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Member Since 08 Oct 2013
Offline Last Active May 06 2014 11:39 PM

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I'm About To Give Up...over This S***!

08 October 2013 - 07:50 PM

I just joined this website because I just can't deal with this alone anymore.

I'm a 16 male junior in high school, and back in sophomore year I was praying that it would be better than sophomore year. But now, it's worse. Not education wise, but acne wise. I have back, upper arms, and neck acne. I was never one to really break out on my face, and when I do it's one pimple, but my back is just a mess.

It all started at the end of freshman year. I saw one red bump on my back, and stupid me decides to pop it. Little did I know it wasn't even a whitehead, and I just made it worse. I guess doing that spread it around my back. I had maybe 1-5 big red bumps, however they weren't whiteheads. And again stupid me, decided to try and pop them with a needle. I was totally ignorant to acne, and it was so foreign to me. My parents have flawless skin, so I never thought I'd be affected. Just typing about this makes me feel so stupid. To think this all could've been prevented if I were to have common sense. Anyway, it got worse obviously. I decided to try Proactiv...oh god. Yeah, that didn't work. I used it for about a year and a half. And my back just looked a mess. I used it for my face as well, as I wanted to prevent acne. It didn't really change my face. Even today my face barely has any pimple...just some blackheads on my nose that I don't care about.

Anyway sophomore year started, and my confidence was not very high. I'm a popular kid, it's just that I distanced myself from people. I never went a day without wearing a sweatshirt. I live in L.A, so it can get hot. I was extremely self conscience of my arms. I was kind of a skinny kid, so I was always embarrassed of my arms because I always wanted them big and buff, but whatever I did it wouldn't work. In the middle of sophomore I started getting pimples from time to time on the back of my neck. I didn't care that much, as I could hide it with my hoodie, but it still bothered me. Towards the end of the year I started getting bumps on my chest and arms, they were small, but stupid me (sensing the theme here?) decided to squeeze them. I used Proactiv's body wash on the back of my neck sometimes as well as on my chest. Surprisingly it worked, but not for my arms.

Finally summer time came, and I decided that sweatshirts were off limits for me  I was going to conquer my fears  and I didn't care. I wore short sleeve shirts, but they covered my arm acne. I was feeling so great. My back was clearing up, my arms weren't really, but they weren't white heads they were red bumps. My neck was CLEAR. Then I took summer school and I notice a small pimple on the FRONT of my neck, something I thought wasn't possible. I didn't pop it, and left it alone. Then two more clustered around it. They were whiteheads, but I still didn't pop them I finished summer school and they went away, but left a little scarring (I don't know why). During this time I got off Proactiv, and decided to see a dermatologist. My dermatologist pre-scribed antibiotics (minocycline), and Retin A. My mom was not happy about the antibiotics as they can mess up your immune system. But I gave it a shot. I found the Retin A drew everything out, and was drying. The antibiotics made no difference. Then I saw a pimple on my neck again, and stupid me put Retin A on it. Biggest mistake I ever made. Not only did it spread my acne, but it dried my neck to the point where my neck was RED! It was so dried out my skin felt like leather. I totally admit that I broke down and cried, and rightfully so. I hid in my house for 2 weeks, flaked on my friends. Overall it was terrible. And guess what? School started two weeks later. I was so nervous because my acne was hidden before. Now going to school and people seeing acne on my neck?! Gross.

I'm in my second month of school, and I'm feeling hopeless. I've been to the dermatologist again, and this time she gave me Tazarac .1% for my neck, arms, and chest, and face (?). As well as continuing with the antibiotics and Retin A. Oh, and Cleocin (forgot to mention that in he beginning). My arms have kind of cleared. There's just marks now. My chest has cleared, just some faint scars. The only reason I'm taking these damn antibiotics is for my back (she claims). And she gave me Neutrogena as well for my back. But guess what? MY BACK IS THE WORST ITS EVER BEEN!! Right where my shoulder blades are, is where my bacne is. My neck acne has not gotten better. It's red bumps. I get disgusted every time I look in the mirror. Now to put the cherry on this disgusting cake, there acne/blackheads on the BACK of my neck? WTF??!! I shower twice a day, for the past 4 years!! I'm not a dirty person, I'm very clean. I wash my sheets once a week. Alternate pillows. Everything. I honestly give up. I want to go to prom, and formal. How can I do this looking like this?

I'm at an all time low. My self confidence is non-existent, I've been very depressed lately. I'll just wake up, and feel itchy and dirty, like a sensation where I just want to shed and rip my skin off. I feel so uncomfortable. My dermatologist says the next step in accutane. However I am so scared for that. My face, like I said, is not bad. There aren't many breakouts, and if there are it's like two very tiny dots. I'm afraid with accutane my face will look like a pizza from the IB, and I'm afraid my neck will look like a pizza from IB. I'm just scared in general that I'll have a terrible IB, and I'll look even worse. I think about suicide which ISN'T NORMAL! Thank god, I've never harmed myself, but it's like my skin wants me to.

What can I do? Should I go on Accutane and just get this acne out of system? There's no way in hell I'm having acne senior year let alone college. I just can't let that happen. I'm beyond over this s*** at this point.

What should I do?