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woah44

Member Since 31 Jan 2011
Offline Last Active Mar 14 2014 07:20 PM

#3339536 Enough Is Enough!

Posted by woah44 on 09 April 2013 - 01:14 AM

Today, I felt like I had hit rock bottom. Being a freshman in college, I felt like I had no one to talk to my problems about. Especially when it's something as trivial as ACNE. I just couldn't control my emotions any longer. Out of desperation, I decided to drive over two hours to see my yellow lab....whom of which is like my brother, son, and best friend at the same time. (I grew up with three sisters and not much of a dad) Even after balling my eyes for over two hours, I just couldn't control my emotions when reuniting with Ace (my dog). 

 

To make matters worst, my 16 year old sister shows up from school and is obviously surprised to see me. I tried my best to keep myself together. What kind of role model would I be if I let something as stupid as acne get me down? But my emotions got the best of me... I didn't want her to see me at such a low point, so I told her to go to her room and then I drove off. It was so dumb of me to come home...but I just didn't know what to do. My mom and two younger sisters were confused and deathly worried about me while I was trying to regain some composure. But when I thought I could come in and talk to them, I STILL BURST INTO TEARS...WTF.  

 

I've dealt with severe acne throughout high school. Long story short, I was on antibiotics for awhile...but my acne became so bad that I had to start accutane the start of my senior year. Sadly, those last 3 months of my treatment (and 2 months before acne remission) were the best times of my life. 

 

The reason I'm so depressed with myself is because I have let acne dictate my life for the past 4 years. I did horrible in high school because I was so self-concsious. I felt like college would be a new start, not only academically but also a new start at making new friends. And it was exactly that my first semester. But as my acne progressively got worst, so did my self esteem. I just wanted to quit...EVERYTHING. I've contemplated suicide so many times...but I know I could never go through with it because it would be such a selfish act given that I've been blessed with an amazing family. My older sister goes to a prestigious college, my 16 year old sister is a 4.0+ student, and my youngest sister is so loving.I can't even describe how supportive my mom is. Given those circumstances, I could never live with myself if I let them down. I know they don't care what I do in life, as long as I am happy. But it just kills me inside to know that I can't even be a good role model to my sisters...

 

To sum things up...I had a long talk with a close uncle of mine. (The closest thing I have to a father-figure) My mom was so worried because I wouldn't tell her what was bothering me.I know she would tell me to withdrawal from the rest of the semester if I had told her I was depressed. I'm sorry for making this post so long...I just wanted to vent and say that I AM DONE. I am sick and tired of letting this stupid condition dictate my life. THIS IS FOR MY MOM, MY SISTERS: EVA, TRACY, AND VICKY. MY DAD, ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. To anyone that is struggling out there...just know that talking about your problems can REALLLY help. I know this is just a stupid post and not many people will read this, but just know that there is ALWAYS someone you can talk to...