I'm a 18 years old (female) who has had acne since I turned 15. I have a twin sister who got acne then as well. We do everything together. The acne was always very mild for both of us (never bothered me much in the past), but my acne turned severe January of this year out of the blue...and hers has finally gone away. It has sent me into a deep depression that I haven't been able to fully kick since then. I've been on antibiotics for six months now and am using tazorac. My acne is finally calming down, but there is a lot of emotional damage left.
I have physical scarring all over my face as a result of this breakout - I got deep, inflamed pimples which left moderate icepick and boxcar scars all over my cheeks, temples, and forehead. I never thought I would scar permanently from my acne but here I am now. Meanwhile, my sister finally has beautiful skin. I'm so upset - I'm happy for her, but feel immense jealousy...which has always been a problem being a twin, but now it feels like we're distinctively different and it's obvious who's the good looking twin now.
When this all started, I was advised to start working out (weightlifting actually) regularly to help. This is horrible to say, but I thought it might make me feel better to at least get my body a little better than my sister's to feel better about my face. Guess who started up too? I was feeling so damn proud of myself - doing something good for myself, starting to enjoy the stress relief. Now my sister's almost past my progress even though she started later. It's just made me feel worse about myself. I try to act happy for her and of course I encourage her, but I feel upset she's working out now too.
Little things set me off now. Every time I see my own aunt, who had severe acne and still has deep scars on her face, I want to cry. Looking at myself in bad lighting. When people look from my sister to me and then back to her...when I see cement flooring with indents in it. It all reminds me of my face and my new scars.
Before this all happened, I did have self-esteem issues - but I swear they were finally going away right before the breakout. I was feeling confident and even a little attractive. But now it's a million times worse than before - and I feel more critical of every part of my body. I know people say there are lots of options for treating scars, but that doesn't seem to really be the case when I look at before and after photos...and considering my own aunt has a lot of scars still. My family absolutely can't afford laser treatment in the foreseeable future and I definitely can't afford to see a therapist.
I want to try to work on these issues on my own. My mom knows I've been struggling, but I don't want to bother her any more. Does anyone have any advice on how to get over how I used to look and also how to stop being so jealous and angry at my sister? Admittedly I have been getting better as my hyperpigmentation has lightened, but I have had a very bad day today...thanks.