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j0sephine

Member Since 05 Dec 2012
Offline Last Active Apr 10 2014 07:08 PM

#3390324 Why Do I Feel This Way

Posted by j0sephine on 23 October 2013 - 09:19 PM

I do not know if it is just me but first off, I apologize in advance if I do offend anyone in any way. I'm just stating my opinion and how I really feel.

I've been suffering mild to moderate acne for two years. These two years have been the worst years of my entire life. I've tried using all treatments ranging from antibiotics to powdered medicine to tropical creams. I haven't found the cure for my acne yet but I'm still clinging on that hope that one day I will eventually end up with clear skin.

I was sitting down with a girl in class the other day and she had severe acne. She said hello and smiled very nicely and I thought to myself, wow she's very friendly! I've never talked to her either before although she is in my grade. 

I could not stop staring at her skin..I know I was being rude but I could not take my eyes off of her skin. I believe it is just a human instinct..

As she kept talking to me in class, I got to the point where I felt embarrassed. I felt so embarrassed for her. I talked to her but I was not being as friendly as she was to me. I did not want to talk to her anymore. 

After class, I was disgusted with myself. I felt as though I was heartless. I understand that acne can affect people emotionally yet I was judging her skin. I know I do not have perfect skin either but the fact that I felt embarrassed around her makes me think that I'M EMBARRASSING. 

If I feel that way around her, do my flawless friends feel that way around me? Do they ever feel embarrassed when they walk down the hallways with me?

I have also noticed that I like to company myself with people who have clear skin. When I see people with acne, I feel as though I do not want to associate myself with them. 

I hate myself for that. I just hate myself in generally.

I feel like I betrayed my own "kind". I hate acne. It has ruined my life. 

Now, you may think I am ignorant, rude and heartless but... I do not even have an explanation on why I feel this way.

I know people with acne have more to them than just acne......

I cannot explain it. Can anyone else relate to me?