I've been breaking out somewhat and have been a bit of a drama queen about it. I have psychological issues with my skin, which I think border on some form of OCD/BDD. But I was crying to my friends about it yesterday, and they were all so kind about it. They all told me they hadn't even noticed I was breaking out and that it really wasn't bad at all. Maybe they were lying, who knows, but it comforted me to think that people really notice less than we think. I also hung out with a bunch of people yesterday and not one person stared at my skin or treated me any differently. It made me feel good about myself, even if I do have some skin troubles right now.
snsdgirl14Member Since 07 Jan 2012
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Posted by snsdgirl14 on 17 January 2015 - 02:45 PM
Posted by snsdgirl14 on 07 January 2015 - 11:51 PM
I literally haven't posted on here in a year, but to hell with it. I've been upset and I need to vent.
I am clear now of acne but I have a skin picking problem. I basically create my own trouble. I haven't picked in 2 years, until now. I was bored, and didn't think it would do any major damage. So I went to the mirror and got to picking. I ended up squeezing the shit out of a virtually non-existent blackhead, which eventually turned into a big spot and scabbed over. The scab fell off a few days ago and it's now pink skin. It's not big, but not small either...
I just feel like I've back tracked on all of the progress I had made. I haven't picked anything in 2 YEARS. My skin was great. There was nothing wrong with it. I felt like I was on top of the world. I had beaten acne, AND skin picking. But no...I HAD to pick and now I have this brand new pink spot on my face. It's on my cheek, so it's not like you can't see it. I've been holding in my emotions all this time because I didn't want my parents to see me freaking out, but I finally lost it tonight over dinner and started crying in the restaurant. I just feel my emotional state going back to when I had acne, when I picked my skin, when my skin was bad. That was the darkest time of my life. I had never felt so depressed, hopeless, ugly, even suicidal until that time. And I got through it, and I'm so glad, but having something new on my face brings back all of those dark feelings. I've got one half of my mind saying I need to keep it together, and the other half telling me how ugly I am now and how everyone is going to see it and think I'm hideous.
Thankfully my parents were not mad at me. But I'm leaving them to go back to school now, and I just wish I could stay longer now. I wish I could stay another month to see how the spot looks then. But I know how ridiculous I'm being. I know if I told these things to like, any other person in my life, they would think I'm crazy. Who puts their life on hold for a spot on their face? Me, I guess. I don't know when I got this fucked up, or how, but it's like I can't let go of the obsession. Ever since this new spot appeared I keep looking in the mirror, taking photos of it to assess it, asking my parents how it is, and cursing myself to hell for picking at my skin. Those are all things I did years ago, too, back when I had acne and acne scars. It's all come full circle.
I just want to be happy with myself no matter what my face, or skin, looks like. That's all I want. I see so many people with acne and acne scars living life joyfully and without fear. How do they do that? How do they just not care? I want so badly to be like that. I want to be able to go outside without worrying what my skin looks like.
Anyways, I'm sorry for the random post in here. I haven't posted for a year but all of these problems recently surfaced and I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with them.
Posted by snsdgirl14 on 01 January 2014 - 08:53 PM
I haven't felt this good about my skin in a long time. I have been on 100 mg of Spiro since August 2013 and my skin is finally consistently clear. I haven't gotten a real zit in about 2 months, I believe. I do still get blocked pores/blackheads on occasion, but those are easy enough to deal with it. My skin is also much less oily and I don't need to blot anymore!
Having dealt with acne for 5 years, it feels so strange to have it not really be a part of my life anymore. I no longer take an hour to put my makeup on, and even go out in public often without any makeup on. I don't worry that people will see my bumps in natural light, or that I'll get zits if I eat a certain food or sleep face down on my pillow. I used to be so utterly obsessed with my skin, to the point where I wanted to drop out of school. I remember so clearly the times where I would just look in the mirror and then run back to my bed and cry because I hated my skin. I remember the times I got made fun of for my acne, or the times people commented on how oily my skin was. Or when I could've never, ever pictured myself with crystal clear skin as I have now.
I don't think I've "beaten" acne, as like I said, I do get blackheads and zits very occasionally. It's just a lot, lot less frequent. And I do wonder sometimes if the Spiro will stop working someday, and if I'll start getting acne again. But it's pointless to live life in fear like that. I am so happy with how far my skin has come, and how far I've personally come as well. I've become so much more comfortable with myself and my life - even when I did have acne - just because of having the support of you guys. thank you all.
Sorry for the long post, but I'm very satisfied right now with everything. I really hope you guys find your acne cure this year.
Posted by snsdgirl14 on 17 July 2013 - 10:28 PM
Getting more anxious as next week draws closer. I'm starting back at uni on Monday and on the Tuesday I start my placement work for uni with an organisation that works with children with autism. I'm excited and nervous. Mostly nervous and anxious really... because my skin is SO red and flaky looking on top of still being broken out in places... I'm worried that I'll look untidy and not professional for such a workplace...I can't do makeup well on top of my skin while it's like this... I'm not sure how much of what I'll be doing will be with the children directly, but I'm sure that will be involved at some point at least, so I'm worried about being around young kids and how they'll react to how I look or how red my face is etc. Kids say what they want
I also don't know what to do or say if someone (anyone - not just kids) asks why my face is so red or why my face is so dry or what's wrong with my skin... I guess I could always say I got sunburnt (in this cold-cloudy-rainy-stay-indoor weather we've been having) or that I had a peel done... but I'm sure they'd wonder what was going on if my skin is still like this in a week or twos time...
any ideas of what I could say or do for this??
or any tips / ideas for coping with anxiety? I try and use hypnosis and meditation techniques and recordings but I'd love to hear any other ideas if you have them
I would just tell them that I have very sensitive skin. They don't need or want details, but you could tell them that most products don't work for you or you are dealing with it with help from a doctor. You might be pleasantly surprised by how many people don't ask. I think you will feel very rewarded and comfortable with the autistic kids, but they can be a challenge! For Anxiety, keep repeating a phrase until it becomes true. I had terrible anxiety when I started a job in fast food of all things. I was shaking and panicking as I was driving to work one day, wasn't sure I'd be able to function. I took some deep breaths and starting repeating out loud "I can do this". It has worked remarkably well for me in many situations since. Making phone calls to parents, going in to ask forgiveness from the boss, etc. I usually just say it under my breath, though. Smile frequently on the job, it eases tension. Keep breathing. Ask questions anytime you are not sure about something. Learn from those around you. Hold your head up and have good posture--it makes you look confident and in control even if you are questioning your skills. If you are having a particularly tough time at work, briefly confide in someone that you feel very nervous and are afraid of doing something wrong. Sometimes just voicing a concern makes it feel less threatening and if that person has any people skills at all, she will be reassuring and watch out for you the rest of the day! Good Luck!
Thank you for all the helpful advice
I've been trying to tell myself that most people probably won't ask about my skin... maybe the worst I'll get will be stares. But it's ok I can deal with that I hope.
I've always had terrible anxiety when I start a new job and it makes it hard for me to actually keep a job at times. I'm currently looking for a paid job still - so I think that's what will help me with this 'job' for uni. I can think of it more as volunteer work or as just a uni assignment. Thinking both of these things actually helps a bit for some reason...
Thank you for all the other advice and tips. I'll try and remember to use them all. I can see how they would help - and for any situation where my anxiety is up (not just work related things).
I agree with telling anyone who asks that you just have sensitive skin and are seeing a doctor. But I don't think many people will ask you, or even stare! Acne is a common problem, it's not like a rare disease, and it's nothing to gawk at. Good luck in your new job
My skin's looking pretty good right now, no new zits but AGAIN more clogged pores this morning. I just don't get what it is. I'm trying almost everything to get these things to not form overnight. They're always very small, and filled with pus (whiteheads). And they occur in same areas, over and over. I pop them in the morning, they stay empty throughout the day, and then the next day, either they refill or new ones pop up. It's just so annoying! I don't understand it.
whatever, it's not a huge deal and it'll probably solve itself soon.
Posted by snsdgirl14 on 16 July 2013 - 10:07 PM
Feeling indifferent today...that time of the month that I break out is here, but thankfully, I haven't gotten any big zits yet. I have been getting tiny whiteheads right around my upper lip, very frequently...like clockwork, every morning, there's at least two or even three, all around the same place. Then by the next day they've either refilled or there's new ones. It's like, wtf? I just started having this problem this summer...I never used to get this. I've switched my Clarisonic brush, switched cleansers to one with salicylic acid...I just don't understand why they keep coming up. It's not really distressing, but just annoying, because if it weren't for them then I'd have perfect skin. And all the constant whiteheads are starting to leave little red marks right next to my lip. :/
Well I've only been on spiro for a week now so I can't expect too much. It's hard being patient, but I hope I don't have to worry about this when I go back to school. I don't want to wake up in fear every morning of what's popped up over night...and I want to be confident and stuff so I do well in school. It's a shame, but when I'm upset, I do sooo much worse in school. I wish I didn't let my skin affect me this much.
It'll all be gone someday....skin changes a lot over the years, and undoubtedly mine will too...can't let this deter me from my goals and aspirations.
Posted by snsdgirl14 on 08 July 2013 - 07:39 PM
Reaaaaally good day today. I FINALLY GOT A PRESCRIPTION FOR SPIRO!!! Haha sorry I'm just excited because not many doctors know about spiro's use with acne. I wore NO concealer or foundation today, only eye makeup, and I actually felt super comfortable. I didn't feel like anyone was staring at my skin or judging me. And when I glanced at mirrors as I would walk by or something, I actually thought my skin looked pretty good!
It also made me happy that at the derm, she was examining my skin and told me it wasn't bad and even asked me if I still breakout. Surprised she asked that cause I clearly have hyperpigmentation from my last breakout, but hey I guess my skin is better than I thought. Anyways, I'm super excited to try this new treatment.
Posted by snsdgirl14 on 06 July 2013 - 12:08 AM
The Clarisonic Mia.
I've had acne for years and never had my marks fade as fast as they do with this product. With the Clarisonic, my marks fade usually within a month or a month and a half. 2 months if it's a particularly dark mark. I've been using the Clarisonic for a year now and none of my marks have exceeded that time frame. In addition, it's also improved the quality of my skin like no other, making it look smoother, healthier, and unclogging pores.
I know it's expensive, but it is SO worth it. If you're still not into the price, though, Olay makes a dupe that's around $25 or so. I haven't used it, but I imagine any form of exfoliation is better than nothing. Exfoliation is one of the quickest ways to fade marks!
Anyways, just thought I'd tote that product here!
Posted by snsdgirl14 on 06 July 2013 - 12:04 AM
Way more often than not, I do not like what I see in the mirror and I'll tell myself how ugly I am. And THAT is the problem. How is someone else supposed to love me when I don't love or accept myself as I am and I keep telling myself that I'm ugly? If I loved and accepted myself as I am, and thought of myself as 'pretty' in some way / or in my own way, I would be a much more confident person, and I do think that confidence is attractive. I know in the past something that has helped me is to find the one physical thing that I like about myself. This was really hard for me to do but I decided that I did like my eyes and remind myself that I think I had nice eyes. It definitely doesn't fix it all though. I still have many many days of where I feel ugly and think that I am, but if I'm able to find something that I do like about myself, then I can feel at least a little better and more confident for the day. But I think that's the main thing, for me anyway, - to work on my confidence and acceptance of myself as I am. Hopefully one day I won't have acne, but for now I do have acne, and even when that day hopefully comes that I have clear skin, the rest of my appearance will be the same, and there's not a lot I can do to change that so I do have to accept and love myself as I am. I do think that every person is beautiful and has something beautiful about them - it's just that I forget this and can't apply it to myself at times.
You're so right. It's hard for someone to love you when you don't even love yourself. Loving yourself is one of the most important factors of happiness. It's hard loving yourself when you look in the mirror and see imperfections but you have to hold yourself above those insecurities. Tell yourself you're worth more than just your flaws, and that in any case, EVERYONE has flaws. And there are tons and tons of people out there who wouldn't give a damn about your skin. You're strong - as is everyone else on here - and you don't have to succumb to acne's willpower and let it affect your life.
Posted by snsdgirl14 on 01 July 2013 - 08:43 PM
Skin looked pretty good today, no new blemishes, and I went out without makeup today and felt comfortable showing my bare face.
Posted by snsdgirl14 on 25 June 2013 - 03:40 PM
I don't know if I would resort to Accutane first...it is a form of chemotherapy, which is supposed to kill your acne, but a good number of people seem to see it come back. Maybe I'm just extra cautious, but Accutane is like an absolute last resort.
Have you ever looked into spironolactone? I see you said your breakouts are right around 'that time'. Spiro is an anti-androgen that blocks the male hormone testosterone, which is often excessive in women with acne. So it helps a lot with hormonal acne. I haven't tried it, but I am going to soon, and I know a good number of women that have had success with it.
Talk to a derm about it too, maybe. I don't know how willing they'd be to give you Accutane if your acne isn't severe, but it depends on your derm. I have heard of people using Accutane for more moderate-mild acne.
Posted by snsdgirl14 on 15 June 2013 - 12:59 AM
Feeling better today. No active pimples as of right now, just one that is healing and a cystic one which is gradually receding. The hyperpigmentation is the worst, though....so annoying! I seemed to stop a little zit right in its tracks too. Not sure how I did...I just did my normal routine tonight and afterwards, the redness and bump was gone.
Today's been a better day than yesterday. I'm going on vacation in two days with my family abroad which will be fun. I've decided I'm going to wear just a tiny bit of makeup to the airport just so I'm not constantly thinking about my skin. I'm only going to wear concealer on the spots that are healing and that's it. So I won't feel as self conscious and meanwhile I won't be suffocating my skin on the plane either. I'm also going to think about my skin as least as possible while abroad. I'm going to cherish my time with my family and take in all of the sights and places.
I'm seeing a gyno in a week so that is progress hopefully coming up soon. I hope to get put on either a good birth control or Spiro. I've also talked with my mom about seeing a well known derm who lives not too far from us, and surprisingly, she agreed. So I'm going to call tomorrow and see if I can get an appt. She's well known for her treatments with Spiro, so I would most definitely be able to get a prescription from her.
I may not be having the best skin right now but it's healing and it's on its way to being better. Time is unpredictable and who knows what my skin will look like from now. Could look 100x better. Just gotta take one day at a time.
Posted by snsdgirl14 on 12 June 2013 - 05:02 PM
I have an appointment with a gyno (well, actually a Nurse Practitioner in a gyno's office; the gynos were all booked up until August) in two weeks. I'm pretty sure my acne is hormonal related, because I almost always break out on my cheeks/lower jaw. I have tried various topicals and two different antibiotics in the past. My skin's not terrible by any means - mild to moderate acne at the worst - but I still get some pustules, particularly around that time of the month.
I want to try a new method of treatment, as in either Birth Control or Spiro. I talked to my last derm about Spiro, but she claimed she "didn't mess with hormones" so she just prescribed me another antibiotic. When I go to the gyno, should I just flat out tell them that I want this for skin problems? Will they tell me to go see a derm instead?
I just want to try SOMETHING new, but I hope the gyno won't get mad that I want birth control/spiro for skin problems and not their traditional methods.
Posted by snsdgirl14 on 02 April 2013 - 09:28 AM
My skin has been doing quite well as of late. The only time in the past 2 months I've gotten zits have been right before my period, and I only got one or two then. They healed quite fast and right now my skin looks pretty clear, really clear with makeup on.
I'm feeling pretty happy with my skin, I will admit. Still taking Mino, 2x a day, and using Epiduo at night. I just hate that as soon as something with my skin is going right, I focus on another part of my body to dislike. I've noticed that whenever my skin is good, I suddenly become more self conscious about my weight. I'm of average weight and have been told I have a pretty nice figure, but I just can't seem to let it go.
Also, this isn't acne related, but I'm feeling disheartened with my love life as of late. I'm still trying to get over my ex, who hurt me a lot, and the boys I've talked to since him all seem to only be interested in sex. I just want to find a good guy that I have chemistry with. I'm 20 now and I feel like I'll never find them.
Posted by snsdgirl14 on 24 March 2013 - 11:09 PM
I haven't been posting as much on acne.org because my emotional state/well being regarding my acne has improved so much. I still get pimples - usually only one or two at a time though, and they're smaller than the ones I used to get in high school. It's nothing I haven't dealt with before. But now, I am a lot less stressed out if I see myself getting a pimple, even if it's in a bad place (i.e. middle of my cheek - those are the most painful/the worst looking!). I don't like getting pimples, obviously, but I feel like right now I accept them as a part of my life and just deal with them and move on with my day. I'm paying more attention to other things in my life now - like family, friends, school, etc. I guess the Prozac and therapy has really helped after all. I do hope my good attitude continues.
Posted by snsdgirl14 on 06 February 2013 - 11:20 AM
Guess I spoke too soon. Got a kind of small pimple right in the middle of my cheek, aka the worst place to get one :/ It doesn't even feel big or look big in certain lighting, at all---but then in other lighting (such as sunlight) it looks SO much more noticeable! Ugh...why does that happen?
I missed class today in part because of it. :/ I can't let one pimple bring me down like this. I mean, my skin has been doing a lot better lately and one small pimple isn't going to ruin my life. I've seen so many people on campus with worse skin than mine, looking like they're joyfully living life. I don't know why I let it get to me so much when I have just one pimple. I should be counting my blessings....I have great friends, a good class schedule, just made a good amount of money, great family. I don't judge other people for having some pimples, so why do I think everyone's judging me?
I guess I also get worried people look at me and go 'oh, she'd be so much more attractive if it weren't for her skin'. Which is, mostly, just a fabrication in my head. I've been attracted to bunches of people with acne before, ranging from mild to moderate to who knows. For me, how they carry themselves/their personality/their facial structure etc is more important than some pimples. So why don't I think the same about me?
I've got a lot of life ahead of me and I can't let a pimple or two bring me down. I could be so much more worse off, in so many ways. A week from now this pimple will be gone anyway. I need to focus on what's important...maintaining my friendships, loving my family and pursuing my education.