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Hve You Ever Come Close To Suicide


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#1 Raisinghell

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Posted 06 November 2013 - 10:04 PM

I have thought about it in the past, I came pretty close to committing suicide when I was 19 and went through a truly terrible face and body acne flare. I didn't exactly have a suicide plan but I did want to die at the time and had serious thoughts about suicide.

 

I'm wondering how close you all have come?

 

 



#2 Monicalovesben

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Posted 06 November 2013 - 10:16 PM

I have never ever came to suicide because I've accepted that there are far worse things in life than my ugly skin.

#3 xdevochkax

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 01:30 AM

My acne has definitely caused some depressing times, but I've never had suicidal thoughts because of it.

I personally have other issues that I will always have to keep in check on a long-term basis, and acne is just one on the list.

Acne may seem like it would be the most important thing I need to take care of because it's in plain site, but when I take a step back and put myself in check, it needs to take a few steps down from the top of the list.



#4 DanTheNewWorld

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 02:45 AM

i did came close. i was staring at a knife type of close. had unbeareble nightmares. came to peace with death (which i think it's ok).

 

now, if you even slightly mention the word suicide, that's the biggest shout for help one can do. (!), ideally it's recommend to see a psychologist.

there a 2 main routes to suicide i think:

1. not being able to resolve an important problem for a long period of time, and being attacked by another in a different area.

2. being attacked on many life areas at the same time, really hard.

 

my thoughts on the solution/my case (i'm no shrink):

there are people who make u feel good even if they give u very bad news, and there are people who make u feel bad even if they give u a good news, or "help" u as they argue/think. live as much as u can with the first category.

i'm not on the right forum for this topic but believing in god is practically everything. even if we don't call it god, for example for me god is "the Human spirit", not sure it qualifies as a god tongue.png but it works for me.an ape flying to the moon and back is the closest godish thing in this universe. so i (try) and trust god (the empathic/spiritual/human connection seing people) for hope. that's the light in our lifes.

 

 

one last thought, we (the psyche) are a sort of forein affairs departament, meant to lead to food, shelter, mating, so we're ment to control/lead. the more we control the more involved and stronger we get in (the material) life. so staing alive means at least some little control. some control their bodies by getting an orgasm, some get pleasure from the (amount) of food they eat, some get pleasure by being the master (controling) a dog or a cat. i don't find them good solutions but if something or better someone takes the control of ur actions from u..

 

i'm not a psychologist.


Edited by DanTheNewWorld, 07 November 2013 - 02:54 AM.


#5 maria199

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 03:45 AM

Yeah but i can do nothing except taking 100 pills with is not very effective.. sometimes i just wish my room was somewhow filled with CO while i was sleeping. I think those things when i feel i have no control of my life like when acne or my other health problems are worsening. I am just tired of living a life full of problems and doctors..



#6 MoonlitRiver

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 06:44 AM

Yes. Sadly I've set out to do it several times with several different methods. I always bottle it in the end though. When I'm thinking rationally I know that's not what I really want but in reality there's so little help out there for people experiencing these kinds of thoughts and feelings. As far as I can see, you have to actually land yourself in hospital before anyone will take you seriously and offer you any kind of help.



#7 frenchie86

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 10:10 AM

I've cut my wrists and stubbed out cigarettes on my arm because of how depressed acne made me at the time. That same night I was put on a psychiatric ward for 48 hours. Acne has deeply affected me. I am now on antidepressants and receive counselling.

#8 Pianina

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 10:14 AM

Not because of acne, otherwise - yes. Also cutting my arms with sharp things, still have hundreds of scars and it's embarrassing.   



#9 Andrei11

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 12:20 PM

Yeah, in the last years the thought of committing suicide is growing more and more, although I have never been close to actually doing it, but I have plans and thoughts about it and stuff I need to put in order before doing it. Obviously acne has a huge influence on this, alongside of other medical issues. The most frustrating thing I'm going through, is that these problems should have been solved by now, considering the time, effort and money I've wasted on these problems, but this is pretty much the entire story of my life, if there was a possibility of something going wrong, it sure happened, I never catch a break, ever. And it's very sad that all these problems could be solved with less money that others spend on a car or a vacation and yet I'm light years away from that amount.

 

But most of the people won't understand others that commit suicide, because they've never been in our shoes. Heck, 3 years ago I was saying that I will never kill myself, no matter what. But now, I don't see why I should live anymore if everyday I wake up is a sad day for me, it's been years since I can't live a normal life and this sad and boring routine is killing me slowly but surely. I'm stuck everyday in my little room, same desk, same walls, same sad loneliness everyday. I'm in a jail and I've done nothing wrong. I expected something entirely different, I wanted to be able to enjoy this life, my friends, girls, the sun, the summer, parties, holidays, a job. But all these seem very, very far and they're getting further with time passing.

 

it needs to take a few steps down from the top of the list.

You made me really curious about that list ;D



#10 xdevochkax

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 03:57 PM

Yeah, in the last years the thought of committing suicide is growing more and more, although I have never been close to actually doing it, but I have plans and thoughts about it and stuff I need to put in order before doing it. Obviously acne has a huge influence on this, alongside of other medical issues. The most frustrating thing I'm going through, is that these problems should have been solved by now, considering the time, effort and money I've wasted on these problems, but this is pretty much the entire story of my life, if there was a possibility of something going wrong, it sure happened, I never catch a break, ever. And it's very sad that all these problems could be solved with less money that others spend on a car or a vacation and yet I'm light years away from that amount.

 

But most of the people won't understand others that commit suicide, because they've never been in our shoes. Heck, 3 years ago I was saying that I will never kill myself, no matter what. But now, I don't see why I should live anymore if everyday I wake up is a sad day for me, it's been years since I can't live a normal life and this sad and boring routine is killing me slowly but surely. I'm stuck everyday in my little room, same desk, same walls, same sad loneliness everyday. I'm in a jail and I've done nothing wrong. I expected something entirely different, I wanted to be able to enjoy this life, my friends, girls, the sun, the summer, parties, holidays, a job. But all these seem very, very far and they're getting further with time passing.

 

it needs to take a few steps down from the top of the list.

You made me really curious about that list grinwink.gif

 

Well to start off, I'm a "recovered" anoretic. Note the quotes because it's along the same lines as being a recovered alcoholic, a recovered cutter, a recovered drug abuser... but none of those are ever "cured" because they are not physical ailments. I constantly have to keep my diet in check and make sure I'm not slipping downward with my weight. I still continue to see a nutritionist once a month.

 

Along with that, I also see a therapist and a psychiatrist because I have bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. (side note: Yes, I realize bipolar disoder is grossly overdiagnosed by psychiatrists, but I Iegitimately do have it). And I've had of those diagnoses BEFORE I developed acne as an adult. I've been through a whirlwind of medications before landing on two taken together that keep me stable and a benzo for my anxiety. I know there are plenty of people that choose not to take medication for depression and pull themselves out of it by strong will, but when it comes to most if not all other mental disorders, coming off of meds is NOT an option. Bipolar disorder is not curable. I have to take meds every morning and every night. I still get ups and downs, and that's another thing I have to keep in check.

 

I started a new job. I can't focus on my acne when I'm training and have a 60 day probational period where they can fire me for any reason they want. I can't stay in bed all day because of hating how my face looks that day. Or I can't go into work with that attitude. Acne takes the backburner to my job.

 

My father is nearing 60 (which is hard for me to fathom because he looks 15 years younger) and he has been in and out of the hospital more times this year than I can count... currently in right now. It's hard for me to see him like that and generally realize how time really does fly because I still see my dad as the tough guy who used to use me as a weight and pull me up with his bicep when I was a kid. I can't be stuck in my own head or staring at my face for 20 minutes straight when other important s**t is going on around me. If I do, I'll lose appreciation for everything good I have in my life.

 

This is not a sop story. This is what comes before acne.



#11 Andrei11

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 05:38 PM

...

pff, sucks to be the last ones in line when the luck was handed out...i wish you the best of luck, take care


Edited by Andrei11, 07 November 2013 - 05:39 PM.


#12 dannyboy91

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 02:18 PM

Yesterday is history, tomorrows a mystery, today is a gift that's why they call it the present.

#13 Rodallega

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 03:32 PM

Yes, and have planned it. Acne is bad but at least u know there is hope. When U are permanently disfigured with scarring because of it there is no way forward,something I now accept. Im just thankful that during the first 16 years of my life(before acne) I got to experience some really great things.I was captain of the football team,made out with a lot of beautiful girls(one is now a model actually),be one of the "messers" in the class always causing trouble and having fun. Just being happy.Everyone dies eventually anyway.I guess some were just meant to be happy for a short period of time and leave shortly after. Well,thats me anyway



#14 Binga

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 07:57 PM

There are 7 billion people in this planet. Nobody will care except ur close ones if you die. There are lot of people on this board who have got clear. Its not impossible. 



#15 Andrei11

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 08:43 PM

If it's impossible or not is irrelevant. It's about when you get clear. If your best years of youth are destroyed by acne and you can't develop socially, professionally, sexually etc. as a healthy, normal person, then what's the point in getting clear at like 29 years old when you'll anyway have huge scars on your face and your soul as well?



#16 k3tchup

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Posted 10 November 2013 - 02:15 AM

If it's impossible or not is irrelevant. It's about when you get clear. If your best years of youth are destroyed by acne and you can't develop socially, professionally, sexually etc. as a healthy, normal person, then what's the point in getting clear at like 29 years old when you'll anyway have huge scars on your face and your soul as well?

 

 

Lets take your example and say your 59 with huge scars and on your sole as well. What then?

And just because you spent that many years in emotional pain, agony, judgement- you still lived. You probably have done things others have not. You have lived or attempted to live a life that frankly many do not get to have.This encompasses all the fun things you have participated in, done, milestones reached, progress you made, successes you have had, things you were apart of, the love you have felt, the feelings you have had (love, belonging to name a few) all this you take for granted.

 

I do not need to name all the terrible diseases in this world, pair them with a young child, and name all of the things they miss out on because they have no control, whereas someone with acne does have more control of their live. You can read multiple stories, hell even go into a hospital ICU ward, or cancer floor and see enough suffering to make your own feel insignificant. I do not mean to make your suffering seem like nothing, but really? When comparing the two and declaring how you have not  developed "socially, professionally, sexually etc." you are no match.

 

Many die in hospitals and have not or will not be able to live any life. So whats the sense of them living? To suffer? No. Life is a priceless gift; you chose whether to suffer or enjoy life the best you can, dealing with the cards you were dealt the best you can. Finding hope when it seems lost. Children even those with the worst terminal illnesses always seem to be able to teach adults a thing or two about life because they are less negative about it all.

 

Even if/when you get clear your life is not wasted unless you tell yourself that everyday. That is your fault. In the mean time think of sick children- those with terminal cancers that live in hospitals daily, yet are able to find the strength to smile and be happy in the midst of death. Your life is not over; you can always develop "socially, professionally, sexually etc." because you have the chance to.

 

 

To this thread. Yes i have. The winter and early spring of 2012 i waited for the nightly train that rolls by my place 4-5 times daily. I walked my final walk around the town and then thought i percisely figured the time when it [train] would come. It was 2hrs late that night. Being late saved my life; along with the night,cold winter air that forced me to go inside after 30 minutes of waiting.  yeah...


Edited by k3tchup, 10 November 2013 - 02:20 AM.


#17 Rodallega

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Posted 10 November 2013 - 03:06 AM

I see what u are saying but in my opinion mental health is just as important as physical health. depression is an illness just like cancer in that it can end up with a person dying.Im tired of this life and would just like to be in peace. The suffering everyday is indescribeable. Insomnia,panic attacks,no appetitie,self loathing.It is a ghostly hell.Im happy with the first 16 years of my life.I know i will never be happy again.



#18 DanTheNewWorld

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Posted 10 November 2013 - 03:45 AM

If it's impossible or not is irrelevant. It's about when you get clear. If your best years of youth are destroyed by acne and you can't develop socially, professionally, sexually etc. as a healthy, normal person, then what's the point in getting clear at like 29 years old when you'll anyway have huge scars on your face and your soul as well?

western culture still disregards spirituality. all those religions or philosophies have come from somwhere.

 

i can tell u that the only happiness - feeling good - enjoing life comes from spirituality (seeing a continuation between humans, a connection, feeling good about feeling other people happy, participating in meaningfull human interests, writing books writing on forums tongue.png , seing yourself in others, in future ones that u influence. i'll stop now with the examples smile.png ) and never the material world.

"u" can't convince me ur happy for sleeping with 10 girls a month if u crave at all the other thousands passing "u" by.

and comparing yourself with others does make you progress materially but with the cost of making you unhappy.


Edited by DanTheNewWorld, 10 November 2013 - 03:48 AM.


#19 Andrei11

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Posted 10 November 2013 - 09:16 AM

I disagree completely with your posts, so we'll leave it there. Everyone has a different conception about happiness and normality. I have a form of acne that doesn't let me live a normal life and be happy. I don't care about kids suffering of cancer, they got unlucky same as I did. We born and we die, some sooner and some later. Quality of life > quantity. I want stuff that would me make happy, and when I don't get them and think about kids starving in Africa, I don't feel any better. This is life, we're not equal, some of us born luckier and some of us don't.



#20 TrentAH

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Posted 11 November 2013 - 06:15 PM

Ive never thought abut it no, but have been very very low....to the point where I wanna scream and shout and smash things, then run away to a isnalnd all by myself lol.






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