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Bodie81

Member Since 16 Jun 2009
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In Topic: How ya feelin' about your acne today?

13 March 2014 - 05:17 PM

It`s been a while since I`ve posted on these forums, there has been lots of things happening in my life of late - hopefully changes for the better.

 

I`ve been been really ill mentally to the point that in mid January, I had made a plan to end things. It was only after speaking to a CPN after my GP put in an urgent referral for me to a Community Mental Health Team that I was persuaded to not go through with the plan.

 

It has been a really tough time but I`m starting to feel much better now. One of the really positive things to have come out of this episode is my change of attitude towards my diet and acne. For years I`ve been obsessed with eating healthily due to acne but recently, because I`ve stopped caring, I`ve been eating all kinds of junk. It`s resulted in me putting a stone and a half on in weight but more importantly, my skin isn`t any different really. It has helped me to see that diet doesn`t really have as much bearing on acne as I thought. I need to eat more healthily but in future I won`t completely deny myself and I will try to have some things in moderation.

 

I have been in a really bad place and I`ve been under the care of a Community Mental Health Team and seeing a CPN. Having had a number of sessions with the CPN and having discussed some of the erratic behaviours I`ve displayed when I`ve been ill, the CPN seems to think that I`ve got some Borderline Personality Disorder traits. I started psychotherapy on Saturday and even after one session, I feel less disgust, shame and self-loathing. It doesn`t condone or make right anything I`ve done wrong in the past but knowing I may have an illness that makes me act in a certain way does help me to accept and understand why I have at times acted irrationally. I don`t deserve to beat myself up for having an illness that makes me act irrationally at times. My illness is not me and it doesn`t define me and I`m sorry but if certain people cannot differentiate between my illness and me as a person, then they are shallow and not worth knowing.

 

I`ve also been using the time that I`ve got on my hands due to being signed off sick to attend two drop-in groups for people with mental health issues. One is an informal discussion group with an organisation called Depression Alliance and the other is a group called Together which I attend with my cousin and enables people with mental health issues to meet-up to chat, play games, do cookery, do art or any number of other activities. I`m hoping to go back to work after 24/3/2014 but in the meantime, these activities have helped me to interact and speak to people who are like-minded, understand and can empathise. It has been a great help.

 

I try to limit the amount of time I`m on the internet these days - I`ve made that mistake in the past and it`s really not good for you in the long-term and can really exacerbate any social anxiety that you already have. Ironically, I have however joined up with a website called Mental Earth Community (MEC) and it has been really helpful. I`ve spoken to a few people on there and I`ve managed to make one or two new online friends. In particular, I have been speaking to someone who lives quite close to me. Well to cut a long story short, we both met up for the day today in my home city and had a really nice time. I plan to meet up with her again sometime soon - not only have I made an online friend, I`ve also made a real life friend as well.  smile.png

 

All in all things are looking up for me. I`ve been through some shit in the past few months but I think it`s been beneficial to me as I feel I`m growing as a person and it`s also helped me to see the people who really care, don`t use me for emotional support and most importantly don`t judge me for my illness. I don`t really have acne or many hang-ups associated with it these days so although this website has been a help to me in the past and I fully appreciate it, I no longer feel the need to post on here anymore. Significantly, I`ve noticed a number of new faces on here that I haven`t seen before so maybe that`s a sign that it`s time to move on.

 

I`ll continue to log on as I do chat to one or two people on here via PM but even though I know I`ve said it before, this will definitely be my last ever post. I wish everyone on here who is currently battling acne or any related psychological issues all the best. It can and will get better and in the meantime try to remember that like any other illness, you cannot help having acne. Acne does not define you or make you a lesser person - believe and embrace that for yourselves and anyone who does judge for having acne is not worth knowing.

 

Take care everyone. smile.png


In Topic: Has Acne Given You Mental Problems?

21 February 2014 - 08:30 PM

Over the years at various stages:-

 

Depression

Anxiety

Agoraphobia

BDD

Acne Dysmorphia

Borderline Personality Disorder (not yet diagnosed but my CPN thinks I fit the bill due to my erratic behaviour in recent times.)

Othorexia Nervosa (eating disorder)

Trichotillomania

 

The last two or three months have been hell and I`ve become very ill and depressed. I`ve behaved appallingly and lost a real life friend because I bailed out on him and an online friend as well. I`m getting help now and I`m having an initial assessment for pyschotherapy on Tuesday. I`m paying for it privately as I need to do it for a very long time in order to tackle all of my issues. I`m at least starting to feel a little better in the past week or two, I`ve started attending a peer support group and I hope to go back to work very soon. Anyone else who has been affected by acne psychologically, you all have my utmost sympathy.

 

I developed the Orthorexia when I was around 17 years old after getting into holistic medicine, due to what else... acne. There was a time when it got so severe I was eating absolutely nothing but spinach and those "kooky supplements" for well over 8 months, I have no idea how I even survived looking back. 

 

I also did a radical colon cleanse suggested by a quack holistic doctor that literally almost killed me.

Bubble55 I`m sorry to hear that, I hope you are recovering now.

 

For many years, I avoided all dairy, junk food, fatty foods, refined sugar, sweetened fruit juices, soft drinks, sweets, desserts, chocolate and caffeine. It was all because I was terrified of breaking out in acne. It hasn`t had a massively adverse effect on my health but I`ve always been a little underweight as a consequence. Recently, I have been very depressed and unwell and because I`ve almost stopped caring, I actually have been doing the reverse and stuffing my face with all the things I have denied myself for years. I`ve put on about a stone and a half (21 pounds) in weight and the ironic thing is that my skin isn`t that much worse than it was when I was eating healthily. Having said that I think I`d have preferred to have stayed as I was than to have gone through everything I have in the past couple of months.


In Topic: Has Acne Given You Mental Problems?

21 February 2014 - 05:29 PM

Over the years at various stages:-

 

Depression

Anxiety

Agoraphobia

BDD

Acne Dysmorphia

Borderline Personality Disorder (not yet diagnosed but my CPN thinks I fit the bill due to my erratic behaviour in recent times.)

Othorexia Nervosa (eating disorder)

Trichotillomania

 

The last two or three months have been hell and I`ve become very ill and depressed. I`ve behaved appallingly and lost a real life friend because I bailed out on him and an online friend as well. I`m getting help now and I`m having an initial assessment for pyschotherapy on Tuesday. I`m paying for it privately as I need to do it for a very long time in order to tackle all of my issues. I`m at least starting to feel a little better in the past week or two, I`ve started attending a peer support group and I hope to go back to work very soon. Anyone else who has been affected by acne psychologically, you all have my utmost sympathy.


In Topic: How ya feelin' about your acne today?

18 February 2014 - 12:59 PM

My neck has broken out quite a bit in the past day or two - so frustrating as I`m continuing to still get clear periods and then break out randomly. One thing I have discovered though is that diet doesn`t seem to have quite as much of an impact as I`ve always thought it had. That is quite a big turnaround for me as I`ve always been overly obsessive with diet. Hope this breakout clears up soon.

 

In all other aspects I`m doing quite well and not feeling quite as depressed as I was.Think it is really helping me not being on the internet so much. There are lots of people out there who virtually live their lives online. I`ve been guilty of that myself and up until recently, I`ll admit that I used to spend some days just aimlessly browsing the internet. It really doesn`t do you any favours - you lose the ability to interact and communicate in real life and you cannot possibly grow as a person without that. When you get to the stage where you are on the internet virtually all day and when you get to the stage where you place more importance in online interaction than you do real life interaction, then I`m sorry but I think it is a real problem for people who are like that and they are doing themselves a lot of damage in the long run. Tomorrow night I`m going to my peer support group again. I really enjoyed last week`s group - it`s so nice to speak to people in real life who understand and don`t judge and also to know you are not alone. I`m also hoping that I get the go ahead to return to work fairly soon as well. All in all, things are finally starting to look more positive. smile.png


In Topic: The Feeling Of Being "dirty"..

16 February 2014 - 10:36 AM

I remember many years ago when I was physically attacked because of having acne, I felt disgustingly dirty, as well as repulsive, hideous and ugly. The thing to remember though is that any feelings of being dirty because of having acne are precisely that - feelings and not a physical or an actual fact. It is a purely psychological response but the reality is that acne is not a condition that makes you dirty or is caused by poor hygiene. If you can try to remind yourself of that. :)