Lady_C

Yesterday, I received a message on my phone from an unknown number. The message was inviting me to a christening on 17th july. As soon as I read the message it became apparent that the message was from an old friend who had a baby last year. I reluctantly attended her baby shower in August 2010. This turned out to be the most awkward experience that I have ever encountered because I don't see her very often. Although I have known her for 10 years, over the years I have pushed her away because of depression and acne. When I went to the baby shower she decided to announce in front of everybody that she seldom see's me and it's been like sooooo many years. This of course was extremely embarrassing and my face was at it's worse point at the time and to make matters worse another girl decides to challenge me in front of everybody about where I've been.

The entire evening I just sat there alone and made the odd small talk. Meanwhile all the attention
was on my pregnant friend, which was fine but I felt uncomfortable and desperately wanted to go home.

Since the baby shower I have only seen her once, again I was criticized by her daughter for being a bad friend (she didn't say that, but she basically made reference to the fact that I hardly visit them). Okay, so I know I'm a terrible friend I really don't need reminders. Since then I've decided to keep my distance because I couldn't handle the snide remarks.

I mean how do I explain to someone that they don't see me often because I suffer from acne and depression? It sound like an excuse.

I always knew she would have a christening in the near future but prayed that I wouldn't get invited, now I don't know what to do. I'll have to go through all of that again for a much longer period of time. I'm already upset about the way my skin looks. I suffer from major social anxiety and now I have this christening to worry about. I really don't want to go because of the awkwardness plus I don't want to be berated in front of the other guests. All this is way to much for me right now with the frame mind that I'm currently in. I'm attempted to ignore her message and just pretend I never got it but I don't want to lie. I guess if I had company it would put me at ease, in a sense.

Oh and then there's the photo's, having to purchase a gift when money is tight etc.......

I'm so stressed and anxious right now, my face is going to get even worse. Just the thought of it brings me to tears. I'm such a mess mentally and physically right now it's unbelievable. I have nobody to confide in about this issue because they wouldn't understand. I'm attempted to talk about this with my mom, as we're quite close but I know she will encourage to go because I rarely socialise and I don't really have any friends.

I know you guys can empathize that's why I'm posting this here

Any input/advice? will be appreciated.