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#121 AlexanderJ86

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Posted 04 June 2014 - 03:08 AM

Hi, I can't quote anyone so I am going to respond like this.

 

@WishClean:

 

Something very radical has happened in my life. I have moved and I am being taken care off by the local psychiatry department over here. I think I may have new opportunities now, but so far there is no indication of improvement.



#122 ChrissyC

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Posted 04 June 2014 - 05:56 AM

WIshClean - yes, knowing the person face to face and getting to know them in person definitely takes the element of that feeling of rejection away if you are self conscious of things, like your skin. It also seems more natural. You know the person in context and things can develop more naturally. Good luck - hope you keep us posted! It's interesting. I had a needling appointment with a guy a couple of years ago. Great guy. I was talking to him a little bit about my skin issues and he said to me, "Listen. We all have things about ourselves that we don't like or wish we could change. I'm bald. For you, it's your skin". That was eye opening for me. Not that it's cured me of being self conscious, but it framed things in an interesting way.

 

And just to be clear, my friend wasn't a romantic involvement. Or maybe he intended it to be and I didn't pick up on it bcs I tend to be naive (intentionally) about that kind of thing. We are both in committed relationships (not with each other) He was just someone that I had always felt a deep connection with, and thirty years later, it was still there. Which made it special for awhile, and he helped with the loss of my dad the way nobody else could have. I'm sure part of him disappearing was that the intensity of the contact isn't conducive to keeping your primary relationship intact. Which I completely understand, but it still feels like a loss and it's still painful.



#123 WishClean

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Posted 04 June 2014 - 07:19 PM

Hi, I can't quote anyone so I am going to respond like this.

 

@WishClean:

 

Something very radical has happened in my life. I have moved and I am being taken care off by the local psychiatry department over here. I think I may have new opportunities now, but so far there is no indication of improvement.

Wow, so this radical change is a good thing, right? Are you going to be under psychiatric care ? Do you think it will help you ? Good luck Alexander, I hope this will be a very positive change in your life :)

 

WIshClean - yes, knowing the person face to face and getting to know them in person definitely takes the element of that feeling of rejection away if you are self conscious of things, like your skin. It also seems more natural. You know the person in context and things can develop more naturally. Good luck - hope you keep us posted! It's interesting. I had a needling appointment with a guy a couple of years ago. Great guy. I was talking to him a little bit about my skin issues and he said to me, "Listen. We all have things about ourselves that we don't like or wish we could change. I'm bald. For you, it's your skin". That was eye opening for me. Not that it's cured me of being self conscious, but it framed things in an interesting way.

 

And just to be clear, my friend wasn't a romantic involvement. Or maybe he intended it to be and I didn't pick up on it bcs I tend to be naive (intentionally) about that kind of thing. We are both in committed relationships (not with each other) He was just someone that I had always felt a deep connection with, and thirty years later, it was still there. Which made it special for awhile, and he helped with the loss of my dad the way nobody else could have. I'm sure part of him disappearing was that the intensity of the contact isn't conducive to keeping your primary relationship intact. Which I completely understand, but it still feels like a loss and it's still painful.

 

Yes, I agree....face to face meetings take some of the pressure off. I'll update if this new guy turns out to be decent. 

A dermatologist said a similar thing to me as the needling guy. He told me he was self-conscious about his height...nobody's perfect. 

Oh, so the guy you were texting with did not try to flirt or anything? It's good that you were in a relationship, that way the conversations could only be platonic with him. Maybe his girlfriend didn't like him texting you so much? I have friends who don't allow their bfs to text females in general, which is very extreme but there are a lot of insecure people around. 

It's still not cool of him to just disappear though. He owed you an explanation at least, since you go way back.


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#124 AlexanderJ86

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Posted 05 June 2014 - 02:16 AM

Hi, I can't quote anyone so I am going to respond like this.

 

@WishClean:

 

Something very radical has happened in my life. I have moved and I am being taken care off by the local psychiatry department over here. I think I may have new opportunities now, but so far there is no indication of improvement.

Wow, so this radical change is a good thing, right? Are you going to be under psychiatric care ? Do you think it will help you ? Good luck Alexander, I hope this will be a very positive change in your life smile.png

&nbs

p;

I have no idea if it is a good thing. Something extremely good has to happen in order to give me any positive feelings, as I am schizoid. Generally, nothing helps. My disorder falls in the category "You will have it for life and you have to learn to live with it". Learning to live with it is what I am doing right now.



#125 WishClean

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Posted 06 June 2014 - 12:58 AM

I have no idea if it is a good thing. Something extremely good has to happen in order to give me any positive feelings, as I am schizoid. Generally, nothing helps. My disorder falls in the category "You will have it for life and you have to learn to live with it". Learning to live with it is what I am doing right now.

You mean you have schizophrenia? Are you on medication ? 

I don't believe in learning to live with something, I think you should do your research until you find some relief at least, or make it more manageable. 


Supplements: inositol, DIM, digestive enzymes [don't need them every day anymore, only on cheat days], herpanacine & vitamin C with rose hips [not every day], regular sun exposure for vitamin D3.

Lifestyle & Skin Care: Low histamine diet, avoiding unnecessary stress, balancing skin's PH (using Image Ormedics), using distilled/ filtered water to wash face, occasional high frequency facials... (although I have been slacking lately)

** Find the cause, find the cure **

 


#126 WishClean

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Posted 10 June 2014 - 09:34 PM

To everyone who is following this thread, I wanted to post an update. Things should get more interesting this weekend, so stay tuned and I will either have good or bad news/ deja vu. 

My friend convinced me to go back on the dating site and give another guy a chance. She even messaged guys for me from my account, and I was sorting through a lot of pointless messages, then came across someone who posted a very random comment about an obscure band I like, and I had to send him a message. From there, we really clicked in many unexpected ways. He has a similar background to myself, is intelligent and can carry a conversation via messages and on the phone. Plus, he told me he has a geeky side, which I think is a good sign (no personal trainer here!). 

He didn't even ask to see photos or anything (I only have an artsy photo of myself that's kind of blurry), he just said he would love to go on a date with me. He said most girls who messaged him on okcupid don't have anything funny or interesting to say. And yet he still logs in frequently. dry.png So I don't have my hopes up here or anything, as usual.  I told him I would meet him on saturday for coffee or  a drink, but that it won't be a date just a meeting. 

I also told him everything I went through last year, about my skin, depression, etc and he said he also suffered from depression so I thought he might be more sympathetic to my skin issues... I was even tempted to show him this thread so he can see for himself. I might do that if he gives me a chance.

Anyway, this is all I have right now. Do you think I'm putting myself through the same thing again? I've been on the verge of canceling the meeting so many times already. I don't know if I'd have the guts to go through it on Saturday....

I have a feeling I'm going to like him because I like his personality. That's usually what gets me interested in the first place, and from there on I don't really care that much about looks as long as the personality is good. Unfortunately, most people don't think the same.


Edited by WishClean, 10 June 2014 - 09:36 PM.

Supplements: inositol, DIM, digestive enzymes [don't need them every day anymore, only on cheat days], herpanacine & vitamin C with rose hips [not every day], regular sun exposure for vitamin D3.

Lifestyle & Skin Care: Low histamine diet, avoiding unnecessary stress, balancing skin's PH (using Image Ormedics), using distilled/ filtered water to wash face, occasional high frequency facials... (although I have been slacking lately)

** Find the cause, find the cure **

 


#127 WishClean

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Posted 17 June 2014 - 10:36 AM

Update: For once, I am getting all positive vibes from someone.... wish me luck


Supplements: inositol, DIM, digestive enzymes [don't need them every day anymore, only on cheat days], herpanacine & vitamin C with rose hips [not every day], regular sun exposure for vitamin D3.

Lifestyle & Skin Care: Low histamine diet, avoiding unnecessary stress, balancing skin's PH (using Image Ormedics), using distilled/ filtered water to wash face, occasional high frequency facials... (although I have been slacking lately)

** Find the cause, find the cure **

 


#128 JabbaTheHut

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Posted 18 June 2014 - 12:03 AM

Update: For once, I am getting all positive vibes from someone.... wish me luck

 

Please update us on how your 'meeting' went! :D



#129 WishClean

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Posted 18 June 2014 - 10:44 PM

Hi everyone,

It's strange how much my dating life has improved since my first post here. Well, the guy I mentioned from online ended up being a true gentleman and exactly what I was looking for. He doesn't play games, he deleted his profile, and wants to date exclusively. But of course, as per usual in my life, there's a catch: we both have to move due to reasons we can't control (visa issues to be specific), and we will most likely end up in different parts of the world. So we basically have 1.5 months at most to spend together before we both have to leave Florida and start a new life. I'm very sad, but at the same time I want to give this a shot even though there doesn't seem to be any long term potential.  ermm.gif

So, if my initial experiences with online dating scared you as much as they discouraged me from dating anyone else, know that there are some (very few) genuine people out there who will not judge you externally. This guy wanted to meet me before he even knew what I looked like, and we had an instant connection and 6-hour long phone conversations. I'm thankful to have met him and I think he will help me get over some of my trust issues, even though I'm sure it will be very sad when we will be forced to part ways very soon. Life is short, right?


Supplements: inositol, DIM, digestive enzymes [don't need them every day anymore, only on cheat days], herpanacine & vitamin C with rose hips [not every day], regular sun exposure for vitamin D3.

Lifestyle & Skin Care: Low histamine diet, avoiding unnecessary stress, balancing skin's PH (using Image Ormedics), using distilled/ filtered water to wash face, occasional high frequency facials... (although I have been slacking lately)

** Find the cause, find the cure **

 


#130 scco

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Posted 20 June 2014 - 05:10 AM

That's very nice to hear :) 

I've only read the first post and the last one and you sound a lot happier, good luck with that guy :)


"It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me. Admittedly, I probably did it subliminally for you, so I could come back a brand new me you helped see me through, and don't even realize what you did, 'cause believe me you" - Eminem (funny how this whole thing can be linked to acne)


#131 Vanbelle

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Posted 20 June 2014 - 12:49 PM

I just read your first post and it broke my heart. I think we've all been there (not just people on this forum, but everyone) and had to face rejection. I've had the occasional guy think I'm cute, VERY RARE though. For 9/10 guys I've had to face rejection in some form, and it felt terrible. Overall it has really steered me away from dating. I only have one person on my mind, and if things somehow ended with him, I'm not sure where I'd go from there. I don't know if I'm one to offer advice because, when faced with rejection, I really am confronted with the same questions as you. You wonder WHAT is the problem. Might I suggest a bottle of wine and a viewing of "He's Just Not That Into You"? One of my favorites for dealing with dating woes.

I hope you enjoy your time with this person. This is such a struggle isn't it? Where do you think you'll be headed (romantically) once you both part ways?



#132 Acneficent

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Posted 20 June 2014 - 06:37 PM

You have a nice face, really, overall. Your pictures are without makeup! so what if you put a little make up on; you'd look like a model i think.



#133 Guest_GetMeTheResults_*

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Posted 20 June 2014 - 08:50 PM

Of course you are pretty and as there are many superficial people in this world, there are also those who actually consider other things more important, like good traits in ones character and personality. Unfortunately, we cannot change other people's hierarchy of priorities in the dating game, but you shouldn't idealize someone just based on their looks. Don't you see what kind of a shallow person he is? Is that what you really want? Apparently, you didn't know him that well. Apparently, you didn't have strong enough of a connection that could endure a couple of tiny scars on your beautiful face. Is that the kind of person you want to be with? Even if you were perfect by the time you reach 40 he would have probably cheated on you with someone younger because she wouldn't have wrinkles! Why are you putting yourself beneath him? You have to realize your worth before you get back in the dating scene smile.png You should seriously stop caring (or try to appear like you don't care) so you don't look insecure...Later on your can tell whoever you're dating that you don't feel comfortable with this or that about yourself and if he truly loves you it wouldn't make a difference to him and he would even love you more for being so open. What men and women love is confidence... It doesn't matter if you have scars, if you're overweight or whatever your insecurity is... There is nothing more attractive than a happy and confident partner who has maturely accepted her own shortcomings, but nevertheless knows her strengths. 
<3


Edited by GetMeTheResults, 20 June 2014 - 08:52 PM.


#134 AlexanderJ86

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Posted 21 June 2014 - 02:57 AM

I have no idea if it is a good thing. Something extremely good has to happen in order to give me any positive feelings, as I am schizoid. Generally, nothing helps. My disorder falls in the category "You will have it for life and you have to learn to live with it". Learning to live with it is what I am doing right now.

You mean you have schizophrenia? Are you on medication ? 

I don't believe in learning to live with something, I think you should do your research until you find some relief at least, or make it more manageable. 

No, it is not schizophrenia. Although I suffer from the negative symptoms of schizophrenia, I do not have hallucinations and delusions. That is what schizoid is. I am now receiving the help I need.

 

How are you doing?



#135 WishClean

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Posted 28 June 2014 - 04:47 PM

That's very nice to hear smile.png

I've only read the first post and the last one and you sound a lot happier, good luck with that guy smile.png

 

thank you! I need all the luck I can get!

I just read your first post and it broke my heart. I think we've all been there (not just people on this forum, but everyone) and had to face rejection. I've had the occasional guy think I'm cute, VERY RARE though. For 9/10 guys I've had to face rejection in some form, and it felt terrible. Overall it has really steered me away from dating. I only have one person on my mind, and if things somehow ended with him, I'm not sure where I'd go from there. I don't know if I'm one to offer advice because, when faced with rejection, I really am confronted with the same questions as you. You wonder WHAT is the problem. Might I suggest a bottle of wine and a viewing of "He's Just Not That Into You"? One of my favorites for dealing with dating woes.

I hope you enjoy your time with this person. This is such a struggle isn't it? Where do you think you'll be headed (romantically) once you both part ways?

I'm sorry you also went through rejection in the dating world. It really sucks, but hopefully we'll all find that ONE person who likes us for who we are. If they don't , then they are not worth it anyway. 

Yeah, He's Just Not That Into You is the perfect reality check! I may have to rewatch it soon just to keep me grounded.

Well, the new guy I was seeing actually became my boyfriend. So far, he is a gentleman and does all the right things, but I have no idea what will happen when we part ways. We definitely want to keep in touch though. My professional life is in limbo right now, so I'm focusing on that at the moment...once that is figured out, I'll be able to figure out the rest hopefully.

But really, this guy came around at a time when I was perfectly satisfied being on my own, and I'm worried that all my insecurities from previous relationships and skin issues will resurface once again. I already told him everything just so he is prepared, but he thinks my face is fine and that my baggage is not bad at all. go figure! 

 

You have a nice face, really, overall. Your pictures are without makeup! so what if you put a little make up on; you'd look like a model i think.

 

aww thanks for the compliments!

Of course you are pretty and as there are many superficial people in this world, there are also those who actually consider other things more important, like good traits in ones character and personality. Unfortunately, we cannot change other people's hierarchy of priorities in the dating game, but you shouldn't idealize someone just based on their looks. Don't you see what kind of a shallow person he is? Is that what you really want? Apparently, you didn't know him that well. Apparently, you didn't have strong enough of a connection that could endure a couple of tiny scars on your beautiful face. Is that the kind of person you want to be with? Even if you were perfect by the time you reach 40 he would have probably cheated on you with someone younger because she wouldn't have wrinkles! Why are you putting yourself beneath him? You have to realize your worth before you get back in the dating scene  You should seriously stop caring (or try to appear like you don't care) so you don't look insecure...Later on your can tell whoever you're dating that you don't feel comfortable with this or that about yourself and if he truly loves you it wouldn't make a difference to him and he would even love you more for being so open. What men and women love is confidence... It doesn't matter if you have scars, if you're overweight or whatever your insecurity is... There is nothing more attractive than a happy and confident partner who has maturely accepted her own shortcomings, but nevertheless knows her strengths. 
<3

 

You are right...insecurity can be the biggest turn-off. My ex told me that many times. Thanks for all the advice, it makes a lot of sense :)

No, it is not schizophrenia. Although I suffer from the negative symptoms of schizophrenia, I do not have hallucinations and delusions. That is what schizoid is. I am now receiving the help I need.

 

How are you doing?

Hi Alexander,

I hope you are doing well....what's your situation right now? Better I hope!

My life is in limbo at the moment so I neglected this site a little bit while I get back on track, but I am trying to remain hopeful and optimistic about the future. Next week will either make or break my career....trying not to get stressed out about it. Wish me luck please :)


Supplements: inositol, DIM, digestive enzymes [don't need them every day anymore, only on cheat days], herpanacine & vitamin C with rose hips [not every day], regular sun exposure for vitamin D3.

Lifestyle & Skin Care: Low histamine diet, avoiding unnecessary stress, balancing skin's PH (using Image Ormedics), using distilled/ filtered water to wash face, occasional high frequency facials... (although I have been slacking lately)

** Find the cause, find the cure **

 





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