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Coping Techniques When Thing's Aren't Going Well

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#1 Adayinthelife

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Posted 06 June 2013 - 04:51 AM

Hi Guys,

Lately I have been really struggling with my skin, it is very sensitive and irritated and that is clearly visible, the actual skin problem aside- I have been trying to deal with all of the issues that my skin problems bring me. The stress, the anxiety and the grief but if your in a similar position right now whether it's related to Acne or other skin issues, here are some thoughts and perspectives that might help:

 

.If your worried that you look bad, try just saying to yourself- Ok, I believe I don't look too good right now but I'm going to deal with it rather than constantly checking the mirror trying to make up my mind" you won't look bad forever.

 

.Avoid constant mirror checking, decide when the right time is, don't do it before leaving the house or when your out in public. Try just checking how it looks once a day but don't rush to the mirror when you get out of bed, try doing some other things first to build yourself up.

 

.Just forget about what other people are thinking, it's your problem and you are dealing with it to the best of your ability, there judgement won't change your skin and they don't know your story and if they did, they would be thinking a completely different thing.

 

Understand that you have to deal with it for a while, just accept that it may not be as temporary as you think but if you take it one step at a time, you can always cope.

 

.Remember there are so many other aspects of life that have nothing to do with your skin, try not to attribute your skin to your over all existence as a person.

 

.Don't take life so seriously, try saying in your head: "ok, I'm having some skin issues right now but I need to relax and be patient and try to have a good time in the mean while"

 

.Keep a Journal, not only will it help you track the treatment of your skin but it will let you release all of the feelings and it will allow you to trace your emotions and find out what causes stress. At first this may seem tedious but just give a try, sometimes you won't feel like writing and that's ok but sometimes there's nothing better. I can't imagine skipping it on some nights because my thoughts will keep interrupting me while I'm doing other things.

 

If at all possible, just focus on other things. If you find your mind keeps focusing on your skin, just get your phone and browse the web or play a game, think about only 20% of your day and spend the other %80 focused on other things.

 

.Bad times don't last, neither do good so just remember that you will go through phases, your skin will get better and then worse countless amounts of times, if you can control yourself in both situations you will cope well.

 

.Make up a cool story, this works well when your skin problem kind of looks like an injury or cut of some sort, say you got into a fight or had an accident but only use this story if somebody asks you about your skin. People might talk about you as the guy/girl who survived a deadly fight rather than someone with skin issues, if they have the nerve to bother you like that, you might as well use it to your benefit.

 

.Never set deadlines, just don't do it- your problem will go away when it goes away, just try to cope in the mean time and you will learn something about yourself and grow as a person. The times you can just relax amongst all of the bad emotions can be really enjoyable.

 

.You don't know what other people are thinking- even if you think you are sure of it you just don't know. Some people may not care about your skin issues, some may feel sorry for you, some may judge you and some may just understand. It's best to just not make assumptions.

 

Don't think to yourself that you have no right to judge other people just because of your skin issues- you may have your own opnion on whether or not it is right to judge people on how they look but don't tell yourself you have to stop because your are too imperfect yourself, we all judge each other and so we all cancel each other out and therefore it's really just a meaningless instinct of the human mind.

 

 

Have your time out- try to make a specific time when you can just forget about everything and enjoy yourself, try watching a movie in your favourite place by yourself in the dark, in this time remember that nobody can see your skin and nobody is judging you and that you are doing everything you can to fix the issue but right now, you don't need to think about it. 

 

.Clear skin is not everything, the only reason you want clear skin is for your own emotional stability.  If you could press a button and hide all of your skin flaws, you would have a different view on the issue. Most people want clear skin because:

.they want to be pleased with the way appear/ want to look their best

.concern Acne makes them less attractive to others

.better confidence/ find it easier to socialise

.peace of mind- don't have to worry about their skin

 

but even if you had clear skin, your life would not change you would still be the same person, living the same life. Try visualising yourself having clear skin right now- would anything really be different? Millions of people without Acne are depressed, stressed and sad every day and some would even trade their problems for Acne so while clear skin can be great, your mind will eventually move on to the next thing.

 

It will take time to change your perspective, it's ok if you can only think positive when your skin is better, if you keep at it, even when something goes wrong you will be able to handle it.

 

 



#2 elliew8

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Posted 06 June 2013 - 07:40 AM

I completely agree with all of those techniques...the only problem is it's easier said than done I guess. It's the things we know we should be doing but find it really difficult to actually stick to. It might be worth putting these on post-it notes and attaching them to a mirror or as reading material in the bathroom lol

 

The thing I also try and remember is that most of the time (except a few lucky souls) we have very little control over our acne but we do have control over how we react to it...plus it's always good to confide in someone who loves you and have them tell you how great you are, sometimes its easy to feel worthless when you have bad skin :(



#3 michi31

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Posted 06 June 2013 - 07:49 AM

It's nice that you wrote this and I think it is very helpful. However the nature of many of your comments are to remind yourself that it's temporary. So what about those of us struggling with scarring? I think that's why scarring is especially devastating. It is every day, for the rest of your life. So how do you deal with that?



#4 elliew8

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Posted 06 June 2013 - 08:09 AM

To be honest I think scarring is a whole different kettle of fish - both equally as emotionally challenging but I think the physical pain from active acne and the fact that one day your skin is fine and the next it's a disaster can toy with your emotions so much because you don't know if you're going to wake up and feel ok or feel like not even getting out of bed. There's also a massive sense of desperation with active acne because people are constantly trying to find their own cure.

 

Whereas scarring has a lot deeper emotional issues because it's more about acceptance...don't get me wrong there are many (but mostly expensive) treatments for scarring that people are just as desperate to find but even when scars fade they are more a part of 'who we are'...don't know if that makes sense but I think scarring coping mechanisms will probably vary slightly because the level of emotional impact is more deep-rooted, with scars I'd say think of them as badges of honour/ battle scars, like saying f you to the world - I've suffered and I've got the scars to prove it!

 

Can anyone else give some advice on coping techniques for scarring? Will be useful to get some inspirational quotes or something...a lot of posts are (understandably) focused on the negative, so would be good to get a thread going that we can come to if we want to feel a bit more positive!



#5 goodz19

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Posted 06 June 2013 - 09:07 AM

Great advice and an excellent post.  Thank you.  I wish I could say I have the strength and will power to put these ideas into practice every day; every day seems like a chore going thru this.  You really need to have the right frame of mind, the right perspective to be able to cope on a regular basis.



#6 michi31

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Posted 06 June 2013 - 01:17 PM

To be honest I think scarring is a whole different kettle of fish - both equally as emotionally challenging but I think the physical pain from active acne and the fact that one day your skin is fine and the next it's a disaster can toy with your emotions so much because you don't know if you're going to wake up and feel ok or feel like not even getting out of bed. There's also a massive sense of desperation with active acne because people are constantly trying to find their own cure.

 

Whereas scarring has a lot deeper emotional issues because it's more about acceptance...don't get me wrong there are many (but mostly expensive) treatments for scarring that people are just as desperate to find but even when scars fade they are more a part of 'who we are'...don't know if that makes sense but I think scarring coping mechanisms will probably vary slightly because the level of emotional impact is more deep-rooted, with scars I'd say think of them as badges of honour/ battle scars, like saying f you to the world - I've suffered and I've got the scars to prove it!

 

Can anyone else give some advice on coping techniques for scarring? Will be useful to get some inspirational quotes or something...a lot of posts are (understandably) focused on the negative, so would be good to get a thread going that we can come to if we want to feel a bit more positive!

 

 

Yes you are right in the sense that active acne messes with you so much, whereas if you don't have active acne you don't have that constant feeling of panic like things are getting worse again. However there is always the thought that this is temporary, and I also think it's less deforming than actual scarring. It is very difficult to deal with, but yes that is a good way to think about it.



#7 Vanessa2002

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Posted 06 June 2013 - 01:57 PM

I also have scarring and I'm gonna get a laser treatment for it. Have you tried that out?

I don't think scars are something that you have to live with for the rest of your life nowadays. I've heard olive oil is supposed to help too



#8 freja

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Posted 06 June 2013 - 02:19 PM

Things that help me when I feel like absolute crud:

 

-Remembering that tons of people around me have acne, when I look at people and customers at work for instance almost nobody has "perfect" skin, we are all just human, with lines and sun damage and spots and all sorts of things!

 

-Remembering that nobody is probably even looking at my skin that carefully. Even if they see a spot they probably don't care and it's seriously no big deal. Everyone has their own lives to think about and they probably don't waste time thinking about someones SKIN.

 

-People can still be insanely attractive even with acne. There is this guy I work with who looks like a beautiful model with gorgeous golden curls and he has acne spots everywhere. xD! It doesn't detract from his beauty one little bit!

 

-When I'm old and gray, I won't be caring about if I had acne as a kid and adult .. I'll be (hopefully) remembering all the good things I experienced and the ways I (hopefully) helped people. :)

 

-My favorite model in the entire universe, Lily Cole, has a fair amount of acne, and she is just perfect IMO - not sure if I want to BE her or MARRY her. wub.png



#9 Sum1killme

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Posted 06 June 2013 - 06:14 PM

I wake up angry, so I need to workout in the mornings to the point of passing the fuck out that way I can feel exhausted throughout the day with no energy to worry. Shit still doesn't work very good, might try meditation.

#10 LLL3

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Posted 08 June 2013 - 12:03 AM

meditation is a great idea! By the way, did you know that each and every time that you "reflect" upon your self or life in general in a deep way, whether you are in a seated position, standing, walking, cooking, lifting weights, etc, that is a form of meditation. Ever feel like every time you do that (I think most of us contemplate from time to time) , that there is no real result or benefit and that it's just you running around in circles in your own mind? well, try sitting perfectly still for a while and actually putting in effort to organize the content of this reflection .  It does wonders for me !!! As a matter of fact, if a couple days goes by without at least a few mins of solid stillness/silence, I find myself (my mind) gravitating towards old habits like laziness and doubt. I think of it as recharging, similar to how a cordless phone needs to be placed in it's base to recharge. the sad truth is that most of us are running around in our lives, completely drained of vital energy. Meditation (and there are as many ways to meditate as there are people on Earth) is absolutely essential. Whether you follow a religious/spiritual tradition or you create your own way of reflection (which I did/do), you will be doing yourself the biggest favor !!!



and to reply to the Original Poster: I think all of those "techniques" and tips you mentioned are wonderful. I agree 100%. With a healthy, active, and productive meditative practice, you will eventually find all of those things happening to you smile.png It'll take you by surprise. 

 

btw you can't expect to try it once and see mind blowing results lol. You have to decide to take it up as a life practice. After all, we're talking about shifting your own perception here, aren't we? Your (false) perception of yourself and others and the world and life itself is the real issue to be dealt with, right? So this will not be an overnight thing smile.png



not to sound like a new age guru or anything but...we all know what to do, few of us will try, and even fewer of us will succeed. The choice is yours and yours alone. 


Edited by LLL3, 08 June 2013 - 12:01 AM.