(This just happens to be my very first forum so please bare with me)
I have been suffering from acne from the age of 13. I developed nasty, red, inflammed nodular cyst that seemed to swallow my face. I went to the dermatologist, where she told me the obvious and put me on Accutane for 6 months. The accutane worked wonders, cleared of my skin quite nicely, and for about 3 years, I had very nice skin. However, half way through my Junior year. my face suddenly became out of control. The painful red, inflammation came back! I have been struggling with this for 7months now.
I was just curious as to see who esle was in this situation. Everyone I have try to confide my problems in have made me seem like I am the only person in the whole world who feels like this way about my acne.
My opinions reguarding my face comes in waves:
- The positive: "Oh, my skin isn't as aweful as I think. It could be much worse. Think good thoughts.
- The Desperate: "Ugh, isn't there anything that could get rid of my acne fast!? I'm willing to try anything!" (This emotion is usually followed by hours of searching for remedies on the internet)
- The Aggresive: "I hate everyone. Why can't my acne just go away, what have I done to deserve this?" (This is usually followed by a pimple popping rampage)
- The Contempt: "I have acne. Nothing I can do about it"
- The Deppressed: "I honestly don't want to live anymore. I don't want to leave the house. I can't look anyone in the eye anymore" (The absolute worst feeling in the world)
That is typically how it goes. I believe acne is just so incredibly crippling to an individual's self worth and confidence. I quite my job which I loved, employee at a restaurant, because I hated the public to see my face. I felt as if they thought their food was at a lesser value because "the girl with acne" brought it to them. I practically refuse to leave the house because I hate looking at myself in the mirror. The reflection looking back isn't even me. When I do manage to drag myself out in public, I feel judged. Every cashier, waitress, child, salesman, or even a stranger passing by is grimacing at spots on my face. Inside, I'm screaming "What the hell are you looking at! It's just acne, it's not contageous!" It's gotten to the point now where I barely look up. The most frustrating aspect is that I don't actually have that many bumps, but it's all scaring. I have red, blotchy patches where the acne was, which take long, if not permanent, to heal.
I try repetivly to make a dermatologist appointment but she refuses to see me. She just prescribes me a pill or a cream and tell me to try it out. None of them have been successful and the antibiotics are tearing my insides apart.
Is there anyone at all who feels the way I do, and are beyond exhausted from dealing with this mess?