. A sense of appreciation, all I ask for. School, SUPPOSED to be last semester if I get this miracle override and stuff. I'm really praying on it because it's all I need and I do need it so much. If not then plan B and take the class somewhere else if I get into a school that is accredited the same as mine. I know it's my fault because I didn't put the time into the class I needed because I thought it was going to be easy but I also had some TOUGH classes on my plate and I ended up doing really well in those. However it screwed me up with just that one class which stinks. Honestly though, all I can do is plead my case and put it in God's hands. He'll handle it however he chooses too. And no matter what everything will be ok with time and prayer. I love life so much right now and as soon as I Lord willing get the override, everything will be going just about perfect!!!!
 

It's been a While!!!

Wow, I haven't blogged in an extremely long time! The funny thing is I always THINK about blogging, I just never actually do it. Pity. Summer break has approached yet again. I'm doing the same thing as last year, interning and enjoying my break. A lot has changed and a lot has stayed the same. I'm extremely frustrated with my relationship right now. It sucks to love someone to death but be just on two totally different levels in life. I would love for things to work out, but I feel like, if I don't have any kids right now, why should my boyfriend be one? I have to tell him everything to do, when to do it, be his emotional support when things don't go his way, and then build him back up and tell him everything is going to be ok. He complains to no end every single day, and he is in denial about being emotional or sensitive. I absolutely can NOT be myself around him because I have to be very particular about what I say and how I act because it might upset him. This really sucks because everything in my life is actually going more than great. I can't help the life I have but I've also worked extremely hard and proven myself even though life has been a tad easier for me than him. He's just extremely negative and pessimistic and I hate that about him. I'm far too cheery for that, yet I love him. It makes it far harder when a person is actually nice and caring. He is, but right now the bad is far outweighing the good. I'm emotionally drained from his nonsense. As for my skin, it is now taking the toll. He's been making me slightly stressed and I currently have HUGE bumps that have no end in sight. I hate these kinds because they never have a whitehead they are just huge lumps under the skin. They take forever to go away. I have like 3 of them and they are quite painful. Two are not that bad, but one is on the side of my cheek, which is my least favorite place to break out. I scar terribly there and I also am extremely self conscious about that area because it's so hard to hide with makeup. I've been using the maxclarity system. Like it a lot, but nothing has worked better than Continuously Clear. It really changed my skin. So, I'm going to go back on that and follow the regimen strictly. I also broke down and had a glass of milk with some oreos. I couldn't resist. I'm convince that milk triggers my acne. We only ever drank Vitamin D so that's all that tastes good to me. I am going to make myself start drinking Silk or maybe organic. I always feel so unnatractive when my skin is bad. It makes me really sad.
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