update, in case anyone cares.
Damn, here I am again - and still haven't taken accutane. I kind of got over it. I used the differin and antibiotics and the topical antbiotic that the derm gave me, and it made things kinda bearable and i just told myself to stop being whiny. Plus since going to high school, i've gotten a shit ton of hwk and i've started playing xbox with new, interesting friends, so that's distracted me. Well my antibiotics ran out a long ass time ago and i had told my mom to make me a follow up derm app. and renew the prescription and her ignorant self said no then got mad af when i asked why. That was in like August.
Because of this whole situation, i've just lost respect for her and don't talk to her much. Well anyways, like a month ago i randomly decided to stop using differin and things are bad again. I just try not to think about it, but i know i have to do something. Also the scars are worse, like fuck. My cheeks are just a mass of red. Redness from active acne, red marks, just fucking red. I'm going to look into at home chemical peels. I'm probably gunna start taking supplements too.
Emotionally wise, i no longer think of accutane that much. I recently thought to myself "i actually dont feel too bad, or like crying anymore." I used to cry at the slightest thought of my face. I'm still insecure as ever, can't even look at people directly in their face. i'm 100% sure i have body dysmorphic disorder, but im not gunna tell anyone about it. Theres nothing that can help me besides getting clear skin, and that means accutane. But besides that, accutane isn't the main thing on my mind. I kinda have given up on it, though i'd still do anything to get on it. idk, looking back and reading this thread has me with tears in my eyes.
actually i don't really know why i'm writing this. i'm better, but i'm not okay. i just want clear, beautiful skin.
I'm really sorry you're going through this Although videogames are always fun and school work is important, socially isolating yourself is not good. If your mom knew just how badly your acne is hurting you, I hope she wouldn't intentionally let you suffer through it. It's possible you guys aren't communicating right, she probably thinks you'll just grow out of it and doesn't want to put you on medications that have serious side effects, but you are the one that has to live with it right now, not her and that's important too. Yelling and getting angry is not the best way to convince her, and will only make her dismiss your feelings as typical teenage rage. But if you came to her with a rational explanation of why and how the acne hurts you physically and emotionally, she may change her mind. Maybe you could try talking to the school counselor, or a trusted adult (maybe another family member or family friend?). Perhaps hearing the issues you are dealing with from an unbiased third party will help her see that you are in serious pain.
Oh, i really think she would let me suffer through it. She truly thinks she's helping me and that accutane is literally going to kill me. She thinks it affects the brain directly. She's seen me hurting so bad over this situation and she told me to shut up, she won't even consider it. I was literally sobbing, couldn't breathe or really talk and was twitching. I have having a panic attack and she said to stop crying, it was my fault my face was like this because i wouldn't take zinc supplements. I know i could never tell anyone, acne is too embarrassing. I could never bring myself to talk about it. And either way, she already notices that i'm weird or antisocial or whatever and she gives me shit for it. She says somethings wrong with me and in a hurtful way. She tells me i have problems, but she has no intention or taking me to a therapist or something like that. And that would just lower my chances of accutane because she'll think i have a more risk or killing myself. Which, i can truly say, there's more of a risk of me killing myself if she doesn't let me on accutane.