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Looking At Your Skin Really Close

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It does take a lot of willpower and I do relapse from time to time but as a lot of the destructive thoughts and beliefs I have about myself often eminate from what I see when I look in the mirror, it has definitely helped reducing the mirror checking.

Totally understand why you would check in the mirror more before going out. I definitely feel the urge to check in the mirror more before going out. In my case, I am looking for reassurance that I look okay to reduce the anxiety that I feel over my spots and blemishes (real and perceived). Very often though, checking in the mirror more doesn`t give you that reassurance - it just reinforces the thought that you look repulsive, hideous and ugly and makes you even more anxious about going out. I`ve lost count of the times that I have stayed in and cancelled or called into work sick because I`ve felt so disgusted by what I see in the mirror.

I have a portable shaving mirror that I would move from room to room so that I could check my appearance in different lighting. Very often, I would scrutinise my appearance in my living room which is south facing and has the brightest daylight/sunlight. Naturally, this would show every single blemish or flaw in full, glorious technicolor! I now make sure that I only use this mirror in the bathroom where the lighting (real and artificial) is more forgiving. :)

I agree, keep checking the mirror, especially in different lighting, does usually make me feel worse. I just end up constantly applying more make-up each time I go to a new mirror and it takes me an absolute age to get it to a stage when I can actually leave the house. It takes anything from 1-2 hours depending how bad my skin is on a particular day. Hence why leaving my house seems like such a chore! And when I'm at uni I just have to get up ridiculously early otherwise I would never have time to fit all my work and lectures into the day. That makes me sound so superficial and self-obsessed but I swear I'm not :( The make-up is literally just me trying to get myself to look vaguely human like everybody else so that I don't stand out in a crowd as the girl with the monstrous face.

Anyway, it's good to know that it is possible to curb this habit! Hopefully one day I will have the willpower to do so myself :)


Current Treatment and Products

Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser
Garnier Long Lasting Shine Control Moisturiser
Garnier Oil Free BB Cream
Epiduo
Zineryt
Cetaphil Moisturising Lotion
Eliminated Dairy from my Diet

My Log:

Acne status: Odd spot here and there but mostly clear. Mainly struggling with oil, shine, and scars/hyperpigmentation.


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ah i know what everyone means about trying different mirrors because some are more flattering (which i sometimes need if i have a chance of ever leaving the house!) and some that are very harsh which just sends me into massive depression/ anxiety. does anyone else ever feel really vain about looking in the mirror so much? my brother has said to me before that he didn't realise i was insecure about my skin since i constantly wanted to look at it...makes sense really - i explained it's like watching a car crash unfold...you really don't want to look, but you can't really not look either

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ah i know what everyone means about trying different mirrors because some are more flattering (which i sometimes need if i have a chance of ever leaving the house!) and some that are very harsh which just sends me into massive depression/ anxiety. does anyone else ever feel really vain about looking in the mirror so much? my brother has said to me before that he didn't realise i was insecure about my skin since i constantly wanted to look at it...makes sense really - i explained it's like watching a car crash unfold...you really don't want to look, but you can't really not look either

My parents used to call me a Parakeet because, before I developed an opposition to mirrors, I would be constantly checking my reflection. What they didn't know is that I mirror checked not because I liked what I saw, but because I was seeking reassurance that I was "suitable for public". If I didn't look then I would be constantly anxious and completely absorbed in negative thinking. It's definitely an OCD behavior that most people, including our families, won't understand. It's completely true... You don't want to look, but you HAVE to. It's definitely an action that isn't in our control.

Now, instead of looking in the mirror. I have developed the nasty habit of feeling my face. For me, It's been even more difficult than mirror checking. I will feel these bumps on my face that seem massive and then I look in the mirror (during my designated mirror times) and notice that these "bumps" are virtually invisible. So, I get my reassurance from seeing how I look, but it really doesn't make a difference. As soon as I walk away and start feeling my face, I tell myself I must not be seeing myself clearly. It's a vicious cycle. No matter what, I end up feeling like crap in the end :(


AM Regimen:

Cleanse face with La Roche Posay Effaclar

Apply Aczone

Moisturize with Sheseido Oil-Free Mattifying Moisturizer

PM Regimen:

Cleanse face with La Roche Posay Effaclar

Apply Aczone

Moisturize with Sheseido Oil-Free Mattifying Moisturizer

Spot Treat with Clearisil Adult Acne Tinted Spot Treatment (always)

I now do not follow a vitamin regimen and have expanded my eating to include almost all food groups (excluding lactose/dairy). Since I made this change my face has CLEARED UP!

Minimalism people, trust me it works. Develop a skin care regimen, stick to it, and you will see results. All the rest (diet, exercise, supplements) didn't work for me. Less is more.

Status: 98% Clear... Plus a nice bunch of superficial scarring -.-


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What they didn't know is that I mirror checked not because I liked what I saw, but because I was seeking reassurance that I was "suitable for public". If I didn't look then I would be constantly anxious and completely absorbed in negative thinking. It's definitely an OCD behavior that most people, including our families, won't understand. It's completely true... You don't want to look, but you HAVE to. It's definitely an action that isn't in our control.

I agree so much with this "suitable for public" mentality, that is exactly what I'm trying to achieve when I constantly check mirrors. And I agree that it's like a compulsion, like if I see a mirror in any store when I'm out shopping I literally have to check that my face still looks vaguely human in it. My family doesn't understand it either and It's such a bizarre thing that before reading everyone else's comments on this thread I really thought I was the only one in the world who thought and behaved in this way! Nice to know I'm not I guess...

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Current Treatment and Products

Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser
Garnier Long Lasting Shine Control Moisturiser
Garnier Oil Free BB Cream
Epiduo
Zineryt
Cetaphil Moisturising Lotion
Eliminated Dairy from my Diet

My Log:

Acne status: Odd spot here and there but mostly clear. Mainly struggling with oil, shine, and scars/hyperpigmentation.


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I can't even describe the frustration of a pimple coming out when another is gone. It's like a never ending vicious circle. Sometimes I would look at myself in the mirror, and think... hey, it's not too bad. But then the second I see myself in another lightning, I feel disgusted. It's really sad because none of my friends have acne, so I feel extremely lonely. I hope someone will see this and understand what I'm talking about, because even my mother doesn't understand...

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What they didn't know is that I mirror checked not because I liked what I saw, but because I was seeking reassurance that I was "suitable for public". If I didn't look then I would be constantly anxious and completely absorbed in negative thinking. It's definitely an OCD behavior that most people, including our families, won't understand. It's completely true... You don't want to look, but you HAVE to. It's definitely an action that isn't in our control.

I agree so much with this "suitable for public" mentality, that is exactly what I'm trying to achieve when I constantly check mirrors. And I agree that it's like a compulsion, like if I see a mirror in any store when I'm out shopping I literally have to check that my face still looks vaguely human in it. My family doesn't understand it either and It's such a bizarre thing that before reading everyone else's comments on this thread I really thought I was the only one in the world who thought and behaved in this way! Nice to know I'm not I guess...

Rosalie and Moonlit, I totally relate to the reassurance theory. When I`ve obsessively checked in the mirror, it is not vanity. It has been to try to reassure myself that I`m not the repulsive, ugly, hideous monster that my mind is telling me I am. It`s kind of bizarre how all our thoughts on this are quite similar as to why we mirror check. I always thought I was unique in this - certainly don`t know anyone in my real-life who does this. It`s good to know in a way that I`m not the only one.

This is probably going to make me look totally mad but another "compulsion" that I have worked to cut down on through CBT is the amount of time that I spend studying myself on the webcam on my laptop. It is very similar to using a mirror but instead of using a mirror, I study my appearance on my laptop screen instead. The reasons for doing it are exactly the same as using a mirror - reassurance. Another thing I have done from time to time is take photos of myself to study. It`s not something I`m proud of. Just wondered if anyone else out there has done this at all?

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I'm always scruitinising my skin close up in the mirror and every bit of my skin just looks sooooo bad at that distance! Mirrors and reflective surfaces in general seem to be like a kind of addiction for me I just can't seem to stop myself checking them all the time. Like if I'm out and walking along the street I have to keep checking how bad my face looks in car and shop windows every few paces, I must look so superficial and self-obsessed! Thing is I'm not, I absolutely hate what I see in the mirror, I'm just checking that I still look tolerably human enough to be out in public. Prettiness doesn't come into it at all, I'm just trying to achieve fundamental humanity!

I wish I could do as some of you guys do and just not ever look in mirrors at all. Problem is I'd never leave the house if I did that, although to be fair I've been barely doing that at all as it is. Also at the risk of sounding completely crazy here, does anyone else get their face changing in strange ways in the mirror when they look at it for too long? Obviously I'm imagining it but it always really freaks me out so I was wondering if anyone else had experienced this. Ok I'm done with this totally bizarre post now, so apologies to everyone if it actually makes no sense whatsoever!

OMG! I totally "see it changing" as well! If I spend too much time looking at it, it seems to look worse and worse to me. If I go out, usually thoughts like "How terrible does my skin look now?" "Have they noticed?" "Does this light make me look ugly?" cross my mind. Although, when I get home and look in the mirror a lot of the time I find myself thinking.. "Hey, I don't actually look too bad." Constantly staring at your face would of course make you maximize all your flaws. Unfortunately I can't stop. The logical/rational part of me sees some improvement... the irrational and emotional side of me breaks down in tears, maximizing every red mark.

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My BCP Diary -


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I'm always scruitinising my skin close up in the mirror and every bit of my skin just looks sooooo bad at that distance! Mirrors and reflective surfaces in general seem to be like a kind of addiction for me I just can't seem to stop myself checking them all the time. Like if I'm out and walking along the street I have to keep checking how bad my face looks in car and shop windows every few paces, I must look so superficial and self-obsessed! Thing is I'm not, I absolutely hate what I see in the mirror, I'm just checking that I still look tolerably human enough to be out in public. Prettiness doesn't come into it at all, I'm just trying to achieve fundamental humanity!

I wish I could do as some of you guys do and just not ever look in mirrors at all. Problem is I'd never leave the house if I did that, although to be fair I've been barely doing that at all as it is. Also at the risk of sounding completely crazy here, does anyone else get their face changing in strange ways in the mirror when they look at it for too long? Obviously I'm imagining it but it always really freaks me out so I was wondering if anyone else had experienced this. Ok I'm done with this totally bizarre post now, so apologies to everyone if it actually makes no sense whatsoever!

OMG! I totally "see it changing" as well! If I spend too much time looking at it, it seems to look worse and worse to me. If I go out, usually thoughts like "How terrible does my skin look now?" "Have they noticed?" "Does this light make me look ugly?" cross my mind. Although, when I get home and look in the mirror a lot of the time I find myself thinking.. "Hey, I don't actually look too bad." Constantly staring at your face would of course make you maximize all your flaws. Unfortunately I can't stop. The logical/rational part of me sees some improvement... the irrational and emotional side of me breaks down in tears, maximizing every red mark.

Oh goodness. I wish the world had one light setting, and that was it. I HATE how the lighting in my bathroom makes me look. It's direct light which maximizes every freaking bump, red mark, and scar. Then, I can go downstairs and look in a mirror that's illuminated by natural light, and think it doesn't look as awful. Then, I walk out to my car and catch a glance of myself in a window and all my flaws are maximized again. It's so frustrating. i just want a clear picture of what I actually look like before presenting myself to others.

GUNNKE, I totally relate to you. I used to take pictures of myself all the time and study them like a school textbook. I would stare and look for the flaws that I knew were on my face. I would take pictures from every angle, distance, and lighting. I was hoping to find reassurance from all that, but in the end I just felt worse about myself. Thankfully, I got myself to stop doing that (mostly because I have no more storage on my laptop and phone haha). Nonetheless it's a self-destructive behavior that should've been eradicated either way.

It's crazy how similar we all feel. I seriously thought i was the only one to know the torture and pain of living with this dysmorphic view of myself.

1 person likes this

AM Regimen:

Cleanse face with La Roche Posay Effaclar

Apply Aczone

Moisturize with Sheseido Oil-Free Mattifying Moisturizer

PM Regimen:

Cleanse face with La Roche Posay Effaclar

Apply Aczone

Moisturize with Sheseido Oil-Free Mattifying Moisturizer

Spot Treat with Clearisil Adult Acne Tinted Spot Treatment (always)

I now do not follow a vitamin regimen and have expanded my eating to include almost all food groups (excluding lactose/dairy). Since I made this change my face has CLEARED UP!

Minimalism people, trust me it works. Develop a skin care regimen, stick to it, and you will see results. All the rest (diet, exercise, supplements) didn't work for me. Less is more.

Status: 98% Clear... Plus a nice bunch of superficial scarring -.-


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I'm always scruitinising my skin close up in the mirror and every bit of my skin just looks sooooo bad at that distance! Mirrors and reflective surfaces in general seem to be like a kind of addiction for me I just can't seem to stop myself checking them all the time. Like if I'm out and walking along the street I have to keep checking how bad my face looks in car and shop windows every few paces, I must look so superficial and self-obsessed! Thing is I'm not, I absolutely hate what I see in the mirror, I'm just checking that I still look tolerably human enough to be out in public. Prettiness doesn't come into it at all, I'm just trying to achieve fundamental humanity!

I wish I could do as some of you guys do and just not ever look in mirrors at all. Problem is I'd never leave the house if I did that, although to be fair I've been barely doing that at all as it is. Also at the risk of sounding completely crazy here, does anyone else get their face changing in strange ways in the mirror when they look at it for too long? Obviously I'm imagining it but it always really freaks me out so I was wondering if anyone else had experienced this. Ok I'm done with this totally bizarre post now, so apologies to everyone if it actually makes no sense whatsoever!

OMG! I totally "see it changing" as well! If I spend too much time looking at it, it seems to look worse and worse to me. If I go out, usually thoughts like "How terrible does my skin look now?" "Have they noticed?" "Does this light make me look ugly?" cross my mind. Although, when I get home and look in the mirror a lot of the time I find myself thinking.. "Hey, I don't actually look too bad." Constantly staring at your face would of course make you maximize all your flaws. Unfortunately I can't stop. The logical/rational part of me sees some improvement... the irrational and emotional side of me breaks down in tears, maximizing every red mark.

Oh goodness. I wish the world had one light setting, and that was it. I HATE how the lighting in my bathroom makes me look. It's direct light which maximizes every freaking bump, red mark, and scar. Then, I can go downstairs and look in a mirror that's illuminated by natural light, and think it doesn't look as awful. Then, I walk out to my car and catch a glance of myself in a window and all my flaws are maximized again. It's so frustrating. i just want a clear picture of what I actually look like before presenting myself to others.

GUNNKE, I totally relate to you. I used to take pictures of myself all the time and study them like a school textbook. I would stare and look for the flaws that I knew were on my face. I would take pictures from every angle, distance, and lighting. I was hoping to find reassurance from all that, but in the end I just felt worse about myself. Thankfully, I got myself to stop doing that (mostly because I have no more storage on my laptop and phone haha). Nonetheless it's a self-destructive behavior that should've been eradicated either way.

It's crazy how similar we all feel. I seriously thought i was the only one to know the torture and pain of living with this dysmorphic view of myself.

I never kept the photos I took - just used to take them to try to get some sort of reassuarance that I didn`t look disgusting. Inevitably though, I would pick out the flaws and just focus on them which in turn just made me feel even more disgusting and hideous.

When I think about the amount of time that I used to spend studying my appearance via the mirror, laptop, photos etc, I do feel quite embarrassed and ashamed of it. It certainly wasn`t done because of vanity! Thankfully, I`ve managed to virtually stop doing all of these things now.

I do think that these types or behaviours that we are talking about (be it because of OCD, BDD, acne dysmorphia or whatever) are more common than we think. However, I would imagine that a lot of people are too ashamed or embarrassed to talk about it.

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I never kept the photos I took - just used to take them to try to get some sort of reassuarance that I didn`t look disgusting. Inevitably though, I would pick out the flaws and just focus on them which in turn just made me feel even more disgusting and hideous.

When I think about the amount of time that I used to spend studying my appearance via the mirror, laptop, photos etc, I do feel quite embarrassed and ashamed of it. It certainly wasn`t done because of vanity! Thankfully, I`ve managed to virtually stop doing all of these things now.

I do think that these types or behaviours that we are talking about (be it because of OCD, BDD, acne dysmorphia or whatever) are more common than we think. However, I would imagine that a lot of people are too ashamed or embarrassed to talk about it.

I've stopped taking pictures. I used my ipod's camera and it always seemed to accentuate the redness while making my clear skin look paler than it actually is. So I looked way worse in these pictres that I would in reality to anybody looking at me. I thought maybe they would show "progress" to clear skin. It did show the bumpiness going down, but the main "ugliness" for me now is the redness left behind.


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It is very similar to using a mirror but instead of using a mirror, I study my appearance on my laptop screen instead. The reasons for doing it are exactly the same as using a mirror - reassurance. Another thing I have done from time to time is take photos of myself to study. It`s not something I`m proud of. Just wondered if anyone else out there has done this at all?

No, I avoid webcams like the plague! I've also tried the photo thing, especially in the past week, but I seem to look even worse in photos to how I look in the mirror (and that was pretty horrific to begin with) so looking at them doesn't reassure me it just makes me feel a million times worse. Seems like syllacrostics and I have experienced a similar phenomenon. I think for the sake of my mental health I should probably avoid taking photos of myself for the foreseeable future haha!

Oh goodness. I wish the world had one light setting, and that was it. I HATE how the lighting in my bathroom makes me look. It's direct light which maximizes every freaking bump, red mark, and scar. Then, I can go downstairs and look in a mirror that's illuminated by natural light, and think it doesn't look as awful. Then, I walk out to my car and catch a glance of myself in a window and all my flaws are maximized again. It's so frustrating. i just want a clear picture of what I actually look like before presenting myself to others.

I so agree with this. If the world just had one light setting it would make my life a hell of a lot easier and seriously reduce the amount of time I spend doing make-up in the morning. Recently I keep thinking about how much time I waste every day doing make-up and it's actually really sad but I can't not do it because then I would never show my face to anyone. It still seems like an incredible waste though and spending 1-2 hours a day covering my flaws with make-up definitely just serves to make me feel worse and more obsessed about my skin. It really is just a lose-lose situation!! :(


Current Treatment and Products

Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser
Garnier Long Lasting Shine Control Moisturiser
Garnier Oil Free BB Cream
Epiduo
Zineryt
Cetaphil Moisturising Lotion
Eliminated Dairy from my Diet

My Log:

Acne status: Odd spot here and there but mostly clear. Mainly struggling with oil, shine, and scars/hyperpigmentation.


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ah i know what everyone means about trying different mirrors because some are more flattering (which i sometimes need if i have a chance of ever leaving the house!) and some that are very harsh which just sends me into massive depression/ anxiety. does anyone else ever feel really vain about looking in the mirror so much? my brother has said to me before that he didn't realise i was insecure about my skin since i constantly wanted to look at it...makes sense really - i explained it's like watching a car crash unfold...you really don't want to look, but you can't really not look either

My parents used to call me a Parakeet because, before I developed an opposition to mirrors, I would be constantly checking my reflection. What they didn't know is that I mirror checked not because I liked what I saw, but because I was seeking reassurance that I was "suitable for public". If I didn't look then I would be constantly anxious and completely absorbed in negative thinking. It's definitely an OCD behavior that most people, including our families, won't understand. It's completely true... You don't want to look, but you HAVE to. It's definitely an action that isn't in our control.

Now, instead of looking in the mirror. I have developed the nasty habit of feeling my face. For me, It's been even more difficult than mirror checking. I will feel these bumps on my face that seem massive and then I look in the mirror (during my designated mirror times) and notice that these "bumps" are virtually invisible. So, I get my reassurance from seeing how I look, but it really doesn't make a difference. As soon as I walk away and start feeling my face, I tell myself I must not be seeing myself clearly. It's a vicious cycle. No matter what, I end up feeling like crap in the end sad.png

I'm so glad I'm not alone on this! I feel so vain looking at myself constantly but I can't help it, I'm not admiring - which I think a lot of people do in mirrors, it's just a form of 'checking' that my skin hasn't suddenly erupted or that my make up hasn't slightly smudged and shown the world the horrors it's attempting to cover! If I can't check in the mirror I get really anxious about it as well, which I know is not normal behaviour.

Also, I know what you mean about skimming your fingers over your skin to check for any developments, I used to do this all the time! I purposely don't touch my face anymore because I'm a massive picker and I wouldn't be able to resist :( for me checking the mirror is like putting a glass of wine in front of an alcoholic and touching my skin is like putting the glass of wine in an alcoholic's hands! I know it sounds dramatic but that's the only way I can explain it.

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ah i know what everyone means about trying different mirrors because some are more flattering (which i sometimes need if i have a chance of ever leaving the house!) and some that are very harsh which just sends me into massive depression/ anxiety. does anyone else ever feel really vain about looking in the mirror so much? my brother has said to me before that he didn't realise i was insecure about my skin since i constantly wanted to look at it...makes sense really - i explained it's like watching a car crash unfold...you really don't want to look, but you can't really not look either

My parents used to call me a Parakeet because, before I developed an opposition to mirrors, I would be constantly checking my reflection. What they didn't know is that I mirror checked not because I liked what I saw, but because I was seeking reassurance that I was "suitable for public". If I didn't look then I would be constantly anxious and completely absorbed in negative thinking. It's definitely an OCD behavior that most people, including our families, won't understand. It's completely true... You don't want to look, but you HAVE to. It's definitely an action that isn't in our control.

Now, instead of looking in the mirror. I have developed the nasty habit of feeling my face. For me, It's been even more difficult than mirror checking. I will feel these bumps on my face that seem massive and then I look in the mirror (during my designated mirror times) and notice that these "bumps" are virtually invisible. So, I get my reassurance from seeing how I look, but it really doesn't make a difference. As soon as I walk away and start feeling my face, I tell myself I must not be seeing myself clearly. It's a vicious cycle. No matter what, I end up feeling like crap in the end sad.png

I'm so glad I'm not alone on this! I feel so vain looking at myself constantly but I can't help it, I'm not admiring - which I think a lot of people do in mirrors, it's just a form of 'checking' that my skin hasn't suddenly erupted or that my make up hasn't slightly smudged and shown the world the horrors it's attempting to cover! If I can't check in the mirror I get really anxious about it as well, which I know is not normal behaviour.

Also, I know what you mean about skimming your fingers over your skin to check for any developments, I used to do this all the time! I purposely don't touch my face anymore because I'm a massive picker and I wouldn't be able to resist sad.png for me checking the mirror is like putting a glass of wine in front of an alcoholic and touching my skin is like putting the glass of wine in an alcoholic's hands! I know it sounds dramatic but that's the only way I can explain it.

You are definitely not alone. As you can see there are many people, including myself, that struggle with this every second of the day. I know exactly how you feel about mirror checking compulsively. I don't mirror check, but as I said I feel my face. If i try to resist the urge, I start to become really anxious and then that evolves into major frustration. If I keep resisting the urge to touch, I experience a nasty combination of frustration, panic, and resentfulness. Therefore, I always cave and give into my OCD tendencies and the cycle continues :( As you said, it's not normal behavior.

I've been try to find substitutes for touching my face. I carry about paintbrushes with me everyone and rub my fingers over the bristles to try and distract myself from the urge . I always have to keep my hands busy or I'll just resort to feeling my face for bumps and flaws. It's so unbelievably frustrating and honestly I can't imagine what it looks like to some people. I'm always afraid that one day someone is going to walk up to me and say "What the he*l are you doing?!". I must look ridiculous!


AM Regimen:

Cleanse face with La Roche Posay Effaclar

Apply Aczone

Moisturize with Sheseido Oil-Free Mattifying Moisturizer

PM Regimen:

Cleanse face with La Roche Posay Effaclar

Apply Aczone

Moisturize with Sheseido Oil-Free Mattifying Moisturizer

Spot Treat with Clearisil Adult Acne Tinted Spot Treatment (always)

I now do not follow a vitamin regimen and have expanded my eating to include almost all food groups (excluding lactose/dairy). Since I made this change my face has CLEARED UP!

Minimalism people, trust me it works. Develop a skin care regimen, stick to it, and you will see results. All the rest (diet, exercise, supplements) didn't work for me. Less is more.

Status: 98% Clear... Plus a nice bunch of superficial scarring -.-


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