This post is more for me than anything. I heard it is always good to let things out. I hope by so, something good will come out of it.
I have suffered with acne for about 15 years and it has really taken a toll on my life, more than I thought it ever would. It started getting bad in HS and then worse in college. I always put on heavy makeup to cover up my face and of course it made it worse. The horrible thing about makeup was that while it was helping me feel somewhat normal on the outside, it was making my acne much worse. I also felt like I was living a double life. In front of people, I tried so hard to be happy but inside I was depressed and I hated life. I kept that up for years and years. I am a christian and had a great group of friends. But I felt judged at church for wearing makeup and it felt unfair. My faith in God is still the most important thing to me but that taught me how people can be. I started getting ice pick scars and from that point on I felt less confident and somehow that things weren't going to be the same anymore. I was so angry inside and had so much bitterness towards my parents who just thought it would go away naturally. They didn't see what it was doing and the damage it would do down the line. It was eating away at my self-esteem. I graduated from college and had a horrible experience at my first job. I ended up quitting and that experience traumatized me. From then on, I haven't been the same. I feel like an idiot sometimes, like socially, emotionally, mentally, I've atrophied. My skin is under control now but I have no friends. Whenever I have tried to open up, I just burst into tears or feel that I will. It's horrible. I am such a sensitive person and a part of me feels like I will never have the kind of life I wanted. It seems like all my friends in HS went to great colleges and are doing something amazing with their lives. They are married, with kids, and I am still stuck. I have no friends and I worry about so many things... I am in school wanting to change careers so who knows how my next job will be, how I will make money, have friends, how I will be in general. It's really sad. I used to have best friends from elementary school and I don't have them anymore. But I still pray and have faith in God's goodness. My skin is clear now but I am such a broken person. I honestly feel like sometimes the whole world is against me even though it's not. I have had so many negative experiences in life. But as I'm writing this, I just want to throw all of this up into the air and let it all go. I don't want this to define me anymore. I'm tired of holding onto it. I hope I can make good friendships and even find a great guy. I find myself wanting to get married and hope someone will come around who will love and accept me for who I am and vice versa.
Edited by dreamers, 06 June 2013 - 05:42 PM.