I had come to a point where I accepted my acne as a part of me that was never going to go away. I'd look at myself in the mirror, shrug, and move along. Nothing new. Just the usual ugly acne and scars.
I had come to think of myself as a zero. Zeros are used as place holders. They're useless, and valueless; much like myself. I'm a place holder for my pretty friends. I make them look better just by standing next to me. In fact, I had become okay with that.
Today, I was wearing my fancy Sephora make up at work today. I've been working this job for almost two years and I had never had someone bring up my acne; except for one of my supervisors who used my acne as a means of making me quit. That was almost a year ago. A customer came in, I rang her up and as she was leaving she looked at me and said "Not to be mean or anything....." oh. hell. no. I snapped my head towards the back room so fast, I could've died. I had just gotten transfered to this store a week ago so I wasn't familiar with the staff and I didn't want my new coworker to hear this conversation. She started talking about the benefits of Vinegar for acne (been there, done that). I just zoned out and tried not to cry.
Now I'm home and I'm sobbing. Working is the only thing that makes me feel worthy of life. Its the one thing that keeps me from being a hermit in my room. Now I'm here crying because I'm not worthy of my job with pretty girls. I'M THE UGLY DUCKLING. Except this duckling doesn't get a happy ending.