Jump to content

elliew8

Member Since 16 Jan 2013
Offline Last Active Jul 16 2014 02:30 AM

Posts I've Made

In Topic: I Need "no Picking" Buddies!

13 September 2013 - 09:48 AM

Hey guys and girls, I'm a bit slow on the uptake here because I haven't been online much recently...everyone seems like they are doing really well :) I completely understand what you're going through because I've been there. For me picking is one of those things that never really goes away, but I've been pretty good recently and I think it may be due to the fact I got a kitten...I appreciate that sounds strange but it's honestly helped me in a weird way!

 

I'll explain...all the things I've tried in the past have worked but haven't lasted long, I used to play games on my iPad to keep my hands busy in the evening, I put an elastic band on my wrist that I pinged as a form of aversion therapy, I tried ignorance by desperately trying not to look in the mirror and I also tried anxiety/ stress relieving stuff like breathing exercises. Now having a kitten kind of makes me do all these things on a daily basis...I have a crazy kitten so she wants to play all the time which is very distracting, she also thinks biting and scratching are really fun so I've got a lot of scabs on my arms that's basically acting as a deterrent (don't want to cause these things on my face!), when she finally sleeps she always does it in my lap so I can't get up and look in the mirror without disturbing her and finally when she starts biting wires, scratching the sofas and generally doing things she shouldn't I use the breathing techniques.

 

So I'm not suggesting everyone gets a kitten lol but maybe we need to combine the techniques for them to actually be more effective and long-term? Don't get me wrong, my skin isn't perfect so I have picked the odd spot here and there but I haven't had a 'picking session' and those are the biggest problem for me because I ruin my face so much, then feel so ashamed of doing it afterwards that I go about daily life in zombie-mode counting down the days until the scabs go and I don't have to be reminded of the self-inflicted damage I've cause every time I look in the mirror. So for me, I'm never going to stop picking completely but hearing how other people are dealing with it and knowing I'm not completely crazy either will hopefully limit the picking sessions :)


In Topic: Bdd, Acne, And Meds...help

21 August 2013 - 07:47 AM

Hey, just read this thread from the beginning and it seems like we are going through similar situations, and I wouldn't wish this upon even my worst enemy but it is nice to know someone understands. I feel like I know exactly how you feel, I've had those moments spending ages covering up your skin and glimpsing yourself in the mirror just before you go out and feeling completely consumed by it the whole time you're out.

 

I've wasted so many hours of my life picking at my skin, willing all of the imperfections to just get out of my skin because I'm fed up waiting for my body to deal with them. Then waking up the next morning (I always pick at night too) and feeling such deep shame that I go about my daily life like a zombie counting the sleeps until I won't have to look at the self-inflicted damage I've done.

 

I've spoken to my mum, dad and boyfriend many times about how I feel and at first they listen to what you're going through and offer advice but after a while they feel just as hopeless as we do because they don't know how to help and they will never truly understand. It's not that they love us any less, but they just don't know what to do and feel frustrated - for me my boyfriend finds it hard to be sympathetic when I pick my skin because he thinks I just need to stop and can't comprehend the overwhelming compulsion or the anxiety that I get if I do try and stop myself.

 

As depressing and miserable as that makes me sound, I know I have these issues and but they are an internal battle that I'll constantly be fighting against. I have fought so hard to keep the people I love in my life and not alienate myself socially so that I do have quality of life. The hardest thing for me is that I sometimes feel like I don't deserve happiness because I'm always self-sabotaging it. Frankly, I don't have the guts to go on meds or have therapy and I feel like my self-absorbed 'poor me' attitude makes me feel even more guilty. At least you are doing something about your issues and you're taking the steps to overcome the self-destructive behaviour...I'm relying on sheer stubborness to get through it!

 

I do agree with your psych saying that it is unhealthy to spend so much time researching acne and participating on this forum if you have an obsessive compulsive disorder. I think it's counterproductive spending hours every day consumed by acne when you're trying to look past it. However, personally I think that getting a boost or venting to other people who understand is so helpful, maybe just limit the amount of time if that's the doc's recommendation?

 

Also, at a high risk of sounding very hypocritical here, you have to practise what you preach - you is smart, you is kind, you is important...so try and remember that in those low moments when you feel like giving up, we are all going to make mistakes at some point - it's pretty inevitable, but the way we react to these mistakes is completely in our control: we can sink into a pit of depression and shut the world out for days...or we can remember that we are only human :)


In Topic: Looking At Your Skin Really Close

16 August 2013 - 03:43 AM

ah i know what everyone means about trying different mirrors because some are more flattering (which i sometimes need if i have a chance of ever leaving the house!) and some that are very harsh which just sends me into massive depression/ anxiety. does anyone else ever feel really vain about looking in the mirror so much? my brother has said to me before that he didn't realise i was insecure about my skin since i constantly wanted to look at it...makes sense really - i explained it's like watching a car crash unfold...you really don't want to look, but you can't really not look either

 

My parents used to call me a Parakeet because, before I developed an opposition to mirrors, I would be constantly checking my reflection. What they didn't know is that I mirror checked not because I liked what I saw, but because I was seeking reassurance that I was "suitable for public". If I didn't look then I would be constantly anxious and completely absorbed in negative thinking. It's definitely an OCD behavior that most people, including our families, won't understand. It's completely true... You don't want to look, but you HAVE to. It's definitely an action that isn't in our control.

 

Now, instead of looking in the mirror. I have developed the nasty habit of feeling my face. For me, It's been even more difficult than mirror checking. I will feel these bumps on my face that seem massive and then I look in the mirror (during my designated mirror times) and notice that these "bumps" are virtually invisible. So, I get my reassurance from seeing how I look, but it really doesn't make a difference. As soon as I walk away and start feeling my face, I tell myself I must not be seeing myself clearly. It's a vicious cycle. No matter what, I end up feeling like crap in the end sad.png

I'm so glad I'm not alone on this! I feel so vain looking at myself constantly but I can't help it, I'm not admiring - which I think a lot of people do in mirrors, it's just a form of 'checking' that my skin hasn't suddenly erupted or that my make up hasn't slightly smudged and shown the world the horrors it's attempting to cover! If I can't check in the mirror I get really anxious about it as well, which I know is not normal behaviour.

 

Also, I know what you mean about skimming your fingers over your skin to check for any developments, I used to do this all the time! I purposely don't touch my face anymore because I'm a massive picker and I wouldn't be able to resist :( for me checking the mirror is like putting a glass of wine in front of an alcoholic and touching my skin is like putting the glass of wine in an alcoholic's hands! I know it sounds dramatic but that's the only way I can explain it.


In Topic: Stopping The Birth Control Pill Log

14 August 2013 - 05:26 AM

hey, good luck with this...there have been a lot of horror stories about the side effects of coming off the pill so hats off! I panic every time i think about it :( hope you avoid these though, let us know what products you are using :)


In Topic: Picked At Acne...now What?

14 August 2013 - 05:23 AM

you're fine, it's probably got some residual puss left in it but your body will get rid of it in a few days and the mark will probably be gone within a week (in my experience)...also cocoa butter is amazing but i wouldn't put it on my face either (although you can get specific versions for face only) but my boyfriend puts it on his face and it doesn't adversely affect him - maybe try it on an inconspicuous test patch area first (under your jaw or hairline)