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My Life, Dating And Acne.


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#1 Zynko

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Posted 29 March 2013 - 07:00 PM

Hi,
 
I am new to this forum and I have to say the amount of information here is simply amazing. I have been a long time "lurker" here, but I decided to finally join and contribute to this community.
Here is my background:
 
I have been living with acne since I was 19 (I am now 24) and finally got it under control, but unfortunately it left me with some scarring which I am doing my best now to fix with lasers and chemical peels. However I find it difficult to meet someone for serious relationship as I suffer from low self-esteem because of acne/scars and it would be somehow strange to have more skin care products or having chemicals peels/lasers done more often than my girlfriend. I have avoided going out much for past 5 years and decided to work on starting two internet businesses(aka working from home) with very good success. While being financially stable is important, I feel lonely as I have no one special to share my life with(travel, see new things...). 
 
What I wanted to ask you guys/girls who suffer from low self-esteem, acne, scarring...how do you meet new people? How do You start dating again? I somehow feel it wouldnt be possible for me to start dating girls who have "good" skin and not feel bad/or think about my skin all the time.
 
There is a reason why there are so many "niche" dating sites for people who share similar problems, unfortunately there aren't any for people with acne, since we could understand each other the best :)


#2 IDK111

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Posted 29 March 2013 - 07:23 PM

Hiiii

 

I don't date.  haha

 

So I'm not sure if this is a topic I should be replying on???

 

But,...  even though I am not confident in the way that I look, it has not stopped me from meeting new people, making new friends, and going out.

 

I just try to remember that everyone has their own problems, think about all the good things I have in my life, and don't even think about it.  When I come home,.. THEN i think about it. lol

 

I meet new people at work, school,....  the mall...

friend's friend's friend's...  parties... clubs...

gas stations... court... haha



#3 Randall Flagg

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Posted 29 March 2013 - 09:34 PM

Hey there. Actually I think it's pretty easy to make friends with acne...at a new job, school, or random social events...people treat me like I'm perfectly normal and they don't seem to even notice my scars. So I find that's pretty easy once natural conversations get started.

 

Now dating? haha. that's a whole different story, and I wish I could give you some advice...but truthfully it wouldn't be very good. I've had several girlfriends over the years, and ALL of them...literally every single one...has approached me first to express interest. The skin thing is such a confidence killer that I have the hardest time putting myself out there when it comes to dating.

 

The girls in this section might be able to give you some better advice on dating, because I've noticed the percentage of girls with acne AND boyfriends is very high in this section, and the percentage of guys with acne AND girlfriends is very low. I think that probably centers on the fact that guys are expected to initiate things, and that's hard as fuck to do for guys with acne (imo, anyways)


Edited by FlaggLives, 29 March 2013 - 09:42 PM.


#4 Ghostunit

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Posted 29 March 2013 - 11:08 PM

I don't date, but I am glad that I am attending some events from meetup.com! I'm a vegan, so I joined a vegan group. I'm hoping to meet nice people. All I want is friends really. I've been single for ever and I promised myself that I will find the right girl of my life and stay with her for ever!! I just want one girl.  In 30 years, if someone asks me, how many girlfriend have you had? I want to say., just one, which I am married with right now. I'm not into drama.. I am having fun being single. I do love it. It is amazing.. :)


Edited by Ghostunit, 29 March 2013 - 11:10 PM.


#5 PaulH85

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Posted 30 March 2013 - 07:17 AM

I've never dated in the conventional sense and my relationship with my girlfriend - my first relationship at the age of 27 - started via Facebook and it long distance so I wouldn't say that's particularly conventional either, but I do think that it ultimately comes down to finding the right kind of person.  Wherever they may be and however you find them, if they're the right person for you, and you them, they won't care in the slightest about your skin. 

 

If you can start to put yourself out there on a social level without really looking for someone in particular, the probably the best way, getting involved in interest group and meeting people with similar hobbies and so on. Often seem to be the way that, in those instances, people find their partner at a time when they're not really putting effort into looking, and I can certainly vouch for the fact that it's a great feeling when this kind of thing creeps up on you unexpectedly.  

 

:) 



#6 sleptember

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Posted 31 March 2013 - 02:26 PM

Here's my advice for meeting people for serious/long term dating: Get on OkCupid. Identify a person whose interests, personality, and lifestyle are similar to yours. Start talking. Get to know each other through the written word. Send back and forth messages for a few weeks, even months. You might even talk on the phone/Skype sometimes. After a while perhaps you develop feelings for each other. Meet. The point of this long process is to establish intimacy and feelings without getting looks involved. It works. Give it a shot.


Edited by sleptember, 31 March 2013 - 02:29 PM.


#7 Zynko

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 07:26 PM

Thank you all for your replies, I really appreciate them.

 


Hey there. Actually I think it's pretty easy to make friends with acne...at a new job, school, or random social events...people treat me like I'm perfectly normal and they don't seem to even notice my scars. So I find that's pretty easy once natural conversations get started.

 

Now dating? haha. that's a whole different story, and I wish I could give you some advice...but truthfully it wouldn't be very good. I've had several girlfriends over the years, and ALL of them...literally every single one...has approached me first to express interest. The skin thing is such a confidence killer that I have the hardest time putting myself out there when it comes to dating.

 

The girls in this section might be able to give you some better advice on dating, because I've noticed the percentage of girls with acne AND boyfriends is very high in this section, and the percentage of guys with acne AND girlfriends is very low. I think that probably centers on the fact that guys are expected to initiate things, and that's hard as fuck to do for guys with acne (imo, anyways)

 

How fast things can change...before I got acne I was doing that whole foreign exchange student thing...I was very social, had so many people who wanted to be my friends, because I was on their school basketball team and also the only foreign exchange student in that school. When it was time for their school dance, I remember having to choose between 4 dates lol. Now because of acne/scars(low self-confidence) I feel like someone who is retired and have all these memories of good ol'times. 

 

When it comes to dating, I would actually prefer someone who also is suffering/suffered from acne, makes life much easier. It would be hard to explain to someone with clear/good skin why I need to burn my skin with Fraxel lasers every year, when they never had acne in their lives or dont think it is a big deal to have scars.


Edited by Zynko, 01 April 2013 - 07:27 PM.


#8 lewi

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Posted 04 April 2013 - 12:07 AM



When it comes to dating, I would actually prefer someone who also is suffering/suffered from acne, makes life much easier. It would be hard to explain to someone with clear/good skin why I need to burn my skin with Fraxel lasers every year, when they never had acne in their lives or dont think it is a big deal to have scars.

 

If I had a wonderful non-acne suffering girlfriend who didn't think it was a big deal that I have scars and looked beyond them, I reckon I would be a lot happier and self-accepting. Just my opinion.

Sure, dating someone with acne/scars would be good in the sense of empathy and you can try get through this together and relate to each other and they would be very understanding, but 'prefer' goes a bit far imo. come on, the depths of human interaction, attraction and relationship compatibility run a lot deeper than your complexion! Thinking you have to limit yourself to a small sect of society who share the same skin condition as yourself and excluding all other possibilities i.e. 'he/she will never be my partner because I have acne/scars and he/she doesn't' just seems very reductionist. Acne sufferers need to get along to non-acne sufferers (not all of whom are ignorant of the negative impacts of our affliction btw) Hey just my opinion. 


 



#9 dejaclairevoyant

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Posted 04 April 2013 - 05:15 AM

In my opinion, having a partner makes things worse. There are so many times I'd rather be single. You have to not only be depressed and feel ugly, but feel like you're a disappointment to someone else. Not because of the acne, but just the negativity surrounding it. You see yourself bring another person down with you and it really sucks. Plus, no amount of them telling you that you're 'beautiful' helps... It all just gets really old sometimes.



#10 Fraz_2010

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Posted 04 April 2013 - 11:59 AM

People who can't be happy alone, can't be happy with people either. That's because the issue lies within yourself, not with what surrounds you.

 

The only way you can ever truely be happy is by coming to terms with yourself and who you are as a person. Be your own best friend. Treat yourself as you would treat other people. Don't look back and dwel on past mistakes, learn to forgive yourself, give yourself a pat on the back when you do a good deed.

 

People will accept you as you accept yourself. Like yourself and other people will like you to.