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Angry At And Jealous Of My Sister Due To Acne...(Long)


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#1 JamieF

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Posted 18 September 2013 - 11:23 PM

Hi all,

 

I'm a 18 years old (female) who has had acne since I turned 15.  I have a twin sister who got acne then as well.  We do everything together.  The acne was always very mild for both of us (never bothered me much in the past), but my acne turned severe January of this year out of the blue...and hers has finally gone away.  It has sent me into a deep depression that I haven't been able to fully kick since then.  I've been on antibiotics for six months now and am using tazorac.  My acne is finally calming down, but there is a lot of emotional damage left.

 

 

I have physical scarring all over my face as a result of this breakout - I got deep, inflamed pimples which left moderate icepick and boxcar scars all over my cheeks, temples, and forehead.  I never thought I would scar permanently from my acne but here I am now.  Meanwhile, my sister finally has beautiful skin.  I'm so upset - I'm happy for her, but feel immense jealousy...which has always been a problem being a twin, but now it feels like we're distinctively different and it's obvious who's the good looking twin now.  

 

 

When this all started, I was advised to start working out (weightlifting actually) regularly to help.  This is horrible to say, but I thought it might make me feel better to at least get my body a little better than my sister's to feel better about my face.  Guess who started up too?  I was feeling so damn proud of myself - doing something good for myself, starting to enjoy the stress relief.  Now my sister's almost past my progress even though she started later.  It's just made me feel worse about myself.  I try to act happy for her and of course I encourage her, but I feel upset she's working out now too.

 

 

Little things set me off now.  Every time I see my own aunt, who had severe acne and still has deep scars on her face, I want to cry.  Looking at myself in bad lighting.  When people look from my sister to me and then back to her...when I see cement flooring with indents in it.  It all reminds me of my face and my new scars.

 

 

Before this all happened, I did have self-esteem issues - but I swear they were finally going away right before the breakout.  I was feeling confident and even a little attractive.  But now it's a million times worse than before - and I feel more critical of every part of my body.  I know people say there are lots of options for treating scars, but that doesn't seem to really be the case when I look at before and after photos...and considering my own aunt has a lot of scars still.  My family absolutely can't afford laser treatment in the foreseeable future and I definitely can't afford to see a therapist.

 

 

 I want to try to work on these issues on my own.  My mom knows I've been struggling, but I don't want to bother her any more.  Does anyone have any advice on how to get over how I used to look and also how to stop being so jealous and angry at my sister?  Admittedly I have been getting better as my hyperpigmentation has lightened, but I have had a very bad day today...thanks.



#2 Aballarina

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Posted 19 September 2013 - 01:24 AM

Hi Jamie...Have you tried Accutane?It works wonders for a lot of people. Or birth control, spiro?



#3 Binga

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Posted 19 September 2013 - 09:08 AM

Try using bb/cc creams as a cover up. Also look into accutane if your acne is scarring/severe. Anti biotics won't work in the long run.



#4 bleedingrose

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Posted 19 September 2013 - 09:27 AM

Have you had your hormone levels tested and been tested for food intolerances, could be you both had an allergy, hers went into remission, but yours actually worsened. Remember to use gentle products and Aloe Vera Gel before bed to prevent and heal scarring.



#5 JamieF

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Posted 19 September 2013 - 10:47 AM

Hey all,
Thanks for taking the time to read and respond. My acne has cleared up for the most part due to tazorac, but I am mostly depressed over the permanent indented scarring. Supposedly severe acne runs in our family...and we have a few relatives with a lot of scarring that never healed up. I think if my acne comes back after going off antibiotics (I think tazorac is working though), I will go on accutane. I try to use makeup but it usually just makes the scars look worse :/

Edited by JamieF, 19 September 2013 - 10:48 AM.


#6 bleedingrose

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Posted 19 September 2013 - 11:43 AM

Use Frankincense oil for scarring. Why are you so intent on relying on man made drugs? Your acne can't bother you that much if you aren't willing to find the cause.

Edited by bleedingrose, 19 September 2013 - 11:45 AM.


#7 SunnySarah

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Posted 19 September 2013 - 01:44 PM

JamieF,

I'm a twin also, but with a boy. Even though we're fraternal, were are constantly compared as to who got the looks, brains, ect. So I totally understand where you're coming from. The only advice I have that has helped me is to realize you and your twin are two different people. Just because you're twins doesn't mean you are or should be the same people. You have your strengths and weaknesses, and your twin has hers. 

 I'm sure you're prettier than you think you are. Acne can really mess up the mind and make you feel totally unattractive. Acne doesn't change bone structure, eye color or anything like that. 

Hope I helped! (:



#8 EatsRainbows

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Posted 20 September 2013 - 11:35 AM

I have a twin sister and I feel exactly the same way.

 

We're constantly compared; me with awful skin and my twin who is beautiful in every way.

When people meet us they say  "wow, you look so different". Yup, we do, mostly because I have a skin disease. Thanks for that.

 

I know exactly how you feel about wanting to have something that you are better at than your sister. It's a horrible thought, but I have to constantly remind myself of the things I am better at than my sister which sounds awful but that's what I used to have to do to get through the day.

 

I have to stop thinking of myself as an ugly mirror image of my pretty, popular twin. It's horrible.

 

My twin is my best friend, I talk to her about everything... except my skin. That would be too painful.

 

I just wanted you to know that there are others out there who think in exactly the same way as you, you're not a horrible person at all.

When people hear you're a twin they always say how cool it must be. To anyone out there who's not a twin, it can be cool but often it's the opposite.

 

Sorry I can't be much help but feel free to message me if you'd like to talk :)



#9 JamieF

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Posted 20 September 2013 - 10:32 PM

Use Frankincense oil for scarring. Why are you so intent on relying on man made drugs? Your acne can't bother you that much if you aren't willing to find the cause.

I'm sure you mean well, but if you knew all the things I've tried to treat my acne since I was 15 I don't think you'd say that my acne "doesn't bother me much..."  I've tried all the natural solutions and then some: oil cleanse method, all kinds of birth control, saw palmetto, honey, lavender and castor oil, red/blue light therapy, benzoyl peroxide, yoga, paleo diet, salicylic acid, tea tree oil, sulfur and more.  It. is. exhausting.  I'm happy to have finally found something that works out at least pretty well (Tazorac + antibiotics)...

 

JamieF,

I'm a twin also, but with a boy. Even though we're fraternal, were are constantly compared as to who got the looks, brains, ect. So I totally understand where you're coming from. The only advice I have that has helped me is to realize you and your twin are two different people. Just because you're twins doesn't mean you are or should be the same people. You have your strengths and weaknesses, and your twin has hers. 

 I'm sure you're prettier than you think you are. Acne can really mess up the mind and make you feel totally unattractive. Acne doesn't change bone structure, eye color or anything like that. 

Hope I helped! (:

Thank you very much.  I'm sure you're right.  I think I just had a bad day because my sister was complaining to me about her skin.  This is something I should learn, regardless of acne - we are two different people who just happen to look similar...and I have my strengths too! :)

 

I have a twin sister and I feel exactly the same way.

 

We're constantly compared; me with awful skin and my twin who is beautiful in every way.

When people meet us they say  "wow, you look so different". Yup, we do, mostly because I have a skin disease. Thanks for that.

 

I know exactly how you feel about wanting to have something that you are better at than your sister. It's a horrible thought, but I have to constantly remind myself of the things I am better at than my sister which sounds awful but that's what I used to have to do to get through the day.

 

I have to stop thinking of myself as an ugly mirror image of my pretty, popular twin. It's horrible.

 

My twin is my best friend, I talk to her about everything... except my skin. That would be too painful.

 

I just wanted you to know that there are others out there who think in exactly the same way as you, you're not a horrible person at all.

When people hear you're a twin they always say how cool it must be. To anyone out there who's not a twin, it can be cool but often it's the opposite.

 

Sorry I can't be much help but feel free to message me if you'd like to talk smile.png

Thank you.  My twin is also 100% my best friend and we usually talk about everything with each other but sometimes there are things that I just can't talk to her about.  It's really helpful to know someone else can relate - especially the bit about being a twin sometimes being the opposite of cool. :\ That being said, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

 

 

 

Thank you all for your advice/help.  I've calmed down a lot today.  I think it's going to take a while to fully accept this, but who knows what the future holds for me.  Maybe I'll heal up better than I expect anyway or maybe I'll get over it once my hyperpigmentation goes away more.  Thanks again.



#10 bleedingrose

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Posted 21 September 2013 - 11:42 AM

I apologise, it is exhausting, & there are so many causes - well I hope you nip it in the bud soon. If anti-biotics work, maybe there's a gut flora, candida or food intolerance link there... sorry to hear so many twins are having trouble, what an awful comparison to live with. I don't have a twin, but I am the leper of the family, and I'm no longer a part of it, so much for unconditional love.

#11 hope27

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Posted 22 September 2013 - 12:48 PM

I don't have a twin but do have sisters with good skin, It sucks being  the only one with bad skin..  Its hard  having to hang out with them sometimes .

I love them and would do anything for them . but I guess it hurts to see that their skin is good and mine is not. I sometimes get mad because here I am

trying everything to fix my skin and they don't even take care of their skin, and yet have no acne. what the hell. life is sometime unfair , i just need to remind

myself is not their fault i have acne. and even though they don't understand what i'm going threw they love me as i love them no matter what..

acne can cause us to become stressed , mad ,angry , depressed and sometimes we get mad at others for no reason...  we just have to remember

its nobody's fault not even our own that we have to deal with acne.  i'm sure our family doesn't understand our mood swings either . we go threw so much emotions dealing with acne .. our mood changes based on how our skin is doing . happy when is good, sad when is bad , mad when its terrible ,  depressed when we cant fix it .

lol im sure you know what i mean .



#12 bleedingrose

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Posted 24 September 2013 - 03:21 PM

I'm so sick of trying to be understanding of other people not understanding what I'm going through, when I know they wouldn't leave their rooms if they woke up looking & feeling like I do. Before I had acne, I understood that acne was horrific, that life would be miserable with it, that I would suffer socially & no longer want my photo taken... so I'm sure it's not difficult for others to grasp. My sister was a smug bitch for years, & now her skin is not so great she is in complete denial about it, because the thought of being associated with me is so disgusting - so clearly she has understood the horror of it all this time, she just didn't care about my suffering. I see her now, trying to be more 'organised' 'focused' 'eating healthy' 'I won't let myself go'. Well you can't hold onto beauty when it wants to slip away.




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