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Dermatillomania


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#1 abcd96

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Posted 01 September 2013 - 08:47 PM

Hello there. I'm 17 and have been inactive as of last year. On my last post here, I registered my struggle with a bad acne outbreak I had last year. I've always had very beautiful, fair skin, although I started having acne at age 13. It was mostly small red spots, non-inflammatory acne, until June 2012, when I started having many, many zits all over my face. My dermatologist prescribed me limecyclin, and, after a couple of months, I had clear skin again. I thought my fight against acne was over.

 

After about 9 months on limecyclin, I stopped taking it. Skin was clear for a couple of months, until June 2013, when zits came back. It was not as dramatic as last year, but I went back to the antibiotics and my complexion started to clear again. However, as I'm now a senior in high school and a few months away from very important college admission exams, I've been terribly stressed, and had a couple of nervous breakdowns already. Acne returning to my face certainly contributed to this.

 

Problem is, I started popping pimples to cope with the anxiety. When they started getting smaller, because of the antibiotics, I was more forceful, and ended up with major scabs on my face. Now I barely have any actual zits coming up, but I literally CANNOT control myself anymore. If there's the smallest of whiteheads (the ones that aren't red, but just a tiny colorless bump beneath the skin), I pick it until it rips and bleeds. I eventually end up looking like a war survivor, and I know that the condition my face is in is 100% caused by me.

 

The scabs take about a week or two to disappear, and I have about 4 on my face right now (one is two weeks old and the result of a major burnout I had, and the others I made yesterday after arriving home drunk). I'm skipping school tomorrow, and I wish I would return only with a clear face.

 

It has been so hard struggling with my body image, and not only because of my skin. I've been engaging in all sorts of mental torture over the way I look, spending hours scrutinizing my face and body in the mirror, restricting what I eat and bingeing. I'm scared of where this all will lead.


Edited by abcd96, 01 September 2013 - 08:56 PM.


#2 abcd96

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 08:19 AM

I haven't picked since posting and decided to just let my skin be for today. I washed it and applied the Cetaphil moisturizer after waking up, and that will be all until washing before bed. I also put away the hand mirror I had on my desk, to avoid triggering picking. We'll see how that works out.



#3 abcd96

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 04:49 PM

I picked at the scabs twice today - they were forming hard "crusts" that I pulled off very gently. This is a MAJOR improvement. I have only taken a few trips to the bathroom, and managed to keep my hands off my face, or to stop picking before doing any actual damage.

I'm also very happy with how the skin is healing, as the redness is fading and the scabs look a couple of days away from peeling off. The residual redness usually takes a few weeks to fade, but that's not an issue since my foundation covers it up very nicely. Tomorrow the spots will probably still be noticeable, even under makeup, but I expect to be clear by the weekend.

 

If there is a bottom line to today, it is: trust your body. It heals itself, and trying to interfere does way more harm than good.



By the way, after peeling the scabs off I applied a salt and olive oil paste to the spots, but washed it off shortly afterwards.



#4 fatalbert911

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 05:03 PM

I see you use make up, tell me are you male or female. if male, how noticeable is it?



#5 abcd96

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 06:14 PM

I see you use make up, tell me are you male or female. if male, how noticeable is it?

 

I'm female. (Answering the question anyway) It's definitely noticeable from up close, I guess from a 10 feet distance? Probably from over that it just looks like a small spot. The makeup doesn't cover the actual scab, just the surroundings, where skin is red but still soft - I don't think there's anything that covers well the scab. This makes it look more like a cut or something, but it's obvious that it's acne because how many cuts does someone have on their chin? BTW, I use Lancome Teint Miracle as foundation, and avoid concealer because it makes me breakout.



#6 fatalbert911

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Posted 03 September 2013 - 02:49 PM

I see.... yeah I've always said girls have it easier because of the acceptance of make up use for females. For guy's people just assume they are gay whitch is why I never used it although iv wanted because it might have been a good tradeoff.

I see you use make up, tell me are you male or female. if male, how noticeable is it?

 

I'm female. (Answering the question anyway) It's definitely noticeable from up close, I guess from a 10 feet distance? Probably from over that it just looks like a small spot. The makeup doesn't cover the actual scab, just the surroundings, where skin is red but still soft - I don't think there's anything that covers well the scab. This makes it look more like a cut or something, but it's obvious that it's acne because how many cuts does someone have on their chin? BTW, I use Lancome Teint Miracle as foundation, and avoid concealer because it makes me breakout.



#7 abcd96

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Posted 03 September 2013 - 07:13 PM

I haven't picked today! Although a tiny whitehead came up on my jaw and it's taking every ounce of strength I have not to pop it. I'll just keep my distance from mirrors until it's gone. The scabs are kind of taking a while to heal, I guess they were deeper than I thought... And even though I still feel very self conscious about them, knowing they are the result of an actual disorder lifts some of the shame and guilt I usually feel. I know they will be gone, at most, in a few weeks - and now I know that if I don't pick again, they will be gone for good.



#8 abcd96

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Posted 04 September 2013 - 01:56 PM

I popped the pimple :( It's weird how hard it is to resist it... I just applied light light pressure, and the gunk came out very easily. It has however returned (of course), with a siamese twin to tell me how stupid I was. Hope I learn the lesson and manage to leave it alone.

The scabs are healing very well. Most are about to peel off, though there's one that is very deep (I have no idea how I let myself dig a hole on my chin) and might still take a while. The salt/olive oil paste I'm applying really seems to help healing them, I recommend it.



#9 heitea

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Posted 05 September 2013 - 08:39 PM

Hi!

 

I have a thread on skin picking, too :D http://www.acne.org/...icking-buddies/ I'm pretty sure my skin's state is due to my picking, so I'm hell-bent on stopping this terrible obsession.

 

I picked yesterday, but I'm going to go at least until next Friday without picking. Join our challenge if you would like :)

 

Good luck!! :D



#10 abcd96

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Posted 06 September 2013 - 12:42 PM

Hi!

 

I have a thread on skin picking, too biggrin.pnghttp://www.acne.org/...icking-buddies/ I'm pretty sure my skin's state is due to my picking, so I'm hell-bent on stopping this terrible obsession.

 

I picked yesterday, but I'm going to go at least until next Friday without picking. Join our challenge if you would like smile.png

 

Good luck!! biggrin.png

Of course!






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