Hi everyone (a bit of a long story, read if you are interested),
I haven't posted on this forum for a few weeks due to a very busy schedule. I used to be on here every day, and it helped me get through the darkest time of my life. I took a break from acne discussions to focus on living and enjoying life now that my cystic acne is under control for the most part. I still have small pimples under the surface of my skin, but usually those go away with peels. My scarring and damaged tissue is what is mostly bothering me now, and I'm sick of my family and friends reassuring me that it's not noticeable. I know they mean well, but I want a reality check. I'm really hoping you can tell me what you think, please be honest.
Ok, here's the story. I was starting to gain my confidence back after having severe acne for a year, and I thought I was ready to start dating again after being single for a long time. I started talking to someone I met on an online dating site, and for a month we exchanged texts constantly. I felt an instant connection, and he did too. Then the conversations moved to skype, and every time we videochatted he told me how pretty I look etc. We had intelligent conversations that lasted for hours, I hadn't felt this strong connection with someone in a long time and I didn't think I ever would again. So I finally agreed to meet him in person, and unfortunately we met in broad daylight, and we sat inside a coffeeshop with the sun shining right on my face. I tried not to let that affect my confidence, but he kept staring at me and I didn't like that. We had a good conversation, he asked me a lot of questions and seemed interested in my life, then we went to a movie as planned. However, I just felt that he wasn't that into me anymore. To make things worse, when he drove me back to my car after the movie (it was still early btw), he said "Should we have an awkward hug?" and that was it. The next day, he sent a text late in the afternoon (usually he would text me all day long) saying "had a lot of fun last night." I responded, made a funny comment, and asked him a question....no response until the next day, 12 hours later! Then nothing again until the day after. I even texted him but he just seemed uninterested and the texting didn't continue for long because he never bothered to ask me anything back. I feel so bad about myself right now....I hit an all time low, and I don't know if I can ever bring myself to go out on more dates. This confirmed all my insecurities and my worst fear of being rejected because of my looks. I didn't think this guy was superficial...actually, I was disappointed that he looked flawless (perfect body, cute face, good skin) because I couldn't compete with that.
I just wanted to vent. On top of this rejection, I received a rejection from my dream job and then I also screwed up a very important job interview today because I was distracted. I feel like a failure in so many ways.
I took 2 photos of my face on the same day, from a different angle. The third one I added on April 8th, with my face looking smoother. Is this a mindf*ck of what? How am I ever supposed to feel normal? In most photos and on skype, my face looks smooth, and then up close it's a disaster. What do you think, am I exaggerating or do I have legitimate reasons to believe that I was rejected due to my face? I thought my personality would be enough to make up for some flaws, but apparently even intelligent guys who appreciate smart girls are superficial. :/
*sorry again for this pathetic rant, this is my ultimate low*
I honestly think you look the prettiest in the picture without any makeup! Be you and do what is right for you, nobody else.