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Broken Up With Boyfriend And Suddenly Convinced I Will Never Be Found Attractive By Anyone Again (Scarring)

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#1 caz84

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Posted 16 April 2013 - 08:37 AM

I have logged onto this forum after years because I just really needed somewhere to vent (hopefully this will be cathartic).  I'm not sure what I'm looking for from starting this thread - I guess I'm looking to see if people have ever felt the same way as reassurance that I'm not alone in this?

 

About a year ago, I started a stressful (but very exciting!) job and my acne (cystic) flared up again - and today I found I'm just about to have a huge atrophic scar owing to this massive cyst on my face that has only just subsided after about 3 months.  I'm on Roaccutane (6 weeks in now) 10mg a day, for 4 months to deal with the acne but I'm desperate to start on the scarring treatments.

 

Anyway, I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday and with the acne scar appearing today I'm suddenly convinced that no-one will ever find me attractive again because of my scars. I know it's ridiculous: I've certainly never been put off by acne scars on boyfriends (or acne) and I know that attractiveness resides in your personality and achievements and so on but I seemed to be okay dealing with my break up until I came to the realisation about this flipping new scar today!

 

My friends would tell me I'm being silly, that they can't tell but they don't see me in the way I see myself and none of them have acne (I'm 28 as are they, generally, and their acne disappeared by the end of their teens) or acne scarring.

 

I know I'm lucky - I have my health, my family, my friends, a job etc. but I feel so flipping unattractive today. Grrr.

 



#2 NUBY3

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Posted 16 April 2013 - 09:45 AM

we are in the same boat.  I decided at the age of 28 to become an endurance athlete and all of the training in combination with my poor diet at the time gave me acne and now I have acne scarring to deal with as well.  Unfortunately, I decided to make myself better, and in doing so, made myself worse.  I have figured the diet part out, and now I am an extremely healthy eater, but I am stuck with acne scars on my face now and I used to be very good looking and the sudden impact of fresh acne scarring at the age of 32 (I'll be 32 in 2 days) has left me afraid to go out in public or see old friends.  I've been working on my scars for about 5 months now, with some improvement, but I'm afraid I will just never be the same again, and now I can feel the last of my younger years slipping away from me as I battle to get my confidence back.  So, no, you are not alone.



what I WILL say though, is that now, I am looking for someone who shares the same problems I have as a potential mate.  I'm looking for a cute, sweet, athletic girl who has some acne or acne scarring so we can relate to eachother and support one another.  So, there is that.  all is not lost.



#3 okaythen

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Posted 16 April 2013 - 10:00 AM

You are definitely not alone.



#4 nycqueen

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Posted 16 April 2013 - 10:04 AM

Hey... Sorry you feeling unattractive at the moment.. I, like many acne suffers, know exactly how you feel... Just remember that this is only temporary and your skin will heal with time... I would suggest talking to a professional counselor about your feelings of unattractiveness and depression. You should not suffer alone, nor do you need to. If in fact you can't see someone, please be sure that you check out some emotionally healing forums, such as the one here at acne.org, to help you deal with the emotional scars of acne. Please remember that you are beautiful and attractive, and that God takes out of your life what he feels no longer works for you and his plans for you. I pray that you continue to press on and not allow this bleep in the road weight you down... Try to remain positive knowing that the accutane will eventually work.. Be patient with yourself emotionally and physically and take care of yourself inside and out.. Please visit the boards when you are feeling a bit discouraged but never give up... Something much better is down the road for you.. I PROMISE!!! :)



#5 Pianina

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Posted 16 April 2013 - 10:27 AM

Hey, whoa... I have also just broken up with my boyfriend. And I also feel unattractive right now. Just know that someone, somewhere on this planet feels very similarly and is going through the same you do. 



#6 QuietJamie14

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Posted 16 April 2013 - 10:44 AM

I broke up with my first and last girlfriend when I was 19 and no one since then has found me attractive - I'm 28 now! I know that's a bit depressing for you to hear but I am in the minority - most people, with or without acne, find someone sooner or later. I'm sure you will too.

 

What I would say is that, if you've only broken up with your boyfriend very recently, then now might be a good time to stop focusing on attractiveness, relationships, men, etc. I find that I'm happiest when I immerse myself in my work (which is also my passion). Then I can forget about my appearance and simply be me.



#7 Frank*L

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Posted 16 April 2013 - 10:37 PM

judging from your picture, and the fact that you took a picture, posted as your avatar on your profile and are smiling big in it I'm sure your a pretty girl. Acne wont take away from your features and personality unless you let it. So whatever you'll find another dude.

 

I have an anxiety of meeting girls I used to talk to 12+ years ago before I had bad acne and now acne scaring. I've seen a few people around from high school like at grocery stores and such and I f*cking duck for cover. I went from having smooth normal skin at like 18 to what I am now. Its embarrassing  Probably has nothing to do with your topic but whatever I thought it was relevant. 



#8 AuguriesofInnocence

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Posted 17 April 2013 - 04:21 AM

hi, I just want to say that its normal to feel how you feel after breaking up, even people with perfect skin feel they will never find anyone again. feeling lost when you break up is a given youl get over it in a little while give yourself some time.

Second, acne isnt what defines your desirability and attractiveness. I had mild acne and nobody ever seemed to mind or mention it, Ive had lots of boyfriends. When my acne got bad last year, my husband didnt care about the acne, he only cared about the fact that it made me upset. Now that I dont have acne anymore I am much happier and in turn, he is happier for me.

 

I have a good friend who has somewhat bad acne on her cheeks and neck. She is a bright, funny, quirky girl and she doesnt appear to let it bother her for a moment. She wears ute clothes and accessories and takes care of her hair. She doesnt even wear cover up--unthinkable to most of us, I know. You know what? She had a steady boyfriend for two years, who was attractive and did not have acne, and dated at least 2 more boys. Now she is engaged to another boy who also doesnt have acne. He tells her she doesnt need make-up.

Being a close friend, she admitted she doesnt like having acne--but thats it, she doesnt dwell on it and doesnt let it define her. I have great respect for that because when i had acne I thought about it all the time.

Coincidenatlly, I just gave her similar products to the regiman and showed her how to use them. I hope she will and I hope it works, but if it doesnt I know she is OK with that.

If only we all had such a positive outlook.

Youll be fine, go out there and be confident whistling.gif)


Edited by AuguriesofInnocence, 17 April 2013 - 04:23 AM.


#9 Nick Snover

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Posted 20 April 2013 - 11:39 PM

Man I'm in the same boat..

Edited by Nick Snover, 20 April 2013 - 11:45 PM.


#10 AlexanderJ86

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Posted 21 April 2013 - 04:54 AM

We are all in the same boat. I'm 27 and no one has ever found me attractive.



#11 nakedsmurf

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Posted 21 April 2013 - 09:51 AM

I'm too in the boat but I'll soon jump out of it.

#12 likecake

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Posted 27 May 2013 - 10:06 PM

oh geez, me too, im 22 yo now and still single, no body want me


Edited by likecake, 27 May 2013 - 10:07 PM.


#13 Arsenal17

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Posted 28 May 2013 - 12:22 PM

Everyone can I just say acne wont last forever and acne will really not matter to someone. The most popular and attractive boy in my school has had acne for years and in my opinion quite bad acne scarring. However he has the ladies falling at his feet! Acne really will not matter, its not like anyone chooses to have it. Everyone is beautiful in there own way, sounds cheesy but its true. My ex had flawless skin, lucky her but she was an absolute twat. (excuse my french) and even though I had trouble with acne she stayed with me. Constantly complimenting my personality and saying how acne didnt change how attractive I was. My current girlfriend who is easily the love of my life met me when my acne was at its worse, yet I stayed confident and remained the person who I am and she loves me to bits and couldn't care less about how good or bad my skin is. Acne will not ruin your life so don't let it control your life. Remember everyone sees it better than you do, you will be your own worst enemy! ENJOY life as you only have one..   



#14 Inkashes

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Posted 29 May 2013 - 11:44 PM

Don't take this the wrong way, topic starter, but I think you are very classically beautiful, like what I imagine Aphrodite to have looked like.



#15 kingofnothing

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Posted 30 May 2013 - 12:47 AM

You're going to be alright.

Edited by kingofnothing, 30 May 2013 - 12:49 AM.