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Hve You Ever Come Close To Suicide

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I have thought about it in the past, I came pretty close to committing suicide when I was 19 and went through a truly terrible face and body acne flare. I didn't exactly have a suicide plan but I did want to die at the time and had serious thoughts about suicide.

I'm wondering how close you all have come?

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I have never ever came to suicide because I've accepted that there are far worse things in life than my ugly skin.

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My acne has definitely caused some depressing times, but I've never had suicidal thoughts because of it.

I personally have other issues that I will always have to keep in check on a long-term basis, and acne is just one on the list.

Acne may seem like it would be the most important thing I need to take care of because it's in plain site, but when I take a step back and put myself in check, it needs to take a few steps down from the top of the list.


My Story:
I've had mild-to-moderate adult on-set acne (inflammatory) that started creeping up on me towards the end of 2009 (22 years old). Regarding previous skincare/lifestyle changes I've attempted, I've been conflicted, misinformed, resistant, allergic, and/or had my hopes up too high only to be let down. Many of my previous posts on here may reflect that. Considering I've never found an explanation as to why I developed acne in my twenties, whereas I've had flawless skin my entire life up until then, I claim to know nothing. I can only offer my humble advice based on my own personal experiences.



Finished my Accutane course on 3/29/2015
40mg/day every month for 6 months

Began 2nd course of Accutane on 10/13/2015
Even though my acne came back very mildly & nowhere near as bad as it used to be, I refused any topicals or antibiotics since I've already been through the "last resort" treatment without any problems.

My targeted length of time & dosage is currently the same as the 1st round.


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i did came close. i was staring at a knife type of close. had unbeareble nightmares. came to peace with death (which i think it's ok).

now, if you even slightly mention the word suicide, that's the biggest shout for help one can do. (!), ideally it's recommend to see a psychologist.

there a 2 main routes to suicide i think:

1. not being able to resolve an important problem for a long period of time, and being attacked by another in a different area.

2. being attacked on many life areas at the same time, really hard.

my thoughts on the solution/my case (i'm no shrink):

there are people who make u feel good even if they give u very bad news, and there are people who make u feel bad even if they give u a good news, or "help" u as they argue/think. live as much as u can with the first category.

i'm not on the right forum for this topic but believing in god is practically everything. even if we don't call it god, for example for me god is "the Human spirit", not sure it qualifies as a god tongue.png but it works for me.an ape flying to the moon and back is the closest godish thing in this universe. so i (try) and trust god (the empathic/spiritual/human connection seing people) for hope. that's the light in our lifes.

one last thought, we (the psyche) are a sort of forein affairs departament, meant to lead to food, shelter, mating, so we're ment to control/lead. the more we control the more involved and stronger we get in (the material) life. so staing alive means at least some little control. some control their bodies by getting an orgasm, some get pleasure from the (amount) of food they eat, some get pleasure by being the master (controling) a dog or a cat. i don't find them good solutions but if something or better someone takes the control of ur actions from u..

i'm not a psychologist.


today Putin is trying to steal our land! and no, i'm not referring to Crimea, but to a part of Moldova!


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Yeah but i can do nothing except taking 100 pills with is not very effective.. sometimes i just wish my room was somewhow filled with CO while i was sleeping. I think those things when i feel i have no control of my life like when acne or my other health problems are worsening. I am just tired of living a life full of problems and doctors..


What clears my acne:

Spironolactone 100 mg + limiting dairy

indoxyl (duac) gel + aha + baby brush for comedones.

3hnd.jpg


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Yes. Sadly I've set out to do it several times with several different methods. I always bottle it in the end though. When I'm thinking rationally I know that's not what I really want but in reality there's so little help out there for people experiencing these kinds of thoughts and feelings. As far as I can see, you have to actually land yourself in hospital before anyone will take you seriously and offer you any kind of help.


My Current Treatment Plan

Morning: Lymecycline

Evening: Dianette + Epiduo

Diet: eliminated dairy

My Log:

Acne status: continuing to break out, so demoralising!

"I would rather learn what it feels like to burn than feel nothing at all." ~ Ron Pope


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I've cut my wrists and stubbed out cigarettes on my arm because of how depressed acne made me at the time. That same night I was put on a psychiatric ward for 48 hours. Acne has deeply affected me. I am now on antidepressants and receive counselling.

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Not because of acne, otherwise - yes. Also cutting my arms with sharp things, still have hundreds of scars and it's embarrassing.


Diagnosed with PCOS

Occasional acne + rolling scars

Meds:


- Yasmin birth control
- Spironolactone 37,5mg going 25mg
- Inositol powder 2 times/day before meal

Skincare:

- Hemp oil




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Yeah, in the last years the thought of committing suicide is growing more and more, although I have never been close to actually doing it, but I have plans and thoughts about it and stuff I need to put in order before doing it. Obviously acne has a huge influence on this, alongside of other medical issues. The most frustrating thing I'm going through, is that these problems should have been solved by now, considering the time, effort and money I've wasted on these problems, but this is pretty much the entire story of my life, if there was a possibility of something going wrong, it sure happened, I never catch a break, ever. And it's very sad that all these problems could be solved with less money that others spend on a car or a vacation and yet I'm light years away from that amount.

But most of the people won't understand others that commit suicide, because they've never been in our shoes. Heck, 3 years ago I was saying that I will never kill myself, no matter what. But now, I don't see why I should live anymore if everyday I wake up is a sad day for me, it's been years since I can't live a normal life and this sad and boring routine is killing me slowly but surely. I'm stuck everyday in my little room, same desk, same walls, same sad loneliness everyday. I'm in a jail and I've done nothing wrong. I expected something entirely different, I wanted to be able to enjoy this life, my friends, girls, the sun, the summer, parties, holidays, a job. But all these seem very, very far and they're getting further with time passing.

it needs to take a few steps down from the top of the list.

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Yeah, in the last years the thought of committing suicide is growing more and more, although I have never been close to actually doing it, but I have plans and thoughts about it and stuff I need to put in order before doing it. Obviously acne has a huge influence on this, alongside of other medical issues. The most frustrating thing I'm going through, is that these problems should have been solved by now, considering the time, effort and money I've wasted on these problems, but this is pretty much the entire story of my life, if there was a possibility of something going wrong, it sure happened, I never catch a break, ever. And it's very sad that all these problems could be solved with less money that others spend on a car or a vacation and yet I'm light years away from that amount.

But most of the people won't understand others that commit suicide, because they've never been in our shoes. Heck, 3 years ago I was saying that I will never kill myself, no matter what. But now, I don't see why I should live anymore if everyday I wake up is a sad day for me, it's been years since I can't live a normal life and this sad and boring routine is killing me slowly but surely. I'm stuck everyday in my little room, same desk, same walls, same sad loneliness everyday. I'm in a jail and I've done nothing wrong. I expected something entirely different, I wanted to be able to enjoy this life, my friends, girls, the sun, the summer, parties, holidays, a job. But all these seem very, very far and they're getting further with time passing.

it needs to take a few steps down from the top of the list.

You made me really curious about that list grinwink.gif


My Story:
I've had mild-to-moderate adult on-set acne (inflammatory) that started creeping up on me towards the end of 2009 (22 years old). Regarding previous skincare/lifestyle changes I've attempted, I've been conflicted, misinformed, resistant, allergic, and/or had my hopes up too high only to be let down. Many of my previous posts on here may reflect that. Considering I've never found an explanation as to why I developed acne in my twenties, whereas I've had flawless skin my entire life up until then, I claim to know nothing. I can only offer my humble advice based on my own personal experiences.



Finished my Accutane course on 3/29/2015
40mg/day every month for 6 months

Began 2nd course of Accutane on 10/13/2015
Even though my acne came back very mildly & nowhere near as bad as it used to be, I refused any topicals or antibiotics since I've already been through the "last resort" treatment without any problems.

My targeted length of time & dosage is currently the same as the 1st round.


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Yesterday is history, tomorrows a mystery, today is a gift that's why they call it the present.

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Yes, and have planned it. Acne is bad but at least u know there is hope. When U are permanently disfigured with scarring because of it there is no way forward,something I now accept. Im just thankful that during the first 16 years of my life(before acne) I got to experience some really great things.I was captain of the football team,made out with a lot of beautiful girls(one is now a model actually),be one of the "messers" in the class always causing trouble and having fun. Just being happy.Everyone dies eventually anyway.I guess some were just meant to be happy for a short period of time and leave shortly after. Well,thats me anyway

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There are 7 billion people in this planet. Nobody will care except ur close ones if you die. There are lot of people on this board who have got clear. Its not impossible.

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If it's impossible or not is irrelevant. It's about when you get clear. If your best years of youth are destroyed by acne and you can't develop socially, professionally, sexually etc. as a healthy, normal person, then what's the point in getting clear at like 29 years old when you'll anyway have huge scars on your face and your soul as well?

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If it's impossible or not is irrelevant. It's about when you get clear. If your best years of youth are destroyed by acne and you can't develop socially, professionally, sexually etc. as a healthy, normal person, then what's the point in getting clear at like 29 years old when you'll anyway have huge scars on your face and your soul as well?

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I see what u are saying but in my opinion mental health is just as important as physical health. depression is an illness just like cancer in that it can end up with a person dying.Im tired of this life and would just like to be in peace. The suffering everyday is indescribeable. Insomnia,panic attacks,no appetitie,self loathing.It is a ghostly hell.Im happy with the first 16 years of my life.I know i will never be happy again.

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If it's impossible or not is irrelevant. It's about when you get clear. If your best years of youth are destroyed by acne and you can't develop socially, professionally, sexually etc. as a healthy, normal person, then what's the point in getting clear at like 29 years old when you'll anyway have huge scars on your face and your soul as well?


today Putin is trying to steal our land! and no, i'm not referring to Crimea, but to a part of Moldova!


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I disagree completely with your posts, so we'll leave it there. Everyone has a different conception about happiness and normality. I have a form of acne that doesn't let me live a normal life and be happy. I don't care about kids suffering of cancer, they got unlucky same as I did. We born and we die, some sooner and some later. Quality of life > quantity. I want stuff that would me make happy, and when I don't get them and think about kids starving in Africa, I don't feel any better. This is life, we're not equal, some of us born luckier and some of us don't.

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Ive never thought abut it no, but have been very very low....to the point where I wanna scream and shout and smash things, then run away to a isnalnd all by myself lol.

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I disagree completely with your posts, so we'll leave it there. Everyone has a different conception about happiness and normality. I have a form of acne that doesn't let me live a normal life and be happy. I don't care about kids suffering of cancer, they got unlucky same as I did. We born and we die, some sooner and some later. Quality of life > quantity. I want stuff that would me make happy, and when I don't get them and think about kids starving in Africa, I don't feel any better. This is life, we're not equal, some of us born luckier and some of us don't.

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K3tchup - this is one of the best post I've read on this site! So well said...


Diagnosed with PCOS

Occasional acne + rolling scars

Meds:


- Yasmin birth control
- Spironolactone 37,5mg going 25mg
- Inositol powder 2 times/day before meal

Skincare:

- Hemp oil




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Money fix issues, you just have to know how to fix them. If you have money and get Accutane to treat your acne for example, you're doing it wrong. Love won't pay my treatment bills, nor my friends or family. Sure, I can lie to myself too and say that what's inside a person matters the most and I'm no different than others, but it's no help. The truth is that I would like to be a normal, healthy person fitting in this society and at this right moment I'm pretty much disgusting. It's obviously we have different views on things and what sever acne means, we'll just have to agree to disagree.

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