Although I've never harmed myself, I do know what it feels like to hate yourself utterly and how difficult it is to escape from such feelings. I disliked myself before I suddenly developed acne, so after that point I am pretty such where you are mentally. I am afraid I cannot give any advice as to how to get out of the depression, as I have not found a way myself, but I hope it makes you feel a little better to know that you're not weird or crazy and that other people can understand. I know how hard it is to try to talk about it with others because they never really seem to grasp that fact that you can't just talk yourself out of it—that you can try and try to look at yourself differently and to appreciate good things in your life, but that you lose the ability to be happy or content with anything when you get sucked into this dark place. It's a scary situation, without a doubt, and I know that I feel very powerless.
I am very sorry to hear that your family and those around you are making your insecurities worse. It really is true that people often make themselves feel better by pointing out "flaws" in others, or that it's done out of jealousy for something about the person. It's sometimes more about eliciting a response than that there's actually anything "wrong" with their target. On the other hand, I've found that family and friends sometimes say mean things in a misguided attempt to be funny or to provoke a reaction. I think they don't realise just how fragile we can be about certain features or aspects of ourselves and may not realise just how much it impacts our self-perception. Either way, it's hard.
It's very brave of you to go to a therapist and to open yourself up here. I really hope you can find someone in your life or online who will be understanding and accepting and not exacerbate your negative feelings. Like the others here said, you're genuinely very pretty. Even when my skin is clear, I don't have your nice facial features, so it makes me extra sad to see you feeling so depressed about yourself. I think you've fallen into the trap of fixating on things you don't like about yourself and now that's the only thing you see; however, the truth is that the way we see ourselves, especially if we have body dysmorphic disorder, is inherently flawed. I know it's hard to make yourself believe something your eyes think is not true—which is my problem, as I put a lot of faith in my reason and senses--but we can deceive ourselves.
And even though I have trouble following this advice, try to avoid mirrors! I sometimes think of all the time I've wasted obsessing over how ugly I look and fearing to leave the house and I then feel a bit embarrassed about it because I could have been doing something constructive in that time. But when there's a mirror it's like a spell has been cast and I just can't look away! Don't think of the mirror as a teller of truth, for it is a trickster! Try not to let it get inside your head.
(Funny you mention noses because I have always despised mine and been very depressed about it, but someone at work called it "cute" the other day, which totally threw me because of how innocently honest the comment was. People really can like features you think are hideous!)
I would suggest that you keep talking about your feelings to your therapist and on here and to any good friends you have who do understand because it's good not to be ashamed of your feelings or to hide from them. I hope you can find things to focus on in life that distract you from overanalysing yourself. Hobbies or work or school or anything that can give you focus and take you out of your own head, so to speak. I'm not a big believer in hoping, but I know that works well for some people. You will know what works for you. Being stubborn is what does it for me.
And I am so sorry for running on and on; I've always been long-winded!
Wow, thank you so much for taking the time to write these kind words and sharing your experiences. You are so sweet! <3 Thank you for understanding. It's really frustrating when people who have no idea what depression is like tell me I need to snap out of it, that I have so many things in my life to be grateful for- like it's that simple. It really is a scary situation. I know most people are trying to be helpful, but it just furthers the shame I have felt.
I agree with what you said about family and friends. I don't think they're usually trying to be cruel, they just don't realize how insecure I am. Either way, it still hurts. I wish they would be more sensitive.
I totally understand. I never seem to believe others' compliments. I only know what I see, and what I see I don't like. You really are so beautiful. And your nose is really cute! I was actually shocked to hear you dislike your nose. It's perfect!
I really do need to avoid mirrors more. What great advice! I just need to actually start doing it, which is definitely harder.
You really are so kind. Thank you for the advice and talking time to write this. I hope things look up for you as well. XXX
i think you're really really pretty. I too am stuck in depression town.
Thank you!! I'm sorry you're feeling depressed too.
Firstly, i am sorry of your situation, i know that there are a lot of people on here that are going through what you are currently going through. Although I have also read some really great stories about these people getting on with their lives and making the most of it their deck. Secondly, you are very pretty, i was kind of shocked to be honest!
I am no expert on this, but there are people here^^^^who can help and who you can talk to.
Ps: I would tell your sister boyfriend to chew on a big one also
All the best
Thank you so much!! And yes, I should. He's such a jerk.
As time goes on, you'll realise that you'll never be 100% happy with your looks. That's human nature. We just need to find a way to make peace with what we have. I personally would not recommend a nosre job based on other people's perception of your looks. You never know what the end result might be like and it's surgery that is uneccessary.
If you do it, do it for you! You may want to look into body dysmorphic disorder - i think a lot of us, especially women, have some form of this
Good Look Girl! You are gorgeous inside and out
Thank you!! I hope I can make peace with my body. Wishing the best to you!