I'm adding the following to my treatment:
-kojic acid soap
- papaya soap
-lactic acid weekly treatment
-skin whitening pills
- retin-A/ tretinoin
- 2% hydroquinone cream
I feel like I have the most stubborn acne on this forum. Others clear somewhat by month 3, while I'm on month 2.5 and I look worse than ever. If this doesn't work idk what will. It's not fair that my derm will keep me at 40mg until the end of my treatment as I'm ~63kg which would mean that my max dose should be 60mg.
My body has gotten used to the medicine and I don't have any side effects.
I feel like none of my dermatologists have ever cared about my true needs which is why I haven't gotten on accutane earlier.
I'm feeling pretty down, because I look 10x worse than before accutane.
It sucks that I have to endure this for the next semester as well. I'm losing hope accutane will work for me...
All I want to do is cry my sadness out.
If karma exists, I wonder what I've done in my previous life to be punished in such a way. If it doesn't, I know for a fact that I've done everything I could to look normal. It just hurts so much to have to look at the innumerable flaws on a daily basis, hoping that the next thing will take care of them, only to be let down.
Then I accept the fact that by whatever reason of the universe im not allowed to look normal. Ive been punished for eternity. I've given up the fight so many times AND have accepted myself as I am, but the world keeps reminding me that there's something wrong with me and that I should fix it. Society doesn't accept women with acne. People think you don't use the right products or that you don't take care of yourself. That's when i get tired of being categorized and i resume the fight, even though I know how it'll end.
I put on makeup, but I'm not fooling anyone. I try to be happy, until I realize that someone is judging me and I slowly die on the inside.
Very few people are able to understand me, which is why I'm opening up on here. Not everyone knows what it's like to deal with acne and depression caused by it.
I'm feeling sad and ashamed because of the worthless piece of garbage that I am. I just want to stop caring about what others think about me, but I can't. I'll never have a normal life unless I live in complete isolation or with people who are more tolerant of imperfections.
I really don't know why I'm being punished with this.... ;(
I think I need to start taking something for depression to get me through this.
You are going to get through this. Almost everyone purges like crazy on accutane, some their entire course so you are not alone in that regard. Accutane also makes you more emotional (it definitely did for me) so keep that in mind (don't be so hard on yourself). Try to focus on things other than your skin because the fact of the matter is this:
You are going to have to go through the process. And after that, there will be another process (ex: dealing with scars). And after that, probably something else will come along. The point is that for many of us, our skin journey will not end with accutane so we need to learn to love ourselves at our worst as well as at our best ( i am struggling with this right now), You are loved by someone so don't ever feel as if you are an island. I'm not sure if you have FAITH but I can tell you with a 100% certainty that there is a God who is always there when we're at our lowest. He ALWAYS provides the support we need in some way, shape or form even if he doesn't remove our burden. Like many have said, you will be such a stronger person as you go through this journey and you have the opportunity to make an impact on someone else. Your journey can inspire.....never forget that.
Hugs from NY and if you ever need to talk , PM me. I'll be rooting for you