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Acne And Intimacy

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#1 thestruggleisreal

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Posted 16 November 2013 - 07:53 PM

I've been struggling with moderate acne since i was 10, but even before that i had breakouts here and there. I'm 17 now and its been getting worse and worse and worse. I've been on a variety of topical and pill prescriptions, I've used all the "it actually works" otc washes, I've used home remedies and I've changed my diet. Nothing works. I hate it. I feel hideous because of it, so I've turned to makeup so i can feel good about myself for at least a little bit. I have a very supportive boyfriend who tells me I'm beautiful all the time, but he only sees me with my makeup on. Lately we've been messing around more and i want to be comfortable around him. Even if we don't have sex, i want the possibility to be there, but my back and chest also are covered in pimples and scaring and i feel disgusting. I know that its a turn off, and running your fingers over textured skin is a dead giveaway, so makeup or tanning won't work, nor will turning the lights off. I know i should feel beautiful either way and he should love me regardless, but its such a huge flaw. Even i hate it and am turned off by it, why should he have to deal with it? I just don't know what to do anymore. I hate myself because of it and i feel way too restricted from it. I can't change it but i can't.live with it anymore.

#2 Solaire

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Posted 16 November 2013 - 11:38 PM

I defiantly understand where you're coming from. I've been dealing with acne for the past three years, just the face, I get a blemish on my back from time to time but nothing noticeable. I always thought to myself though... Why would anyone want to get close to my face? Or kiss me with all of this acne? Well I realized that when most people say they care and think you're beautiful, they usually mean it. I dated a girl awhile back and she really wasn't bothered by my acne. She understood what I was going through and knew that it bothered me, and that was due to the fact that I talked to her about it. Even when I had my worst breakouts she still kissed me, hugged me, got close to me, was intimate because she understood and genuinely liked me for me, not my skin. I remember having a small breakout around my lip and just thought to myself, there's no way I'm going to kiss her, I don't want to gross her out. Well she ended up grabbing me and kissing me anyways, which made me feel really great because I realized that there's people out there who like you for you! And not just your looks. So my advice to you is just talk to your boyfriend. Just tell him how you feel and your concern for the situation. It sounds like he's a good guy and he'll understand. If he doesn't respond well then... Well he's the not the right guy. I know that's easy to just say, but it really isn't your fault that you have acne. Also don't let acne hold you back. Yes it sucks, nobody wants it, but don't think just because you have it that you don't deserve certain things in life. You deserve to experience and do things that everyone else can, acne free or not.

#3 k3tchup

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Posted 17 November 2013 - 12:49 AM

You should feel beautiful no matter what and he should not treat you other wise. I would discuss your apprehensions, fears, and feelings to him. If he is ACTUALLY a decent guy that does not care about going down south, then I would say that he will understand and should support you. You are young and sorry, but even as a guy, i can say young teenage guys are terrible. I could use much more colorful vocabulary to describe them. I was not perfect either. I have seen it and been their to many times.

 

As nurses we are taught that teens and young adults have the hardest time adhering long term to selected treatments and regimens because they demand results and are less willing to wait lets say 3 months (I did this). So i have to ask because you mentioned it. How long have you tried the "diet thing". What kind?

Products? Type? Length of use? Used as directed? Not all BP's for example are created equal. I cannot use Dan's for example, i used a perscription type BP as needed. Pills, topical medications, diet- they take time. Its one thing to say its another to do fully.

 

Also, you are young and not done growning your hormones will be fluctuating not just monthly but also because your body is still maturing as much as you probably hate to be told this It takes time for this stuff to settle However, being viligant and treating the existing acne with topical medications, diet (like limit junk foods, simple carbs, dairy to name a few), exercise, practicing good, proper hygiene- Soap and water + 15 seconds, EVERY time you go to bathroom so that when you decide to inadvertantly touch your face an hour later you are not contaminating it and make it more of a breeding ground for bacteria.

 

Have you been seen by a doctor? Had lab tests like your blood drawn to measure your TSH (thyroid levels)? Maybe an endocrinologist? Derm guys are just going to perscribe you like differin cream, antibiotics, and send you one your way. Not treating the problem, such as a hormonal imbalance (my experience anyway).

 

Only have sex if you are comfortable. Do not use it to "keep him" just because you don't want to lose him if he becomes turned off by your feelings or the way you look. Pregnancies happen this way...


Edited by k3tchup, 17 November 2013 - 12:51 AM.


#4 dunedain

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Posted 17 November 2013 - 11:36 AM

I think if you really love him, open up to him about it because if he deserves you at your best, he most certainly will deserve you at your "worst" too. But, and this is kind of a negative thought, if you're not ready to share this with him, if you're uncomfortable in your own skin, then honestly I don't think you're ready to be in a relationship. "If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?" 

 

BUT, if you do open up to him, I'm sure it'll bring you guys closer. Or you can just tell him you're not ready for sex because of your insecurities about your skin, and if he's understanding he'll be ok with it. Honestly he's probably feeling insecure about his own flaws too because sex for the first time in a relationship is always kind of scary (but in the best way - usually). 

 

Either way, remember to stay safe! :)



#5 heitea

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Posted 17 November 2013 - 05:27 PM

This reminds me of when I started dating my fiance-- seven years ago. I was 16 and he was 17. I had much more acne than he did, mostly on my face but some on my chest and upper back. Every time we would kiss, it would rub off the makeup on my chin and I would end up with a red chin and possibly showing some acne. It freaked me out so much and I was so afraid to look him in the eye. Two years ago, I finally opened up to him about it all. I cried and just told him everything. I told him how much the acne affected our relationship and how much I wanted him to just run his hands over my skin without feeling like I was hideous.

 

Then I realized something-- all the times that he called me beautiful, all the times that I caught him staring at me, all the times he brushed his hand over my cheek or kissed my face-- he really loved me for me. My acne was not and is not my defining feature-- especially not to him. All those ugly feelings were only in my head.

Your boyfriend is calling you beautiful because he really believes it. Even if he can tell you are wearing makeup or if he can feel your acne, he's probably insanely attracted to you anyway. If he pulls away after touching you, then he isn't worth it. Most likely, he will think nothing of it and just be excited to finally be touching you in an intimate way.

Having said that, make sure that you truly love him and that intimacy is something that you really want. My boyfriend and I waited 6 months before doing anything *very* intimate-- and I knew we were in love before doing so. Also-- I wanted to mention that I'm finally drastically clearing up after going on Beyaz birth control, so that could be something to consider.


Edited by heitea, 17 November 2013 - 05:28 PM.


#6 Ballen

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Posted 19 November 2013 - 07:29 PM

I cannot be intimate with my current acne..... Its just not fair to them..



#7 TripleN

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Posted 19 November 2013 - 11:00 PM

That sucks!! I can understand your concern. I have moderate acne and whenever I get vaguely intimate, my makeup will rub off quite quickly. Don't have much for advice but this won't last forever. Just tell him how you're feeling and he'll likely tell you not to worry about it. The best thing is to just be honest. Acne is a flaw but it does NOT define you as a person. Your boyfriend, family, and friends still very much love you.

Hang in there! It will get better :)

#8 birdsxfeathers

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 10:18 AM

I feel you, I've been in a relationship for 9 months now and only recently have I felt comfortable enough to be around my boyfriend without my makeup on. I used to always wear make up when I was around him, even when we were just watching movies at his house. I would even sleep with makeup on and immediately put on more in the mornings, because I was soooo afraid that he would see my acne and PIH and would be grossed out. I never wanted to shower with him either. Worst thing is, he probably had like 3 pimples in his life and has the most beautiful skin ever. Recently we've talked about my acne and how insecure it makes me, and he ensured me that he didn't care and still found me the most beautiful without makeup on.  Since then I have been wearing less or no makeup around him. But I am still really insecure and there are days where I feel so shitty about my skin that I can't help but wonder why my boyfriend is still with me when he could also date a perfect clear skinned girl. However, when I mentioned this to him his response was simple: 'because they're not you.' He was so sincere and I believed him. So maybe this whole acne thing is a bigger deal in our heads than it is for the people that love us.


Edited by birdsxfeathers, 20 November 2013 - 12:35 PM.


#9 lovehorser

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Posted 27 November 2013 - 08:12 AM

I don't have a boyfriend, and I don't tend to get intimidate with anyone, but just being close to someone elses face is something I can't do. I have had my acne for about 4 years. At first it didn't bother me as I was only about 11, but as time went by I realized how I must look and it became a obsession. Now, whenever I'm near anyone I can't look at them and talk to them because I'm scared they'll think something like 'ew, look at all those spots!' Sometimes, if I do glance at someone, I can see their eyes looking at my cheeks or forehead where most of my acne is. I hate it. Even makeup can't hide them. 

 

I don't have the exact same issue as you, but I understand how you feel about other people judging you because of acne. I'm sure though, if your boyfriend loves you and truly cares about you, he won't even care about your acne :).



#10 Spotthedifference

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Posted 11 December 2013 - 03:18 PM

I understand where you're coming from but I honestly think he'll just be that thrilled about the prospect of intimacy that your skin won't really be on his mind.



#11 mcnairbaby909113

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Posted 13 December 2013 - 11:37 PM

I have been her before! I believe acne can be triggered by more than one thing! Are you tanning? If so stop! I have tanned over a month three times in my life. When I was tan my skin cleared up due to the UV lights making bacteria growth on my skin impossible, But when the tan beautiful skin went away the acne was back! It may take six months for your skin to get back to normal. My oily skin and pimples stressed me out I was covered head to toe. Didn't want to wear tank to or go swimmings. See a derm I took a antibiotic and topical gel. Antibiotic worked well but acne came back after stopping :-( at 19 I got on accutane because I felt unprofessional at my work place. Now 22 and clear ever since! Acne is a battle do not pick and get upset over your ance it will go away! Use a gentle wash like purpose. Just enjoy life enjoy and the time with your bf life is short!

#12 wombat666

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Posted 14 December 2013 - 09:33 PM

My girlfriend is amazing. She does not care AT ALL. Sometimes I'm astounded, but the truth is, people perceive things MUCH differently. We are so used to focusing on our acne that we think it bothers everyone around us equally as much - but the fact is, it DOESN'T.

 

Plus, anyone who's been in love knows it transcends petty things like skin flaws.






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