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(How Acne Affected My Life) & I Want To Believe That I Can Live With My Acne, But Another Part Tells Me The Opposite And Sends Me To Tears

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#21 Kay24

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Posted 24 December 2014 - 11:11 PM

Thank you for sharing, to vent and also help others.

 

Your scars are probably hyperpigmentation, and I really truly think you will be able to have clear, beautiful skin again in time. It's great to see you immediately got yourself to a dermatologist to get help. Five months in, I feel confident in your recovery with help from a professional and I hope your life gets back to good place. There are lots of resources here to help too.

 

I really couldn't read your story, because I know how painful it is and your struggle would probably get me feeling really down. I've been struggling with this horrible affliction for 10+ years and it's left me an empty being with physical damage. Get out there and enjoy life, please. What saddens me even more than my skin is all the missed experiences I denied myself. My skin was/is atrocious, but there were kind people out there who did NOT care and still enjoyed my company when I allowed myself to experience life. There were WAY more times that I judged myself so harshly that I locked myself away, rather than being brought down by others. We are our own worst critics. If others comment it’s because they don’t understand or they’re just useless assholes. You're so young, I just wish for you to keep your confidence and hope. Don’t let this drive you mad. Stay focused on your treatment but don’t obsess. It could become a bad habit. Mirror checking, overanalyzing, scrutinizing yourself to death. You’re a beautiful person, and I don’t think you’ll be left with much damage. It will heal. Find the people who love you no matter what until then. Your emotional state impacts your skin, so if nothing else use that as motivation to remember to breathe and be kind to yourself when you’re at your lowest.



#22 jakefromcleveland

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Posted 25 December 2014 - 06:49 PM

I felt the same way as you. What helped me get through were friends who weren't going to judge me no matter what my face looked like. I hope your face clears up soon!


My Accutane Log :
http://www.acne.org/...og-t251599.html

Started Accutane October 10,2009

Month 1: 80mg/day
Month 2: 120mg/day
Month 3: 120mg/day
Month 4: 120mg/day
Month 5: 120mg/day

Finished Accutane March 11,2010


#23 SiriBai

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Posted 30 December 2014 - 12:42 AM

I know this is addressing a really small part of the original post, but actresses wear a ton of makeup on television and in photographs. Especially now that everything is done in HD. There is special makeup for that. It's true that they may have good skin, but they aren't perfect. 

 

Also, some of my favorite actresses have acne scars: Jurnee Smollett-Bell comes to mind. She's amazing, and beautiful. You do notice the scars, because they're visible, but it really just ends up being a part of her beauty and character. 


Current status: CLEAR. Hyperpigmentation. Redness. Occasional Pimple. Clogged pores between eyebrows. Meh. 


Current skin-care regimen: 
Simple Micellar Water on a few cotton rounds, AM/PM.
Artistry Youth Xtend Protecting Cream (AM/PM)
Artistry Youth Xtend Eye Cream (PM)

Breathing. Sleeping. Exercising. Doing/Eating things that make me happy. Not obsessing about my skin.

 

How I got clear (between Jan and April, 2015):

Morning: 

Panoxyl Creamy Wash 4% BP

Clindamycin 1%

Artistry Youth Xtend Protecting Cream - SPF 15

Evening: 

Cerave Hydrating Cleanser

Differin (Adapalene) (every other night or so)

Artistry Youth Xtend Enriching Cream

 

Birth Control: 

Loryna. Switched from Yaz, 6/1/15


#24 elanordawn

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Posted 02 January 2015 - 09:02 PM

I burst into tears reading this. As a 16 year old girl in high school I am having the exact same issue as you. I feel depressed, and guilty that I'm depressed because it's selfish and vain of me. But having acne destroys my life. I don't look in mirrors before I've put on my make up and after I've taken it off. My friends think I avoid them because I make up excuses when they invite me over for sleepovers because I don't want to have to take of my make up in front of them and have a red, raw pimply face and have everyone trying desperately not to look at it in case they offend me.

    

    I can't meet new people properly, because if they have clear skin I decide subconsciously that I don't like them, and if they have acne I think 'good, I'm not the only one', despite me never wishing acne on anyone, like, ever. I can't enjoy myself when I go out, and then I feel guilty for not enjoying myself. I don't even like showing my make-up free face in front of my family, in fact, I hide it from them.

 

  And I COMPLETELY relate to the 'I will never complain again, if only my acne cleared'. I had acne this time last year until march when it had almost completely cleared - when it cleared I was over the moon. But after a few weeks, I started almost missing my acne, because having acne had given me a reason that wasn't down to my facial structure for feeling ugly all the time. After my acne went, some of the depression that had come with it remained, and I started hating on my appearance for other reasons; faint scarring, big forehead, lopsided smile, big thighs.. all of which were ridiculous and I hadn't thought about when I had acne.

 

However, this is my second bout of acne since then, because when my face cleared I got a few pimples a month or s down the line, panicked, and started a course of lymecycline that I didn't finish. I went on holiday for five weeks in America and left behind my treatment. In the USA, I broke out again. Behind closed doors, I cried continually all holiday long. In the supermarket with my aunt and uncle looking for facewash, I cried silently and walked behind them so they didn't see. For the week at the beach I wore foundation and concealer. What upset me the most was that I knew for a whole 'nother year of my life I was going to be miserable and self conscious and ugly and I had just got out of that almost obsessive way of thinking. I'm on treatment again now, but I have some seriously awful days. I feel like romance is dead, and my significant other will be moving abroad and I don't want him to remember me the way I am now, with a mountain range for a face. I just hope it has cleared by then.

 

But having gone through the healing process once, when my skin does clear up, I will NOT take it for granted like the first time. I will learn to love myself again. At the minute I think that 'I could be pretty, if I didn't have acne', so I just need to remember that when I don't anymore, instead of finding other ways to make myself ugly in my eyes.

 

It is a battle not understood by many, and the psychological effects can be enormous. It's comforting to know you're not alone in how you feel about it all, as much as I wouldn't wish it on anyone I'm glad I'm not the only one.



#25 MysteriousGal

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Posted 31 January 2015 - 10:43 PM

I can't really explain what I'm feeling right now. Is it because I should feel relieved because I'm not the only one who is suffering from this extreme challenge, or feel depressed because I'm losing hope everyday because of this. cry.gif unsure.png

 

Hello to people who are having this kind of problem, if you are active to this site, please can we be friends? I want to talk about your progress or improvements with this, and I need help and talk about a loooot of stuff regarding this matter. I chose you guys because what I really need right now is people who would understand me and I know you would because we are experiencing the same thing. And of course, a real friend :) (As what you guys have said, I'm also losing friends because of this) I can't even tell who are the real ones.

 

Soooo, if you're interested. Contact me ASAP! Stay strong you beautiful people xx

 

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#26 AlexanderJ86

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Posted 02 February 2015 - 10:14 AM

All I'm seeing in this topic are a bunch of nice girls :)



#27 Kaaren

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Posted 05 February 2015 - 01:02 PM

You know, there are happy days when miraculously, I don't have acne anymore. I keep thinking, "It's gonna be like this forever. I'm done." I run to the swimming pool and remain naked as long as I can. But those days are few. The other days, I avoid social encounters, sexual encounters, encounters that require me to take of my shirt (I get acne all over, face, back, chest, I'm hideous). And I simply hate other people. I know only one other person in the whole university, in the whole city that gets acne. I hate the people with good skin. Please don't judge me. I can't help it.

 

What I do is, I feel helpless, since in 2 year, I'll have had acne for 10 years. I've been dealing with acne for a decade!!! 

Mod Edit

I hate life. I hate God, if he exists, and I would rather die. I simply don't want to live like this anymore. And the people who say, "it will be all right when you grow up" can all burn in hell. You have your perfect skin, and you think telling me I should wait a few years is OK? You told me that 8 years ago? What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you say the same thing 8 years later? I hate you. I hate everybody who has good skin. I hate them, OK? I don't know why. But I do. I want all of them to get acne and be as depressed as I am. I hate being in this boat all alone. Why do I have to be the one person who gets it? Why WHY WHY?

 

Maybe one day they will go away, but who's going to remove the damn scars?

 

Mod Edit



#28 Katie11

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Posted 10 February 2015 - 10:20 PM

Hi
To get rid of acne please try this..
Wash your face with apple cider vinegar everyday. It will kill the bacteria on your skin and will clear your skin in a few days.
You can dilute it with water if u want it to be little milder.Apple cider vinegar changes the ph level of the skin.Thus there will no bacteria on the skin and no pimples.

#29 Alishamichaels

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Posted 23 February 2015 - 12:14 AM

I feel the exact same way. I find myself crying every night about my acne and how I am so ashamed to have a face like mine. I envy anyone with clear skin and often pray for flawless skin. You're not alone, I know how you feel!

#30 elzaaa

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Posted 25 May 2015 - 06:24 PM

Wow i can't tell you how happy i am to know that im not the only one who goes through this...im not saying im happy u guys are going through this though. Ive had acne for years i swear ive tried everything im currently trying this Aveeno product doesnt seem to be working but im just so over this acne thing😰😭. I hope that all your acne clears up i really nobodys life should have to be puton hold because of acne...

#31 Yukinoshita

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Posted 29 May 2015 - 06:56 AM

There is not a single day that I didn't wish for my acne to go away. I used to talk a lot to people around me. I just love talking and interacting with others. But, acne came to my life and since then, I tried my hardest not to talk face to face with someone because their eyes show that they don't really see me. They only see my acne.


You guys are all strong! Just reading your posts encouraged me. It's a really tough journey, but I am on my way to accepting my flaws. Have hope!
Never give up! 🙏

#32 hayreeg

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Posted 06 June 2015 - 02:47 PM

I thought somehow someone was telling MY story while reading the whole beginning of this. I changed washes, it got worse. I switched back, it stayed getting worse. I went to a dermatologist, it didn't work. Changed my medicines, it kind of worked but came back a little, switched again and it cleared up the bumps although i had a ton of redness. That slowly faded, but i still deal with smaller bumps here and there. I guess i can't complain because i remember how bad it was just in October. . I don't know what happened. I had clear skin in high school as well. I'm almost 23 and deal with it more than i ever have. Everything you said sounded like someone got on here and made a page about me... I was a little scared reading at first. I feel like it holds me back too. I never really had friends maybe a couple but i was fine with it... And now that i have had acne a lot worse, i wonder if that's why i never had friends? People usually always like me, i'm nice, i'm funny, i'm shy at first but i've never heard anyone speak badly about me...I am just more of a loner... You can live with it, sometimes i feel i have no choice. But then i think i remember seeing other kids in high school who had it SO bad, unbelievably bad.... and i've seen them now and holy cow i just wanna ask them what did they do? But back in high school i didn't have it so they'd probably not take my question seriously as i do deal with it now. You probably won't see this because i found this post and saw it was posted back in 2013 but it feels good to reply to someone who is in a way battling like i am still/was. It can get better, but also always get worse. You can just cope with it and hope it gets better. I never wear make up, i wash my face once a day, i used to 3 times but my skin was beautiful then...
All i can say is don't let it hold u back. There's so much i think i've missed out on due to being negative towards others (because of my skin) didn't wanna be around anyone because of it and if i had no choice, i was rude a lot to them..

It can get better, i promise.

#33 Sachin9873

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Posted 08 July 2015 - 04:53 AM

This is gonna be long one, so those who are patient enough can read. But i would rather say skip it, since its mostly me taking out my frustration by writing.
The one who started this topic is no longer active it seems. But thank you for showing your feelings. I am 21. 21? Huh. I always had nice beautiful skin, girls liked talking to me, you are cute, handsome, good looking. I got everything, every single compliment. I was a jerk, a real jerk. I was arrogant and thought that i am really smart and all and small things ticked me off too. But ever since turning 21 i was bombared with pus acne, i tried over the counter products for 1 week and started looking so bad that even my family members got scared by a sight of me one day. That was the worst day of my life. I had many embarrassing moments in my life, many. But i am ready to experience even 10x worse embarrassing situations than them if i could get my clear face back in return for it. I went to a dermatologist he gave me some multivitamins and amoxicillin for 2 months. Within 1 week my pus acne were gone, all that was left were bad red marks (post inflammatory hyperpigmentation). I shut myself from entire world in my room feeling sorry for myself and told everyone that i have skin infection in order to avoid any social encounters. But life isn't going to wait for me so exams started and i had to go back to college with bad hyperpigmentation on my face, interviews for internship started which i so wanted to avoid but was forced to go there since they are mandatory this year it did felt horrible since some of my friends who used to say to me that you are really good looking asking what happened to you? And calling you by pimple face. I used lemon juice, honey for red marks for around month and one day i felt more burning sensation than usual with lemon and behold i got some small circular pits on my face. well when i was a teenager i was a diet freak and didn't eat much junk food. But after going to college i excercised and had junk food on a daily basis thinking that i won't get fat if i will excercise and acne started appearing. During my antibiotics phase i was eating only healthy food, fruits and non fatty food, no sugar. But one day same inflammatory pimples came and i said what the hell, if i am going to look ugly, i might as well eat what i like rather eating those fruits and stuff that were not tasty and some of the healthy food that i had was so bad that i felt like puking while taking one bite of food. So back to the story, enough with detours, i had fatty tasty chips, rice and all fatty things. 2 months passed and i was taking my medicine. On my visit to dermatologist my mom asked him that his acne is gone for more than 2 months should we stop these medicines? He said he looks great right now but chances are they are most likely to appear soon. I took the chance and stopped my medications, since i heard that taking antibiotics for long time will do more harm than good to the body, 1 month passed without anything bad happening without my multivitamins and antibiotics and i was obsessed with small scaring that was now visible with fading of those red marks. But when i finally got over the mental trauma of those scars. New pimples came, i thought they maybe normal. But then next day few more came and next day more came, some of them turned into pus pimples. And i freaked out like hell because i know that pimples are normal but not pus ones because they gave me year long gift of red marks, year long i say is because red marks stays for months even for 1 year. I rushed to the pharmacist and got myself the same antibiotics and multivitamins since i have my internship interviews yet again so i can't meet that same dermatologist who is only available on Thursdays and Saturdays. These pimples were persistent, not going away and staying the same. But after taking the medicines they are reducing in size. Although i don't know why but i am still getting new pimples everyday, every single day. Yes i agree that for past 10 days i was eating sugary stuff and more junk food than usual. So now i am back to sqaure one with new hyperpigmentation of pimples, new pimples greeting me hello just about everyday. And i feel like shit since i don't wanna go out but this stupid mandatory internship isn't allowing me to hide in my house. I think of dying every single moment. How i curse myself on what a ignorant, bad person i was who got easily frustrated from small things and didn't cherish acne free face and thanked god for it. I hate god now, if he is there. I too want everybody around me to get acne so they can experience what it feels to be like this. I too now stare at people looking for scars and pimples on their faces which i never did when i had clear face. Acne is just wrong, really wrong. I also wish for any accident which could instantly kill me so that this suffering could just end.
Sorry for being such a brat and bad person who is nothing but a sore loser who has given up and thinks his outer appearance matters more than how i am from inside.

#34 KatieKates

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Posted 08 July 2015 - 08:24 PM

Hello,

I am struggling with acne too, all over my forehead. 
I'm guessing this is just because of puberty, but I'm fourteen, is that normal? 

I'm feeling really stressed about it, and reading other articles on it makes me feel better. And I too, wanted to tell people how I felt about my acne. Because the occasional commentary on it made me very self-conscious. Having a crush on a boy only makes it a million times worse. Knowing that, he can't possibly like you. Because, look at you. You look gross. 

So, I tried wearing hats. In the winter, I'd wear the beanies. The hats that cover your whole entire forehead and conceal everything. I was "ok" with my acne, but whenever I'd take off the hat, I'd feel horrible about myself. In the spring I'd wear the baseball caps. I looked fine in them, I told myself, but they just shaded the acne. And I wanted it gone. Here I am now, summertime, and I dislike the baseball caps. I dislike the sun exposing my forehead. Plus I have an oily/shiny forehead that reflects everything. I avoid mirrors. If I look ugly in it, I turn away. I tell myself that I'm "ok", I'm not. I only look at mirrors with good-lighting around, so I don't feel self-conscious. 
Every day, I look at a mirror that I look good in. I smile, and then I avoid every other mirror that I see. So I only remember my good-looking self. I feel less self-conscious about my acne now. I try and focus on the good things now. Like the fact that it's not on my cheeks, that it doesn't cover my whole entire head, just the center, that it's not huge. 

Oh well. 
Don't conceal it with hats, just forget all about that.

#35 Sachin9873

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Posted 10 July 2015 - 06:25 AM

Good for you katiekates that you have a positive attitude, if you have acne on your forehead then why don't you try bangs look, it looks good and you can easily hide those acne as well. And as far as boy crush goes. Let me tell you being a boy myself, dating a girl with acne isn't something that i would ever mind. So i don't think so that most of the boys would mind that much as well. Keep up your positive attitude ☺

#36 holdingontohope

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Posted 15 July 2015 - 07:47 PM

A rollercoaster for sure. Hope. Despair. Hope. Despair.

#37 Robert6524

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Posted 21 July 2015 - 02:58 AM

I totally feel you ! When I was reading your story I felt like i wrote this myself . I am 23 years old and I have been dealing with acne for over a decade now . Acne for sure ruined my teenage years. In middle school i had no self-esteem whatsoever .. My friends and even family members would make fun of me. They would look at me with disgust and ask me why I had so many zits on my face. I had moderate to severe acne in middle school . Going into high was the same. I wanted to be popular , known , and that guy everybody looked up too. Hey, maybe even become homecoming king or prom king, but acne and scars held me back from pursuing my goals. It made me extremely self conscious about myself and had no friends. Just aquaintaces. I was miserable and depressed . Around my senior year my acne was suprisingly getting better. It made me hopeful . Going into college i started getting these scars called "hypertrophic scars". These are raised scars cause by wounds or in my case, acne. I started getting them in my chest and shoulder area . Great... Now I have something else I have to deal with . This made everything worse and extremely depressed . I have acne, acne scars, and now hypertrophic scars. it sucks because I can't take my shirt off in front anybody . I can't imagine what someone would say if they saw me without a shirt. I know people that freak out just because they have a small little pimple in their foreheads. It sucks it really does, but I accepted it and I'm learning to live with it. Yea I still trip about it , but it is what it is. I don't take anything for granted now. If somehow tomorrow I magically wake up with clear skin I will be the happiest man in the world . Anyways, I know what your are going through and it sucks , but I know your a strong girl and you will get through this. Just don't let your acne, people , or even your own family get to you. You will get through this and just don't ever give up ! Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk ! I'm here for emotional support ! Good luck !


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