Hello guys. I'm a 23 years old male currently on accutane with scars getting worst by the day. I also am a dad and a boyfriend, my little daughter is 6 weeks old and my girlfriend is just a beautiful girl who simply deserves better than me. I am deeply hurt inside because of my acne and more importantly my scars.
Growing up I was always that pretty boy, before acne hit me when I was around 18. It was pretty bad until 21, left me a bit of scarring but it was manageable and I was able to live life without ever thinking about it. However, right after my girlfriend got pregnant and when life was looking so bright for me (I am literally crying all the tears I have in my body as I type this) acne came back full force and I was forced to go on accutane, because if there is one thing in the world I wanted was to be 100% there for my daughter.
At first accutane seemed to go well, and I'm almost finished with it. My acne is almost 100% clear, but oh my god did it ever left scars. On some lightings my face is close to perfect, on others I have one of the worst scars I have ever seen, right between my mouth and my cheeks. It looks like somebody stamped my face and it left a huge hole. Plus a lot of ice picks scars that were already there before but I learnt to dealt with, however I just can't get over my looks with that new scars.
I always been a superficial person, and now seeing me close to disfigured deeply hurted me. The only reason I havent committed suicide is because I am responsible for my daughter (dont lock the thread, i wont do it, but im depressed enough that i think about it sometimes). I've talked about it with my girlfriend some times and she said that she still thinks Im beautiful, and that I have to get over it, but I just cant seem to do it. One second Im all happy and positive, thinking Im not the only one with acne scars and some people live their lives happily with it, but as soon as I see my face in the mirror under a bad lighting angle Im just dying inside and I wanna hide forever. It saddens me to say but I fear that my family would be better off without me.
Leaving the house for me is very hard and a cloudy day is a good day, while a sunny day is just a nightmare because of all the lights that reflects on my scars and makes it look like shit. I am even considering stopping accutane because 1 month before my treatment ends because it gave me that horrible scar but hten again Im not better off if acne comes back.
I know Im all over the place here but I have to get everything out of my chest.
Has anyone ever felt kind of the same way and cured from it? I feel like im in a huge depression I will never get out of, and people who can understand me the best are on this board. I need any tips I can get to get over it mentally, because my daughter and my girlfriend needs a good dad for their familly.
Edited by acnecare_, 11 March 2013 - 07:29 AM.