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Bodie81

Member Since 16 Jun 2009
Offline Last Active May 10 2014 03:57 AM

Posts I've Made

In Topic: How ya feelin' about your acne today?

21 April 2014 - 04:48 PM

Hardly ever come on here any more but as I`ve recently received a couple of PMs from members on here, just thought I would post to let everyone know how I`m getting on these days. Acne wise my skin isn`t perfect but I`ve reached a stage in my life where I don`t really care that much any more. Having slightly less than perfect skin doesn`t define me or make me a lesser person. I don`t have masses of self-worth or self-esteem but I believe I`m inherently a good person irrespective of my skin.

 

I had a serious bout of depression which culminated in me virtually having a breakdown and wanting to end my life back in January. It`s taken a while but I believe I`ve more or less recovered now. I still have to take anti-depressants and I have psychotherapy with a therapist once a week but I`m in no way depressed anymore.

 

I`m back at work now and much to my surprise, I`ve become very close friends with someone who I met on a forum at the end of February. We initially started chatting at the end of February by PM on a website and this then extended to Facebook. We only live 50 miles apart and we have met up four times and on each occasion, we`ve got on really well. smile.png Right now, we are just friends and that will remain the case but in the future who knows.

 

Us meeting proved to be a real turning point for me. She has helped me to move on from things that have happened in the recent past and has helped me to forgive myself for mistakes I made whilst I was ill and to know that I am a good person with worth, value and inherent good qualities. Furthermore, meeting her has helped me to forgive and move on from those people who have used or hurt me in the past. Forgiveness isn`t about forgetting things that have happened or necessarily letting people who have used and hurt you back into your life. It`s about letting go of the bitterness, shame, remorse and anger that you feel towards yourself and others. It`s just my opinion but I cannot stress how important forgiveness is. Being angry and bitter is so destructive and you can never trust or open yourself up to anyone you meet in the future unless you let it go. It`s a sad fact of life but people who have trust issues generally carry a lot of emotional baggage and find it virtually impossible to form healthy and successful relationships in real life.

 

Sorry for the previous paragraph - just wanted to share what I have learned about forgiveness.

 

Hope all of you out there are doing okay and not letting acne beat you. I know it`s really hard to believe but having acne doesn`t define you and you shouldn`t let what others say to you define you either. Everyone of us was born with worth, value and self-esteem - it`s only experiences throughout our lives that make us believe that we don`t have these commodities. Irrespective of the condition of our skin, everyone of us has value, worth, importance and we all matter. I know it`s hard but if you can try to remind yourselves of those facts and learn to believe and accept those things for yourselves, you`d be surprised how  much easier life becomes.

 

Take care everyone. smile.png


In Topic: How ya feelin' about your acne today?

13 March 2014 - 05:17 PM

It`s been a while since I`ve posted on these forums, there has been lots of things happening in my life of late - hopefully changes for the better.

 

I`ve been been really ill mentally to the point that in mid January, I had made a plan to end things. It was only after speaking to a CPN after my GP put in an urgent referral for me to a Community Mental Health Team that I was persuaded to not go through with the plan.

 

It has been a really tough time but I`m starting to feel much better now. One of the really positive things to have come out of this episode is my change of attitude towards my diet and acne. For years I`ve been obsessed with eating healthily due to acne but recently, because I`ve stopped caring, I`ve been eating all kinds of junk. It`s resulted in me putting a stone and a half on in weight but more importantly, my skin isn`t any different really. It has helped me to see that diet doesn`t really have as much bearing on acne as I thought. I need to eat more healthily but in future I won`t completely deny myself and I will try to have some things in moderation.

 

I have been in a really bad place and I`ve been under the care of a Community Mental Health Team and seeing a CPN. Having had a number of sessions with the CPN and having discussed some of the erratic behaviours I`ve displayed when I`ve been ill, the CPN seems to think that I`ve got some Borderline Personality Disorder traits. I started psychotherapy on Saturday and even after one session, I feel less disgust, shame and self-loathing. It doesn`t condone or make right anything I`ve done wrong in the past but knowing I may have an illness that makes me act in a certain way does help me to accept and understand why I have at times acted irrationally. I don`t deserve to beat myself up for having an illness that makes me act irrationally at times. My illness is not me and it doesn`t define me and I`m sorry but if certain people cannot differentiate between my illness and me as a person, then they are shallow and not worth knowing.

 

I`ve also been using the time that I`ve got on my hands due to being signed off sick to attend two drop-in groups for people with mental health issues. One is an informal discussion group with an organisation called Depression Alliance and the other is a group called Together which I attend with my cousin and enables people with mental health issues to meet-up to chat, play games, do cookery, do art or any number of other activities. I`m hoping to go back to work after 24/3/2014 but in the meantime, these activities have helped me to interact and speak to people who are like-minded, understand and can empathise. It has been a great help.

 

I try to limit the amount of time I`m on the internet these days - I`ve made that mistake in the past and it`s really not good for you in the long-term and can really exacerbate any social anxiety that you already have. Ironically, I have however joined up with a website called Mental Earth Community (MEC) and it has been really helpful. I`ve spoken to a few people on there and I`ve managed to make one or two new online friends. In particular, I have been speaking to someone who lives quite close to me. Well to cut a long story short, we both met up for the day today in my home city and had a really nice time. I plan to meet up with her again sometime soon - not only have I made an online friend, I`ve also made a real life friend as well.  smile.png

 

All in all things are looking up for me. I`ve been through some shit in the past few months but I think it`s been beneficial to me as I feel I`m growing as a person and it`s also helped me to see the people who really care, don`t use me for emotional support and most importantly don`t judge me for my illness. I don`t really have acne or many hang-ups associated with it these days so although this website has been a help to me in the past and I fully appreciate it, I no longer feel the need to post on here anymore. Significantly, I`ve noticed a number of new faces on here that I haven`t seen before so maybe that`s a sign that it`s time to move on.

 

I`ll continue to log on as I do chat to one or two people on here via PM but even though I know I`ve said it before, this will definitely be my last ever post. I wish everyone on here who is currently battling acne or any related psychological issues all the best. It can and will get better and in the meantime try to remember that like any other illness, you cannot help having acne. Acne does not define you or make you a lesser person - believe and embrace that for yourselves and anyone who does judge for having acne is not worth knowing.

 

Take care everyone. smile.png


In Topic: How ya feelin' about your acne today?

18 February 2014 - 12:59 PM

My neck has broken out quite a bit in the past day or two - so frustrating as I`m continuing to still get clear periods and then break out randomly. One thing I have discovered though is that diet doesn`t seem to have quite as much of an impact as I`ve always thought it had. That is quite a big turnaround for me as I`ve always been overly obsessive with diet. Hope this breakout clears up soon.

 

In all other aspects I`m doing quite well and not feeling quite as depressed as I was.Think it is really helping me not being on the internet so much. There are lots of people out there who virtually live their lives online. I`ve been guilty of that myself and up until recently, I`ll admit that I used to spend some days just aimlessly browsing the internet. It really doesn`t do you any favours - you lose the ability to interact and communicate in real life and you cannot possibly grow as a person without that. When you get to the stage where you are on the internet virtually all day and when you get to the stage where you place more importance in online interaction than you do real life interaction, then I`m sorry but I think it is a real problem for people who are like that and they are doing themselves a lot of damage in the long run. Tomorrow night I`m going to my peer support group again. I really enjoyed last week`s group - it`s so nice to speak to people in real life who understand and don`t judge and also to know you are not alone. I`m also hoping that I get the go ahead to return to work fairly soon as well. All in all, things are finally starting to look more positive. smile.png


In Topic: The Feeling Of Being "dirty"..

16 February 2014 - 10:36 AM

I remember many years ago when I was physically attacked because of having acne, I felt disgustingly dirty, as well as repulsive, hideous and ugly. The thing to remember though is that any feelings of being dirty because of having acne are precisely that - feelings and not a physical or an actual fact. It is a purely psychological response but the reality is that acne is not a condition that makes you dirty or is caused by poor hygiene. If you can try to remind yourself of that. :)


In Topic: How ya feelin' about your acne today?

14 February 2014 - 11:56 AM

Skin is doing a little better and I`m starting to eat meals instead of just junk all the time so maybe the increase in nutrients in my diet is helping. Not acne related but on Wednesday, I attended a peer support group meeting through an organisation called Depression Alliance  - a UK based mental health charity. It was pretty nerve-wracking beforehand but having gone along, actively participated in the discussions and interacted with some of the other attendees, I`m so pleased that I went. Subsequently I`ve emailed the group facilitator to give them my feedback on the meeting and they are so impressed with my summary that they want to put it on their website so it can be used to encourage people with depression to attend peer support group meetings throughout the UK. Had a pretty torrid time of things in the past month or two, some of which has been self-inflicted but doing this activity on Wednesday has given me a big boost. Think I`ve been a little guilty in recent months of spending too much time on the internet. It`s all well and good and internet forums have their place but if that is all you spend your time doing, you really miss out on real life experiences and interaction and I personally think you cannot grow as a person. Sorry if that offends anyone, it`s just that I got more out of a real life meeting on Wednesday than spending countless hours browsing the internet. Haha, I do realise that by posting this comment on an internet forum, I could possibly be accused of hypocrisy - just my opinion is all. Whatever the level of your acne or anything else, hope you are all doing okay out there.