How can a disease that is not terminal, non life-threatening, and doesn't make you sick, be absolutely devastating and life-crippling at the same time??? Is it me? Am I not strong enough? Do I not have enough self-worth and confidence to hold my head up?
All I feel is ashamed and embarrassed, and it's two-fold: I feel ashamed in my appearance, but also completely narcissistic that I have the gall to think that so many people will focus on me. Like they would stop and stare, then talk about it with their friends and say "oh my god, she was disgusting," or take pity on me saying, "poor girl, she would be so pretty if she didn't have such an ugly face."
In the media, we're bombarded with perfect-looking with perfect skin, but I also feel like I don't see anyone else, and my age (early/mid- 30's) that has this. I try not to be affected, but I am.
I have a cyst on my forehead the size of a small tumor right now. It hurts just to raise my eyebrows. My cheeks are riddled with intense bright red marks. Today, I actually pretended that I would like putting on a lot of makeup. I wake up with a new cyst every morning now.
Here's what I've done since this started (it's been one week): 100mg doxy, 2x/day last week. 25mg/day of Spironolactone last week, and finally I started my bc pills again. I'm upping Spiro to 50mg today.
How do you get through the day and ignore the stares and remain happy, or at the least, functioning? I'm thinking about an anti-depressant. I feel like a freak. I feel guilty for feeling so bad about something to trivial.
How do I pretend like I don't care...or how do I keep fighting a battle that looks like it will never end?