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UnacceptedRealist

Member Since 18 Jul 2012
Offline Last Active Jul 21 2014 02:53 PM

#3382647 I'm Not Worthy Of Being In A Relationship?

Posted by UnacceptedRealist on 15 September 2013 - 01:49 AM

During my time lurking on this forum, I've noticed that one of the more common complaints is that 'society' does not accept those who suffer from acne.  I've especially seen this sentiment implied through threads concerning social activities -- specifically, meaningful relationships.  For instance, although I assume most people here suffer from acne, it seems like the majority are either in a relationship or striving to be in one.  And the acne, if an issue at all, is something that bothers other people.  I know that you're not happy about your appearance, but it seems like it has almost no impact on your desires.  Take, for example, this hypothetical scenario:

 

You're currently single and there is one person you've been attracted to for a long time.  But, you've always thought of them as being "out of your league", never really viewing a relationship as a realistic possibility.  Then -- from seemingly out of the blue -- they start interacting with you; eventually, this interaction leads them to clearly demonstrate that they're 'interested' in you, too.

 

Do you pursue this relationship?

 

Seems like 'yes' is the obvious answer, right?  Well, for me, the answer would be 'no.'  I know, that sounds crazy, but, honestly, that would be my response; as the title states, I don't view myself as being worthy of such an honor.  I mean, I feel that anyone that I'm attracted to is, at some level, objectively attractive and I know that I am not.  I'm just being realistic; I have acne, acne scarring, and discoloration from acne, and I know that this makes me unattractive.  Maybe I'm too proud.  Perhaps I'm too superficial.  I don't know.  But, regardless, I simply cannot come to terms with being in a relationship with someone I deem attractive while knowing I am not.  It seems unfair; I feel they deserve better.  Thus, I have lost all desire to pursue such a relationship.  Not because I fear rejection from 'society', but because I have rejected myself.  Now, I know this seems entirely unhealthy, but I'm not necessarily unhappy.  In fact, I'd probably be less happy in a relationship.

 

Also, for clarification, I don't believe it's impossible to be attractive with acne; it's just that, in my case, I know that I am unattractive -- by any reasonable standard.

 

I'd love to hear any thoughts, opinions or advice you have.




#3381604 The Realities Of Acne

Posted by UnacceptedRealist on 09 September 2013 - 06:07 PM

I understand what you are saying but for example people who are burn are seen like MONSTERS to society. Some of them won´t be able to get a job because of their looks, but with people who have acne will get a job do you understand what i´m trying to tell you? you are not alone there are days that i feel disgusted by my skin but MATURE people wont take you as a joke because of acne. Assholes are everywhere you just have to learn to deal with it. I have a friend whom is disfigured for life, she has third degrees, burns, and some people even say ´´she´s a monster´´ children get scare of her, how do you think she feels when society calls you monster,? it´s not the same as acne. Acne has a solution other diseases don´t. And i´m sorry if i´m always saying the same thing about other diseases but if you think about it, your acne is not even compared to other stuff. I hope that you feel better someday, you are not alone, and those who laugh at you because of your acne...they can go to hell, karma exist and someday they will get acne or something even worst. 

 

The main thing is that you should know is that the more you show to the people that you are weak the more they are going to pick on you. Yoou are not alone, i´m a girl so for me is way more harder than you because we girls worry so much about our looks. I wish i could be besides you just to let you know that you are not alone. rolleyes.gif

 

I respect your right to an opinion, but I completely disagree.  I mean, sure, third-degree burns are going to be more severe than the typical case of acne; but, still, I don't see the logic behind attempting to trivialize acne.  All cases of acne are not created equal and, although acne is more treatable than some diseases, it's not always easily treated.  Moreover, I can personally attest to the fact that can negatively impact your ability to get a job -- either by directly hurting your appearance or by lowering your self-confidence.

 

Also, for some, acne is not a temporary issue; even if they manage to 'cure' their active acne, they can be 'disfigured' for life by scarring.  And, unlike victims of burns or diseases, they rarely see any sympathy.  Instead, their appearance is viewed as being their 'fault', as if it was a mere hygiene issue.

 

Finally, I don't think being a girl necessarily makes having acne harder.  I understand that society puts a lot of emphasis on the physical appearance of females, but, regardless of gender, people care about how they look.  In fact, I could argue it's harder for males because, as a male, you're expected to be the one that makes the 'move.'  Ultimately, though, I think acne is equally difficult for everyone.




#3282762 Struggling With Guilt...

Posted by UnacceptedRealist on 01 September 2012 - 11:32 PM

Hello everyone,

Over the past few months I have made some mindset changes that have greatly benefited my quality of life. I have been able to make progress in dealing with some of the self-consciousness and anger that have plagued my life.

However, I have found it extremely difficult to alleviate the feelings of guilt that I, seemingly, experience everyday. Everytime I look at my reflection I see severe (from my perspective atleast) scarring. Moreover, I can't help thinking that if I was more preemptive in my treatment of acne, initially I didn't take it seriously enough, I would not have scarring to the extent that I now do. This is a terrible feeling, as there is nothing I can do. Also, these feelings have hindered my ability to sleep; I find myself wishing I could go back in time and take a more serious appoach to acne from the beggining.

Therefore, first of all, I was wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar? Secondly, do you have any advice to dealing with this kind of guilt?

Thanks in advance!