I was a prepubescent 12 year old lol
My skin was clear on accutane 3 year ago, though, and it was a great feeling. I try to remember what that was like and push myself toward that every day.
Yeah accutane made me clear for the first time since I was around 12/13 and it was crazy how good it made me feel. I actually forgot what it was like to have acne until it returned about a year after being on accutane. A lot of people take having clear skin for granted where as it's something pretty much everyone on this site would trade almost anything for.
Thanks for posting this.
I was nine.
Whenever "inner child" comes up, I remember a clear-skinned little girl who had stage fright but loved rehearsal, piano, dance, mermaids and manatees, reading, writing poetry and short stories, going to musicals and plays. I didn't judge other girls, no matter how weird they thought I was. I lived in my imagination, but loved to laugh and be silly with my friends. I loved my dog.
Any clear time after then, I was already folding in on myself, dysmorphic, judging myself, judging others. Only male validation mattered. I still measure my success by my sexual power, including rejection and withholding, although the isolation has made academic accomplishments possible, when I gave up the oblivion of drugs. The rest of my life apart from my reflection and beauty has blinked away like a dream in the morning. I still love animals, they don't care what you look like.
Who am I when I'm clear and why am I still afraid, still waiting for the skin fallout, for my body and time to betray me again?
Turn0ver that's beautifully written, thank you for sharing. I strongly believe that the emotional scars of acne run deeper than anything physical, and becoming clear leaves a feeling of constant fear and anxiety of breaking out. It's something I am still struggling with in my journey for achieving and maintaining clear skin. The Love Vitamin website has a lot of articles on how to deal with 'the fear' of breaking out which are a good read and some of it may resonate.
It would be a shame for you to live in fear of breaking out. Are you still close to girls now, or only males? x