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Feeling So Ugly/ Nose Job

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#1 TheSavyBanana

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Posted 26 May 2013 - 11:21 PM

Ugh, I've felt so down on myself lately. I feel so ugly all the time, and it's not just my skin that's bothering me. I hate pretty much everything about the way I look. My nose is HUGE and bulbous and it's crooked, and I really want to get a nose job, but it's so expensive, and I'm worried about what effect it would have on my skin. Even my mom and one of my friends thinks I need a nose job, and my sister's boyfriend likes to make subtle comments about how huge and ugly my nose is. Plus, my face is really asymmetrical, to the point that it's really obvious. I had juvenile arthritis that caused jaw problems, and it's caused my face to develop kind of weird, so my face is kind of crooked. One side of my face is bigger than the other, and my right eye is smaller than my left and is kind of lazy. My eyebrows are too thin and low-set. My eyes are too small, and I look disgusting without makeup. My lips are too small. My thighs are ginormous, and I'm super flabby. I went from 130 lbs at 5'7 to 105, and now I have no muscle. I have stretch marks. My breasts are too small, and they too are very different sizes (sorry). I'm even insecure about my freaking labia!! (Sorry again). I just don't know what to do. I went through a really tough time in November, and I'm afraid all of the progress I've made is going down the drain. I made a suicide attempt in November and was sent to a psychiatric hospital to be treated for depression and self-harm. My therapist there said she had never seen a patient which such severe/so many cuts. I have to wear long sleeves all of the time because my scars are so bad. I just really hate myself. Sorry to rant, and for sharing such personal information, but I really, really need support right now.


You! Yes, you. The one reading this. You are beautiful, talented, amazing and simply the best at being you. Never forget that.

 

You don't have to be pretty. You don't owe prettiness to anyone. Not to you boyfriend/spouse/partner. Not to your coworkers, especially not to random men on the street. You don't owe it to your mother, you don't owe it to your children, you don't owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked "female."

Plea to the world: Eat less meat! Or better yet, don't eat it at all! The meat industry violates basic animal rights, it's destroying our planet, and there are so many health benefits you can gain by decreasing/eliminating meat from your diet. Don't let me tell you- do your own research so you can decide for yourself. (The dairy and egg industries are just as horrendous).

I highly recommend watching the movie Earthlings. ^

#2 Randall Flagg

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Posted 26 May 2013 - 11:31 PM

I definitely know what it's like to look in the mirror and not like what you see,  I find myself doing that often, picking out multiple flaws while I look at my own reflection. Just to give you an outside perspective on how you perceive yourself, I took a look at your photos and I think you're a very pretty girl. You have gorgeous features from my perspective...but again that's just an outside perspective and I know telling you that won't make it hurt any less because as it's mentioned pretty often on these forums..."We're our own worst critics." 

 

Just wanna let you know that I've been down the same road, I've gone through some sincerely dark depressions because of how much I'm dissatisfied with my appearance, and I know how rough it can be. Just wanted to wish you the best and tell you that you're not alone, there are lots of people here who can sympathize with what you're feeling about yourself right now. I hope things get better for you because we all deserve happiness in life. <3


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#3 chrisaus

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 01:16 AM

lol girl coming from a decent looking male here you look perfectly fine, hot even. 9/10. The accutane is messing with your emotions. Don't take it again. Try and stay clear through diet changes instead.


The 2nd poster to jump on the pgx bandwagon. User Blessthefall being my superior.

#4 Binga

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 03:12 AM

You are so young. Why would you even think about suicide. Study and work hard and you can use all the money to improve your appearance and your life. 



#5 archaeo*girl

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 04:09 AM

Although I've never harmed myself, I do know what it feels like to hate yourself utterly and how difficult it is to escape from such feelings.  I disliked myself before I suddenly developed acne, so after that point I am pretty such where you are mentally.  I am afraid I cannot give any advice as to how to get out of the depression, as I have not found a way myself, but I hope it makes you feel a little better to know that you're not weird or crazy and that other people can understand.  I know how hard it is to try to talk about it with others because they never really seem to grasp that fact that you can't just talk yourself out of it—that you can try and try to look at yourself differently and to appreciate good things in your life, but that you lose the ability to be happy or content with anything when you get sucked into this dark place.  It's a scary situation, without a doubt, and I know that I feel very powerless.

I am very sorry to hear that your family and those around you are making your insecurities worse. sad.png  It really is true that people often make themselves feel better by pointing out "flaws" in others, or that it's done out of jealousy for something about the person.  It's sometimes more about eliciting a response than that there's actually anything "wrong" with their target.  On the other hand, I've found that family and friends sometimes say mean things in a misguided attempt to be funny or to provoke a reaction.  I think they don't realise just how fragile we can be about certain features or aspects of ourselves and may not realise just how much it impacts our self-perception.  Either way, it's hard.

It's very brave of you to go to a therapist and to open yourself up here.  I really hope you can find someone in your life or online who will be understanding and accepting and not exacerbate your negative feelings.  Like the others here said, you're genuinely very pretty.  Even when my skin is clear, I don't have your nice facial features, so it makes me extra sad to see you feeling so depressed about yourself.  I think you've fallen into the trap of fixating on things you don't like about yourself and now that's the only thing you see; however, the truth is that the way we see ourselves, especially if we have body dysmorphic disorder, is inherently flawed.  I know it's hard to make yourself believe something your eyes think is not true—which is my problem, as I put a lot of faith in my reason and senses--but we can deceive ourselves.

And even though I have trouble following this advice, try to avoid mirrors!  I sometimes think of all the time I've wasted obsessing over how ugly I look and fearing to leave the house and I then feel a bit embarrassed about it because I could have been doing something constructive in that time.  But when there's a mirror it's like a spell has been cast and I just can't look away!  Don't think of the mirror as a teller of truth, for it is a trickster!  Try not to let it get inside your head.

   

(Funny you mention noses because I have always despised mine and been very depressed about it, but someone at work called it "cute" the other day, which totally threw me because of how innocently honest the comment was.  People really can like features you think are hideous!)

 

I would suggest that you keep talking about your feelings to your therapist and on here and to any good friends you have who do understand because it's good not to be ashamed of your feelings or to hide from them.  I hope you can find things to focus on in life that distract you from overanalysing yourself.  Hobbies or work or school or anything that can give you focus and take you out of your own head, so to speak.  I'm not a big believer in hoping, but I know that works well for some people.  You will know what works for you.   Being stubborn is what does it for me. smile.png

 

And I am so sorry for running on and on; I've always been long-winded!



#6 NUBY3

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 06:27 AM

i think you're really really pretty.  I too am stuck in depression town.  



#7 underneath32

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 07:42 AM

Firstly, i am sorry of your situation, i know that there are a lot of people on here that are going through what you are currently going through. Although I have also read some really great stories about these people getting on with their lives and making the most of it their deck. Secondly, you are very pretty, i was kind of shocked  to be honest!

 

I am no expert on this, but there are people here^^^^who can help and who you can talk to. 

 

Ps: I would tell your sister boyfriend to chew on a big one also :)

 

All the best 



#8 leelowe1

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 10:07 AM

As time goes on, you'll realise that you'll never be 100% happy with your looks.  That's human nature.  We just need to find a way to make peace with what we have.  I personally would not recommend a nosre job based on other people's perception of your looks.  You  never know what the end result might be like and it's surgery that is uneccessary.

 

If you do it, do it for you!  You may want to look into body dysmorphic disorder - i think a lot of us, especially women, have some form of this

 

Good Look Girl!  You are gorgeous inside and out


It's a rocky road but like everything else in life, there is always a beginning and an end.  Here's to finding my end.

 

God is good to me..........more than I deserve.

 

James 1:2-4

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.


#9 dejaclairevoyant

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 10:17 AM

Ugh, I've felt so down on myself lately. I feel so ugly all the time, and it's not just my skin that's bothering me. I hate pretty much everything about the way I look. My nose is HUGE and bulbous and it's crooked, and I really want to get a nose job, but it's so expensive, and I'm worried about what effect it would have on my skin. Even my mom and one of my friends thinks I need a nose job, and my sister's boyfriend likes to make subtle comments about how huge and ugly my nose is. Plus, my face is really asymmetrical, to the point that it's really obvious. I had juvenile arthritis that caused jaw problems, and it's caused my face to develop kind of weird, so my face is kind of crooked. One side of my face is bigger than the other, and my right eye is smaller than my left and is kind of lazy. My eyebrows are too thin and low-set. My eyes are too small, and I look disgusting without makeup. My lips are too small. My thighs are ginormous, and I'm super flabby. I went from 130 lbs at 5'7 to 105, and now I have no muscle. I have stretch marks. My breasts are too small, and they too are very different sizes (sorry). I'm even insecure about my freaking labia!! (Sorry again). I just don't know what to do. I went through a really tough time in November, and I'm afraid all of the progress I've made is going down the drain. I made a suicide attempt in November and was sent to a psychiatric hospital to be treated for depression and self-harm. My therapist there said she had never seen a patient which such severe/so many cuts. I have to wear long sleeves all of the time because my scars are so bad. I just really hate myself. Sorry to rant, and for sharing such personal information, but I really, really need support right now.

 

You are beautiful. PLEASE don't mess up your lovely nose! I used to want a nose job too but I eventually learned to like my nose and now I'm so thankful that I never let some money-hungry "doctor" hack away at my individuality! There is nothing wrong with your nose. It isn't unnaturally big or weird and these people who make fun of you for it are insecure and ABUSIVE little fuckheads. You would be better off staying away from people like that.

 

I've also struggled with cutting so I totally understand. And I have the whole crooked jaw thing which drives me crazy also. :( But it's definitely not very noticeable to other people. Mine is really obvious to the point that I look different depending on which side you are looking at me, but it doesn't really matter. A lot of people are nice looking, but you have a look that many women would envy.


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#10 AmbitiousOne

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 11:06 AM

Ugh, I've felt so down on myself lately. I feel so ugly all the time, and it's not just my skin that's bothering me. I hate pretty much everything about the way I look. My nose is HUGE and bulbous and it's crooked, and I really want to get a nose job, but it's so expensive, and I'm worried about what effect it would have on my skin. Even my mom and one of my friends thinks I need a nose job, and my sister's boyfriend likes to make subtle comments about how huge and ugly my nose is. Plus, my face is really asymmetrical, to the point that it's really obvious. I had juvenile arthritis that caused jaw problems, and it's caused my face to develop kind of weird, so my face is kind of crooked. One side of my face is bigger than the other, and my right eye is smaller than my left and is kind of lazy. My eyebrows are too thin and low-set. My eyes are too small, and I look disgusting without makeup. My lips are too small. My thighs are ginormous, and I'm super flabby. I went from 130 lbs at 5'7 to 105, and now I have no muscle. I have stretch marks. My breasts are too small, and they too are very different sizes (sorry). I'm even insecure about my freaking labia!! (Sorry again). I just don't know what to do. I went through a really tough time in November, and I'm afraid all of the progress I've made is going down the drain. I made a suicide attempt in November and was sent to a psychiatric hospital to be treated for depression and self-harm. My therapist there said she had never seen a patient which such severe/so many cuts. I have to wear long sleeves all of the time because my scars are so bad. I just really hate myself. Sorry to rant, and for sharing such personal information, but I really, really need support right now.

 

 

I just want to say that look like Scarlet Johansson. Has anyone told you that? You are really pretty! Believe me, I am telling you the truth! There is nothing wrong wit your nose/face. Your nose is actually unique in a beautiful way. We are here for you! XOXO!



#11 Perseverance92

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 02:04 PM

When i read your post ,i started typing my reply imagining a girl with a big bulbous nose (as mentioned by you).But then something made me go through your gallery.And i was really shocked.You were beautiful.You'd probably fare as one of the hottest girls in my college.You are being too hard on yourself.You are young,very young indeed.You should stop being so self-obsessed.Narcissism in girls ultimately makes them vain when they become older.You don't want vanity as an attribute.Do you? Learn to love yourself.Spend time pursuing your passion instead of constantly looking in the mirror and criticizing yourself.If possible ,refrain from using Accutane.My dad is a neurologist and we have often discussed how Accutane messes up with your brain and can lead to depression .It causes hormonal anarchy in your body.It's perhaps the Accutane which is enveloping you in a cloud of negativity.

 

You will blossom into a beautiful lady one day.Keep smiling till then :)



#12 dejaclairevoyant

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 02:12 PM

Many of us suffer from body dysmorphic disorder. It really can make you see yourself like a monster when other people think you're attractive. I know I have it because when it flares up I will literally almost scream seeing myself in the mirror. Yet other times, I think that I look totally beautiful. We all have off days, but in reality, the way I look couldn't possible fluctuate THAT much. It's our mind that is changing. Which means that you can change your mind so that you like your nose. It just may take therapy/inner work.


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Morning:

Gentle wash with DKR cleanser

Benzoyl Peroxide 2.5% (Following Dan's Regimen)

DKR Lotion + A squirt of Argan or Grapeseed oil (The  lotion alone wasn't hydrating enough)

Skin 79 Korean BB Cream (excellent stuff)

 

Evening:

Gentle Wash with DKR Cleanser

Benzoyl Peroxide 2.5% (Following Dan's Regimen)

DKR Lotion + A squirt of Argan or Grapeseed oil

 


#13 Lapis lazuli

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 02:46 PM

Your nose is kind of large but it suits you. I don't know what you mean about the asymmetry. In any case, you're a very beautiful girl.

 

Your post reminds me of something someone who's had a lot of relationship experience once said namely that the greater a woman's beauty the more insecure she is about her looks. Don't know if that's true but you're definately very beautiful and you're definately very insecure.


_____________________________________________________________________________________
 

Why isn't she a 10/10 in your eyes then? lol.gif

 

I'm basically just messing with you. Your post was/is well meant.

 

lol girl coming from a decent looking male here you look perfectly fine, hot even. 9/10. The accutane is messing with your emotions. Don't take it again. Try and stay clear through diet changes instead.


Edited by Lapis lazuli, 27 May 2013 - 02:46 PM.


#14 snsdgirl14

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 02:49 PM

I think you are suffering from BDD. I looked at your post Accutane pictures and not only does your skin look PERFECT (not even kidding, I'm jealous) but you are a VERY pretty girl. Your nose is not 'bulbous', it is perfectly fine. You have very big, beautiful blue eyes and very pretty hair and skin. Honestly, I can think of a TON of guys who would think you were cute, hot, beautiful, etc. I'm telling you, this is all in your head. You should definitely seek therapy and maybe consider anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds before you get any plastic surgery done. People with BDD often turn to plastic surgery as a solution, but not only does this fuel their obsession, they are often even more depressed after the surgery. PLEASE think about this and get help before you get a nose job.

 

You are beautiful and I hope you realize that one day.


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#15 meowza

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 03:56 PM

Hey sorry you're feeling so crappy. I too know how it feels to look in the mirror and hate every little thing, pick out each perceived flaw. But seriously, it is all in your (and our) heads. We pick ourselves apart and it just adds to the frustration. You're a beautiful girl. It really is a waste of time, energy, and overall life to fixate on tiny things that in the grande scheme of things, do not matter. Don't waste the time or money on a nose job. You'll feel the exact same afterwards. Its not an issue of appearance, its an issue of attitude and depression it seems like to me. You'll be so much happier if you can learn to accept yourself for exactly how you are, right now. I know that is easier said than done. I know exactly how you're feeling, you're not alone. I'm two years clean from self harm and I thank my therapist for that, but also myself. I put in a lot of work into accepting myself and now I really focus on improving my inner self and qualities, and my appearance follows suit. I don't look perfect and there are still things I don't like about my appearance but they don't carry as much weight anymore. My advice would be to see your therapist. I know talking can be super hard so I often write down what I'm feeling instead. Then she can read it and its easier to open the door for discussion. Also surround yourself only with people who lift you up. Friends who concentrate on who you are as a person, not what you look like. People who place less importance on their appearance as well. I hope you feel better soon!



#16 Frank*L

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 05:10 PM

yea I saw this post this morning and didn't know what to type because Flagg basically summed it all up. All the positive support everyone is giving you is pretty awesome tho and true. Your trippin. Just two things.

 

I love your eyes.

 

Your sisters bf sounds like a douche.



#17 TheSavyBanana

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 06:04 PM

Thank you guys for all of the nice comments and words of support. You have all been very kind, and I'm feeling so much better today after reading all of your responses. Really, all of you have no idea how grateful I am for your support. It's really nice to know other people have felt the way I do and have had similar experiences as me. I want to take time to respond to all of you individually, but at the moment I don't have enough time, so I just wanted to share my appreciation until I can. Until then. :)


You! Yes, you. The one reading this. You are beautiful, talented, amazing and simply the best at being you. Never forget that.

 

You don't have to be pretty. You don't owe prettiness to anyone. Not to you boyfriend/spouse/partner. Not to your coworkers, especially not to random men on the street. You don't owe it to your mother, you don't owe it to your children, you don't owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked "female."

Plea to the world: Eat less meat! Or better yet, don't eat it at all! The meat industry violates basic animal rights, it's destroying our planet, and there are so many health benefits you can gain by decreasing/eliminating meat from your diet. Don't let me tell you- do your own research so you can decide for yourself. (The dairy and egg industries are just as horrendous).

I highly recommend watching the movie Earthlings. ^

#18 Ruweyda

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 06:08 PM

OMG your a very gorjass girl don't let anyone else tell yu different and their is nothing wrong with your nose, honestly. you just need to really open your eyes and see that you are a beautiful young girl who has all her life ahead of her. please be happy and enjoy life coz yu never know when yur goin to die

lots of love from me xxx



#19 megelizab

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 08:00 PM

Girl, you are stunning! Seriously, STUNNING! Your skin looks so amazing post-accutane. I can't believe you ever had acne with that beautiful skin! I honestly think you're prettier than your sis. Maybe her boyfriend makes comments because he secretly wants you? Haha! I totally understand where you're coming from feeling ugly all the time, but let me assure you that you have nothing to worry about. I'm really glad you're feeling better today, and I hope you continue to do so. Take care and lots of hugs! 



#20 TheSavyBanana

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Posted 28 May 2013 - 10:34 AM

Thank you so much! This is such a sweet and caring response. Depression really is so hard. It's just nice to hear that someone else understands what I'm going through. I wish all the best to you as well. Thank you. <3

I definitely know what it's like to look in the mirror and not like what you see,  I find myself doing that often, picking out multiple flaws while I look at my own reflection. Just to give you an outside perspective on how you perceive yourself, I took a look at your photos and I think you're a very pretty girl. You have gorgeous features from my perspective...but again that's just an outside perspective and I know telling you that won't make it hurt any less because as it's mentioned pretty often on these forums..."We're our own worst critics." 

 

Just wanna let you know that I've been down the same road, I've gone through some sincerely dark depressions because of how much I'm dissatisfied with my appearance, and I know how rough it can be. Just wanted to wish you the best and tell you that you're not alone, there are lots of people here who can sympathize with what you're feeling about yourself right now. I hope things get better for you because we all deserve happiness in life. <3


You! Yes, you. The one reading this. You are beautiful, talented, amazing and simply the best at being you. Never forget that.

 

You don't have to be pretty. You don't owe prettiness to anyone. Not to you boyfriend/spouse/partner. Not to your coworkers, especially not to random men on the street. You don't owe it to your mother, you don't owe it to your children, you don't owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked "female."

Plea to the world: Eat less meat! Or better yet, don't eat it at all! The meat industry violates basic animal rights, it's destroying our planet, and there are so many health benefits you can gain by decreasing/eliminating meat from your diet. Don't let me tell you- do your own research so you can decide for yourself. (The dairy and egg industries are just as horrendous).

I highly recommend watching the movie Earthlings. ^