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berserk

Member Since 24 Mar 2010
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Topics I've Started

Afraid That Nobody Will Like Me If I Become "too Ugly"

24 March 2014 - 05:46 AM

Not really afraid, but with every year i feel like Im slowly dying. My face is becoming more dehydrated from years of bp, Im getting more scars every day,  my beard is getting bleached, skin just dont stop going to shit overall...

 

There is no cure, and there are no working treatments without side effects. I would accept all that regardless, cause I really want to live my life, at least a little bit. I would accept it if there is at least one girl that will love me no matter what happens to my face. But my experiences in life tell a different tale. Its all about about looks, money and status when it comes to people. Im sick of shallow relationships and im sick of pretending to be someone im not. Im not enjoying that at all. Since I was a child, I always dreamed about that special girl, but all the ones i had something with were shallow in the end, all talk. I am hurt, lonely and dead.

 

 

I just want someone to truly love me and always be there for me so my life can have a meaning again.

 

Meh. Maybe I should just give up on people cause I will never find the person that will resurrect me and show me that the thing I wanted existed somewhere.


Sooo...

30 May 2013 - 12:29 PM

... Is this our whole life? This kind of game? rolleyes.gif

 

acnelife.jpg

 

Kinda fkd up, dont you think? Super Acne World. We are chosen for it, be grateful. hifive.gif


How Can We Accept It If We Are Constantly Fighting With It?

28 May 2013 - 11:32 AM

Khm. My acne is roughly 8 years old (15-24), and sometimes I just feel like giving up treating this nonsense, I think I have the strength to actually do that even though I have more severe type of acne. Treatments managed to get me somewhat clear but they all take something in return, plus you still have acne waiting in the shadows, so whats the point? - scars? Nope. I never scared before using harsh topicals every day. And my face dont really scar when I stop using them, topicals caused all my noticable scarring, Its like dermatologists dry out our skin, make it fragile on purpose to create scarring that many of you treat later in life, more $$$ for them. Btw dry skin can make you break out worse than ever too. Its not purging you get on accutane or when u use drying products, its clogging everything by dead skin. Whatever.

 

I could have been very good looking guy without this plague, but Im soooo grateful to clearly see all the hypocrisy in the world and people around me. Expecially in relationships with women. I care less about how I look, weird feeling after all those years hoping for clear skin. Maybe Im just giving up the fight a little, but Im feeling free at the same time. Accepting defeat feels relaxing. Fighting acne is exhausting, never ending cycle. I killed so much time trying to keep it under control, just thinking about it prevented me from paying attention to things I can control and enjoy for years. Every day is acne this acne that and future of my skin. Well, from now on, my skin can go to hell, Im done being dead and dont plan to live like that my whole life, fighting a meaningless losing battle, lost cause. Who cares how I look and what others think, in fact I love being diferrent in any way to frustrate the hell outta people lol.

 

 

What do you think about it, do you feel trapped, in chains, ever feel like saying fck it and just live freely?


Vitamin D3 Safe Long Term?

26 February 2013 - 08:44 AM

Did anyone had any side effects from it or smthing? I only tried zinc 3 years ago but stoped because it seemed pointless. I dont really plan to overdose, just wanna take as recommended.

 

 

From what I read on these forums, appears to me that vitamin d3 is the smartest choice, supplement wise... is it? Im not for using more supplements at the same time, megadosing etc and interfere too much with my overall health like some desperate people here do and Im not looking for magic cure cause I learned that every treatment have its price to pay and the price go up with quantity. I just want something that can make at least some beneficial difference when it comes to acne and maybe health in general. Is d3 way to go, or should I try something else (if its safer and more potent).

 

Cheers.


Dilemma

16 April 2012 - 07:02 PM

Ok. Here goes a little background. I am 22yo, have acne since 15. In the beggining it was only around my mouth, no big deal, sometimes i was clear, sometimes i had few acne. Then, in my 17 it spread on my cheeks, and in my 18 first big cyst showed up. From the begining forehead was usually fine, even now. I didnt do nothing special to prevent acne until i was 19yo. I decided to visit dermatologist, he prescribed me antibiotics for few months, azelaic acid and soap. After first month my face really started to clear up, my confidence came back and i was happy, didnt really used azelaic acid, because it didnt do anything. My face was pretty clear for 4-5 months after i stopped with antibiotics, then of course acne took me by suprise and came back little by little, i became depressed, tryed diacneal which other dermatologist prescribed me - no improvement. I visited  my first dermatologist month after that, he prescribed me antibiotics again, but this time benzoyl peroxide 5% too (in my country there is nothing under 5%) and other soap. BP was drying my skin and i rarelly used it, and besides again antibiotics cleared me up pretty well, i was full of hope that acne wont come back like before, but after 4 months i got two big cysts on cheeks, near my nose, from both sides. And i was like, heck, i am going to use bp every night. In the first two weeks it was really drying, but after that BAAAAM. My skin was amazing, never felt that good before. After few months i got some cystic break out all of a sudden, but i keeped using it, after month or two skin was better, but i noticed that my facial hair is bleached more and more and i started getting some indents, but i didnt care. I was using bp year and a half and my face got to the point when it was mostly clear, but more and more i started noticing indentations, not just from acne (which i didnt getting at all when i had acne) and not just that some of my old scars got indented more, i started getting indents even on the places where nothing hapened, and indentations are really weird, weird shapes, i even have ones shaped like lines, i assume it was from overdrying the skin and rarely use od moistruizer, and no, they are not wrinkles. I stopped using bp for a few months little by little, it was good in the beginning but acne was coming back more and more and since no other topical worked i grabbed bp again.


Here i am now, worrying about long term use of bp beacause of bleaching and indents which doesnt stop and only getting worse with every use. I would stop everything but cystic acne hurt like hell. I am wondering about accutane, should i take the risk or watch my clear face with bp getting white hairs and various shaped indents over years until i finally look like moon with white beard.

It is tough decision to make, and i really dont now what other to try that will give me at least some results without permanent damage, i dont care about my back too much, its fine by me, i can live with that, but my face cant survive without something... Please help me to decide and give some advice i have to make some choice...

One more thing, i always have good and bad days (acne wise), even when i dont do anything.

<3

edit: more information

-somewhat underweight whole life
-dont sleep regularly
-emotional