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I Saw A Girl With Scars And I Felt Sad

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#1 Stella the diver

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Posted 03 July 2013 - 02:03 PM

I was at a bookstore yesterday and when I went up to the cash and the cashier had acne scarring. I dunno why, I immediately felt sad (not a "sad/pity for the person" kind of sadness, though). I didn't have that feeling of not being alone with my insecurities , since she also has scarring like me. So I didn't feel better about myself even though I know other people have them, too. It's more like I felt  "Why are we afflicted like this?" feeling. 

 

Has anyone ever felt like this? Instead of feeling not alone, you actually feel more depressed? :( 

I think it's the first time I ever felt like this (when seeing someone with acne problems)  , I try to stay positive, not look in mirrors more than enough, but some days my insecurities get the better of me. Right after I left the bookshop, I went to the bathroom and scrutinized myself in the mirror.

 

 



#2 Frank*L

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Posted 03 July 2013 - 05:50 PM

There is only one person I have ever seen with acne scars who I felt "sorry" for because his scars were more severe than mine. His entire face was cratered up but guess what that dude was happy. He smiled, laughed, had friends and volunteered with after school programs with kids. I never saw him with a girl (figures) but he seemed happy and I felt good around him. He was a good dude.

 

Usually when I see others with scars I see how handsome/pretty they are despite it. Even besides scars if someone is fat or anything else that is considered unattractive I seriously dont give a fuck.

 

However when I see myself in the mirror I feel hatred, anger, sorrow, despair and its eating at my brain every fucking day. I scrutinize myself too but for good reason. 

 

Stella compared to me you are perfect. This might sound weird but I wish I was you. I dont even go to book stores because I hate myself.



#3 Sum1killme

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Posted 04 July 2013 - 12:36 AM

I have only seen one person in my entire life with acne almost as bad as I used to have it and it made me angry because I saw my reflection and knew the people around him had no fucking clue how shitty it is to be the one suffering with it. I could see the pain in that persons eyes so fucking deep I know exactly what that person feels and thinks on a daily basis and it pisses me off that another human being has to endure this hell physically and psychologically.

#4 AghhNe

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Posted 04 July 2013 - 12:08 PM

I have a friend who has acne scars all over his face though he only had shallow ones on his cheeks but his temples had deep ones like a LOT. He also has a very short haircut so everything is exposed. He doesnt care really. He doesnt even dress fancy cause he just doesnt care. He goes out and works. In my opinion he looks happy and unaffected but ofc he must be affected even a little or time just made him not care about anything. He likes to joke and smile when talking to people.

But, you know when i didnt have acne, i didnt really notice his scars in fact i only knew he kinda had a rough surface skin but didnt think it was scars. I always noticed his personality and how great of a person he is. I didnt even think of scars when talking to him face to face (VERY NEAR like HOW YOU WOULD LOOK IN THE MIRROR).

NOW that i have acne and scars, i notice his scars now. Everytime i see him it gives me courage and makes me feel free because i dont have to angle my face when talking to him and dont have to worry him seeing my ...... horrible skin. 

I think when you have a lot of acne scars on your skin, it is less noticable. WHY? well, because it looks like it's just your skin like a part of it, not a flaw.
BUT if you have isolated acne scars, then it LOOKS like a FLAW since it's surrounded by good skin then this one FLAW is just highlighted.


Im serious, i notice acne scars when it is isolated.



#5 Stella the diver

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Posted 04 July 2013 - 05:32 PM

There is only one person I have ever seen with acne scars who I felt "sorry" for because his scars were more severe than mine. His entire face was cratered up but guess what that dude was happy. He smiled, laughed, had friends and volunteered with after school programs with kids. I never saw him with a girl (figures) but he seemed happy and I felt good around him. He was a good dude.

 

Usually when I see others with scars I see how handsome/pretty they are despite it. Even besides scars if someone is fat or anything else that is considered unattractive I seriously dont give a fuck.

 

However when I see myself in the mirror I feel hatred, anger, sorrow, despair and its eating at my brain every fucking day. I scrutinize myself too but for good reason. 

 

Stella compared to me you are perfect. This might sound weird but I wish I was you. I dont even go to book stores because I hate myself.

 

I really wish I see myself as how you or other people would see me, not seeing myself as perfect lol , but at least decent looking. 



I have a friend who has acne scars all over his face though he only had shallow ones on his cheeks but his temples had deep ones like a LOT. He also has a very short haircut so everything is exposed. He doesnt care really. He doesnt even dress fancy cause he just doesnt care. He goes out and works. In my opinion he looks happy and unaffected but ofc he must be affected even a little or time just made him not care about anything. He likes to joke and smile when talking to people.

But, you know when i didnt have acne, i didnt really notice his scars in fact i only knew he kinda had a rough surface skin but didnt think it was scars. I always noticed his personality and how great of a person he is. I didnt even think of scars when talking to him face to face (VERY NEAR like HOW YOU WOULD LOOK IN THE MIRROR).

NOW that i have acne and scars, i notice his scars now. Everytime i see him it gives me courage and makes me feel free because i dont have to angle my face when talking to him and dont have to worry him seeing my ...... horrible skin. 

I think when you have a lot of acne scars on your skin, it is less noticable. WHY? well, because it looks like it's just your skin like a part of it, not a flaw.
BUT if you have isolated acne scars, then it LOOKS like a FLAW since it's surrounded by good skin then this one FLAW is just highlighted.


Im serious, i notice acne scars when it is isolated.

Hmm, I see what you mean.

But since I'm so obsessed with my skin, I notice a lot more about other people's skin conditions and the more severe it is, the more I notice it. If the isolated flaw is tiny/minor, I don't notice it, unless it's big, even if it's only one.



I have only seen one person in my entire life with acne almost as bad as I used to have it and it made me angry because I saw my reflection and knew the people around him had no fucking clue how shitty it is to be the one suffering with it. I could see the pain in that persons eyes so fucking deep I know exactly what that person feels and thinks on a daily basis and it pisses me off that another human being has to endure this hell physically and psychologically.

 

Yes,me too, I saw myself in that girl. :( 



#6 snsdgirl14

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Posted 04 July 2013 - 11:33 PM

I have felt that way towards people with not only severe acne/scarring but other diseases/deformities as well...it makes me a little uncomfortable because I'm sure the person would not want to know that people 'pity' or 'feel bad' for them, you know? Everyone just wants to be treated like they're human. No matter what, though, I never stare at the person and just talk to them like normal. I know how hurtful it can be to see someone staring at you and wondering what they're thinking. 

 

It does make me so sad, though. It makes me sad that looks take such a precedence in society. That people judge you instantly based on what you look like; your skin, your hair, your weight, your height, your clothes. It all seems so cruel sometimes. 



#7 Ries

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Posted 05 July 2013 - 02:24 AM

I went to the 4th of july parade and I saw some military guys with bad acne and scarring. I honestly don't know how to feel about them because they don't seem bothered by it even the tiniest bit.



#8 AghhNe

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Posted 05 July 2013 - 08:42 PM

I went to the 4th of july parade and I saw some military guys with bad acne and scarring. I honestly don't know how to feel about them because they don't seem bothered by it even the tiniest bit.


Well, some scars look fine on masculine looking guys especially the military since people have the prejudice about them being so strong, brave, etc.
plus having scars from a battle is bad ass for some people. Makes you look tough.

Pinoy ka ba? O vietnamese?

#9 Ries

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Posted 06 July 2013 - 12:51 AM

I went to the 4th of july parade and I saw some military guys with bad acne and scarring. I honestly don't know how to feel about them because they don't seem bothered by it even the tiniest bit.


Well, some scars look fine on masculine looking guys especially the military since people have the prejudice about them being so strong, brave, etc.
plus having scars from a battle is bad ass for some people. Makes you look tough.

Pinoy ka ba? O vietnamese?

 

Yeah I agree with you. I hope to become mascular someday so I could pull off this acne scarring.

 

Pinoy po ako :)



#10 AghhNe

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Posted 06 July 2013 - 01:36 PM

 

I went to the 4th of july parade and I saw some military guys with bad acne and scarring. I honestly don't know how to feel about them because they don't seem bothered by it even the tiniest bit.


Well, some scars look fine on masculine looking guys especially the military since people have the prejudice about them being so strong, brave, etc.
plus having scars from a battle is bad ass for some people. Makes you look tough.

Pinoy ka ba? O vietnamese?

 

Yeah I agree with you. I hope to become mascular someday so I could pull off this acne scarring.

 

Pinoy po ako smile.png


Para sakin lng, ok lng syo ung may peklat (scars) kasi nagbibigay ng katauhang katapangan. Serioso. Hayss, malas ko lng kasi hindi bagay skin kahit pagbaligbaligtarin ko pa ang mundo hahaha.

In my opinion, i think it doesnt really affect your face. I'm trying to imagine acne scars on you now lol. I think you can pull it off despite not being buffed.


 



#11 WishClean

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 09:45 PM

I still remember seeing a girl on the train a few months ago with really bad acne scarring. I was sitting 2-3 rows away and it was still noticeable. I don't know if it bothered her or not, but she seemed rather happy and she was with a rather attractive guy who couldn't keep his eyes off her (in a good way). The guy seemed totally into her. People who don't waste too much energy worrying about how they look are the happiest.



#12 darkheart

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 09:55 PM

I remember back in 2011 around Christmas time (or was it 2010?) I was at a MAC cosmetics store browsing makeup when I saw this woman (she was at least early 30's) with by far the most horrific acne scars I have ever seen in my life. She had what looked like rolling scars all over her face - I can't even begin to explain the degree of severity of her scarring, it was like her skin had been ripped apart. I was shocked and tried to avoid her (as bad as that sounds).

 

I never scarred more than a few icepicks on my cheek regardless of how inflammatory my acne was, how much I picked and ripped into my skin squeezing, popping and lancing pimples as much as I could and scrubbing with abrasive exfoliators. I'm extremely lucky to be such a good healer, I should have scarred horribly considering the degree of acne I had and how harsh I was on my skin  - but I didn't by the grace of genetics.


Edited by darkheart, 09 July 2013 - 09:56 PM.


#13 wheatfree

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 10:56 PM

The worst scarring I've seen was on a woman who was a well known local business person. Disfiguring scarring all over her face. There was no redness, no activity, but the scars made it still seem painful. It was actually kind of inspiring for me to see someone so confident and successful make it through acne, something I had already been struggling with. I can't remember everything that I thought about at the time, but I'm certain I thought about what would make this woman even got out of bed in the mornings. I already felt so awkward with my relatively mild acne. I'm certain I said a little prayer about it not evolving to her severe case. I realized acne is not a valid excuse for hiding and it gave me hope that I could be a success someday.

 

Now on the flip side when someone gets one tiny bump that you can't even visualize through their make-up, carries on about how painful it is, and calls in sick to work because she can't stand to face the day --I tend to fill with rage. Especially when they complain to my face about it and I am broken out all over and not even wearing makeup hoping that it can heal. Especially when I'm not planning to go out at all, but they call to ask me to pick something up at their house. I do it to maintain piece in the family. I tolerate it because I married her son and she's like another mother to me. I guess some people just want pity. I would love to not go to work on days when I didn't feel I looked my best or on days when my face hurts, but I want to keep my job. . .



#14 blahblah82

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 06:39 AM

This has been a long, painful, personal issue for me since the age of 11 (I'm now almost 32).   I know this overwhelming feeling of sadness as well, because it's a feeling of recognition.  It's the feeling of seeing in three dimensions, in real life, how other people see you.  It's different when you look in the mirror and try to fool yourself into thinking that you look okay under controlled lighting and conditions.  When you're out in the real world and you are confronted with a stark reminder of how you truly must look to other- that is when that sadness really sinks in.  Honestly 80% of the people on here have the mildest acne that shouldn't even warrant the anguish they're feeling.  I can't help but wonder if those people who seem to accept their acne and/or scars are really just as emotionally tormented inside as well.  Aren't some of us here putting on that daily facade as well?  Accepting oneself is difficult when other people continually make it a point to remind you of your difference.


Edited by blahblah82, 11 July 2013 - 06:40 AM.


#15 Stella the diver

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 07:11 AM

This has been a long, painful, personal issue for me since the age of 11 (I'm now almost 32).   I know this overwhelming feeling of sadness as well, because it's a feeling of recognition.  It's the feeling of seeing in three dimensions, in real life, how other people see you.  It's different when you look in the mirror and try to fool yourself into thinking that you look okay under controlled lighting and conditions.  When you're out in the real world and you are confronted with a stark reminder of how you truly must look to other- that is when that sadness really sinks in.  Honestly 80% of the people on here have the mildest acne that shouldn't even warrant the anguish they're feeling.  I can't help but wonder if those people who seem to accept their acne and/or scars are really just as emotionally tormented inside as well.  Aren't some of us here putting on that daily facade as well?  Accepting oneself is difficult when other people continually make it a point to remind you of your difference.

 

I think you just perfectly and accurately described what I was feeling.



#16 michi31

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 07:44 AM

Yes I agree with Blahblah as well. I always try to fool myself that the lighting must be ok and they can't see it like I see it in bad lighting. But then I realize that must not be true - even with people with normal skin; I can see their skin so clearly I realize they must see mine clearly as well. I'm 32 also and feel like my life is over as of 2 years ago when I started noticing scarring. Yet I also put on the daily facade of everything is fine - I have never even told my family how I felt only my husband. At this age I can't hide as I have a job and a child so I just try to make it through my obligations the best I can.


Edited by michi31, 11 July 2013 - 07:45 AM.


#17 wheatfree

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 10:09 AM

This has been a long, painful, personal issue for me since the age of 11 (I'm now almost 32).   I know this overwhelming feeling of sadness as well, because it's a feeling of recognition.  It's the feeling of seeing in three dimensions, in real life, how other people see you.  It's different when you look in the mirror and try to fool yourself into thinking that you look okay under controlled lighting and conditions.  When you're out in the real world and you are confronted with a stark reminder of how you truly must look to other- that is when that sadness really sinks in.  Honestly 80% of the people on here have the mildest acne that shouldn't even warrant the anguish they're feeling.  I can't help but wonder if those people who seem to accept their acne and/or scars are really just as emotionally tormented inside as well.  Aren't some of us here putting on that daily facade as well?  Accepting oneself is difficult when other people continually make it a point to remind you of your difference.

Well stated. That's it--a feeling of recognition. I grew up painfully shy and I get the same twinge when I see a young person avoiding the group with an expression that looks like what I have felt countless times. When those young people are teens, they often have acne, too. What a double whammy to have to cope with! It truly stunts your growth emotionally, socially, and professionally!



#18 AghhNe

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Posted 12 July 2013 - 10:39 AM

I wish i could be the as strong as other people. The type who doesnt care about what he/she looks like..
Life is so unfair... Im still so young...

Soo hard to even go out with my friends but i force myself. Wenever i go out with them i stare at their skin when they are not looking thinking "you have no idea how lucky you are". Sometimes they talk about pimples and about how annoying it is and they have the mildest acne ever i coudnt even see it! I was beside them standing with icepicks and rolling scars and active acne and lots of hyperpigmentation. Made me feel horrible that i didnt want to go out anymore...

#19 wheatfree

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Posted 12 July 2013 - 05:03 PM

I wish i could be the as strong as other people. The type who doesnt care about what he/she looks like..
Life is so unfair... Im still so young...

Soo hard to even go out with my friends but i force myself. Wenever i go out with them i stare at their skin when they are not looking thinking "you have no idea how lucky you are". Sometimes they talk about pimples and about how annoying it is and they have the mildest acne ever i coudnt even see it! I was beside them standing with icepicks and rolling scars and active acne and lots of hyperpigmentation. Made me feel horrible that i didnt want to go out anymore...

I don't think that anyone truly doesn't care how they look. If they say they don't, they are probably not being completely honest with themselves. If they comb their hair and brush their teeth they care. Maybe they don't know what else to do and just say they don't care as an excuse. People who seem like they can cope adequately enough to maintain a job and go out in spite of acne understand that some things are more important. If they feel out of control in regards to their skin, they may feel like focusing more on aspects of themselves that can be controlled. Your friends have noticed your acne, when they are talking about their own problems, do you ever join in? Have you ever told them that some things they say hurt your feelings? Have you ever thought about trading your group of friends for ones that make you feel good when you're with them?



#20 AghhNe

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Posted 12 July 2013 - 08:38 PM

I wish i could be the as strong as other people. The type who doesnt care about what he/she looks like..
Life is so unfair... Im still so young...
Soo hard to even go out with my friends but i force myself. Wenever i go out with them i stare at their skin when they are not looking thinking "you have no idea how lucky you are". Sometimes they talk about pimples and about how annoying it is and they have the mildest acne ever i coudnt even see it! I was beside them standing with icepicks and rolling scars and active acne and lots of hyperpigmentation. Made me feel horrible that i didnt want to go out anymore...

I don't think that anyone truly doesn't care how they look. If they say they don't, they are probably not being completely honest with themselves. If they comb their hair and brush their teeth they care. Maybe they don't know what else to do and just say they don't care as an excuse. People who seem like they can cope adequately enough to maintain a job and go out in spite of acne understand that some things are more important. If they feel out of control in regards to their skin, they may feel like focusing more on aspects of themselves that can be controlled. Your friends have noticed your acne, when they are talking about their own problems, do you ever join in? Have you ever told them that some things they say hurt your feelings? Have you ever thought about trading your group of friends for ones that make you feel good when you're with them?

Well, i have a big circle of friends so i hang out with a lot of them. No i dont say that they hurt my feelings. It's just tooo.... Showy.. Or i dont know.. It shows that im weak.
The more i make an issue of my acne the more they will notice and remember and point it out.

I dont think they meant to hurt my feelings so i just try to understand and brush it off.