Hi. It's 10:38 pm in my country. They say staying up late at night is not good for your skin and will only make your acne worse. Well, for now, I just dont care if my acne will get worse. I just need someone who'll read my story, my whole acne experience, despite the fact that I'm a newbie, I dont have much friends here and I feel like no one is willing to help me or give me some advice. But if you're reading this, thank you and I love you even if I dont know you. And if you have acne and you feel hopeless, I understand you.
So you might be wondering what's my problem? Well, obviously, it's acne. It's all about acne. It's just that it makes me feel so depressed and ugly. It makes me feel like I cant get back that happy life that I had before this whole acne thing. You know, it's been 4 months already. It was during the first week of January this year when I noticed that there are some whiteheads on my cheeks and as the weeks passed, I got more and more whiteheads. Of course, I panicked because after 3 months of nearly being "zit-free", here comes my "friends" again. I bought some soap and there were some good reviews about it online but it just made my acne even worse. Those whiteheads on my cheeks transformed into huge pustules. It sucks, it really sucks. That was even the time when we need to make a short film for our project in school. And guess what? I'm one of the main cast. So I have to put some make-up on my face( and I really dont know how to put it, but I have no choice) just to make my pimples less visible. I didnt even watch when our short film was shown to our classmates. You know, during the first weeks of having acne, I didnt feel so bad about it. I feel like ok, after a few weeks this thing will go away but I was wrong, really, really wrong.
And on the month of February,everyone's excited for Valentine's day hoping that they're going to have someone to date. Well, not for me. Those pustules on my cheeks got severely inflamed and I even got new ones on my temples.I tried new products but they werent that effective at all. So eventually, the people around me started noticing my acne. I actually hate when they approach me, just to ask what happened to my face and why I look like "this". And that time I was just like, " I dont know, and I wish you have it too!" I mean, they dont know how embarrassing it is for us to have acne and talk about it in public. Talk about how severely inflamed our acne is, talk about how ugly we are. They even give us some useless advice or opinion about our acne. Use this, and that, but we are aware that they arent really concerned about us. They're just curious. They're wondering what happened to our face. They're shocked why we look like this. I mean they're lucky that they dont have acne. So giving us some respect is the least they can do. I even remember,one time ,during an event in our school when my teacher said that we should dance and I did and my classmates told me that I shouldnt dance too much or I shouldnt dance near them coz they're afraid that my pimples would "fly away" and land on their faces. I cried after that event. I looked myself in the mirror and I realized that I'm ugly. I look horrible and I look very different from the old me.
March------the school year's about to end and I also thought that my acne is also going to end but it didnt.
Still trying new products but they didnt solve my problem. And because the school year's about to end, we need to prepare for the final exam and finish our projects. And this means stress. More and more stress. And we all now that stress means acne. So yeah, once again, my acne got worse than before. And when the school year is finally over, I said to myself, "Before our summer vacation ends, I'll make my acne disappear.
April---------I noticed that some of my pimples are starting to fade away. Well, my acne is still there but at least I'm starting to notice some improvement. But it seems that "improvement" was only temporary. It was only during the first few days of April when that "improvement" happened. Or maybe I was just hallucinating or making my self believe that there really is an improvement even if there's not. So in the last week of April my mom finally decided to bring me to a dermatologist. It was on April 23. My doctor gave me Doxycycline 100 mg( and I have to take it 2 times a day for two weeks), Physiogel Non-comedogenic Facial Wash, Benzoyl Peroxide 10%, Erythromycin gel, and Miconazole cream. He asked me to come back after two weeks( and that would be on May 7) to see my skin's reaction to the stuff he gave me. He also told me to follow his instructions "religiously" and I did.
May(Present)---- Well, I'm still using the stuff that my dermatologist asked me to use. But it's just so frustrating that I got even more pimples. I have a strong feeling that this is actually because of the stuff he gave me. But what's even more frustrating is the fact that during the first 2-4 days I when I used all those stuffs he gave me, huge portions of my face cleared up and now, I'm getting new and big and inflamed pimples all over my face again. And were not even rich and this acne treatment costs a lot for us. I just feel so frustrated, and depressed. I feel like giving up. I feel like there's no cure to my acne. I'll never get rid of these zits on my face or if I do, I still need to wait until I'm 50 or 60 coz that's the only time that acne would really really start to go away. You know, I dont need to look good. I dont wanna look good. All I want is to be acne-free. Be free from all the bullying. From all the people who tell me that I look horrible because of my acne. I know there are people here who have acne for years already and whose acne is perhaps, even worse than mine. But I guess you cant blame me. I'm 15, I wanna enjoy my young life, hangout with my friends and do what teens like me usually do. I've never felt this miserable before. I've never felt so ugly. I feel like acne is controlling my life. I feel like unless I get rid of it, I will never be happy. I will never be free. I've done a lot of sacrifices because of acne. I dont know when my suffering will end. Please give some advice. Please help me. I know you are the ones who understand me more anyone else.