My acne just keeps getting bigger and badder and the scarring is simply getting more vicious by the day, even if I refrain from popping. I have a short temper so when I see peoples' eyes wandering from my eyes to drill into the aberrations, I snap at them and I'm not even embarrassed at all for my outbursts because I'm still too angry to begin to feel any shame. :/
One thing that bugs me is the fact that I never seem to get simply "small" pimples. At the moment, there's simply several large ones on my forehead, and then three or so marring my cheeks and a rebel on my chin...a month ago, I was dealing with terrible jaw acne but it at least has mostly gone away (it's been there for a year though). All in all, it wouldn't be horrific if not for how damned wide spread the scarring is.
The pimples have nothing to do with my hormonal cycle (I do believe I have hormonal problems though)...they're simply there. It's a minimum for them to last a week, and I've even seen pimples last for months. I don't even think I have proper break outs, though every once in a while (two months on average?) I do feel this unbearable itch feeling and I'll look to see a couple red, large bumps that tend to be there to stay. They're never poppable; they're just there. Haunting me.
-I've cut out most risky things out of my diet. Gave up even soda and my precious peanut butter. I'm eating better. Didn't help one freaking bit. >:
-Though I'm washing my face twice as often nowadays (how much I should be washing, basically), no change has really occurred. Dirty or not, it's just the same.
Finally, there hasn't been a spot on my face that hasn't been subjected to acne at one time or another since I was 15 (I'm 17, now), however, it seems like the acne likes to herd itself into problem spots. When it clears up somewhere, it seems to reappear overnight somewhere else (lol...malevolent.). Oh. And my body is flawless (which irks me so. I would prefer having a totally disgusting back over having a somewhat gross face). I hear that different areas indicate different problems - hormonal, etc - so I wonder what having it everywhere at one time or another means.
Treatment so far? Dubious products. I'm a teen and my mom finally got me some random medication -Clearasil Rapid Action Pads (2% Salicylic Acid) and a even more generical Terminator 10 (for severe acne; made of 10% benzoyl peroxide) - and neither of them seem to have actually helped (unless they're the things keeping the mild acne away?) and I've been using them, alternatively, for two weeks with all the proper precautions followed. The pimples seem so dang solid (a lot of the large ones are just....squishy. Like there's nothing but blood in them, and there's really no epic center so I don't know how external medication can help/seep into the nonexistant pores), I don't know how the fluff the stuff COULD work and since I'm kind of psychotic when it comes to spending money I'm just beating myself up over it. *sighs*
By now I just want to go to someone who knows what they are doing...my mom is saying that the dermatologist will only make my skin worst and/or that the medication costs way too damned much but she should know that I'm not in any condition to even take bulls*** like that. It simply costs 10$ for a check-up and I don't even care about side effects as long as the product doesn't make my skin worse.
I'm kinda really rich at the moment and I'll be richer in a couple of months...a measley 100$ won't even leave a dent (and it's all my own money so I won't feel guilty like I usually do), so I guess I could afford medication (accutane? The external stuff doesn't help...) on a psychological and financial level as long as I know it'll work. I want to get back to the time when people called me beautiful - it annoyed me, but I grew used to it and I even find it hard to feel at ease without the odd custom. :/
And I apologize and thank you all for coping with the lengthiness of the message...I just like being thorough.
PS: I'm inquiring about this b/c lot of people, not just my mom, have bashed dermatologists or acne prescriptions so let's just say I'm a little more than a bit paranoid.
PSS: Also - if they don't they need to be slapped - what do dermatologists usually help you w/ the scarring?
Edited by Cosmicsasquatch, 29 July 2013 - 02:07 AM.