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#1 mysecretinsecurity

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Posted 14 February 2013 - 08:36 PM

I know this has probably been talked about many times, but I just wanted to get this off my mind and onto a post so then I can see others who can relate in some way.

 

For the last couple of months, I have been hiding away from people or any source of light whenever I can. 

I am always afraid of people seeing the bumps on my face and them judging me.

 

I have always been a shy person, but ever since I produced this severity of acne, it hasn't helped. 

Sure, it makes me try to be less shy so then it will balance out my already shy personality, but it doesn't mean that I don't still feel shy, and now wanting to hide away my face from others.

 

I get really upset inside when I'm talking to people and I can see their eyes shift to where my acne is while I'm talking to them. I know they don't mean to, but it must look bad enough that their eyes gravitate towards it. wacko.png

 

The thing I really hate is putting on make up in the morning, and once I finish, I say to myself: "Why do I even try? It still looks horrible." If I had the choice not to go out and see people, I would be more than happy.

 

Even with make up on, I still hide away from light, because obviously make up doesn't conceal bumps.

 

Yeah, this sounds like a sob story, I know. eusa_boohoo.gif But I just thought it would be sort of nice or at least better on myself to let it out and see what other people are feeling. I don't know anyone personally in my life who is dealing with the same problem as me (every one around my life has normal skin, if not almost flawless.)

 

I'd love to hear any other thoughts you might have while reading this, or any questions, or just anything related really.

 

Thanks for reading, hope you have a great day/nightcatdance.gif < so cute!



#2 random1

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Posted 14 February 2013 - 09:01 PM

Dont worry, just because many people have made these posts it doesn't mean they aren't important rolleyes.gif . I still am all ears (eyes technically =p) to you, regardless of how familiar your story is. Its like, while reading in my head i was like, whoa, that's so relate-able. I went to crazy lengths to avoid light, tried many concealers (as a dude no less lol) *cue the violin for me too lol* . but really I'm sorry to hear you aren't satisfied with your complexion. I understand its tough. Especially when (like you) I dont' have anyone personally to relate to me as I go through the whole, acne thing. But I think the Acne.org community is definitely the place to start! There are always those willing to hear you vent, give advice, or even just talk like normal. hifive.gif

 

All i can say is that you aren't alone, and that if you need advice on products, regimens, or just to talk, im all ears.  teehee.gif



#3 LacyDecay

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Posted 14 February 2013 - 09:39 PM

Hi Secret. Yep, you're certainly not alone with the hiding away thing. I haven't been out AT ALL in three years. I refuse to even go out into the garden incase the neighbours happen to get an eye-full of my horrible skin. I even close the curtains in the lounge (or whatever room I'm in) so that no one can see me properly. I realise it must get really depressing and annoying for my family to constantly have to sit in darkness because of my insecurities. It's really sad that we feel the need to have to hide ourselves away :( we're worth more than this, it's just finding that inner confidence to realise it. So I really can relate to you on this.



#4 nakedsmurf

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Posted 14 February 2013 - 11:47 PM

Hi Secret. Yep, you're certainly not alone with the hiding away thing. I haven't been out AT ALL in three years. I refuse to even go out into the garden incase the neighbours happen to get an eye-full of my horrible skin. I even close the curtains in the lounge (or whatever room I'm in) so that no one can see me properly. I realise it must get really depressing and annoying for my family to constantly have to sit in darkness because of my insecurities. It's really sad that we feel the need to have to hide ourselves away :( we're worth more than this, it's just finding that inner confidence to realise it. So I really can relate to you on this.




3 years ?
Damm

#5 LacyDecay

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 12:33 AM

Hi Secret. Yep, you're certainly not alone with the hiding away thing. I haven't been out AT ALL in three years. I refuse to even go out into the garden incase the neighbours happen to get an eye-full of my horrible skin. I even close the curtains in the lounge (or whatever room I'm in) so that no one can see me properly. I realise it must get really depressing and annoying for my family to constantly have to sit in darkness because of my insecurities. It's really sad that we feel the need to have to hide ourselves away sad.png we're worth more than this, it's just finding that inner confidence to realise it. So I really can relate to you on this.




3 years ?
Damm

 

Yup. F**king sucks balls. censored.gif I'll get a life one day, I swear I will, lol.



#6 KATE75

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 06:29 AM

In my case, it tends to be the acne scarring on my chin that people stare at when I am talking to them. For some reason, people always put their hand up over their own chin and start obsessively stroking it whenever I speak to them.  It's a really horrible feeling and makes me not want to interact with people at all. The thing is most of us don't have any real choice in the matter - we need to interact with others to some degree in order to get by in this life and earn a living. I too am surrounded by people who all have clear skin and they are able to confidently speak face to face with others so they could never understand what it's like for people who have our problem. 

 

I've been battling with acne for the past 25 years (since I was 13). Since I have been on the regimen, it has got better but I still struggle with it now and again. It's the horrible scars it's left behind on my chin and in particular the way others react to my face that upsets me the most. 



#7 coolusername

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 09:40 AM

I have few tips on talking to other people and eye contact..
 
When you talk to someone, you can focus just on delivering the message you are trying to deliver.  That means you don't pay attention to how the other person is reacting to you.  You just go about saying the thing you are trying to say.  It's kind of like this guy who has autism but he "just goes about" delivering his speech.  Maybe people who have autism don't really know or care about what other think of their mannerisms but that's besides the point.  Here is the video of this kid:  http://youtu.be/Uq-FOOQ1TpE
 
 
When you are listening to the other person, I think a great way of "managing" your eye contact is for you to look sideways CLEARLY (so that the speaker can notice) every 0.5 seconds or so.  You can look sideways/slightly up deliberately every little interval.  I think this is very useful...  Even people who don't have acne are not advised to "death-stare" at someone for longer than 3,4 seconds usually.  Example of this:
http://youtu.be/PK8CCzLOgbI  You have to go to the 10:30 mark.  Little changes can help and I hope you find it helpful..!


Edited by coolusername, 15 February 2013 - 09:48 AM.


#8 RJT623

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 10:43 AM

I am a shy person as well, and when my skin is at it's worst, it completely effects my personality. I work in healthcare, I see patients and families throughout my day, not to mention coworkers. When I have a bad breakout, usually on my chin, I feel like they can't make eye contact with me because they're staring at my chin. I think part of it is me being overly sensitive and very much aware of my skin problem. They may just be casually glancing around, but it certainly doesn't feel that way. But there are others who very obviously stare. It also makes me feel like they don't respect me as an adult, because so many people are still under the impression that acne is only a teenager's problem... I am somewhat lucky though, because my manager also suffers with adult acne, so I have her to talk to. It's a touchy subject that no one wants to talk about, but one day it came up in coversation and we realized we both had the same problem. I'm 32 and she's in her mid 40's. She just completed her first round of Accutane and she looks great. So over the years we've been able to talk about our skin problems, what we've been through, etc. She's the one who finally convinced me to get some medical attention for it. I am thankful that I have her, because unless you suffer with it or have suffered through it, there's no way you'll ever understand! You're not alone :)

#9 mysecretinsecurity

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 07:02 PM

Dont worry, just because many people have made these posts it doesn't mean they aren't important rolleyes.gif . I still am all ears (eyes technically =p) to you, regardless of how familiar your story is. Its like, while reading in my head i was like, whoa, that's so relate-able. I went to crazy lengths to avoid light, tried many concealers (as a dude no less lol) *cue the violin for me too lol* . but really I'm sorry to hear you aren't satisfied with your complexion. I understand its tough. Especially when (like you) I dont' have anyone personally to relate to me as I go through the whole, acne thing. But I think the Acne.org community is definitely the place to start! There are always those willing to hear you vent, give advice, or even just talk like normal. hifive.gif

 

All i can say is that you aren't alone, and that if you need advice on products, regimens, or just to talk, im all ears.  teehee.gif

Aw, I'm really glad and appreciate hearing all that you just said. You sound like such a kind person that more people need to be like. Thank you so much.



Hi Secret. Yep, you're certainly not alone with the hiding away thing. I haven't been out AT ALL in three years. I refuse to even go out into the garden incase the neighbours happen to get an eye-full of my horrible skin. I even close the curtains in the lounge (or whatever room I'm in) so that no one can see me properly. I realise it must get really depressing and annoying for my family to constantly have to sit in darkness because of my insecurities. It's really sad that we feel the need to have to hide ourselves away sad.png we're worth more than this, it's just finding that inner confidence to realise it. So I really can relate to you on this.

 

Aw, hun. My heart is with you, it's really tough feeling this way. It feels so weird and annoying that we, as humans, don't feel human like everyone else. I sometimes feel like I'm not even human, or just not worth it. And you're completely right, we are more than this; we deserve so much better. No matter what we feel on the inside, it's really how we are on the inside that makes us who we are (as cheesy as that sounds!lol.gif)

 

I really hope that you will enjoy the great life ahead of you when you find your inner confidence, because you definitely deserve it. 



In my case, it tends to be the acne scarring on my chin that people stare at when I am talking to them. For some reason, people always put their hand up over their own chin and start obsessively stroking it whenever I speak to them.  It's a really horrible feeling and makes me not want to interact with people at all. The thing is most of us don't have any real choice in the matter - we need to interact with others to some degree in order to get by in this life and earn a living. I too am surrounded by people who all have clear skin and they are able to confidently speak face to face with others so they could never understand what it's like for people who have our problem. 

 

I've been battling with acne for the past 25 years (since I was 13). Since I have been on the regimen, it has got better but I still struggle with it now and again. It's the horrible scars it's left behind on my chin and in particular the way others react to my face that upsets me the most. 

 

Ah, I know what you mean about people starting to stroke that particular area! Whenever people do that, it can get a bit awkward. And YES, EXACTLY! It is our benefit when going out and doing something with our lives, regardless of what our skin looks like. It's hard, but like you said, we have no choice. 

 

I really do hope that all will be well with you, and just know that there are so many others out there who are the same...they just might not be surrounding you in real life. 



I have few tips on talking to other people and eye contact..
 
When you talk to someone, you can focus just on delivering the message you are trying to deliver.  That means you don't pay attention to how the other person is reacting to you.  You just go about saying the thing you are trying to say.  It's kind of like this guy who has autism but he "just goes about" delivering his speech.  Maybe people who have autism don't really know or care about what other think of their mannerisms but that's besides the point.  Here is the video of this kid:  http://youtu.be/Uq-FOOQ1TpE
 
 
When you are listening to the other person, I think a great way of "managing" your eye contact is for you to look sideways CLEARLY (so that the speaker can notice) every 0.5 seconds or so.  You can look sideways/slightly up deliberately every little interval.  I think this is very useful...  Even people who don't have acne are not advised to "death-stare" at someone for longer than 3,4 seconds usually.  Example of this:
http://youtu.be/PK8CCzLOgbI  You have to go to the 10:30 mark.  Little changes can help and I hope you find it helpful..!

 

Wow, very cool! Thank you for the information and videos! surprised.gif



#10 runningqueen

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 07:03 PM

Hey my Secrets in Security it is okay because my entire highschool life was like that. Once I found Accutane my life changed. I have been on three courses yes it is crazy , but I no longer hide underneath makeup or stop hanging out with friends in fear that all they stare at is my face. It is true that you are your worst critic I have spent years trying to figure out the causes of acne. I was so determined that food caused MY acne that last year not even kidding you I starved myself yes I was working 40 hours a week and in highschool , but I stopped eating in fear that anything would cause my acne. Accutane has helped my severity of my acne , and has made me realize the BIGGER picture in life. I am still not 100% confident and am starting a low dose course again on Accutane, but I realized the moments you spend crying,upset, frustrated, and in hiding from acne the less moments you have with family and friends. NO matter how bad your acne is embrace the world. It will get better and if its cystic deep acne try ACCUTANE! It could be related to hormones so made spirolactone could help or cut out dairy. Worrying about your skin will never make it better so please your beautiful. I have been at the lowest points in my life thanks to acne for the past 7 years, but it will get better.



#11 mysecretinsecurity

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 07:17 PM

I am a shy person as well, and when my skin is at it's worst, it completely effects my personality. I work in healthcare, I see patients and families throughout my day, not to mention coworkers. When I have a bad breakout, usually on my chin, I feel like they can't make eye contact with me because they're staring at my chin. I think part of it is me being overly sensitive and very much aware of my skin problem. They may just be casually glancing around, but it certainly doesn't feel that way. But there are others who very obviously stare. It also makes me feel like they don't respect me as an adult, because so many people are still under the impression that acne is only a teenager's problem... I am somewhat lucky though, because my manager also suffers with adult acne, so I have her to talk to. It's a touchy subject that no one wants to talk about, but one day it came up in coversation and we realized we both had the same problem. I'm 32 and she's in her mid 40's. She just completed her first round of Accutane and she looks great. So over the years we've been able to talk about our skin problems, what we've been through, etc. She's the one who finally convinced me to get some medical attention for it. I am thankful that I have her, because unless you suffer with it or have suffered through it, there's no way you'll ever understand! You're not alone smile.png

 

Don't worry, it's totally fine to notice that people are looking at that area of your face. I mean, you're technically supposed to be looking at their eyes, so it's normal to see where their eyes shift to, yeah? 

 

Some people just don't know, and they are quick to judge. We just have to remind ourselves that, they don't know the full story, they don't know how it's like to be me, so they don't really have the right to judge me. And if they do, they're not right.

 

Aw, I'm glad you have someone to talk with you about it! YES; people who haven't suffered with the situation, experience, and pain do not have the right to judge, nor will they understand. 

 

They can listen and hear about it, but like the quote, "Walk a day in my shoes". 

Thank you for the post proud.gif



Hey my Secrets in Security it is okay because my entire highschool life was like that. Once I found Accutane my life changed. I have been on three courses yes it is crazy , but I no longer hide underneath makeup or stop hanging out with friends in fear that all they stare at is my face. It is true that you are your worst critic I have spent years trying to figure out the causes of acne. I was so determined that food caused MY acne that last year not even kidding you I starved myself yes I was working 40 hours a week and in highschool , but I stopped eating in fear that anything would cause my acne. Accutane has helped my severity of my acne , and has made me realize the BIGGER picture in life. I am still not 100% confident and am starting a low dose course again on Accutane, but I realized the moments you spend crying,upset, frustrated, and in hiding from acne the less moments you have with family and friends. NO matter how bad your acne is embrace the world. It will get better and if its cystic deep acne try ACCUTANE! It could be related to hormones so made spirolactone could help or cut out dairy. Worrying about your skin will never make it better so please your beautiful. I have been at the lowest points in my life thanks to acne for the past 7 years, but it will get better.

 

Wow, that means a lot that you say those things, thank you. I really do believe that having acne can help a person realize the bigger picture in life, and also can make a person more humble and understanding. Some people take for granted what they have, and when you have to deal with something you cannot change easily, it changes you.

 

I try to be with my family when I can, but I really do like what you said about embracing the world no matter how bad your acne is. It's all about enjoying life while you can. Thank you so much for your input, it means a lot. YOU are beautiful amused.gif



#12 runningqueen

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 07:19 PM

Of course and you are beautiful as well! I am deciding if I should post pictures of my final accutane journey. 



#13 mysecretinsecurity

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 07:39 PM

Of course and you are beautiful as well! I am deciding if I should post pictures of my final accutane journey. 

 

I don't know what happened to this post, but I'm just going to write this here now.

 

Are you going to put up your accutane journey? c:


Edited by mysecretinsecurity, 28 February 2013 - 03:59 PM.