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(How Acne Affected My Life) & I Want To Believe That I Can Live With My Acne, But Another Part Tells Me The Opposite And Sends Me To Tears

clear skin suicidal depression regret guilt friends family i cant take it anymore dermatologist bright rooms

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#21 Kay24


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Posted 24 December 2014 - 11:11 PM

Thank you for sharing, to vent and also help others.


Your scars are probably hyperpigmentation, and I really truly think you will be able to have clear, beautiful skin again in time. It's great to see you immediately got yourself to a dermatologist to get help. Five months in, I feel confident in your recovery with help from a professional and I hope your life gets back to good place. There are lots of resources here to help too.


I really couldn't read your story, because I know how painful it is and your struggle would probably get me feeling really down. I've been struggling with this horrible affliction for 10+ years and it's left me an empty being with physical damage. Get out there and enjoy life, please. What saddens me even more than my skin is all the missed experiences I denied myself. My skin was/is atrocious, but there were kind people out there who did NOT care and still enjoyed my company when I allowed myself to experience life. There were WAY more times that I judged myself so harshly that I locked myself away, rather than being brought down by others. We are our own worst critics. If others comment it’s because they don’t understand or they’re just useless assholes. You're so young, I just wish for you to keep your confidence and hope. Don’t let this drive you mad. Stay focused on your treatment but don’t obsess. It could become a bad habit. Mirror checking, overanalyzing, scrutinizing yourself to death. You’re a beautiful person, and I don’t think you’ll be left with much damage. It will heal. Find the people who love you no matter what until then. Your emotional state impacts your skin, so if nothing else use that as motivation to remember to breathe and be kind to yourself when you’re at your lowest.

#22 jakefromcleveland


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Posted 25 December 2014 - 06:49 PM

I felt the same way as you. What helped me get through were friends who weren't going to judge me no matter what my face looked like. I hope your face clears up soon!

My Accutane Log :

Started Accutane October 10,2009

Month 1: 80mg/day
Month 2: 120mg/day
Month 3: 120mg/day
Month 4: 120mg/day
Month 5: 120mg/day

Finished Accutane March 11,2010

#23 SiriBai



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Posted 30 December 2014 - 12:42 AM

I know this is addressing a really small part of the original post, but actresses wear a ton of makeup on television and in photographs. Especially now that everything is done in HD. There is special makeup for that. It's true that they may have good skin, but they aren't perfect. 


Also, some of my favorite actresses have acne scars: Jurnee Smollett-Bell comes to mind. She's amazing, and beautiful. You do notice the scars, because they're visible, but it really just ends up being a part of her beauty and character. 

Current status: Mild acne, hyper-pigmentation on chin, no new cysts!

Treatment plan (since Jan, 2015):


Panoxyl Creamy Wash 4% BP

Clindamycin 1%

Artistry Youth Xtend Protecting Cream - SPF 15


Cerave Hydrating Cleanser

Differin (Adapalene)

Artistry Youth Xtend Enriching Cream

Birth Control: 

Just started Yaz 28 >_>

dairy free...for real this time. I'm trying...


#24 elanordawn


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Posted 02 January 2015 - 09:02 PM

I burst into tears reading this. As a 16 year old girl in high school I am having the exact same issue as you. I feel depressed, and guilty that I'm depressed because it's selfish and vain of me. But having acne destroys my life. I don't look in mirrors before I've put on my make up and after I've taken it off. My friends think I avoid them because I make up excuses when they invite me over for sleepovers because I don't want to have to take of my make up in front of them and have a red, raw pimply face and have everyone trying desperately not to look at it in case they offend me.


    I can't meet new people properly, because if they have clear skin I decide subconsciously that I don't like them, and if they have acne I think 'good, I'm not the only one', despite me never wishing acne on anyone, like, ever. I can't enjoy myself when I go out, and then I feel guilty for not enjoying myself. I don't even like showing my make-up free face in front of my family, in fact, I hide it from them.


  And I COMPLETELY relate to the 'I will never complain again, if only my acne cleared'. I had acne this time last year until march when it had almost completely cleared - when it cleared I was over the moon. But after a few weeks, I started almost missing my acne, because having acne had given me a reason that wasn't down to my facial structure for feeling ugly all the time. After my acne went, some of the depression that had come with it remained, and I started hating on my appearance for other reasons; faint scarring, big forehead, lopsided smile, big thighs.. all of which were ridiculous and I hadn't thought about when I had acne.


However, this is my second bout of acne since then, because when my face cleared I got a few pimples a month or s down the line, panicked, and started a course of lymecycline that I didn't finish. I went on holiday for five weeks in America and left behind my treatment. In the USA, I broke out again. Behind closed doors, I cried continually all holiday long. In the supermarket with my aunt and uncle looking for facewash, I cried silently and walked behind them so they didn't see. For the week at the beach I wore foundation and concealer. What upset me the most was that I knew for a whole 'nother year of my life I was going to be miserable and self conscious and ugly and I had just got out of that almost obsessive way of thinking. I'm on treatment again now, but I have some seriously awful days. I feel like romance is dead, and my significant other will be moving abroad and I don't want him to remember me the way I am now, with a mountain range for a face. I just hope it has cleared by then.


But having gone through the healing process once, when my skin does clear up, I will NOT take it for granted like the first time. I will learn to love myself again. At the minute I think that 'I could be pretty, if I didn't have acne', so I just need to remember that when I don't anymore, instead of finding other ways to make myself ugly in my eyes.


It is a battle not understood by many, and the psychological effects can be enormous. It's comforting to know you're not alone in how you feel about it all, as much as I wouldn't wish it on anyone I'm glad I'm not the only one.

#25 MysteriousGal


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Posted Yesterday, 10:43 PM

I can't really explain what I'm feeling right now. Is it because I should feel relieved because I'm not the only one who is suffering from this extreme challenge, or feel depressed because I'm losing hope everyday because of this. cry.gif unsure.png


Hello to people who are having this kind of problem, if you are active to this site, please can we be friends? I want to talk about your progress or improvements with this, and I need help and talk about a loooot of stuff regarding this matter. I chose you guys because what I really need right now is people who would understand me and I know you would because we are experiencing the same thing. And of course, a real friend :) (As what you guys have said, I'm also losing friends because of this) I can't even tell who are the real ones.


Soooo, if you're interested. Contact me ASAP! Stay strong you beautiful people xx



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