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Does Anyone Else Feel This Way?

depression scaring hyperpigmentation social anxiety

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#1 Lynn8808

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 02:15 PM

(This just happens to be my very first forum so please bare with me)

 

 I have been suffering from acne from the age of 13. I developed nasty, red, inflammed nodular cyst that seemed to swallow my face. I went to the dermatologist, where she told me the obvious and put me on Accutane for 6 months. The accutane worked wonders, cleared of my skin quite nicely, and for about 3 years, I had very nice skin. However, half way through my Junior year. my face suddenly became out of control. The painful red, inflammation came back! I have been struggling with this for 7months now.

 

I was just curious as to see who esle was in this situation. Everyone I have try to confide my problems in have made me seem like I am the only person in the whole world who feels like this way about my acne.

My opinions reguarding my face comes in waves:

  • The positive: "Oh, my skin isn't as aweful as I think. It could be much worse. Think good thoughts.
  • The Desperate: "Ugh, isn't there anything that could get rid of my acne fast!? I'm willing to try anything!" (This emotion is usually followed by hours of searching for remedies on the internet)
  • The Aggresive: "I hate everyone. Why can't my acne just go away, what have I done to deserve this?" (This is usually followed by a pimple popping rampage)
  • The Contempt: "I have acne. Nothing I can do about it"
  • The Deppressed: "I honestly don't want to live anymore. I don't want to leave the house. I can't look anyone in the eye anymore" (The absolute worst feeling in the world)

 

That is typically how it goes. I believe acne is just so incredibly crippling to an individual's self worth and confidence. I quite my job which I loved, employee at a restaurant, because I hated the public to see my face. I felt as if they thought their food was at a lesser value because "the girl with acne" brought it to them. I practically refuse to leave the house because I hate looking at myself in the mirror. The reflection looking back isn't even me. When I do manage to drag myself out in public, I feel judged. Every cashier, waitress, child, salesman, or even a stranger passing by is grimacing at spots on my face. Inside, I'm screaming "What the hell are you looking at! It's just acne, it's not contageous!" It's gotten to the point now where I barely look up. The most frustrating aspect is that I don't actually have that many bumps, but it's all scaring. I have red, blotchy patches where the acne was, which take long, if not permanent, to heal.

I try repetivly to make a dermatologist appointment but she refuses to see me. She just prescribes me a pill or a cream and tell me to try it out. None of them have been successful and the antibiotics are tearing my insides apart.

 

Is there anyone at all who feels the way I do, and are beyond exhausted from dealing with this mess? neutral.gif             



#2 CWR24

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 02:22 PM

I can completely relate. My acne came back after my first course and this past year has just been hell for me so I decided it was time to go back on Accutane. I would go to a different dermatologist and see if they cant give you something else or maybe even Accutane if you think its best for you.  


Absorica Aug 2013 -Feb2014
 
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#3 Guest_Bloom55_*

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 02:35 PM

I sooo understand the getting angry then taking it out on your skin. For me it would usually occur after a bunch of things were upsetting me then I went to the mirror and was reminded that I had yet another problem. When I realized how hard I used to be on myself I finally decided enough was enough and I went on a no-mirror challenge. It helped me heal without all the negative thoughts. Since I did not know what I looked like I began to imagine myself making progress and looking much better and that really made me feel better. It also becomes sort of a fun game, always trying to avoid the mirrors in your house. Good luck with everything.



#4 Stella the diver

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 02:46 PM

Wow, all the types of attitudes you've listed, I've gone through all of them. I understand how it must be hard working in a restaurant. I work in one, too, I've called in "sick" because I'm too afraid to face people. 


My daily routine: 

 

Morning : Wash face with Cetaphil Oil Control Foam Wash, moisturize with Cetaphil Oil Control Moisturizer w/ spf30

 

Before bedtime: Wash face with Cetaphil Oil Control Foam Wash and apply Tactuo on affected areas

 

Medication: 100 mg Minocycline/day

 

Makeup routine: 

Primer: B.Kamins Corrective Mattifier

Foundation: Mary Kay Timewise Matte-wear foundation

Set: Revlon Photoready Translucent Finisher

 

 

 

 

 


#5 Lynn8808

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 03:15 PM

I sooo understand the getting angry then taking it out on your skin. For me it would usually occur after a bunch of things were upsetting me then I went to the mirror and was reminded that I had yet another problem. When I realized how hard I used to be on myself I finally decided enough was enough and I went on a no-mirror challenge. It helped me heal without all the negative thoughts. Since I did not know what I looked like I began to imagine myself making progress and looking much better and that really made me feel better. It also becomes sort of a fun game, always trying to avoid the mirrors in your house. Good luck with everything.



Ive done that a lot. I hadn't looked in the mirror for about a month, except when I have blindly covered my spots with concealer, and I did for the first time today. It was disapointing, so I think I'll just stay away from anything reflective:)

#6 Guest_Bloom55_*

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 03:48 PM

Yes, please try to. Mirrors also encourage picking, so that slows the progress as well.



#7 AghhNe

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 04:34 PM

I have to say, i havent been looking in mirrors for weeks. IT HELPS TREMENDOUSLY. Though sometimes i look when i "accidentally" see my face or if i look for improvements. When that happens, i just say, "Tommorow it will be better" then i start not looking in the mirrors again.

Sheesh, I always have to trick myself and lie to myself.



#8 Rosalie324

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Posted 11 August 2013 - 09:07 PM

(This just happens to be my very first forum so please bare with me)

 

 I have been suffering from acne from the age of 13. I developed nasty, red, inflammed nodular cyst that seemed to swallow my face. I went to the dermatologist, where she told me the obvious and put me on Accutane for 6 months. The accutane worked wonders, cleared of my skin quite nicely, and for about 3 years, I had very nice skin. However, half way through my Junior year. my face suddenly became out of control. The painful red, inflammation came back! I have been struggling with this for 7months now.

 

I was just curious as to see who esle was in this situation. Everyone I have try to confide my problems in have made me seem like I am the only person in the whole world who feels like this way about my acne.

My opinions reguarding my face comes in waves:

  • The positive: "Oh, my skin isn't as aweful as I think. It could be much worse. Think good thoughts.
  • The Desperate: "Ugh, isn't there anything that could get rid of my acne fast!? I'm willing to try anything!" (This emotion is usually followed by hours of searching for remedies on the internet)
  • The Aggresive: "I hate everyone. Why can't my acne just go away, what have I done to deserve this?" (This is usually followed by a pimple popping rampage)
  • The Contempt: "I have acne. Nothing I can do about it"
  • The Deppressed: "I honestly don't want to live anymore. I don't want to leave the house. I can't look anyone in the eye anymore" (The absolute worst feeling in the world)

 

That is typically how it goes. I believe acne is just so incredibly crippling to an individual's self worth and confidence. I quite my job which I loved, employee at a restaurant, because I hated the public to see my face. I felt as if they thought their food was at a lesser value because "the girl with acne" brought it to them. I practically refuse to leave the house because I hate looking at myself in the mirror. The reflection looking back isn't even me. When I do manage to drag myself out in public, I feel judged. Every cashier, waitress, child, salesman, or even a stranger passing by is grimacing at spots on my face. Inside, I'm screaming "What the hell are you looking at! It's just acne, it's not contageous!" It's gotten to the point now where I barely look up. The most frustrating aspect is that I don't actually have that many bumps, but it's all scaring. I have red, blotchy patches where the acne was, which take long, if not permanent, to heal.

I try repetivly to make a dermatologist appointment but she refuses to see me. She just prescribes me a pill or a cream and tell me to try it out. None of them have been successful and the antibiotics are tearing my insides apart.

 

Is there anyone at all who feels the way I do, and are beyond exhausted from dealing with this mess? neutral.gif             

 

I have to say, I am experiencing ALL those moods/stages at once. It's actually comforting to know that someone is feeling the same way as me.. As difficult as this is to go through, knowing that someone else feels that way I do makes it a smidgen easier. We WILL get through this, we WILL be happy, and we WILL live long, beautiful lives regardless of how our skin looks. I refuse to believe that this horrific period in my life is the be-all end-all. It MUST get better! We can do it! In the grand scheme of things a few weeks, a few months, even a year is a small part of our lives if that's what it takes to get where we need to be...


AM Regimen:

Cleanse face with La Roche Posay Effaclar

Apply Aczone

Moisturize with Sheseido Oil-Free Mattifying Moisturizer

 

PM Regimen:

Cleanse face with La Roche Posay Effaclar

Apply Aczone

Moisturize with Sheseido Oil-Free Mattifying Moisturizer

Spot Treat with Clearisil Adult Acne Tinted Spot Treatment (always)

 

 

I now do not follow a vitamin regimen and have expanded my eating to include almost all food groups (excluding lactose/dairy). Since I made this change my face has CLEARED UP!

Minimalism people, trust me it works. Develop a skin care regimen, stick to it, and you will see results. All the rest (diet, exercise, supplements) didn't work for me. Less is more.

 

Status: 98% Clear... Plus a nice bunch of superficial scarring -.-


#9 AghhNe

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Posted 11 August 2013 - 09:10 PM

(This just happens to be my very first forum so please bare with me)
 
 I have been suffering from acne from the age of 13. I developed nasty, red, inflammed nodular cyst that seemed to swallow my face. I went to the dermatologist, where she told me the obvious and put me on Accutane for 6 months. The accutane worked wonders, cleared of my skin quite nicely, and for about 3 years, I had very nice skin. However, half way through my Junior year. my face suddenly became out of control. The painful red, inflammation came back! I have been struggling with this for 7months now.

 

I was just curious as to see who esle was in this situation. Everyone I have try to confide my problems in have made me seem like I am the only person in the whole world who feels like this way about my acne.

My opinions reguarding my face comes in waves:

  • The positive: "Oh, my skin isn't as aweful as I think. It could be much worse. Think good thoughts.
  • The Desperate: "Ugh, isn't there anything that could get rid of my acne fast!? I'm willing to try anything!" (This emotion is usually followed by hours of searching for remedies on the internet)
  • The Aggresive: "I hate everyone. Why can't my acne just go away, what have I done to deserve this?" (This is usually followed by a pimple popping rampage)
  • The Contempt: "I have acne. Nothing I can do about it"
  • The Deppressed: "I honestly don't want to live anymore. I don't want to leave the house. I can't look anyone in the eye anymore" (The absolute worst feeling in the world)

 

That is typically how it goes. I believe acne is just so incredibly crippling to an individual's self worth and confidence. I quite my job which I loved, employee at a restaurant, because I hated the public to see my face. I felt as if they thought their food was at a lesser value because "the girl with acne" brought it to them. I practically refuse to leave the house because I hate looking at myself in the mirror. The reflection looking back isn't even me. When I do manage to drag myself out in public, I feel judged. Every cashier, waitress, child, salesman, or even a stranger passing by is grimacing at spots on my face. Inside, I'm screaming "What the hell are you looking at! It's just acne, it's not contageous!" It's gotten to the point now where I barely look up. The most frustrating aspect is that I don't actually have that many bumps, but it's all scaring. I have red, blotchy patches where the acne was, which take long, if not permanent, to heal.

I try repetivly to make a dermatologist appointment but she refuses to see me. She just prescribes me a pill or a cream and tell me to try it out. None of them have been successful and the antibiotics are tearing my insides apart.

 

Is there anyone at all who feels the way I do, and are beyond exhausted from dealing with this mess? :|             

 
I have to say, I am experiencing ALL those moods/stages at once. It's actually comforting to know that someone is feeling the same way as me.. As difficult as this is to go through, knowing that someone else feels that way I do makes it a smidgen easier. We WILL get through this, we WILL be happy, and we WILL live long, beautiful lives regardless of how our skin looks. I refuse to believe that this horrific period in my life is the be-all end-all. It MUST get better! We can do it! In the grand scheme of things a few weeks, a few months, even a year is a small part of our lives if that's what it takes to get where we need to be...

I envy your patience. I dont have it. Seriously, i mean i feel like if in one month my acne doesnt disappear ima go hunt for a different solution. Sigh... I think it would be easier if my acne doesnt leave dark brown purple marks on my face then i would be patient.
Sigh, life is just not fair... It's harder for some...

#10 Rosalie324

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Posted 11 August 2013 - 09:21 PM

 

(This just happens to be my very first forum so please bare with me)
 
 I have been suffering from acne from the age of 13. I developed nasty, red, inflammed nodular cyst that seemed to swallow my face. I went to the dermatologist, where she told me the obvious and put me on Accutane for 6 months. The accutane worked wonders, cleared of my skin quite nicely, and for about 3 years, I had very nice skin. However, half way through my Junior year. my face suddenly became out of control. The painful red, inflammation came back! I have been struggling with this for 7months now.

 

I was just curious as to see who esle was in this situation. Everyone I have try to confide my problems in have made me seem like I am the only person in the whole world who feels like this way about my acne.

My opinions reguarding my face comes in waves:

  • The positive: "Oh, my skin isn't as aweful as I think. It could be much worse. Think good thoughts.
  • The Desperate: "Ugh, isn't there anything that could get rid of my acne fast!? I'm willing to try anything!" (This emotion is usually followed by hours of searching for remedies on the internet)
  • The Aggresive: "I hate everyone. Why can't my acne just go away, what have I done to deserve this?" (This is usually followed by a pimple popping rampage)
  • The Contempt: "I have acne. Nothing I can do about it"
  • The Deppressed: "I honestly don't want to live anymore. I don't want to leave the house. I can't look anyone in the eye anymore" (The absolute worst feeling in the world)

 

That is typically how it goes. I believe acne is just so incredibly crippling to an individual's self worth and confidence. I quite my job which I loved, employee at a restaurant, because I hated the public to see my face. I felt as if they thought their food was at a lesser value because "the girl with acne" brought it to them. I practically refuse to leave the house because I hate looking at myself in the mirror. The reflection looking back isn't even me. When I do manage to drag myself out in public, I feel judged. Every cashier, waitress, child, salesman, or even a stranger passing by is grimacing at spots on my face. Inside, I'm screaming "What the hell are you looking at! It's just acne, it's not contageous!" It's gotten to the point now where I barely look up. The most frustrating aspect is that I don't actually have that many bumps, but it's all scaring. I have red, blotchy patches where the acne was, which take long, if not permanent, to heal.

I try repetivly to make a dermatologist appointment but she refuses to see me. She just prescribes me a pill or a cream and tell me to try it out. None of them have been successful and the antibiotics are tearing my insides apart.

 

Is there anyone at all who feels the way I do, and are beyond exhausted from dealing with this mess? neutral.gif             

 
I have to say, I am experiencing ALL those moods/stages at once. It's actually comforting to know that someone is feeling the same way as me.. As difficult as this is to go through, knowing that someone else feels that way I do makes it a smidgen easier. We WILL get through this, we WILL be happy, and we WILL live long, beautiful lives regardless of how our skin looks. I refuse to believe that this horrific period in my life is the be-all end-all. It MUST get better! We can do it! In the grand scheme of things a few weeks, a few months, even a year is a small part of our lives if that's what it takes to get where we need to be...

I envy your patience. I dont have it. Seriously, i mean i feel like if in one month my acne doesnt disappear ima go hunt for a different solution. Sigh... I think it would be easier if my acne doesnt leave dark brown purple marks on my face then i would be patient.
Sigh, life is just not fair... It's harder for some...

 

Honestly, I talk a big game. I'm seriously struggling right now, but I want whole heartedly to believe that this isn't permanent. My breakouts are crippling me and a few weeks or months seem like lifetimes away. Everyone tells me that one day I'm going to look back and realize that as painful as this is in the moment, it's a blink in comparison to the rest of my life. I'm trying to use my wise mind and put my faith in others because I can't trust my own perception or judgment. That's the best advice that I can give to anyone: Use your Wise Mind. Not completely emotional or completely logical, but the healthy combination of the two.


AM Regimen:

Cleanse face with La Roche Posay Effaclar

Apply Aczone

Moisturize with Sheseido Oil-Free Mattifying Moisturizer

 

PM Regimen:

Cleanse face with La Roche Posay Effaclar

Apply Aczone

Moisturize with Sheseido Oil-Free Mattifying Moisturizer

Spot Treat with Clearisil Adult Acne Tinted Spot Treatment (always)

 

 

I now do not follow a vitamin regimen and have expanded my eating to include almost all food groups (excluding lactose/dairy). Since I made this change my face has CLEARED UP!

Minimalism people, trust me it works. Develop a skin care regimen, stick to it, and you will see results. All the rest (diet, exercise, supplements) didn't work for me. Less is more.

 

Status: 98% Clear... Plus a nice bunch of superficial scarring -.-


#11 Zach Zach

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Posted 15 August 2013 - 05:47 PM

OP, I can totally relate to all of those mental phases... I don't think in that way anymore, but just the simple fact that I used to hate looking in mirrors or be in photos with people has affected me a ton... even when I have clear skin. I used to feel unable to look myself in the eye for years, and if you can't look yourself in the eye, how will you be able to look anyone else in the eyes? I still have trouble keeping eye contact with people and am like the least photogenic person in the world thanks to that phase in my life...

 

It's very taxing mentally and, for me, was basically debilitating. When the mind focuses inwardly, the body focuses inwardly and almost shuts down. But, you can control your mentality to a degree. What I personally do is: when I start feeling more and more self conscious, doubtful, depressed, etc., I get up and move around. Go out and exercise, do some jumping jacks, or physically shake those thoughts out of my head. If you get in a tense, very inward, almost compact-feeling mental state, try that out and see what it does for you.

 

I know how shitty having acne IS (not CAN BE, but IS) because I had it all throughout high school and most of college, which imo is the worst time to have it. BUT, I think there is a light at the end of the tunnel for many people. It may not be a bright angelic kind of light... maybe it's a little bit more dim than that, but it's a light. Like anything worth having, it will take a lot of work, sacrifice, tears, trial and error.

 

Btw, if your dermatologist is that worthless, try to find another one. I switched from a horrible derm to an awesome one and after the first appointment, he gave me an antibiotic that worked wonders for a long period of time. The toughest thing about acne is all the variables. But keep pushing... best wishes and lots of love.


Edited by Zach Zach, 18 August 2013 - 02:12 PM.

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