Siava

Outside of the US I've been to Puerto Rico, Vieques (a tiny island off of PR), and the UK.

 

Vieques was by far the most exotic and fun. Horses roam the island and go wherever they please from frolicking on the beach to grazing in the school yard. You get fined if you harm one. Their eyes don't reflect since they're not nocturnal, so you have to be very careful when driving at night. The culture is like taking a step back in time. Slow pace. Conservative. Folks are up early in order to catch the ferry to the mainland and they go to bed early. Some bars stay open late if the crowd is good enough, but for the most part everything shuts down around 8pm. Chickens and cats run the street.

 

I'd have to say the most exotic animal I saw while there was the mongoose. They're fast so I only caught glimpses of them darting across roads. Best part about them being there is you don't have to worry about snakes.

 

Hmm, the most exotic food I ate was conch, but my favorite to look at was spiny lobster. They look totally different than Maine lobsters...almost spiderlike. Kinda creepy.

 

The most interesting thing there is the bio bay. There are only 5 on the entire planet. Micro-organisms called dinoflagellates feed off of dead mangrove leaves. They glow whenever the water is disturbed. I kayaked in the bay and then the instructor told us to swim. It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life, like swimming in sparkling fairy dust. You could even tell where the fish were because they'd leave a glowing trail under the water's surface.

 

There are so many places I want to visit, but the only one on my bucket list is Machu Picchu in Peru. I like the history and architecture, and would find the hike to be a beautiful challenge.

 

I've enjoyed reading everyone's stories. Keep em comin!

elainee, just be up front with him if it's worrying you so much. He'll still think you're beautiful, especially if you behave like yourself when with him. Meh, blow it off or make light of it. Blame your breakout on the Londoners. Hahaha. It'll be ok. You'll see. ENJOY the time you get to spend together!

Getting to drive a baby F1 car this sunday.

 

Getting back into shape this year after injury.

 

Going on cruise around the Caribbean end of the year

 

Definitely take some sunscreen!!

 

1. Going to live shows.

2. Pay raise.

3. Buddy from D.C. coming to visit in March.

I can really relate...all my friends and quite a few guys tell me they think I'm beautiful, and while I don't think I am hideous, I think I'm a pretty average looking person, when people say I'm gorgeous or  beautiful, I always think "Well that's a bit of an exaggeration don't you think?" I definitely don't mind the compliments, and I receive them as best I can, but I don't really understand them. It's not that I hate myself, I don't, I just think people see me as being better than I actually am, and it confuses me.

You're confused because you have low self-esteem. With all of the positives in your life, focusing on the acne still hits hard and will continue to do so until you change the way you view yourself. It's difficult and takes time, but not impossible.

There are a couple of things to keep in mind regarding the appearance of your acne:

1) People aren't scrutinizing your skin the way you do. Sure, folks may notice you have acne, but could care less. They're too worried about their own perceived "flaws" whatever they may be.

2) Nobody is up in your face getting close-ups of your acne the way you do in the mirror. We're all guilty of miscroscope mirroring. When you do that, you're reinforcing the "ugly" self image you've given yourself, thus hurting your self-esteem, thus being confused about how others think you're more beautiful than you're giving yourself credit for.

It sounds silly, but the next time someone tells you how attractive you are, politely thank them out loud, but in your head exclaim, "Damn right I am!" Allow yourself to believe it. There's a reason the phrase "Fake it till you make it" exists...because it works! Fake believe every time someone gives you a compliment. Don't let your mind slip towards negativity. Accept the compliment, feel good, and quickly change the subject or think about something different so you don't dwell. After awhile you will not only believe what people are telling you about your appearance, you will embrace it because you'll know it to be true!

Darn. I can only 'like' this once.

Dang. The issue must've been a doozie. Hope you two get it worked out.

There are times i think i really like it and there are times i think it's just not me. However i am not giving up. I am at least exploring a relationship now that i am older and wiser.

AWESOME!!! What you said and Spotthedifference's sentiment about not giving her all when she doesn't get it back makes me think of the phrase, "Relationships are 50/50." I've heard that phrase used so often and even believed it myself at one time. It is false.

Relationships are 100/100!

If you can't or are unwilling to give 100% effort then don't bother. You'll wind up resentful, jaded, hurt, and discouraged. You'll also trample the emotions of your partner. If you're not receiving 100% from your partner then walk away because you are being disrespected and your time is being wasted. That and you'll still wind up resentful, jaded, hurt, and discouraged. It's not conducive to daydream about someone's potential while waiting for a relationship to improve or grow. It's also not healthy to let someone treat your poorly out of fear of rejection or loneliness. Boy oh boy did I learn that the hard way. You can most certainly be rejected and lonely while in a relationship if it's a toxic one!

When relationships are good (or perceived as good at the time), it's one of the most fulfilling feelings ever. Knowing someone is happy to see you, wants to confide in you, and has your back is tops. When they go bad though, yeah, it's pretty awful, but that's the risk you have to take or you'll never know. Not all relationships are meant to last though IMO. Some end due to circumstances beyond control and many end because they're unhealthy.

Ugh, it's frustrating. I've never been in a long term healthy relationship because I didn't know how to love or validate myself until recently, and that's still an ongoing process. My self esteem was shot so I sought to get that from men. Doesn't work. If you don't make yourself happy you'll teach partners to treat you poorly. Expecting someone else to boost your ego or be your life instead of having a life of your own already is a lot of pressure! Not only that, it's unattractive in every sense as well.

Haha, sorry if I veered off the original path a little. I love relationship talk.

michi, hi there. I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time with this. Adult acne most certainly sucks!

I'm 35 with a 17 year old daughter. When The Evil Spawn was 8 she drew a picture of mommy. Mommy had spots all over her face. Ahh...bless the innocence of her young mind. Fast forward to the teenage years. I ended up having to resort to Accutane at 32. I also have bumpiness and rolling scars on my chin.

Know what? I'm a great mom. My kid could care less what I look like. Remember what it was like being a teenager? Were you focused on your mom's appearance or worried about your own? Your daughter is going to be self focused 'cause that's the way teenagers are.

Your daughter is going to love you unconditionally as long as you're a loving parent towards her. You're her mom! C'mon now!

As much as I love her, sometimes I feel that it was a mistake to get pregnant - not just because it caused scarring, but because I don't know how I can be the best mom I can be living like this and it's not fair to her.

Aside from the scarring, have you told your doctor this sentiment? It's worrysome. Perhaps you may be suffering from a bit of post partum depression. It may be possible and it's common. Please remind yourself that your scars do not hinder your ability to be a kick ass mom. *hug* Best of luck with the treatments you seek.

I don't think it's wrong to look, Nicky. It's natural. Depending on arrangements amongst relationship partners, it may even be ok to touch. There's a whole spectrum of relationships to fit what people want and need in order to be fulfilled. I get what you're saying though...just wanted to throw that in there.

Mario, I've been rejected as well. Rejection definitely sucks, but ya get over it and jump back on that horse (if you're ready to) because the ride can be so much fun! I'm not in a committed relationship right now because I know I'm not ready for the level of openness, honesty, and committment it takes, but I am not opposed to being ready if a suitable man crosses my path. Like it has been said, relationships take work. Some days are effortless. Some days it takes every ounce of your being not to push your partner in front of a bus.

You asked why relationships are worthwhile. Man is that a loaded question. There is soooooooooooo much that can be said as to why, but I'll keep it as brief as possible.

Being mentally and sexually stimulated is rewarding. Affection rocks. It feels wonderful knowing someone adores you for who you are and is still willing to have sex with you. It's fun to learn the ins and outs of a partner. And just when you think you know everything, you're pleasantly surprised with new information. There's a certain comfort in doing boring things with someone you care about.

Like I said, there's a lot more and could be explained more eloquently, but I think you understand where I'm going with that. You'll know when you're ready if you ever get to that point. There's no rush. Do what makes you happy while you figure it out. Good luck!

Misery loves company, doesn't it? You must be having an awful day because some days your posts seem sincere and others, like today, the negativity shines through. Hope your day gets better, B.

Moderate/severe cystic acne sufferer for 12 years, 31, female, 115lb. (52kg).
1st month of Accutane: 40mg --- 2nd, 3rd, and 4th months: 60mg
Course ended: mid-August 2008

I took antibiotics off and on during those 12 years. They started having a negative impact on my body and weren't keeping the cysts away. I was fortunate enough to start with a decent slate due to Solodyn before starting Accutane. Because of the antibiotics, Retin-a Micro, and Benzaclin, I did not experience the dreaded IB. I did experience a tiny one around my mouth with the dose increase, but it was minor.

Side effects experienced: dry skin, lips, and hair, eczema patches, extreme photosensitivity, joint pain, lack of concentration, fatigue, reduced night vision, brittle nails, thinned skin, moodiness, and flushing.

Side effects still experiencing: periodic flushing when hot, embarrassed, or nervous. Still photosensitive although not as bad as before.

I have to stress this: pay attention to your body and know the facts about this drug before swallowing that first pill. My first prescription was for 80mg. I knew that was way too high for my weight and did not hesitate to tell my derm. He listened and we both agreed I'd take 40mg that first month. The dose increase was mutual after that. Also, I was supposed to take a 5 month course, but the mood swings and joint pain were too much. I told my derm. He listened and we both agreed to stop the course. RESEARCH, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY and COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR DERMATOLOGIST!

Accutane changed my life in a positive way. I can deal with the flushing and photosensitivity 1000% times more than the bleeding cysts, pain, embarrassment, frustration, and uncomfortable stares. I no longer scrutinize my face every morning. I no longer fear hugging up against loved ones or letting my boyfriend touch my face. I wear my hair down. I'm not a crusty oil slick at the end of the day. I don't wake up with blood or pus on my pillow. I can comfortably leave the house without makeup. I my skin.