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How To Build Confidence And Self-Esteem?


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#1 QuietJamie14

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Posted 17 February 2013 - 07:42 AM

Hello all,

 

I'm in my late twenties and still suffering from mild/moderate acne in combination with extremely dry skin. However, I've basically come to the conclusion that I need to stop focusing on my skin so much and try to build my confidence in other ways. From reading these forums, it seems that there are a number of people who have been able to take positive steps in this regard - so I'm looking for some practical advice!

 

What I've done to try and build my confidence:

 

Recently completed a Ph.D. and have an outstanding academic record

Have published articles and been offered a book contract - I'm now going out and promoting it

Taught classes and given lectures in front of 30+ students

Public speaking in different locations across the world

Signed up to online dating and have been going on dates in person

Learnt how to cook really well!

 

Despite these actions, my self-esteem is as low as it's ever been...

 

What is holding me back/damaging my self-esteem:

 

I really am losing hope that my skin will ever improve - can't look at myself in mirrors

Poor body image

Keep getting ignored or rejected by women, and have been single for six years

Currently living at home with parents (but I am paying rent and helping with housework etc.)

Negative thoughts about myself won't go away and seem a lot more 'natural' than positive ones

Although I've done well so far, I still face an uncertain future career-wise

My income has recently dropped

I was turned down for a job I desperately wanted

 

I don't particularly want to moan about my situation - what I'm looking for is practical steps that you would recommend to lift myself. What's worked for you (if anything)? Can I do this all by myself or do I need to seek some professional support?

 

Thanks!



#2 melmel87

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Posted 17 February 2013 - 08:40 AM

Hello all,

 

I'm in my late twenties and still suffering from mild/moderate acne in combination with extremely dry skin. However, I've basically come to the conclusion that I need to stop focusing on my skin so much and try to build my confidence in other ways. From reading these forums, it seems that there are a number of people who have been able to take positive steps in this regard - so I'm looking for some practical advice!

 

What I've done to try and build my confidence:

 

Recently completed a Ph.D. and have an outstanding academic record

Have published articles and been offered a book contract - I'm now going out and promoting it

Taught classes and given lectures in front of 30+ students

Public speaking in different locations across the world

Signed up to online dating and have been going on dates in person

Learnt how to cook really well!

 

Despite these actions, my self-esteem is as low as it's ever been...

 

What is holding me back/damaging my self-esteem:

 

I really am losing hope that my skin will ever improve - can't look at myself in mirrors

Poor body image

Keep getting ignored or rejected by women, and have been single for six years

Currently living at home with parents (but I am paying rent and helping with housework etc.)

Negative thoughts about myself won't go away and seem a lot more 'natural' than positive ones

Although I've done well so far, I still face an uncertain future career-wise

My income has recently dropped

I was turned down for a job I desperately wanted

 

I don't particularly want to moan about my situation - what I'm looking for is practical steps that you would recommend to lift myself. What's worked for you (if anything)? Can I do this all by myself or do I need to seek some professional support?

 

Thanks!

 

What do you do to get rid of built up stress? You should try doing some exercising. I know for me, it always makes me feel relaxed and better about myself after I run/swim/etc. Also even better in the summer time if you can exercise outside. I have also found that most people who have never had to deal with their skin are not understanding at all and will judge you by your skin (like it's our fault.) I broke up with a guy before and in his anger told me that I needed accutane for my skin or no one else will want me. So people can be cruel.



#3 leelowe1

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Posted 17 February 2013 - 09:30 AM

Jamie, in the past, i find that helping someone else has really helped my self esteem and made me feel as if i was making a difference.  This can include:

 

volunteering to feed the homeless

signing up for a mentorship program

visiting terminally ill bursing patients

 

Self esteem took a while to be torn down and as such, will take a whiel to be built back up.  You've made great steps in your life and should be very proud of yourself.



#4 QuietJamie14

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Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:44 AM

Hello all,

 

I'm in my late twenties and still suffering from mild/moderate acne in combination with extremely dry skin. However, I've basically come to the conclusion that I need to stop focusing on my skin so much and try to build my confidence in other ways. From reading these forums, it seems that there are a number of people who have been able to take positive steps in this regard - so I'm looking for some practical advice!

 

What I've done to try and build my confidence:

 

Recently completed a Ph.D. and have an outstanding academic record

Have published articles and been offered a book contract - I'm now going out and promoting it

Taught classes and given lectures in front of 30+ students

Public speaking in different locations across the world

Signed up to online dating and have been going on dates in person

Learnt how to cook really well!

 

Despite these actions, my self-esteem is as low as it's ever been...

 

What is holding me back/damaging my self-esteem:

 

I really am losing hope that my skin will ever improve - can't look at myself in mirrors

Poor body image

Keep getting ignored or rejected by women, and have been single for six years

Currently living at home with parents (but I am paying rent and helping with housework etc.)

Negative thoughts about myself won't go away and seem a lot more 'natural' than positive ones

Although I've done well so far, I still face an uncertain future career-wise

My income has recently dropped

I was turned down for a job I desperately wanted

 

I don't particularly want to moan about my situation - what I'm looking for is practical steps that you would recommend to lift myself. What's worked for you (if anything)? Can I do this all by myself or do I need to seek some professional support?

 

Thanks!

 

What do you do to get rid of built up stress? You should try doing some exercising. I know for me, it always makes me feel relaxed and better about myself after I run/swim/etc. Also even better in the summer time if you can exercise outside. I have also found that most people who have never had to deal with their skin are not understanding at all and will judge you by your skin (like it's our fault.) I broke up with a guy before and in his anger told me that I needed accutane for my skin or no one else will want me. So people can be cruel.

 

Yes, exercising can be a good idea. I really hate gyms (full of posers) but I do enjoy running and cycling out in the fresh air. I need to build exercise into my daily routine and be more disciplined about it. Thanks.

 

That sounds horrible, what your ex-boyfriend said. But it was clearly out of anger. I don't know what it's like to have a girl take an interest in me - they don't really comment on my skin, to be fair; it's as if I'm invisible to them, as if they wouldn't even consider dating someone like me. I have seen men with skin problems with girlfriends so there might be something else about me that's unattractive, however.

 

 

Jamie, in the past, i find that helping someone else has really helped my self esteem and made me feel as if i was making a difference.  This can include:

 

volunteering to feed the homeless

signing up for a mentorship program

visiting terminally ill bursing patients

 

Self esteem took a while to be torn down and as such, will take a whiel to be built back up.  You've made great steps in your life and should be very proud of yourself.

 

Thank you. I was actually looking into a scheme where I would help underprivileged students get into top universities - I might go for this, as I could use the skills I have and it would also appeal to me as I was the first in my family to go to university - so I could probably offer some good advice.

 

You're also right about the self-esteem. I was confident until the age of 14 when I started getting bullied, and then acne problems followed, and then other health problems, so it has been chipping away at my self-esteem for nearly fifteen years now and I can't expect sudden changes overnight.



#5 AlexanderJ86

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 05:46 AM

What have you done to fix your acne problem?



#6 QuietJamie14

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 11:10 AM

What have you done to fix your acne problem?

 

When I was late teens/early twenties, the doctor gave me some tablets (can't remember the name - but not accutane) and a very high-strength benzoyl peroxide cream, higher strength than they now prescribe. The cream burnt and dried my skin out so badly I've never recovered. My dry skin is probably more of a problem now than my acne, so I can't really use any conventional acne treatments as these make my skin even drier. When I go to the doctors about my dry skin, they give me thick, greasy creams and lotions which, of course, make me break out. It's this lose-lose situation that has left me feeling hopeless that I'll ever see an end to my skin problems. I also have some minor scarring. Laser treatment is the only avenue I've yet to explore, but they won't prescribe it on the NHS and I can't afford to have it done privately at the moment.






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