You dont have to reply if you dont want to, but this is an open discussion. A few points:
I'll play devil's advocate here. Generally, if people are going to join a forum for their acne, they either don't know how to treat it or they have it bad. Most people checking out the emotional/psychological section have the latter - severe acne. When my acne turned from mild to severe, it was like a flip was switched and I lost all my self worth and confidence. It totally changed how I view people complaining about a tiny zit (I used to be one of those people). For the people with severe acne, it can completely consume your life - not just one day of a tiny zit. Potentially years of anxiety over scarring to boot. People are reacting so strongly to OP because he is the person complaining about the tiny zit. It's like being the obese girl who hears a skinny girl say she needs to lose weight.
I cannot believe how many of you are telling the OP to stop whining or saying negative comments based on his feelings and views. He's allowed to vent and say what he feels. He's not hurting anyone, he's not being rude or obnoxious, he's telling it how it is based on his life. Do I think he should try a bit harder to help himself? Yes. Of course, but it's not as easy to snap yourself out of a deep depression, I know this first hand.
Many of us can relate to the way he feels and just because you're able to overcome your problems and or your depression, doesn't mean it's easier or easy for everybody else to just take your advice and ride the high horse out of depression town.
The OP didn't come here to whine about his problem (however severe it may be, if it effects him to the point of severe depression, maybe you should be a little more respectful and understanding where he's coming from and try to talk it out with him without trying to pity him and ESPECIALLY without writing disgusting paragraphs about how it's own doing, or that there's other people off worse than he is). He came here to let his story and views be heard, not to start controversy and have people tell him his problem is nothing to be depressed about, etc. Maybe he does need to speak to someone and maybe he doesn't want to admit it but he needs to let it out to people who understand him because he feels he doesn't have anyone else to speak to? Well guess what, the lot of you should be ashamed (not the people trying to provide positive feedback and support). The rude people here know who they are.
This forum is about people with a common problem trying to get through it together, to lend a helping hand to each other. There should be NO REASON to put him down in any way or complain that he's whining or anything of the sort. The ONLY reason anyone on here has the right to say anything negative to another person is if they're being a rude person to begin with, like a few of you were towards him.
As you could see in his posts, he didn't rebuttal negatively to any of your negative comments that were posted about him. He should be giving some of you advice on how to, even when in a sensitive topic like this, act civilized and respectful without childish remarks that are doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO HELP.
Some people are born mentally stronger than others, some are physically stronger, some people are smarter than others. Mentally, he seems in a state of depression and confusion, but does that mean we should call him weak minded and that he's doing it all to himself and to man up and to stop whining, etc.? Definitely. Not. Going. To. Help. Yet some of you chose to be rude even though he wasn't trying to be; the poor guy was just expressing himself, no matter how raw it was for you people to read, that does NOT give you the right to say these things to him. There's always more than one way to do things, and the right way is to, EVEN THOUGH HE DIDN'T WANT IT, provide some insight and make him feel like he's not alone, and hell, help him even if he doesn't want it until he tells you to not too. I bet you 100 to 1 that even though he says he doesn't want anyone's pity or help, it's better hearing people sympathize and trying to lend out help rather than saying rude disgusting things to him. If your advice is for him to try to pick himself up and dust himself off, clearly you could say it with a lot more respect.
I'm tired of seeing these unhelpful comments and even the people comparing one persons problems to another. Everyone has problems, telling someone about how another person has it worse isn't going to make his mentality a stone fortress and make him immediately forget about the pain that acne has caused him. He is hurting, he is a human being, no matter what the problem is, speaking the way that some of you did, is just not cool and I always lose more and more respect for humanity the more I see how the vast majority really is. NOW can you at least understand a little more why he has lost faith in humanity? The evidence is on this thread right here. It seems where ever he goes, for whatever reason, even to get help. There's always those people that put him down when all he's trying to do is help himself by venting. It would have been a lot more respectful and helpful if the rude ones here just never posted.
Do you think he wants to be this way? Do you think he wants to vent on a forum about the depression in his life and his unfortunate battle with his mental well being? Do you think that he wants to upset you by posting this thread? Do you think he wants or cares if anyone sees life the way he does? The answer is NO. He just wants to share his story with fellow acne sufferers. I don't care if your acne is worse or better than his condition, everyone's got their problems and just because yours seems to be worse to you or is a lot more detrimental to your health, doesn't mean his depression is something to be mocked.
I'm sorry for rambling on, but I just got fed up by some of the comments I read and I'm not a mean person but to those of you who were acting rude for no apparent reason, I'd kindly like for you to never post again when someone is venting. You do not know how to help, nor do I think you care about helping anyone else but yourself because if you did, you'd understand that what was said here by the OP, was NO REASON to write those comments the way some of you did. I mean the OP seems like a decent human being and as much as he doesn't want it, he needs help from those of us who actually care and understand, and if he doesn't want to take the advice, so be it. He's not hurting anyone, and he may be hurting himself, but it's not on purpose and it's not easy for him to not think that way. Believe me I can relate.
In conclusion, I would like for ALL of you to think for a minute. In your mind, really put yourself in his shoes. Just think how he's thinking, why he's thinking it, what causes are behind it, etc. and if you come back here and write a response saying how it's not as hard as he makes it seem to get out of this rut, then please don't bother replying back to any of these points because as I said earlier, not everyone has a stone hard mentality where they can over come any or many of life's problems. Everyone's different and I bet he has tried very hard to help himself to no avail and a venting on a forum where he felt welcome might have been something to get him closer to developing a stronger mind and a stronger urge to better his life, yet I don't see many people trying to relate or sympathize with him, all I see is people being rude towards him, comparing other peoples problems with his own, calling him names and being absolutely careless, arguing what he said rather than trying to help. I may not have a strong mentality, but I am building it, and it's hard for me, but that doesn't mean it's hard for you. Maybe all he needs is a positive place to turn, to help him progressively build up his happiness again; Well, that's probably gone now, thanks to the few of you who were rude and the others who compared his problems instead of leveling with him. This is one perfect reason why he can't get along in society, it's because everywhere he turns, he gets the same bullshit replies over and over and the same rude comments over and over.
I'm sick of it and I hope I have changed some of your minds to be more respectful in the future and change your approach on these types of situations. Just remember this, he is depressed, there's no doubt about it. Should we act hard and cruel, or kind and supportive? You decide, but please remember, it's not always the persons fault that their depressed. Some of you are strong mentally, some of you are getting there, some of you aren't. I'm not. Are you going to call me a "phaggot" or tell me that I'm whining if I just need a person too talk to? Or would you rather tell a suicidal person to stop whining. Pathetic, really. For Shame.
If no one else was going to stick up for him, I had to
and sorry if anyone thought any of my comments were rude but if you want to reply to my points,
please be kind and respectful.
Sometimes people do need a wake up call - OP has normal skin. Not airbrushed, not poreless, not glowing, but normal. Nothing to complain about (and if it weren't his skin, it'd be something else! The media is designed to invent nonexistent "problems"). More than likely, (personal opinion) he has BDD and needs professional help judging by his reaction. Instead he goes to an acne forum to the emotional section with extremely vulnerable people with "real" issues and says things like "Forget about having a good time, unless it's by yourself." He's not just going down by himself, he's dragging everyone else with him, which to me seems selfish. I still think he should get professional help though.
People are going to come onto this forum for more than just those reasons, maybe sometimes people come on here for emotional support?
There you go again judging him because YOU think his depression is a joke.
Do you people honestly not care for others? I'm sure he doesn't have just one tiny zit and I'm sure it's the scarring that really bothers him that you can't make out in photos. Regardless, he is a human being like you or i and he hurts the same as you and i.
His problems, not matter what you think, are real and so what if you think you have it worse or other people have it worse. Why compare their or your problems to them? People coming on this message board should know how acne sufferers are and should understand when someone posts their raw emotions on here. I still don't see why you have to be so selfish as to compare other problems to his, doesn't make sense.
He isn't being selfish, he's at a breaking point and needed to vent, plain and simple. It's people like you judging him that makes me sick. He is depressed and needs help. So you're saying just because you think his problems are a joke, it's okay for people to react the way they did towards someone who was STATING how THEY FELT. Not how YOU SHOULD FEEL. The vast majority of society is like you. Non helpful, rude and just plain selfish. I think we know who the selfish ones are. I'm trying to be kind and respectful, while the lot of you are bashing on the OP because you don't agree with what he says and how he feels because you feel it's essentially a joke.
Nothing to complain about? Who are you? The Depression Police? Selfishness at it's finest.
All I hear is judge judge judge.
Of course he has something to complain about or else he wouldn't be here. Whatever it is, maybe you don't see it but he feels his skin is not normal, which causes him to be in a deep depression. You're doing no justice for anyone by writing typical judgemental bullshit. Say something productive instead of passing judgement on and doing the opposite of what a forum is for. If you don't have anything good to say, just keep your bs remarks to yourself.
Comparing problems, saying, probably based on your own experience, that just because YOU don't see anything wrong, the OP must be a whiner because he's complaining about something that you don't agree with for whatever reason. Such selfish bs. HIS PROBLEMS ARE NOT ANY LESS OR MORE SEVERE THAN YOURS. This is why I choose not to speak about my problems with anyone because i'd probably get the same reaction by people like you and I rather not indulge in a life conversation with judgemental, selfish, rude people.
I never compare my problems with people who have it worse or who have it better. I, like a normal person, compare myself to how I used to look or how I want to be, and I go from there. What the hell is the world coming to when someone who is definitely depressed can't even let his feelings out without being judged? I know the ones who have their mind set will never understand my points because you're too stubborn. All I have to say to you is good luck being like that and I hope no one ever comes to you for help; it would be worse for them and you people probably do it to make yourselves feel better for being so butt hurt that "his problems are nothing to complain about". Really, that's a huge low blow and it DISGUSTS me.
And if that skinny girl really did have a problem that she felt that she was fat, is it better too get to the root of it and understand that she actually sees herself that way or is it better to judge and be a prick because YOU don't think she has a problem. No matter what, I always choose to understand why first, then ask questions later.
How is he not one of those vulnerable people? Again, you're being judgemental. You know what, I'm going to stop right there because I realize that people like you just don't understand the concept of Don't Judge a Book by It's Cover and with that, I'm DONE trying to make stubborn people less judgemental. Reply or don't reply back to this post, but I won't be indulging myself in this nonsense any more. Say what you want or whatever but I know I am right.
Being polite and helpful is better than being judgemental and bitter yet this post won't even touch one soul.
Done replying to this nonsense.
1. YES, some problems are more of an issue than others! Dear Lord, "first world problems" annoy me to no end when they are blown out of proportion to such a high degree. I have waaaay more sympathy for the person with severe acne who has struggled with it for years than the teenager complaining about a tiny zit. That said, from his perspective, it might seem significantly worse...which, if thats the case, he is beyond your help or my help and needs to go to a therapist. THAT'S BEYOND OUR CONTROL. You cannot help him. Speaking from someone who has family with BDD.
2. Reread the post. He says things speaking about acne in general - not just his own! Not ok! There is a difference between saying "acne makes me feel ugly" vs "we as acne sufferers are ugly." Exclusive and inclusive. I go here for support and to support others, not a circle jerk of "we are all ugly and doomed to live alone." And when people who have really bad acne see that, how do you think that makes them feel?
3. For being so preachy about JUDGING, youre sounding pretty judging of ME. Maybe I have severe depression and I am lashing out at him (I dont and Im not, but you dont know that). Maybe my mom died and Im feeling upset about it? HMM. Someone isnt "asking why first." Maybe you shouldn't call me a prick without knowing me. That sounds pretty selfish of *you.* Where is that "respect for everyone" you have?
4. Why the aggressive tone? Heaven forbid someone disagree with your almighty opinion (politely at that).
5. Maybe consider that I was explaining why other people responded the way they did? I have a hunch that OP has BDD, so my sympathies are there if he does as I have said.
Funny how we both "disgust" each other. Please only reply when you lose the self righteous, holier than thou attitude and learn that replying in all caps doesn't make your response any better, it just makes ME WANT TO TURN ON CAPS LOCK TOO.
Ps. Pictures cant hide bad acne or bad scars. Op has neither.
I had to reply because you're being insensitive.
1. Of course there are more serious problems such as serious diseases, but your delusional attitude fails to see the point. I don't have any more or less sympathy for the person with one zit to the acne sufferer and I was the latter of the two. It's based on how it effects them. First world problems are a little different than depression. It's like if your mobile network goes down, that's a first world problem. His perspective is what we should be understanding end of story.
2. Let him state his opinion, it's part of the venting process. You've never said something worse to someone you love when you were down and they were trying to help? Stop being hypocritical and over analytic and let people rant if it makes them feel better. I don't know how you can feel disgusted by my comments when it's in the best interest of anyone who's going through issues. Everyone's problems are the worst problems 'for them'. Understand?
3. I don't need to judge you because you've already flat out made your point on what you think of this person's comments and how you went about judging them and defending people who weren't doing any justice to the situation. If something happened horrible in your day, then I'm sorry, but that doesn't give you the right to take it out on someone who needs help and is essentially not your place to do so. I rather not go into detail but let's just say, go read your posts over, and then mine, and tell me who's the judgemental one. I read all the facts, and I came to the conclusion that you are incapable of understanding that problems don't just come in black and white. I'm wasting my time on you seriously. See? I was right. None of this arguing will change a thing.
4. Aggressive tone? I speak firmly and confidently, I'm sorry if you take it as an insult but it's not like you tried to assess the situation with a different more positive approach. Sometimes it makes people like me stand up for what's right, even though some things I say may be a bit too truthful for you to handle.
5. You were playing devil's advocate. Gotchya. I get why you posted that, but a part of you agrees with how they reacted it seems, because you didn't go about defending him at all by saying, "maybe some of those comments were a bit too harsh". Whether the OP has BDD or not, he gets my sympathies. You get my sympathies even though I don't know where your depression stems from, nor will I judge you for what it is. Sounds like I'm a real prick huh?
No, not really funny at all and I was more saying it in terms of what you said but not you as a person. Please don't reply because I really just want to browse the forum and not argue with people who have distorted views on me. I am not perfect, I just know from experience how to deal with people when their sad or upset, and if I don't feel I would could handle it properly, then I would just keep my opinions to myself instead of further digging them into a hole.
Ps: Pictures actually can hide bad acne or scars, it's all dependant on the positioning, lighting, angle, resolution, your viewing platform, etc. I have pictures from when I was younger when my acne was horrible, taken by a photographer at a wedding, yet in the picture all you could notice is maybe a bit of redness in the problem areas. If it's HD 720 or higher and zoomed on your face , then your point stands valid, but otherwise it is actually possible, more so in tanned individuals especially.
Op has neither? I'm judgemental? You've seen him in real life? Listen, actually that last thing I said doesn't even matter, because whatever the problem is, it's there inside his mind. He needs to help himself or seek help and maybe letting out all of that helped him a bit and also wasn't intended to hurt anyone, period. Oh and the CAPS LOCK was there just to pop out at people for effect, not to get you to make a joke out of.
Now this time I promise I won't reply back to you because I said what I had to say more or less and don't want to elaborate any further on this topic unless it's to speak to other people about something else to do with this post lol.
When personalities clash the best thing to do is walk away. Good luck with your emotional issues, I hope you get nothing but support from people, maybe that'll help you understand better. Feel free to reply any thing, good, bad, both, but I won't be dignifying you with a response unless you agree to disagree and leave it at that,
I'm here in this part of the forum because I have emotional issues, but especially after how these people reacted, I definitely do not want to share how I'm feeling and why to anyone here after seeing how "understanding" people here are (obviously with the exception of the people who offered support).
Today is a Happy Birthday to me and my present to myself is learning that I can't even ask for help with people who are fellow sufferers without fearing being ridiculed by the majority. Even if I'm wrong and it's not the majority,
I rather stay private with my problems because I know what I'M going through is real.
Edited by AndySoprano, 10 October 2013 - 03:29 PM.