My skin wasn't so bad until about 8 months ago. Then it got horrible, and I mean horrible. It all happened so fast and now I'm left with countless red marks all over my face, plus a few pimples that come and go but never fail to leave scars. I swear to god each one leaves a mark that takes 7 months to go away, and they just keep coming. I have no choice but to attempt to hide with makeup (I'm a 19 year old male) or else I would seriously not leave my house at all. I spend about 20 minutes every morning covering it up, which as a male is extremely depressing and humiliating. Thankfully, no one's ever taken notice (or at least not said anything to my face).
My skin has taken an immense toll on my mental health. It's all I ever think about. It's always at the back of my mind. Sometimes I build up the courage to not give a f*ck, but then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I'm back to feeling like sh*t, if not worse. I'm pretty sure it's given me clinical depression. I've missed out on so many opportunities and so much fun in life, and the things I actually do muster up the courage to do, I can't enjoy because I'm so god damn insecure about my skin. I can't even believe that 8 months ago I was complaining about my "bad skin" when right now I would absolutely 100% be willing to give up a testicle and 5 toes to have the skin I had then. Not even exaggerating, I would rather have clear skin than win the lottery. If a genie popped out of a bottle and could grant me one wish, I would not even hesitate to say clear skin.
I spend all day avoiding situations where I'd have to interact with other people. I used to be extremely outgoing and loved being around people, but I don't want them to see what I've become. My friends think I don't like them because I've cut myself off from them all. I've completely given up on girls because I'm simply no longer attractive, although I'm going to prom in a week with my friend who's in highschool, which I'm dreading (high quality pictures going to be posted all over Facebook. Kill me).
I've developed a legitimate phobia of sunlight/harsh lighting. I feel incredibly uncomfortable in the light because I know my skin looks horrible, and my makeup is probably obvious. It's gotten so bad that if I even see a well lit area on TV or something I get horrible anxiety and can feel my heart beat faster. Speaking of TV, I always notice other people's clear faces everywhere in the media, not a single person with even one zit in sight. People of all shapes, sizes, colours etc but not a single person with acne.
The only time I ever feel alive is at night, when I'm alone and no one can see me and no one will bother me and I'm just alone with my thoughts. It got so bad that I used to sleep all day and skip every class in University just because of my skin, then go to bed at 5am (on a side note, I made 0 new friends because I was too self conscious to talk to anyone).
Obsessing over my skin has essentially ruined my life. And the worst part is, I know it's not going to go away anytime soon. This will probably take years to go away completely. All I can do is sit and waste away these precious years losing my mind over this body I hate. I feel like I've been robbed of my life, and looking back at old pictures I can honestly say I would give anything to go back. Does anyone else feel like this/have their own stories/rants to add?
Oh hell yeah do we have our own stories. I myself was reminded of prom when you mentioned it. Although my skin was okay then. Prom was just not a great experience for me back when I did go twice. So, best of luck to you. I can imagine added stress will be on you with your skin issues, but try to make the best of it.It can be fun if you let it, but you have to let yourself go and not think about your skin. As far as a skin story.. eh its just depressing.
You cannot look at the media and think that is the way society looks out there all around you. Its very deceiving. I once believed it myself. It wasn't until i forced myself out of the house or out of my apartment to do something-whatever- that I seen their were many others just like me, maybe not as bad, but similar in that respect. It gives a sense of ease really. The media just focuses and glorifies those select few people (obvious models) who represent a small percentage of society to depict what you will look like if you use their products. Or depict what the average american person is or looks like. The cold hard reality is quite different once you step out that door. So my advice is not to think much on it. Who the F%^() cares. I'm a professional working in a very public job, i have had moderate success, I do what I want when I want and life how i like, and i also have acne just like you. Its okay. I do not fit what the societal norm is and that is okay.You will be too