my story is a kind of weird one but I've finally coughed up the courage to post it here because things are bad and it's affecting my daily life
.I have mild acne and some acne scarring, (I used to have very severe acne but then the dermatologist put me on Accutane, which totally got rid of it for 2 years, after that it came back but not nearly as severe as before, so the derm wouldn't put me on another course of Accutane) I tried everything there to get rid of my acne but nothing helped.
I was scared that my acne would eventually get as bad as before the Accutane and cause even more scarring.
This fear of ''impending doom'' as I call it totally stopped me from following my dreams (becoming an actor and a comedian) because who would cast someone with severe acne scarring, right?
More negative thoughts started to show up, like ''What if my girlfriend will break up with me when my acne gets bad again and scars me?''I tried to keep thinking positively but eventually the negative thoughts won.
Everytime I got a compliment on how I looked I thought (besides not believing it) ''Yea well, that may be the case now, but in a few months I'll be ugly as hell...''
So I gave up my dream of becoming an actor because everytime I would try to do something that involved acting (like making sketch videos for my youtube channel) I would get terrified of getting these scars and think: what's the point of doing these things now if I get really ugly scars in the future?
I tried really hard to ignore these thoughts of course, because there's no way you can predict the future, but it seems that every time I have a positive thought, SOMETHING (be it my own mind or something else) tries and succeeds to keep me scared and depressed.
Then the image of severely mutilated soldiers from WW2 popped up in my head and suddenly I got scared this would happen to me too.
I KNEW it was a totally irrational fear, and for a few days it totally effected my life, but eventually I convinced myself of it being totally irrational and for a short while I finally felt happy again...
Until this thought popped up in my head (warning: this has to do with religion and God, so if that stuff makes you angry or something I'd recommend not reading this next part) : ''What if this fear is a warning from God? What if he's trying to warn me that if I follow my dreams of becoming an actor and a comedian, I'll get mutilated, and by putting these thoughts in my head he's trying to warn me not to become an actor/comedian?''
This is not religious ocd,as some people in my life have suggested, because I don't think God will PUNISH me if I follow through with my dreams, I don't believe in a God who punishes humans.
He's just trying to WARN me, but the source of the fear is that it IS a warning because I just want to follow my dreams!
So... that's kind of where I am now. I'm terrified that if I try to become an actor or comedian this will happen to me, and the thought is ruining my life. I'm even scared to talk to my girlfriend right now because why should I enjoy being with her if this is gonna happen and she'll leave me?I'm not sure why I posted this here. I think just felt like sharing it.
For a while I saw this as a sign that I SHOULD follow my dreams, but I've already convinced myself that it isn't.know what to do. I'm torn between thinking this is just my own mind and thinking this is God's doing or something. What fuels the fear is that i can't find anyone on here, or any other forum about anxiety, who has a similar fear. This makes my belief that it's a warning from God a lot bigger. What do you guys think? Could this be God or is it my own mind?
It Started As A Fear Of Acne Scarring... Now I'm Scared It's A Warning From God?
Posted 15 September 2013 - 07:54 PM
Posted 16 September 2013 - 01:30 AM
God does not punish us. God is not "warning" you by giving you acne in any way.
Posted 16 September 2013 - 06:34 AM
I know the feeling when you don't know if God is trying to give you a sign or you're just overinterpreting things. In your case I also think you're overinterpreting. Why should God have anything against your ambitions to become an actor?
I personally think God will tell us what to do with our lives if we decide to live our life for him and specifically ask him to use us for his will. If not he'll stay in the background, watching over us.
Maybe you should try CBT to address your issues.
Posted 16 September 2013 - 01:32 PM
I'm a Christian myself, but it really seems to me that you are suffering from a lot of anxiety. Acne sucks and it can really affect us psychologically but I personally don't believe that's how God works in our lives. Please consider talking with your doctor about your anxiety and your thoughts as it does seem to be paralyzing you from being able to make decisions and enjoy your life. As you pointed out yourself, "impending doom" and "irrational fears" are not healthy thought processes.
We're all in this together.
Posted 17 September 2013 - 08:18 AM
Anxiety is a real killer, because the thoughts are almost always illogical and yet the suggestions friends and family make in an attempt to help, are all logical. How can you solve illogical fears, with logic? You cannot and that's why people telling you these fears are stupid/wont happen, really never help.
Whatever is causing your anxiety, is anybodies guess. But what is clear, is that you do have anxiety. I strongly suggest seeking help from a professional, who can help you find a way to control these feelings to the point where they no longer control the direction in which you take your life.
Posted 18 September 2013 - 04:41 AM
And for the other question, I think its your own mind. You're thinking too much about the negativity. No one can predict or create your future other than yourself. You were dealt a hand and its up to you to take it to its maximum potential.
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