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Member Since 18 Aug 2011
Offline Last Active Yesterday, 05:52 PM

#3457220 Feeling Like A Million Bucks! I Know It Will Work This Time :d

Posted by leelowe1 on Yesterday, 05:55 PM

I'm adding the following to my treatment:

-kojic acid soap
- papaya soap
-lactic acid weekly treatment
-skin whitening pills
- retin-A/ tretinoin
- 2% hydroquinone cream

I feel like I have the most stubborn acne on this forum. Others clear somewhat by month 3, while I'm on month 2.5 and I look worse than ever. If this doesn't work idk what will. It's not fair that my derm will keep me at 40mg until the end of my treatment as I'm ~63kg which would mean that my max dose should be 60mg.
My body has gotten used to the medicine and I don't have any side effects.
I feel like none of my dermatologists have ever cared about my true needs which is why I haven't gotten on accutane earlier.
I'm feeling pretty down, because I look 10x worse than before accutane.
It sucks that I have to endure this for the next semester as well. I'm losing hope accutane will work for me...
All I want to do is cry my sadness out.
If karma exists, I wonder what I've done in my previous life to be punished in such a way. If it doesn't, I know for a fact that I've done everything I could to look normal. It just hurts so much to have to look at the innumerable flaws on a daily basis, hoping that the next thing will take care of them, only to be let down.
Then I accept the fact that by whatever reason of the universe im not allowed to look normal. Ive been punished for eternity. I've given up the fight so many times AND have accepted myself as I am, but the world keeps reminding me that there's something wrong with me and that I should fix it. Society doesn't accept women with acne. People think you don't use the right products or that you don't take care of yourself. That's when i get tired of being categorized and i resume the fight, even though I know how it'll end.
I put on makeup, but I'm not fooling anyone. I try to be happy, until I realize that someone is judging me and I slowly die on the inside.

Very few people are able to understand me, which is why I'm opening up on here. Not everyone knows what it's like to deal with acne and depression caused by it.
I'm feeling sad and ashamed because of the worthless piece of garbage that I am. I just want to stop caring about what others think about me, but I can't. I'll never have a normal life unless I live in complete isolation or with people who are more tolerant of imperfections.
I really don't know why I'm being punished with this.... ;(

I think I need to start taking something for depression to get me through this.

You are going to get through this.  Almost everyone purges like crazy on accutane, some their entire course so you are not alone in that regard.  Accutane also makes you more emotional (it definitely did for me) so keep that in mind (don't be so hard on yourself).  Try to focus on things other than your skin because the fact of the matter is this:


You are going to have to go through the process.  And after that, there will be another process (ex: dealing with scars).  And after that, probably something else will come along.  The point is that for many of us, our skin journey will not end with accutane so we need to learn to love ourselves at our worst as well as at our best ( i am struggling with this right now),  You are loved by someone so don't ever feel as if you are an island.  I'm not sure if you have FAITH but I can tell you with a 100% certainty that there is a God who is always there when we're at our lowest.  He ALWAYS provides the support we need in some way, shape or form even if he doesn't remove our burden.  Like many have said, you will be such a stronger person as you go through this journey and you have the opportunity to make an impact on someone else.  Your journey can inspire.....never forget that.


Hugs from NY and if you ever need to talk , PM me.  I'll be rooting for youcheer.gif

#3455971 Is It Possible That A Dermatologist Works For Accutane Company?

Posted by leelowe1 on 14 October 2014 - 04:29 PM

Okay so here is the deal, yesterday I went to the dermatologist, people say he's the best in town 

and I've read many good feedbacks about him.



problem is, as soon as I entered his room he looked at my face, told me to turn the other cheek and immediately said :

" mhmmm, this is very bad, the only solution for you is definitely Accutane. "

*** I have to mention, last year my Acne was at least ten times worse and my face looks pretty smooth now, only a few 

small and barely seen pimples, problem is my skin acts weird ( I still have a few red spots left after pimples quiet a long time ago and facial redness ).

I immediately sensed a huge load of bullshit coming out of his mouth.. he started talking about some complicated stuff in the skin that has nothing to do with acne ( I know that because I had a few years to research the causes of my annoying acne and learned a lot about it ) and told me there is nothing else he can offer me except for the "Number one treatment that will stop my problem forever".

I asked about soaps and other treatments and he made a weird face while saying : "cleansers? pffffft, that has nothing to do with your Acne."


anyway what I am trying to figure out is - should I listen to this weirdo that acts like a smartass?

as I mentioned before my acne is not as bad as it was last year, that year I went on Accutane, 30mg for just 3 months.

now that my face is better he told me to go 40mg for 6 months, what the hell?


I'm still considering the fact that he may be right as this treatment can heal my acne but I don't see a reason to use this dangerous piece of crap just because I have a few pimples left on my face... only option left is that he works or cooperates with accutane companies and gets paid for every patient that goes on accutane thanks to him. please help me out because I don't know what to do!

For many people, accutane is not the ONLY solution and if you're uncomfortable with taking it, then don't.  There are some good derms and some downright pill pushers but at the end of the day, you have to be your own doctor and do what feels right.  I always like to start from the least intrusive treatment option and work my way up.  Therefore, start with diet, then a retinoid/anti microbial mix and if all of that fails, then accutane can be a possibility.


Wish someone would have told me that years ago.


Good Luck. 


BTW, it's easy to blame the derms and pharmacy's for everything but at the end of the day, we all have free will and a mind.

#3455296 Do You Think All Acne And Health In General Can Be Made Better?

Posted by leelowe1 on 09 October 2014 - 02:20 PM

You mentioned pre-diabetes...that's an indication that you have insulin problems. Limiting processed sugar is important...for pre-diabetes, you also have to limit fruits because they contain natural sugar as well. But don't completely cut them out. You can have, for instance, a banana on an empty stomach in the morning to give you energy... yes, the GI index of bananas might be a bit high, but I find that eating fruit on an empty stomach is better for their digestion.

I take inositol for insulin balance, that might help you as well. 

Perhaps an integrative doctor can help you, since they are open to holistic methods and can also order blood tests for you.

And I will say this again...my acupuncturists actually diagnosed me with health issues way before blood tests and traditional doctors discovered my issues! If you can find a good acupuncturist (that doesn't charge too much!), they might point out some underlying issues you didn't even know you had. I found out I had blood deficiency/ anemia through an acupuncturist way before blood tests confirmed it. They also figured out some of my digestive issues, and helped me manage stress. 

And yes, yoga can help too! You can look up specific poses for blood circulation and hormonal balance.

Thanks Wish Clean!  I am so happy that you have found your center again and still manage to come back here and encourage others.  I always thought my prediabetes had something to do with  my acne but even when i improved my a1c levels and cut back and virtually all processed sugars and limited carbs, my acne is still rampant.  I actually saw an accupuncturist for a while but i didn't find it useful.  In any event, i am starting over.  I have found a wonderful holistic person who used to be a nurse and is all about the scientific testing but holistic pathway so we'll see how it goes.  I will take your advice from the other blog and not focus on my skin so much but on more important life things.


Thanks again.  I have faith that given time and patience, my skin and my health can make a turn around.

#3454838 Finally Joined...just Want To Know Someone Understands...need To Vent.

Posted by leelowe1 on 06 October 2014 - 05:08 PM

My heart goes out to you.  I am 31 and still sturggling.  Good for you for sticking to your guns in terms of accutane.  It is a strong drug and i think the older you are when you take it, the harder the course can be.  What was your experience with the naturopath?


Keep on keeping on.  I find that my faith in God has been a tremendous help.  Reading about great men and women of the bible going through trials worse than this keeps me grounded (read about the story of Job or Joseph).


Your family loves you, your friends adore you and God is watching out for you....never think you are alone ever.

#3454165 How ya feelin' about your acne today?

Posted by leelowe1 on 01 October 2014 - 05:36 PM

My skin is the worst its been in years. 


Im going to the derma in a few days, i dont know if ill be taking accutane or an oral antibiotc, but i know im afraid of initial breakouts. 


Sometimes i wish i had no family and friends, just so nobody would suffer if i decided to take my own life. That's how im feeling.

Don't wish that.  We all go through seasons where we feel life is worthless and meaningless but remember even the longest seasons are not indefinite.  You are loved and even though things hurt right now, it will get better in time.


In the interim, keep your head up, keep busy, keep uplifted and know that you have support.  When i get down, i read the Book of Job and the story of Joseph (sold into slavery).  If these men can overcome their circumstances, then so can we

#3454162 Don't Think I've Ever Felt This Down In My Life, When Will This End?

Posted by leelowe1 on 01 October 2014 - 05:13 PM

This is more of a rant than anything else but supportive words would be appreciated.

I'm 24 and female. I've had acne for 11 years. Isnt that long enough? I've tried topicals, birth control, every antibiotic that exists (most worked but they were ruining my insides so I stopped using antibiotics), and roaccutane in 2010. Un yet here I am again in tears because of my skin.

The worst part is that I'm an adult now, I'm not a student anymore. I can't just hide under my duvet from everyone, I have a job which involves people having to see my face.

My skin has been steadily going down hill since 2011. This year I've had hundreds of tiny bumps appear underneath the skin and they all seem to be coming to a head. My skin has deteriorated incredibly fast over the last 4 weeks. As well as all the small bumps I have 3 very enlarged clogged pores (1 on my cheek, 2 near my jaw) and about 10 active spots. Don't get me wrong my skin was worse when I was 14/15 but I can completely see my skin relapsing back to how it was then.

Went to see a doctor. He was reluctant to refer me to a derm. He offered me antibiotics but I rejected them as they have previously ruined my digestive system. He instead offered me isotrexin and claimed it should be far more effective because I've already had roaccutane. Is this true though, really?

I've been using isotrexin for a week and if anything my skin has got much worse. I've been drinking up to 10 glasses of water a day, eating healthily and even taking 50mg of zinc. Nothing is working.

Even if I go back to the doctor and demand a derm referral, it will be months and months before I can see one- at least February or march. How can I carry on life like this until then? I'm already contemplating phoning in sick to work tomorrow and cancelling all of my weekend plans.

Someone please help me sad.png

You are not alone. I have also run the gammit of topicals, accutane, antibiotics and yet still i have acne and sensitive skin to boot (can't use topicals).  I also have what looks like eczema and discolored skin so....


Stay strong, take it one day at a time and remember that you are not your skin.  What's your diet like?  There is no such thing as universally healthy as what is good for one persons body can be disastrous for someone else.

#3453274 How ya feelin' about your acne today?

Posted by leelowe1 on 24 September 2014 - 02:58 PM

Feeling greatful that i have the means to continue the search for something that works for me.  God is good and has given me everything i need, just not everything i want

#3453155 Documenting My 'tane Journey 37 Year Old Female

Posted by leelowe1 on 23 September 2014 - 04:19 PM

Fish oil is good as well as better eating habits - fish, veggies, whole grains, limited processed food, etc.  Hopefully the increase in dosage will do the trick.

#3453081 Do You Think All Acne And Health In General Can Be Made Better?

Posted by leelowe1 on 22 September 2014 - 07:04 PM

Have you kept up a healthy diet and lifestyle throughout this or do you try for a bit, stress out and quit?

I've been keeping up with the diet and lifestyle for the most part.  I'm not perfect but the occasional slip is the exception, not the rule.  My emotional health could use some work as well as my sleep patterns so i know i have my work cut out for me. 

Dear Leelowe.....first and foremost love u girl.....what I would suggest honestly to you if your emotional health plays a big factor in your life it can be effecting your skin as I also believe it effects mine. Going to different holistic or medical doctors wont fix your skin until u fix within these feelings. I have and am learning the hard way when my skin was at very minor blemishes...and decided to try so many different treatments to fix these blemishes not understanding its something internal. I know for sure u are a spiritual woman....but we are also emotional women caught in an image of ourselves that we can not accept because of our skin. I know you have been through a lot n you are tired of breaking out at your age...but while your breakout in my opinion is not so severe as maybe it used to be...and I know it still bothers you....try meditations, taking a yoga class, don't stop going to church, because the minute u isolate and go to the doctors for your skin u will continue a viscious cycle with yourself. I say this out of love and experience. Be patient , loving and understanding to your skin...and your self and greatful. I wish I had done all these things when my acne was not so bad now I feel really messed up, I wish u a blessed sunday sister.

Thanks hun - i think you are right.  Any holistic person i go to would be addressing my emotional needs and general well being first and foremost.  While i believe this will help me overall i'm not sure what will happen with my skin.  But you're right, taking care of myself is first and foremost.  God is amazing and he has held me up this far and will continue to do so.

#3452792 How Can I Get Rid Of My Cystic Acne?

Posted by leelowe1 on 20 September 2014 - 06:26 AM

I don't think you can grow out of cystic acne - you have to treat it.  Also, from what i've heard and experienced, topicals are not a great first line of defense.  It is suggested that cysts are diet related so you may want to cut out dairy and gluten to see if that is your issue.  Citrus has also affected some people.  If your acne follows a hormonal pattern then spiro or birth control may work.  As a last resort, there is accutane.  Don't give up hope.  There are other things to try besides anti biotics.  It may also be worth it to see a naturopath if you can afford and are overwhelmed by all the information.

#3452581 Accutane Thoughts?

Posted by leelowe1 on 18 September 2014 - 02:22 PM

So I've suffered from acne since I was 13 years old. Never too bad. Mild throughout my early high school years. Became more moderate when I was a senior.


I went off the college and it started to get a lot worse. I was experiencing a lot of depression at this time so I decided to drop out after having an over-the-top anxiety attack. Once I turned 18....boom all hell broke loose on my face. Literally just an eruption of redness and cysts.


I was always an outgoing, sweet, caring, funny girl who was unafraid to be herself. I'm 19 now and I can't look anyone in the eyes while having a conversation. I lost a lot of amazing people in my life due to my insecurities and I don't go out anymore because I'm so self-conscious. I haven't gone through a day without makeup in YEARS. I despise makeup, but I despise the thought of my naked face being exposed even more. 


I talked to my dermatologist about Accutane earlier this year and, upon hearing about the potential side effects, I decided against it. It is now seven months later and I'm wishing I had gotten on it then. I am going to the dermatologist later this month to discuss it again and am planning on taking a chance on it. No drug can make my depression any worse than it already is.


And so I ask what are everyone's views on Accutane and should I take a chance on it? Keep in mind, my acne is very severe and very cystic. So it needs to be gone.

As the above poster stated, what have you tried?   Accutane should not be a first resort as it does have some bad side effects.  But if you have tried everything else:


diet changes

hormonal means



Accutane can help.   Definitely do your research.  Good Luck as no one should have to suffer with this.

#3452570 Hit The Road Jack................

Posted by leelowe1 on 18 September 2014 - 12:58 PM



Day 7 One Week Down.


Side Effects:


redness and dryness around mouth is ridiculous - it's tight and sometimes has a burning sensation at times (wondering if its dermatitis)

Flushing/red face/warm skin on face (could be related to dryness)

The Itchies (not too often - still convinced it ay be mosquito bites)

More acne/redder and more irritated looking acne/skin (or maybe the acne that has been visible below the surface is coming up)

moodiness/more emotional

dry and itchy scalp.



One week in and I am already itching to be off this stuff.  Acne wise, more acne that has been visible below the surface has come up.  I broke out in a few spots on my cheeks, one mega inflamed and puss filled on on my right inner cheek (it doesn't bother me that much).   What i hate the most is the cluster of small red bumps that make my skin more red and irritated looking.  Not much more to say.  At this point, my concern is the redness around my mouth that my derm says is not perioral dermatitis.  I really hope it is not permanent because that and acne would suck.  I had to start using cetaphil moisturizing cream on it and of course its not helping.  I bought some vitamin E and fish oil so i will start that soon as they are supposed to help with dry skin.


On a side note, i have been receiving quite a few comments bashing my decision to be on accutane due to my acne not being severe and i thought i'd respond once and for all.  I've tried everything to get rid of my acne including





chinese herbs


BP (which caused the redness/dryness) around my mouth)


Birth Control


over the counter stuff

water only


natural remedies


I wouldn't choose to take this dangerous drug if i had other options.  We are all here for support no matter the severity of our acne.  Having dealt with this for 16 years and having it be cystic and moderate at one point, i know how bad it can get.  It doesn't matter to me if you don't agree with it but please respect it.

#3452465 Spiro...my Last Hope

Posted by leelowe1 on 17 September 2014 - 07:05 PM

Chin up hun.  Spiro can take 3 and most likely 6 months to work and many people report a purging period.  Green Gables is one to talk to about it.  You have a ton of people that love and support you so don't ever feel alone


Rooting for you!cheer.gifcheer.gifcheer.gifcheer.gif

#3452452 Hit The Road Jack................

Posted by leelowe1 on 17 September 2014 - 04:50 PM

Everyone is entitled to their opinion.  My acne (and yes, its acne) is numerous smaller red bumps versus a few huge bumps.  It's not severe acne and i never said it was nor am i going to justify my treatment choices. 


Good Luck on your treatment....we're all here to support each other no matter the severity of our acne.

#3452381 Feeling Like A Million Bucks! I Know It Will Work This Time :d

Posted by leelowe1 on 17 September 2014 - 06:33 AM

You have to do what you feel comfortable with.  Make sure that you moisturize even if you don't 'feel' dry as it is harder to combat the dryness once it starts if you wait.