Hello there. I'm 17 and have been inactive as of last year. On my last post here, I registered my struggle with a bad acne outbreak I had last year. I've always had very beautiful, fair skin, although I started having acne at age 13. It was mostly small red spots, non-inflammatory acne, until June 2012, when I started having many, many zits all over my face. My dermatologist prescribed me limecyclin, and, after a couple of months, I had clear skin again. I thought my fight against acne was over.
After about 9 months on limecyclin, I stopped taking it. Skin was clear for a couple of months, until June 2013, when zits came back. It was not as dramatic as last year, but I went back to the antibiotics and my complexion started to clear again. However, as I'm now a senior in high school and a few months away from very important college admission exams, I've been terribly stressed, and had a couple of nervous breakdowns already. Acne returning to my face certainly contributed to this.
Problem is, I started popping pimples to cope with the anxiety. When they started getting smaller, because of the antibiotics, I was more forceful, and ended up with major scabs on my face. Now I barely have any actual zits coming up, but I literally CANNOT control myself anymore. If there's the smallest of whiteheads (the ones that aren't red, but just a tiny colorless bump beneath the skin), I pick it until it rips and bleeds. I eventually end up looking like a war survivor, and I know that the condition my face is in is 100% caused by me.
The scabs take about a week or two to disappear, and I have about 4 on my face right now (one is two weeks old and the result of a major burnout I had, and the others I made yesterday after arriving home drunk). I'm skipping school tomorrow, and I wish I would return only with a clear face.
It has been so hard struggling with my body image, and not only because of my skin. I've been engaging in all sorts of mental torture over the way I look, spending hours scrutinizing my face and body in the mirror, restricting what I eat and bingeing. I'm scared of where this all will lead.
Edited by abcd96, 01 September 2013 - 08:56 PM.