Jump to content

Photo

Broken Apart.


This topic has been archived. This means that you cannot reply to this topic.
12 replies to this topic

#1 Perseverance92

Perseverance92

    Member

  • Veteran Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 359
    Likes: 66
About Me
  • Joined: 20-April 13

Posted 21 April 2013 - 07:45 AM

Perseverance and patience.Those were the two things that would help me sail through my ordeal,according to my mom.My ordeal which started at 16 , and was supposed to end by 20.But now i'm 21. And i have huge dark puss filled cysts on my left cheek .Acne has sabotaged my youth.I've been living in a hostel since 2 years which is inside my college campus.Everyday i have to swallow that lump in my throat and attend college where my clear skinned peers are enjoying their life to the fullest.My parents are doctors.They have left no stone unturned in helping me.I have visited a lot of dermatologists and followed their regimens.Benzoyl peroxide,Salicylic acid, Adapalene , glycolic acid among the spot treatment creams.Oral antibiotics,topical antibiotics,laser therapy.Every damn thing .I have had a saintly lifestyle,where i slept early,got up early.I ate a gluten free low glycemic index diet.I drank tons of water.I never have soft drinks,sugary things.I am paranoid about my hygiene.Masturbation? I tried quitting it but then nocturnal emissions happen.I abstained from masturbation for 18 days once but even then i broke out.

                                                                                     I'm so broken apart.My insides are burning.Even while writing this i can feel a small tear rolling down my cheek.My dad tells me to just ignore it.How should i ignore something which is right there on my face?How should i ignore something which destroys my confidence?How am i supposed to maintain a normal social life when i am having a hideous face? He doesn't has an answer to these questions.All he tells me is to focus on my studies.BULLSHIT.

                                                          My friends never wash their face,drink tons of sugary colas,eat junk,wank off like 3 times in a day.And guess what? They have perfect skin.Even if you were to scrutinize their skin under a microscope there won't be a spot! Isn't this totally unfair? Wheres the justice ? I have always been an atheist and i am proud of it.Because had there been a "GOD",his heart would definitely melt after seeing my pathetic condition.I never had a girl friend and i never will.I'm not  desperate,i am not whining .I'm just "spent".Completely spent.I am tired.Even while writing this i can feel a big pimple growing near my right cheek bone.And you know what? I don't really care now.I am having thoughts of ending my life,Because i just can't live like this.Because living the life i'm currently living is below my dignity and standards.But i love my mom and she the most beautiful woman in my life.She loves me more than anything and my death would shatter her.My dad would be broken if i take such an extreme step.

            So here i am.Not feeling like living.Can;t even kill myself.I guess i'm damned .



#2 carwinns

carwinns

    Junior Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 65
    Likes: 16
About Me
  • Joined: 19-April 13

Achievements

     

Posted 21 April 2013 - 08:09 AM

Don't give up! There are so many people just like you, including me. It always seems like everyone around me has perfect skin, but I get on this site and I realize, acne is really a common thing. You're not alone and everyone here is willing to help you through it.

 

Have you tired Accutane? It's definitely a last resort kind of thing, but it seems like you're at that point.



#3 nakedsmurf

nakedsmurf

    Been there done that.

  • Veteran Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 428
    Likes: 69
About Me
  • Joined: 04-November 12

Posted 21 April 2013 - 09:26 AM

Have you try not doing anything anymore.

#4 Perseverance92

Perseverance92

    Member

  • Veteran Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 359
    Likes: 66
About Me
  • Joined: 20-April 13

Posted 21 April 2013 - 12:10 PM

Don't give up! There are so many people just like you, including me. It always seems like everyone around me has perfect skin, but I get on this site and I realize, acne is really a common thing. You're not alone and everyone here is willing to help you through it.

 

Have you tired Accutane? It's definitely a last resort kind of thing, but it seems like you're at that point.

It's easier said than done. It's hardest to battle acne when you're in college.You have to constantly deal with socially embarrassing situations.And no i will never try Accutane. You know how harmful it is? Does more harm than good .Crohn's syndrome,depression and even cancer can be caused by it!



Have you try not doing anything anymore.

I think by that you mean "Not doing anything".Yes,i have even tried the "Caveman regimen".Actually i'm currently doing it.I just wash my face with cold drinking water out of the refrigerator.Its been like 2 weeks.Haven't seen any remarkable changes yet.The skin gets like a buttered toast.Lot of cystic breakouts.I hate myself.


Edited by Perseverance92, 21 April 2013 - 12:07 PM.


#5 carwinns

carwinns

    Junior Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 65
    Likes: 16
About Me
  • Joined: 19-April 13

Achievements

     

Posted 21 April 2013 - 01:27 PM

Don't give up! There are so many people just like you, including me. It always seems like everyone around me has perfect skin, but I get on this site and I realize, acne is really a common thing. You're not alone and everyone here is willing to help you through it.

 

Have you tired Accutane? It's definitely a last resort kind of thing, but it seems like you're at that point.

It's easier said than done. It's hardest to battle acne when you're in college.You have to constantly deal with socially embarrassing situations.And no i will never try Accutane. You know how harmful it is? Does more harm than good .Crohn's syndrome,depression and even cancer can be caused by it!

 

I think some of those things could be myths. I suggest talking about it thoroughly with a dermatologist to get all the information. There's also a forum all about Accutane and people writing logs about their own experience with it. You could look through there and ask questions. Accutane is definitely better option than suicide!



#6 Sum1killme

Sum1killme

    Resurrected Member

  • Veteran Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 448
    Likes: 202
About Me
  • Joined: 31-January 12

Posted 21 April 2013 - 02:21 PM

I know what you feel.

#7 0041

0041

    New Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 14
    Likes: 5
About Me
  • Joined: 02-May 11

Posted 21 April 2013 - 03:37 PM

I am in the same situation like you my friend. 4 years of my life just gone by with me just trying to get trough everyday hoping that tommorow when I wake up things will look different. That this time my efforts will pay off. But everything I try is short termed and I go on just living trough. Living trough everyday with as less human contact as possible. I hate going outside now, I hate being around people and I even hate being in the light. I sit in my dark room all day hoping that some day this will pass. The thoughts of this never ending have pushed me many times but I know I will never go trough with suicide no matter how bad things get, because I can't do this to my family. So I continue to go to bed crying, I continue to pass the mirror without looking, I fear everyday that I have to go out, I fear every social even I need to attend and it hasn't stopped. Every single fucking day for those god damned 4 years of my life has just passed with me hoping tommorow will be better. I come here to read what other people say so I can relate, because i can't talk with my friends and family about it, I can't let them now how far I've sunk because then seeing the difference in how they will threat would even hurt me more. I once cried in front of my mother, I couldnt hold it in, and when she begged me to stop and told me things will get better I realised how hard this is for her as well. I know exactly how you feel, I am sorry I can't help you, I am deeply sorry you are going trough this I don't wish this upon anyone.  I am responding here because I have nothing else to do. I need to let it out sometimes, like you I am tired. If that helps I want you to know you are not alone in this, I feel that need to end it, I feel exhousted and I want it just to end but I can't, I know I can't, I wish I could but I can't put my family trough this.

Dont hate yourself. Please don't. This is not your fault, be proud of yourself for being strong while going trough this, trust me that I know. I know it is hard and I have full respect for anyone going trough this. I have no advice for you how to move forward, I know all the "hang in there"/"be strong"/"Dont give up", I know these mean nothing, I know nothing has any meaning now, nothing anyone says...


Edited by 0041, 21 April 2013 - 03:44 PM.


#8 Lilly75

Lilly75

    Veteran Member

  • Moderators
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 1,444
    Likes: 454
About Me
  • Joined: 01-April 12

Achievements

     

Posted 21 April 2013 - 04:57 PM

I can relate also. And that's the sad thing - that a lot of people here can relate to what you're saying.

 

I'll be 20 in about 2 weeks and I highly doubt my acne will be like "Right - you're 20 now. It's been fun screwing with your life for the last 7 or so years but I'm off now!" :P I wish though! I don't think there's any 'magic' age that people grow out of acne and personally I think the majority of people with acne don't grow out of it. But maybe your still too young? Maybe there will be a time where you are lucky to 'grow' out of it and until then it's about finding something that can help manage it to a point where you can still go out and enjoy life and do the things you want to do. I know you've listed a lot of things you've tried and that you don't want to try accutane (neither do I) but can I ask - why did some of the other treatments not work out? Did any of them work enough that you were at a happier spot than you are at the moment? If some/any did, maybe you could do that again at least for the sake of hopefully feeling a little better? 

 

I'm sorry I don't have better suggestions. I just make them because I know how much this all sucks. I know how it is to feel how you're feeling and to have people around you who just don't understand what it's like or what thoughts run through your head because to them it's 'just acne' - but it's so much more than that. Please don't give up on it all. There is more to life and I know at the moment that's probably hard to see, but trust me. Can you think of things you want to 'achieve' or experience in life - finishing college? having a girlfriend? travelling the world? Acne can't stop you from doing any of those things if you don't let it - it might feel like it does or can stop you and I know it's easier said than done to just live life regardless but it's worth trying I think.

 

Anyway -Just know you're not alone - majority of people here can relate and I'm sure anyone would be willing to lend an ear if you wanted to talk. 

Hope you feel better soon comfort.gif


Started The Acne.org Regimen 2nd July 2013

 


#9 Oldstory

Oldstory

    New Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 23
    Likes: 2
About Me
  • Joined: 04-October 12

Posted 22 April 2013 - 01:49 AM

hey please hang in there and don't worry about what other people are doing or what they are saying. People can judge and assume all they want and let them who cares right? Keep your head up and look them straight in the eyes. Don't feel like your lesser than anyone just because you have acne. And like your mom said patience is key to acne which true I used to be a very impatient person but I quickly learn that this kind of thing take time to heal. I am 19 now but acne will absolutely not take control of my life and be a roadblock everything I want to do. If anything I want to show people that despite my imperfections I can achieve anything I want to. What helped me is stop thinking about and get a hobby like working out or anything that keep your mind off it. I know it is easier said but have hope and don't ever give up.

#10 Perseverance92

Perseverance92

    Member

  • Veteran Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 359
    Likes: 66
About Me
  • Joined: 20-April 13

Posted 22 April 2013 - 02:52 AM

:)



I can relate also. And that's the sad thing - that a lot of people here can relate to what you're saying.

 

I'll be 20 in about 2 weeks and I highly doubt my acne will be like "Right - you're 20 now. It's been fun screwing with your life for the last 7 or so years but I'm off now!" tongue.png I wish though! I don't think there's any 'magic' age that people grow out of acne and personally I think the majority of people with acne don't grow out of it. But maybe your still too young? Maybe there will be a time where you are lucky to 'grow' out of it and until then it's about finding something that can help manage it to a point where you can still go out and enjoy life and do the things you want to do. I know you've listed a lot of things you've tried and that you don't want to try accutane (neither do I) but can I ask - why did some of the other treatments not work out? Did any of them work enough that you were at a happier spot than you are at the moment? If some/any did, maybe you could do that again at least for the sake of hopefully feeling a little better? 

 

I'm sorry I don't have better suggestions. I just make them because I know how much this all sucks. I know how it is to feel how you're feeling and to have people around you who just don't understand what it's like or what thoughts run through your head because to them it's 'just acne' - but it's so much more than that. Please don't give up on it all. There is more to life and I know at the moment that's probably hard to see, but trust me. Can you think of things you want to 'achieve' or experience in life - finishing college? having a girlfriend? travelling the world? Acne can't stop you from doing any of those things if you don't let it - it might feel like it does or can stop you and I know it's easier said than done to just live life regardless but it's worth trying I think.

 

Anyway -Just know you're not alone - majority of people here can relate and I'm sure anyone would be willing to lend an ear if you wanted to talk. 

Hope you feel better soon comfort.gif

 

Thank you for your comforting reply.I know i'm not the only one afflicted by this devil.Yes ,many of my regimens worked .But only for a short time.It was as if my body acclimatized to it.And i broke out again.Anyways as i mentioned earlier i'm following this "Caveman" regimen where i am just washing my face with cold refrigerated water. So,it's been 3 days and i haven't seen any new pimple.Just the old ones .And i didn't have that "sickening" dryness which this dove face wash caused.Actually i'm pretty happy.Lets see how things turn up.
                                                                              I always thought girls had the option of using birth-control pills to control their acne.Did you? May i suggest you to? If it's like all flared up.Anyways it's better to avoid such drastic remedies.Because not only they harm you in the long run,they also sound sickening.lol 
May you get all cleared up and get a rosy glow on your b'day .Happy b'day smile.png

Edited by Perseverance92, 22 April 2013 - 02:52 AM.


#11 Lilly75

Lilly75

    Veteran Member

  • Moderators
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 1,444
    Likes: 454
About Me
  • Joined: 01-April 12

Achievements

     

Posted 22 April 2013 - 09:10 PM

smile.png


 

Thank you for your comforting reply.I know i'm not the only one afflicted by this devil.Yes ,many of my regimens worked .But only for a short time.It was as if my body acclimatized to it.And i broke out again.Anyways as i mentioned earlier i'm following this "Caveman" regimen where i am just washing my face with cold refrigerated water. So,it's been 3 days and i haven't seen any new pimple.Just the old ones .And i didn't have that "sickening" dryness which this dove face wash caused.Actually i'm pretty happy.Lets see how things turn up.
                                                                              I always thought girls had the option of using birth-control pills to control their acne.Did you? May i suggest you to? If it's like all flared up.Anyways it's better to avoid such drastic remedies.Because not only they harm you in the long run,they also sound sickening.lol 
May you get all cleared up and get a rosy glow on your b'day .Happy b'day smile.png

 

No worries smile.png

I haven't used birth control pills for acne, though it is an option.   It has it's risks, like anything, but they're probably milder in comparison to other options (definitely if compared to accutane). 

Good to hear you're feeling better trying out the caveman regimen. I've been too 'scared' to try that 

 

And thank you for the birthday wishes!


Edited by Lilly75, 22 April 2013 - 09:11 PM.

Started The Acne.org Regimen 2nd July 2013

 


#12 LLL3

LLL3

    Member

  • Veteran Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 229
    Likes: 12
About Me
  • Joined: 16-September 09

Posted 25 April 2013 - 11:06 PM

Hey. I'm 28 and suffered (actually I should say ALLOWED myself to suffer) from acne for many many years in the past.  A little acceptance goes a long way. As a matter of fact, by learning to accept your "condition" and letting go - you've taken the first and most crucial step in recovery, aka awakening. I'm not talking about anything spiritual or mystical. The proof shows in your physical appearance as well as in your mental state. Make the choice! No one else can do  it for you. The sooner you realize that there is no such product or piece of information out there that can make you deeply satisfied with yourself, the better. 

 

Following your passion is by far the best way to "heal". Whatever damage you think you may have done already or whatever time you think you've wasted, leave it behind. DROP IT! Look at what you've gained through the suffering. I repeat: LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE GAINED THROUGH THE SUFFERING.

 

The lessons you've learned through dealing with your condition are priceless. You've gained wisdom, or whatever you want to call it. Emotional intelligence, the ability to look deeply within yourself and others. These characteristics, and many others which you've learned, will serve you well. We all know how shallow and ignorant and selfish and etc people can be, esp those who haven't had a taste of suffering like we have. But we mustn't wish suffering on them. That doesn't solve the problem. The "problem " is our own perception. simple. our own perception.

 

Here is the highlight of my post: Once we learn to shift our perception of ourselves, the result will be a shift in perception towards everyone and everything else. Nothing at all, esp some silly skin flaw, can take away at all from the joy of having control of yourself, your thoughts, and your emotions. 

 

THIS IS YOUR LIFE . NO ONE ELSE'S!!!! smile.png smile.png :smile.png  good luck


Edited by LLL3, 25 April 2013 - 11:06 PM.


#13 AuguriesofInnocence

AuguriesofInnocence

    Member

  • Veteran Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 431
    Gallery Images: 3
    Likes: 84
About Me
  • Joined: 03-April 12

Posted 26 April 2013 - 06:15 AM

hi, Im sorry youre feeling so low and as you may have noticed, youre not alone. Acne is something which cannot be understood by those who dont  have it...so many people have clear skin and do nothing, as youve said. I always wondered how I could have acne at 12 when I took such good care of my skin, cleansers, topicals, watched my diet etc when my cousin who is obese and eats junk food and doesnt wash her face has porcelain skin. The girl would rub lard on her face and not have a problem.You know what? Acne is hormonal. Sometimes the lucky ones outgrow it by their early 20s but not everyone does. My mother got acne into her 50s. Being in college and in the social prime of your life it is very difficult to act cheerful and carefree when you are hurting mentally and physically(acne hurts, too).

On the other hand, Im sure you have a lot of reasons to be happy, you have a wonderful mother, friends interests, you sound like a nice sensitive person. Your family dont care if you have acne and if someone is a true friend they wont care either. There are a lot of people in relationships with acne it doesnt make you undatable or less of a man/woman. Find things which keep your mind occupied, excercise helps. Take care of your body and dress nicely,have pride in yourself. If you ever feel really sorry for yourself, google "10 most disfiguring diseases" and youll see how much worse some people have it, its not that I am happy others are worse off than I am but it puts acne in perspective.

My advise is dont give up trying to clear your acne but dont let it be the defining aspect of your life. Whatever you may have tried, try it again, try new products, supplements, etc as long as  it is not dangerous. Youre wise NOT to consider accutane, its a poison--I took it for only one month and became a suicidal zombie. In most cases the acne returns anyway along with serious side effects and health problems, you dont need that.

What worked for me after 20 years was simple, I took yaz birth control along with anti-DHT supplements. In 4 months I went from super oily skin with cystic ane to clear skin which is much less oily. 8 months later I dont even need make up. Its amazing to have this burden lifted, but at the same time I have come to peace with myself after the accutane suicidal scare. People who care about you just want you to be alive and happy and they dont care about your skin. Even if I get acne again, I can deal with it because I almost died and I now realize all the people and things I could have lost.

You might want to try anti-DHT supplements, do some research and see what you think, saw palmetto, nettle, pygeum and sprearmint are very safe, there is some debate over saw palmetto lowering certain male hormones but its a call you yourself should make.

I sincerely hope you find a way to clear your acne along with a sense of peace. You deserve to  be able to accept yourself.

Good luck

comfort.gif



hi Lilly, if you havent tried birth control yet but are considering, ask your gyno abouyt yaz. I heard so many good things about it from people I knew and after taking it for 4 months I had clear skin for the first time since I was 12. Its amazing. I have had no side effects that I have noticed it doesnt cause weight gain and though it has risks, so does everything, aspirin, too many hamburgers, crossing the street... nothing in life is a given. This is much different than accutane which should be banned for all the horrific suffering it has caused.

I wish Id tried yaz years ago! I dont have to wear make up now, check out my gallery pic. Last year I had cystic acne on  my jawline, chin and back and now I have clear skin. Good luck girl!

 

smile.png


 

Thank you for your comforting reply.I know i'm not the only one afflicted by this devil.Yes ,many of my regimens worked .But only for a short time.It was as if my body acclimatized to it.And i broke out again.Anyways as i mentioned earlier i'm following this "Caveman" regimen where i am just washing my face with cold refrigerated water. So,it's been 3 days and i haven't seen any new pimple.Just the old ones .And i didn't have that "sickening" dryness which this dove face wash caused.Actually i'm pretty happy.Lets see how things turn up.
                                                                              I always thought girls had the option of using birth-control pills to control their acne.Did you? May i suggest you to? If it's like all flared up.Anyways it's better to avoid such drastic remedies.Because not only they harm you in the long run,they also sound sickening.lol 
May you get all cleared up and get a rosy glow on your b'day .Happy b'day smile.png

 

No worries smile.png

I haven't used birth control pills for acne, though it is an option.   It has it's risks, like anything, but they're probably milder in comparison to other options (definitely if compared to accutane). 

Good to hear you're feeling better trying out the caveman regimen. I've been too 'scared' to try that 

 

And thank you for the birthday wishes!



Id not recommend accutane at all, a) its very toxic, b) Ive tried it and it made me suicidal and c) acne is hormonal so even if youre one of the lucky ones to escape accutane "unscathed" it will only come back in a year or two when its worn off.

treat the hormonal imbalance that is the source of the problem.

Don't give up! There are so many people just like you, including me. It always seems like everyone around me has perfect skin, but I get on this site and I realize, acne is really a common thing. You're not alone and everyone here is willing to help you through it.

 

Have you tired Accutane? It's definitely a last resort kind of thing, but it seems like you're at that point.


Edited by AuguriesofInnocence, 26 April 2013 - 06:13 AM.