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UnacceptedRealist

Member Since 18 Jul 2012
Offline Last Active Apr 15 2014 05:49 PM

#3382647 I'm Not Worthy Of Being In A Relationship?

Posted by UnacceptedRealist on 15 September 2013 - 01:49 AM

During my time lurking on this forum, I've noticed that one of the more common complaints is that 'society' does not accept those who suffer from acne.  I've especially seen this sentiment implied through threads concerning social activities -- specifically, meaningful relationships.  For instance, although I assume most people here suffer from acne, it seems like the majority are either in a relationship or striving to be in one.  And the acne, if an issue at all, is something that bothers other people.  I know that you're not happy about your appearance, but it seems like it has almost no impact on your desires.  Take, for example, this hypothetical scenario:

 

You're currently single and there is one person you've been attracted to for a long time.  But, you've always thought of them as being "out of your league", never really viewing a relationship as a realistic possibility.  Then -- from seemingly out of the blue -- they start interacting with you; eventually, this interaction leads them to clearly demonstrate that they're 'interested' in you, too.

 

Do you pursue this relationship?

 

Seems like 'yes' is the obvious answer, right?  Well, for me, the answer would be 'no.'  I know, that sounds crazy, but, honestly, that would be my response; as the title states, I don't view myself as being worthy of such an honor.  I mean, I feel that anyone that I'm attracted to is, at some level, objectively attractive and I know that I am not.  I'm just being realistic; I have acne, acne scarring, and discoloration from acne, and I know that this makes me unattractive.  Maybe I'm too proud.  Perhaps I'm too superficial.  I don't know.  But, regardless, I simply cannot come to terms with being in a relationship with someone I deem attractive while knowing I am not.  It seems unfair; I feel they deserve better.  Thus, I have lost all desire to pursue such a relationship.  Not because I fear rejection from 'society', but because I have rejected myself.  Now, I know this seems entirely unhealthy, but I'm not necessarily unhappy.  In fact, I'd probably be less happy in a relationship.

 

Also, for clarification, I don't believe it's impossible to be attractive with acne; it's just that, in my case, I know that I am unattractive -- by any reasonable standard.

 

I'd love to hear any thoughts, opinions or advice you have.




#3381604 The Realities Of Acne

Posted by UnacceptedRealist on 09 September 2013 - 06:07 PM

I understand what you are saying but for example people who are burn are seen like MONSTERS to society. Some of them won´t be able to get a job because of their looks, but with people who have acne will get a job do you understand what i´m trying to tell you? you are not alone there are days that i feel disgusted by my skin but MATURE people wont take you as a joke because of acne. Assholes are everywhere you just have to learn to deal with it. I have a friend whom is disfigured for life, she has third degrees, burns, and some people even say ´´she´s a monster´´ children get scare of her, how do you think she feels when society calls you monster,? it´s not the same as acne. Acne has a solution other diseases don´t. And i´m sorry if i´m always saying the same thing about other diseases but if you think about it, your acne is not even compared to other stuff. I hope that you feel better someday, you are not alone, and those who laugh at you because of your acne...they can go to hell, karma exist and someday they will get acne or something even worst. 

 

The main thing is that you should know is that the more you show to the people that you are weak the more they are going to pick on you. Yoou are not alone, i´m a girl so for me is way more harder than you because we girls worry so much about our looks. I wish i could be besides you just to let you know that you are not alone. rolleyes.gif

 

I respect your right to an opinion, but I completely disagree.  I mean, sure, third-degree burns are going to be more severe than the typical case of acne; but, still, I don't see the logic behind attempting to trivialize acne.  All cases of acne are not created equal and, although acne is more treatable than some diseases, it's not always easily treated.  Moreover, I can personally attest to the fact that can negatively impact your ability to get a job -- either by directly hurting your appearance or by lowering your self-confidence.

 

Also, for some, acne is not a temporary issue; even if they manage to 'cure' their active acne, they can be 'disfigured' for life by scarring.  And, unlike victims of burns or diseases, they rarely see any sympathy.  Instead, their appearance is viewed as being their 'fault', as if it was a mere hygiene issue.

 

Finally, I don't think being a girl necessarily makes having acne harder.  I understand that society puts a lot of emphasis on the physical appearance of females, but, regardless of gender, people care about how they look.  In fact, I could argue it's harder for males because, as a male, you're expected to be the one that makes the 'move.'  Ultimately, though, I think acne is equally difficult for everyone.




#3360484 Overwhelming Negativity In This Section

Posted by UnacceptedRealist on 22 June 2013 - 07:43 PM

Well, at least your posts amuse me to some extent. I don't really wish to involve myself in any sort of childish name calling (especially with a poster who seems to be fully dedicated to pessimism), so I'll stick to a strictly professional response. I don't want to continue this conversation with you, because it's just not worth it. I don't mean this in an offensive way. I just think we have very different perspectives and we'll never reach any sort of common ground. So, if I am understanding your post correctly, are you implying that you subscribe to a philosophy that rules out any sort of mutual understanding, simply because all people are different (a common cliché, but a fact nonetheless)? Since acne varies to a tremendous extent physically and its psychological effects manifest themselves in an infinite number of ways, then literally NO one on the face of this earth can even begin to understand what another is going through. Is...this what you're attempting to convey? If it is, refer to my statement above - we'll simply never agree. Take care, man. 

 

To clarify:

 

I don't think any amount of personal experience with acne is enough to discredit someone's personal feelings---even if they seem "extreme" to you.

 

This, however, doesn't mean you can't give advice or have a "mutual understanding."  But in the case of labeling people as irrational or on the verge of institutionalization, I don't think personal experience is ever enough.

 

STATEMENT ONE: its people who suffer or have suffered from acne who understand the basic psychological effect.The degree of effects and emotions varies because people are varied in their mental set up.

 

 

STATEMENT TWO - to ask one who needs support and help primarily because they should be able to come out of the 'dark zone' as soon as possible for their own mental/physical health and moving on in life is not being judgemental.

its mostly because someone is trying to help out of concern.

 

saying 'cancer over acne choice' is 'wrong' isn't judgemental either.

one may not see it as the worse scenario,but her/his thinking so doesnt make it right.

so may be we are trying to tell him/her that she needs to re-think(by either stating personal logic or anecdotes or whatever).

 

STATEMENT THREE - saying i am in this too or i understand you,doesnt mean u're the only one who cares.

people are varied like u said.

people have various ways of trying to help.

 

aanabill,

 

1.) I, personally, don't believe there is a "basic psychological effect."

 

2.) With regards to the "cancer over acne" belief, my point is not that you're being judgmental; rather, I believe both conditions are far too diverse for any generalized statement.  Sure, typically, people view cancer as being far more severe, but I believe this is not always true.  There are many forms of cancer.  And some of these forms, if caught reasonably early, are very treatable and have very little long-term impact.

 

Likewise, acne can take on varying degrees of severity (some very severe); therefore, I think there are hypothetical scenarios in which an acne-for-cancer swap would be a rational choice.  Basically, I think acne is disrespected too often, but that doesn't mean I don't respect cancer.

 

3.) I agree.




#3360074 Overwhelming Negativity In This Section

Posted by UnacceptedRealist on 21 June 2013 - 04:25 PM

After graduating from a top university and being accepted to a top law school, I'm quite unlikely to have to verify the definition of "ad hominem," kid. Now, on to the accusations. If I'm the most naive and negative poster you have encountered on this site, then it's only appropriate that I call you delusional. My intention was never to be accusatory, but only to be positive in the sense of bringing another perspective to an extremely depressing environment (of which I had previously become a part of). You have expressed your (extreme) struggles with acne in previous posts and I understand where you are coming from. However, you are in no position to claim that I have brought negativity to this forum by attempting to offer a different approach to all of our ailments. And yes, I do "know" what others are going through. Just because I don't post pictures of my acne doesn't mean I don't know what it means to struggle both physically and psychologically. I would honestly take you on in any argument you wish to bring forth. Please proceed. smile.png

 

Well, I have to say, I'm impressed.  I didn't think you could top the asininity of your previous posts, but you've manage to do just that.

 

With that said, however, I suppose I will humor you with a response.  Let's start here:

 

 However, you are in no position to claim that I have brought negativity to this forum by attempting to offer a different approach to all of our ailments.

 

Based on your behavior, I'm assuming this "approach" involves name-calling and an, overall, argumentative posting style, right?

 

And you call me delusional...

 

Now, on to this:

 

And yes, I do "know" what others are going through. Just because I don't post pictures of my acne doesn't mean I don't know what it means to struggle both physically and psychologically. I would honestly take you on in any argument you wish to bring forth. Please proceed. smile.png

 

This, right here, is what I take the most issue with.  I understand that you had (have?) acne and that you've endured the effects---both physically and psychologically.  However, I strongly believe that personal experience does not serve as a valid reason to claim that you "know" what others are going through.  Do you, honestly, not understand this?

 

Acne is far too varied for any form of generalization.  Period. 

 

Therefore, to discredit other people's feelings based on your own experience is, in my opinion, a clear demonstration of either ignorance or stupidity.




#3359899 Overwhelming Negativity In This Section

Posted by UnacceptedRealist on 21 June 2013 - 12:44 AM

mrnegative,

 

I know I've already shared my opinion, but I feel compelled to respond again. 

 

Why?

 

Let me explain:

 

You ended your first post---which was about there being too much negativity---by asking for our opinion; then, after reading various opinions, you responded by accusing those who shared of being delusional, irrational, insecure and having "inner issues."  You've insinuated that some responses were immature; you've called posts banal.  Yet, through all of that, you maintain that your goal is to bring more “positivity” to this forum.  Therefore, in my opinion, you’ve proven yourself to be the most irrational and most naïve poster I’ve ever encountered.  And---although it goes without saying---you’ve failed at bringing “positivity” to this forum.

 

Furthermore, I think you’ve demonstrated that you’re completely incapable of comprehending the nature of acne and its “psychological effects.”  Overgeneralization is one of the biggest mistakes someone can make about acne.  And you, my friend, are guilty of exactly this.  You seem feel that you ‘know’ what others are going through and, therefore, can judge whether someone’s personal feelings are “rational” or “irrational.”  This, I believe, is a clear demonstration of ignorance to the diverse nature of acne.  Acne comes in many forms (some quite severe) and its effects on those afflicted are even more varied.  Hence I strongly believe that, without being privy to personal details, it’s impossible to differentiate between what is “right” or “wrong” when it comes to personal feelings---even to the extreme of the cancer comparison.  Oh, and one last thing: look up the definition of "ad hominem." smile.png




#3282762 Struggling With Guilt...

Posted by UnacceptedRealist on 01 September 2012 - 11:32 PM

Hello everyone,

Over the past few months I have made some mindset changes that have greatly benefited my quality of life. I have been able to make progress in dealing with some of the self-consciousness and anger that have plagued my life.

However, I have found it extremely difficult to alleviate the feelings of guilt that I, seemingly, experience everyday. Everytime I look at my reflection I see severe (from my perspective atleast) scarring. Moreover, I can't help thinking that if I was more preemptive in my treatment of acne, initially I didn't take it seriously enough, I would not have scarring to the extent that I now do. This is a terrible feeling, as there is nothing I can do. Also, these feelings have hindered my ability to sleep; I find myself wishing I could go back in time and take a more serious appoach to acne from the beggining.

Therefore, first of all, I was wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar? Secondly, do you have any advice to dealing with this kind of guilt?

Thanks in advance!