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A Friend No More


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#1 Nick Snover

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 01:06 AM

Have you ever lost a longtime friend because they refused to stop "ripping" on your acne? I have, a friend of almost 7 years. It all started when he lost weight, he was always heavier than me and was nice to everyone but after the weight loss he started taking potshots at me, saying i looked like the moon aka round and cratered. Soon after everytime I ran into him he'd say something else offensive, sometimes even getting our friends to laugh along. After a few weeks of this abuse I started fighting back, Every time he make a joke about my acne i'd make a joke about him being bi-polar, this offended him,And he asked why I was doing that and i simply replied "If you make fun of something I cant help I'll do the same to you". After that I distanced myself from him, since then my confidence has skyrocketed and my acne has cleared up quite alot.

 

Fast forward about 9 months later. I'm at the blackops 2 lauch and guess who I see, well I can't ignore him can I? So walking up to him and saying hi the first thing he says is "man you got fat." What in the actual f**k, who does that? So i spent the launch listening to him blather on and brag. After that night If i see him I just try to get past him, as he brags on about his life and tells me what i need do with mine. 

 

From all this I learned something, there is a difference between nice and kind, Being nice is doing kind things to win approval because you must compensate for something, while being kind is a permanent thing no matter your situation. Maybe i'm wrong though was my skin too thin or was I right to stop hanging around him?



#2 Randall Flagg

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 02:44 AM

I think you reacted the way any person suffering from acne and being picked at by "friends" would act. I've been in the same boat, so I understand how devastating and hurtful that shit can be, especially when it comes from people you trust and have allowed to get close to you. I feel like when a stranger makes an ignorant comment, it's easier to let that slide off the back...(even though it's still annoying as fuck) but when a friend would make a low-blow comment like that, then it's time to reassess if that friendship is worth keeping alive.

 

To give you an example, I was dating a girl for awhile and one night we went out to Ihop to get some dinner, and midway through the meal she made some snide comment saying "You need to use my pore strips" and that pissed me off so bad that I broke up with her right in the restaurant and cut off all contact with her right there. People in our shoes need support and understanding, not negativity like that. I probably reacted a little too harshly because I have a hot temper and I was much younger at the time when that happened too, but I don't blame you for distancing yourself from that guy.

 

You're better off not having blockheaded people like that in your life that will just make you feel down all the time (most likely because they have insecurities of their own and they like to project them onto other people just to feel better)

 

Good choice, man...and good luck with everything as you move forward in life.



#3 Lilly75

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 04:27 AM

I think you made the right move in being less contact with this guy now. The way he acted and things he said aren't exactly what a 'friend' would do. Who knows - maybe things were made worse by you making comments back to him but, like FlaggLives said, I think that's a normal reaction - especially after his comments had been going on for a while and you'd copped a lot of it. Regardless - that's all in the past now and you can move on from it all.

 

I really do think that there is such a thing as 'toxic' people that can be in our lives. Supposed 'friends' that actually treat you like dirt, say hurtful things or are unaccepting of you as you are, either to your face or behind your back, are an example of that and really aren't good friends in the first place. In those situations we're better off mentally/emotionally without them I think and that can let us lead better, happier lives.

 

That was the case for me anyway - a bunch of girls I was friends with in high school started to tease me more and more often about not wanting to go out 'partying', drinking, smoking etc all the time and now that we've gone our separate ways and sort of lost contact, I feel that I'm better off without them and without having to constantly 'defend' my choices all the time or put up with their comments.



#4 ryeryechickenpie

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 04:29 AM

Well done for sticking up for yourself you did a better job than I did in school when that happened to me.

 

Dammn Detentions :D



#5 D90

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 10:38 AM

Maybe he was having a bad day? If it's a long standing relationship (which it sounds as if it is) it would be a shame to end it. Maybe call him and have a genuine honest conversation with him? 



#6 dejaclairevoyant

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 10:43 AM

I wouldn't make any sort of effort for someone who treated me like that.



#7 Nick Snover

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 11:09 AM

Thanks for the support on my decision guys, but i want to clarify that before I retaliated It got to the point where I didn't wanna go to church.(the main place i saw him)

Honestly at this point I don't think I can ever forgive him,the turning point being BO2 launch. I am a really forgiving person and there are only 2 people in my 19 years who I will never forgive because of doing so, then being betrayed again and again. I know your supposed to forgive people but all it does is end up lowering my self esteem and pissing me off so there is my stance on things.



#8 ibiza1987

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 11:52 AM

You made the right choice, he doesn't sound like much of a friend anyway so it's no loss. You can forgive this guy in your heart if it makes you feel better but to resume a real life friendship would be futile since he made such upsetting comments which decreased your self esteem and it wasn't a one off. 

 

Yes I have had so called friends be nasty to me about my skin too, some used to actually get on their high horse and accuse me of not eating properly etc, and when I defended myself saying I ate healthily and was doing everything I could to help the acne they used to get really haughty and look at me like they didn't believe me. That's just one example. Makes me sick how nasty people can be, even if they don't always mean to be. 



#9 D90

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 11:54 AM

Thanks for the support on my decision guys, but i want to clarify that before I retaliated It got to the point where I didn't wanna go to church.(the main place i saw him)

Honestly at this point I don't think I can ever forgive him,the turning point being BO2 launch. I am a really forgiving person and there are only 2 people in my 19 years who I will never forgive because of doing so, then being betrayed again and again. I know your supposed to forgive people but all it does is end up lowering my self esteem and pissing me off so there is my stance on things.

 

Fair enough but go to Church bruv, don't let him live rent free in your head. Let go and move on, genuine loving people will come into your life. Holding onto that hate is like throwing poison on the problem. You've made up your mind, so forget about this guy and keep on living your life. The right people will love you for who you are :) PEACE 



#10 ibiza1987

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 01:09 PM

Thanks for the support on my decision guys, but i want to clarify that before I retaliated It got to the point where I didn't wanna go to church.(the main place i saw him)

Honestly at this point I don't think I can ever forgive him,the turning point being BO2 launch. I am a really forgiving person and there are only 2 people in my 19 years who I will never forgive because of doing so, then being betrayed again and again. I know your supposed to forgive people but all it does is end up lowering my self esteem and pissing me off so there is my stance on things.

 

Fair enough but go to Church bruv, don't let him live rent free in your head. Let go and move on, genuine loving people will come into your life. Holding onto that hate is like throwing poison on the problem. You've made up your mind, so forget about this guy and keep on living your life. The right people will love you for who you are smile.png PEACE 

Great post, and yes I forgot to mention in mine - don't let this idiot stop you from going to church or doing anything else you enjoy doing. He's the one with the issue, not you.



#11 Nick Snover

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 04:10 PM

 Yes I have had so called friends be nasty to me about my skin too, some used to actually get on their high horse and accuse me of not eating properly etc, and when I defended myself saying I ate healthily and was doing everything I could to help the acne they used to get really haughty and look at me like they didn't believe me. That's just one example. Makes me sick how nasty people can be, even if they don't always mean to be. 

 
Omg I can't tell you how annoying and enraging that is! Like "hey just don't touch your face and use dove derrrp" Oh really i never thought of that. Skin is skin your stuck with it If you have bad genes. I really wish people would get educated and learn the difference between 1 pimple and multiple mixed with cystic, It ain't going away for along time usually. Honestly  mine is pretty much gone besides cyst scars and redness and all I did was stop giving a fuck, after that it started clearing up.


#12 ibiza1987

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 08:25 PM

 Yes I have had so called friends be nasty to me about my skin too, some used to actually get on their high horse and accuse me of not eating properly etc, and when I defended myself saying I ate healthily and was doing everything I could to help the acne they used to get really haughty and look at me like they didn't believe me. That's just one example. Makes me sick how nasty people can be, even if they don't always mean to be. 

 
Omg I can't tell you how annoying and enraging that is! Like "hey just don't touch your face and use dove derrrp" Oh really i never thought of that. Skin is skin your stuck with it If you have bad genes. I really wish people would get educated and learn the difference between 1 pimple and multiple mixed with cystic, It ain't going away for along time usually. Honestly  mine is pretty much gone besides cyst scars and redness and all I did was stop giving a fuck, after that it started clearing up.

Or when someone says 'you should try drinking loads of water' or 'you should just wash your face with warm water to open the pores then cold water to close the pores, that will sort the problem out'. Urgh, hate it!!!

 

Pleased for you that your skin's getting better, hang in there :)



#13 lewi

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 08:51 PM

Well done from removing yourself from associating with this loser OP. 

Yeah, there is a lot of misinformation out there and uneducated people out there, that said many people with clear skin do know that cystic acne sufferers largely can't help it. 

Just in my experience as an example, I had extremely severe cystic acne when I was a teen and when one day some dude was giving me a hard time about it with sneers etc. in the school library and some nice girl in another class (whom I didn't even know) with clear skin overheard and she came over and absolutely went off at him yelling at him 'You complete and utter moron!!! he can't help it etc' in front of everyone and made a scene and then the dude got in trouble when she/i reported the bullying to the school counsellor, it felt fantastic and she gave me a hug, there are nice people out there. chin up   

 
 



#14 Nick Snover

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Posted 08 April 2013 - 08:21 AM

 

 Yes I have had so called friends be nasty to me about my skin too, some used to actually get on their high horse and accuse me of not eating properly etc, and when I defended myself saying I ate healthily and was doing everything I could to help the acne they used to get really haughty and look at me like they didn't believe me. That's just one example. Makes me sick how nasty people can be, even if they don't always mean to be. 

 
Omg I can't tell you how annoying and enraging that is! Like "hey just don't touch your face and use dove derrrp" Oh really i never thought of that. Skin is skin your stuck with it If you have bad genes. I really wish people would get educated and learn the difference between 1 pimple and multiple mixed with cystic, It ain't going away for along time usually. Honestly  mine is pretty much gone besides cyst scars and redness and all I did was stop giving a fuck, after that it started clearing up.

Or when someone says 'you should try drinking loads of water' or 'you should just wash your face with warm water to open the pores then cold water to close the pores, that will sort the problem out'. Urgh, hate it!!!

 

Pleased for you that your skin's getting better, hang in there smile.png

Lol thanks man hopefully this will be it for my acne. Maybe i'll finally beat it!

Well done from removing yourself from associating with this loser OP. 

Yeah, there is a lot of misinformation out there and uneducated people out there, that said many people with clear skin do know that cystic acne sufferers largely can't help it. 

Just in my experience as an example, I had extremely severe cystic acne when I was a teen and when one day some dude was giving me a hard time about it with sneers etc. in the school library and some nice girl in another class (whom I didn't even know) with clear skin overheard and she came over and absolutely went off at him yelling at him 'You complete and utter moron!!! he can't help it etc' in front of everyone and made a scene and then the dude got in trouble when she/i reported the bullying to the school counsellor, it felt fantastic and she gave me a hug, there are nice people out there. chin up   

 
 

Aww man that's the greatest thing I've heard all day! Thanks for the mood lifter!