Spotthedifference

I took some photos for an update and realized that I'm properly clear now. When did that happen?

Hi Sasch83, sorry for the late reply - my personal life has been a hectic shambles recently. Thankyou very much - it's not all it's cracked up to be though, what with the whole 'what should I do with my life?' crisis and every little bump in the road seeming like a cliff. I have two weeks left currently, I've been spacing them out so that my body has time to get used to going without them and can adjust accordingly. It's quite a hit-and miss plan; sometimes I'll go for 3 weeks without taking any and others I'll take them every alternate day. I'm not too worried about the acne coming back because honesty, sleeping more, occasional duac use and not picking seem to have been the key to beating this for me. At least I'll be in a better mind frame if it does happen again.

 

Today's skin update - taken with an 18 megapixel DSLR in natural lighting, no makeup, no editing except for lighting and saturation tweaks:

 

 

 

Most people don't like eye contact nowadays. I do a similair thing where I smile at strangers. It either makes people's day or freaks them the hell out.

 

Summary: People are weird.

 

I have an under the skin bump threatening me from just above my jaw line. I can see you hiding there Mr Bump. You better not come to my birthday party, you're not invited.

Thanks for the advice guys. I started using the AHA four days ago and here's where I'm up too now:

 

 

 

 

 

I'm really pleased with the results thus far.

Try some NGT. Write 'acne' in the middle of a target board, get a Nerf gun and shoot the hell out of that thing. Makes me feel better.

1) Jojoba is an ester, not an oil. It's only called an oil. Because fuck reading whole posts.

 

2) Oil dissolves oil. But fuck science too right?

 

3) I use both these things. I'm clear and my skin isn't oily anymore. But fuck proven success in some individuals right?

 

4) That stick can't be comfortable up there mate. Now let the friendly people help the nice lad. You've already given your... 'advice'.

The occassional product is fine. But I agree that you shouldn't go overboard. Right now I use natural soap and moisturiser, unnatural sunscreen, AHA and BP. There was a time when everything in my routine was laden with 'treatments' and harsh chemicals and my acne got worse, my self esteem got worse and my skin became damaged. Really though, it shouldn't be irrovercable.

I stayed at my friend's house over the weekend. Barely any sleep, forgot to take my skincare, walked everywhere in the freezing weather, lived off cake and junk food. Came home and my skin is the best it's been in forever and I've lost five pounds. This is confusing, in a good way.

Lily - I'm sorry to hear about your dad, and I'm glad he's Ok. We can over come the anxiety attacks - but I know how much will power it takes. We're strong enough.

AbyBar - Please do go to your doctor. A chemical burn is a serious thing.

I have a giant spot on my shoulder. It's very painful and obvious above the neckline of my shirts. My face and chest are still doing well though.

The first thing I did when I woke up and realized I was clear was to look in the most horrific magnifying mirror I could find, then tell my boyfriend it was ok to kiss me on the cheek now Heh heh.  I also stopped wearing layers of liquid foundation everywhere.

There's a lot of truth in still not being free just because you don't have acne any more though. I still have wobbly moments of feeling sad that acne has left enlarged pores and marks on my face. Do I let it stop me being myself and living my life? No. Is there a small selfish part of me that wishes I'd never had to deal with it? Yes and no. I could live without the marks, but in many ways acne has forced me to examine who I am on the inside, and to recognize that I'm not so bad on the outside really. I know there are much worse things to have but I'm glad that my face can touch the pillow without stinging now.

Being clear is usually a wonderful feeling, but ultimatley one insecurity will replace another if you're not happy with yourself on the whole.

It's amazing how even clear skin can't make you feel better about the other demons in your life. I need to resolve something in my head, and I think I'm getting there, but I'm missing a few pieces of the jigsaw right now.

Is it really necessary to carry that whole discussion on here? Claire has only just been talking about people hounding her about acne and diet. She doesn't need the stress right now.

As for that guy - there'll always be idiots out there, but they're not the only type of people in the world. I had to sit there whilst someone read out a poem in class where a character with acne was demonized. It was only a small part of the poem but I instantly sunk down in my chair, even though I'm guessing my marks are more obvious to me than to my class mates. Don't let that sort of person wreck your happiness. They're just empty shells filled with the harshness of the things they echo mindlessly back at you.

On an unrelated note I'm gonna try out Dan's AHA soon on the left overs of my body acne. If I don't react badly to it I might start using it for the left over marks on my face too.

So, I'm currently in a position where I have no actives at all - only red/brown marks from previous acne and one or two clogged pores at a time. The marks are fading quite well on their own with time, sunscreen and mineral makeup. I do wonder though if AHA would help speed up the process a bit.

I've heard a lot of people talking about initial breakouts - I know I might still be acne prone, but could this happen to somebody who has their acne completley under control?

I've already bought some of Dan's AHA for the back of my legs and my shoulders, I'm just wondering if it would be helpful to fade the hyperpigmentation on my face, or if the risk of getting acne again isn't worth it.

Thanks for taking the time to read this

These are some photographs of before I got clear and now:

I'm clear with BP so I'm guessing I can comment on this topic.

In some ways it feels exactly like I thought it would. I can run my hands over my face (clean hands of course) and feel - for the most part - smoothness. My face doesn't hurt when it touches my pillow, my boyfriend isn't worried about kissing me on the cheek and hurting me. I can go out of the house with no makeup on and not feel like people are judging my hygeine (really, that assumption bothered me the most).

But in other ways it doesn't. I thought it would be this huge confidence boost but really, I got to the 'forget it, I don't care anymore' stage long before the acne was gone. I'm glad to be clear but I do worry about it coming back, more so now than ever because I fear now that my partner has seen me with clear skin it'd somehow be a step down for him to see me with acne again. That's not to say that I'd feel like any less of a person, because quite frankly something like acne can't change who I am or my good qualities. I'm just a worrier by nature - even when there's nothing to worry about sometimes.

Then of course there's the physical aspect of it all. I don't care that I need something to have clear skin as long as it works. But for two weeks my face was in a much worse condition than it would have been with just acne. Every night I apply the cream and it doesn't burn or make me red anymore but it does give me dry skin sometimes in a morning, and nobody can touch my face until it's dry. I sleep with my hair out behind me and I worry sometimes that it'll rub off onto my partner while we're sleeping and burn him.

It's a similair thing with my teeth really - I used to have braces, now I have retainers instead. It just doesn't make you feel attractive putting plastic coatings over your teeth with your hair pulled on top of your head whilst the acne medication on your face dries. But very crooked teeth and acne bothered me far more. At least I can flash a straight smile whilst I wait around with my stupid hair do, or reflect on the money I'm saving in foundation and concealer now that I don't have the massive self esteem crashes.

I do still have some marks and one little indent scar on its own. I feel oddly about them - I expected them to be there and I'm grateful that they don't hurt like acne, but on the other hand I can't help but feel a little sad that they have to be there. Looking back on pictures of myself as a young teen you'd have never thought I had a single skin problem in my life. And of course BP brings its own side effects - some blonde hairs right at the hair line which I now have to dye to keep them black, having to wear sunscreen every day, prolonged red marks, a whole natural antioxidant regimen to try and counteract some of the side effects. The most surprising thing has been the eyebags - I put some cream on under my eyebag area and it's created like a second eyebag. It's difficult to describe but it doesn't seem to be going away even though I avoid that area now. It's not painfully obvious but I wish I would have been better at applying this stuff on my first go.