20 replies to this topic

[drewfish01]

I posted this in the emotional forum but wanted to post this as well in the adult acne forum as its for ppl 25 and over.

 

 

I am 26 male.  I currently have no job and not even looking for it due to my acne.  I live with my parents.  Basically a few months ago my face has erupted with acne.  I went on vacation just to get away from them but broke out later on in the vacation.  I haven't had acne like this since back a few years ago when it cleared up. 

 

 

I come back home and I was broken out in my face.  However it wasn't that big of a deal because i know in a few weeks my face would probably clear if i just stay inside the house and not eat any junk food etc and clean my face.  Well my parents would just get upset at me and say stuff like when you going to look for a job.  I said after my face clears up then i start looking.  However, my mother kept coming into my room every week or so and have this talk with me like how you should look for a job as you are getting older etc and i understand what she is coming from.  She then goes well if you dont get married by 30, then im going to get an arranged marriage for you etc... well she didn't say it exactly like this but you get what i'm trying to say.  I know that any guy that hears this from their mother would obviously get pissed off.  I told her stop saying this stuff to me because i would get angry and when i get angry like normal ppl i get stressed and my acne would get worst.  Its like she keeps on doing this over and over again and i tell her to stop.

 

 

The other thing is she wants me to eat food with the family.  However, i hate it b/c i told her so many times they food she makes, its not good for my acne.  I told her so many times, stop cooking food for me.  I go and cook my own food and eat the stuff i buy etc.  She goes oh don't worry its just so and so and i just get very upset.  Why you ask?  Because everytime i eat anything like that, my face breaks out within 3 days.  And the worst part is i have tons of red marks as a result of it.  I told her please stop it. 

 

 

Then there is my father.  Whenever he sees food at a discount in a supermarket he would buy it.  Wheres the problem though?  He would buy those junk food such as ice cream bars and sandwiches and then put it in the fridge.  The problem is stuff like that i'm very addicted to and those stuff give me pimples immediately.  Thats why i never buy that stuff and avoid it.  But what does he do?  He buys it but doesn't even eat it.  He just leaves it there and the only reason he buys it is because its CHEAP.  I told him quit buying that stuff because last time i couldn't resist and ate some of it and then broke out even more.  He then goes well just stop eating it then... WHO'S TELLING YOU TO EAT IT?  Well i then said no one is and i try to stop eating it buts its so damn hard when its right in the fridge.  The worst part is he NEVER EATS IT... he just leaves it there.   The thing is i know how to avoid eating foods that aggraviate acne but isn't buying stuff like that and putting it in the fridge making it hard to not even try?  The thing is i see it all that time and don't even touch it for like a month and then suddenly i go and get one b/c i couldn't resist.  I know its my fault but does anyone here think this is just bad?  He also smokes a lot and my mother told her to quit smoking.  He still does it but not as much..  I told him this How about you aren't not allowed to smoke but we just put a pack of cigarettes on the table right next to you.  You think that would be tough on you?  Does anyone see where i'm going with this or is my logic wrong.

 

 

I then last time would then eat with them and then they make some eggs.  I told them so many times if i eat with them, don't make that stuff.  Basically just make vegetables and chicken and thats it.  No sauce or anything as well.  And recently when i was eating with them, i forgot and then ate some crabs and then broke out even more in my face where i then broke down very hard inside my room because of it. Then my mother/father would go okay starting from now then, we not cooking anything you cook food for yourself then.  I go... you said said 15 times already.  After i go cook my own food and eat by myself you then say lets all eat the same food etc.  its like the same process going over and over again.  

 

 

I know its my fault for eating those food such as ice cream and crab etc but I completely forgot about the crabs.  The reason was b/c before i ate the crab my face was clearing up so much a few days before that i got happy so i forgot about it.  Then after i ate it, next day my face just broke out so much again.  

 

 

I really hate my parents so much.  I told them so many times quit doing that and they never listen.  They go you can't just eat vegetables and chicken everyday etc.  I told them i'm trying to clear my acne and they say fine okay but after some time, they always do crap where its causes me more acne such as leaving certain food i can't resist on the table or stressing me out.  Last time i screamed at them and said my acne is getting better but now you come into my room and talk about stuff i dont want to hear and now im stressed out more.  And as a result, i get more pimples the next few days.

 

 

Does anyone here have an opinion on this?  Am i over the line with getting mad at them?  Before someone says get your own place, i do have the money to get my own place.  However, i would then be paying a lot of rent but wouldn't have a job so i would run out of money pretty quickly.  Does anyone here think this is wrong of them or of me to get angry at them?  I told them so many times i would look for a job once my acne gets controlled and they go okay but they would then stress me out every 2 weeks so my acne then gets even worst b/c i'm screaming since they keep talk about my future etc.  

 

 

All i ask them is to quit stressing me out when i am trying to clear my acne.  Is that too much to ask?  I'm tryng to clear my acne so i can go and try to have a normal life.   Most ppl my age already have jobs and some even are married and have kids already.  They would tell me to drink the soup and say its good for you... but i have no clue if that soup is bad for the skin or not.   That could be another reason why my acne is getting worst.  I tell them quit putting those junk food right in the middle of a place since they DON'T EVEN EAT IT.  

 

 

Am i asking too much from them?  I know if i was a parent and my kid had acne and told me this stuff, i would never stress him/her out because i would know what going through acne is like.  They just don't give a damn.  Last time they said oh you don't even have that many pimples etc and you are a guy and not a girl so quit worrying about it.  But then recently my mother saw my face erupted a lot and then didn't say that.  I then said... are you happy now?  You're the reason for this.  Stressing me out over and over again.  Now my face is so bad that i can't even leave the house anymore.  And the acne i have is lots of cysts so anyone know what a cyst is can tell why i'm angry.

• 
  
   
•  

[whoartthou1]

Wow dood! We have VERY similar fucking parents. Sorry to be judgemental, but are you INDIAN ethnicity (asian-indian)? If so, please message me!

[tricky]

Sorry mate… but it seems to me that you are both at fault. I’m sure there’s a lot of history to your situation. I mean, you’re 26 and only recently broken out again… so why haven’t you already left home and got a job? You parents are probably just concerned about you (and rightly so imho, you sound like you have been depressed for a while….long before you got the acne) .

 

I think you need to have a sit down with them, and calmly, with no blame, have a discussion with them. Tell them what you want.. and give them an opportunity to tell you what they want, and their reasons for behaving the way they do. I’m sure you can come to an understanding. You are clearly very frustrated with them, but shouting and behaving like a teenager (and blaming them for your acne) is not going to do anything to help your situation.

 

Also, why cant you make your own food and eat with them at the table… or even cook for them one night? You don’t have to lock yourself away in your room all the time. That will only lead to depression. Also, try and vary your diet a bit. Eating the same thing all the time is not good for you, and won’t help your skin in the long run.  

 

Sorry, I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic. I totally get where you’re coming from. I get the same thing when I go to my parents house for Sunday lunch sometimes. They know I eat healthily and don’t have anything with sugar or dairy in it…. but they still ALWAYS make me pudding and say “well it’s a special occasion… one meal won’t hurt you”. I find this very frustrating… but they don’t really understand acne, as its not happening to them… so I just tell them “no thank you, I’ve got to be strict about my diet” and prepare myself for the same line of questioning the next time I come round for lunch lol! 

 

ps - have you been to the doctor about your acne? other than your diet what other things have you tried? have you tried dans regime?

Edited by tricky, 12 February 2013 - 04:45 AM.

[Binga]

Diet takes a long time to work and doesnot work for every one. Look into accutane, regimen, vitamin supplements/B5 etc. No point getting depressed without doing any thing.

[Rorius]

Sounds like you're waited on 24/7.

 

Others manage to get through life with severe acne & other more serious afflictions. If you need some inspiration, watch the Paralympics.

 

If you want your own food, go & get a job and buy some. Acne doesn't stop you working, and in reality, nobody else cares that you have acne. I would've kicked you out years ago.

[melmel87]

I posted this in the emotional forum but wanted to post this as well in the adult acne forum as its for ppl 25 and over.

 

 

I am 26 male.  I currently have no job and not even looking for it due to my acne.  I live with my parents.  Basically a few months ago my face has erupted with acne.  I went on vacation just to get away from them but broke out later on in the vacation.  I haven't had acne like this since back a few years ago when it cleared up. 

 

 

I come back home and I was broken out in my face.  However it wasn't that big of a deal because i know in a few weeks my face would probably clear if i just stay inside the house and not eat any junk food etc and clean my face.  Well my parents would just get upset at me and say stuff like when you going to look for a job.  I said after my face clears up then i start looking.  However, my mother kept coming into my room every week or so and have this talk with me like how you should look for a job as you are getting older etc and i understand what she is coming from.  She then goes well if you dont get married by 30, then im going to get an arranged marriage for you etc... well she didn't say it exactly like this but you get what i'm trying to say.  I know that any guy that hears this from their mother would obviously get pissed off.  I told her stop saying this stuff to me because i would get angry and when i get angry like normal ppl i get stressed and my acne would get worst.  Its like she keeps on doing this over and over again and i tell her to stop.

 

 

The other thing is she wants me to eat food with the family.  However, i hate it b/c i told her so many times they food she makes, its not good for my acne.  I told her so many times, stop cooking food for me.  I go and cook my own food and eat the stuff i buy etc.  She goes oh don't worry its just so and so and i just get very upset.  Why you ask?  Because everytime i eat anything like that, my face breaks out within 3 days.  And the worst part is i have tons of red marks as a result of it.  I told her please stop it. 

 

 

Then there is my father.  Whenever he sees food at a discount in a supermarket he would buy it.  Wheres the problem though?  He would buy those junk food such as ice cream bars and sandwiches and then put it in the fridge.  The problem is stuff like that i'm very addicted to and those stuff give me pimples immediately.  Thats why i never buy that stuff and avoid it.  But what does he do?  He buys it but doesn't even eat it.  He just leaves it there and the only reason he buys it is because its CHEAP.  I told him quit buying that stuff because last time i couldn't resist and ate some of it and then broke out even more.  He then goes well just stop eating it then... WHO'S TELLING YOU TO EAT IT?  Well i then said no one is and i try to stop eating it buts its so damn hard when its right in the fridge.  The worst part is he NEVER EATS IT... he just leaves it there.   The thing is i know how to avoid eating foods that aggraviate acne but isn't buying stuff like that and putting it in the fridge making it hard to not even try?  The thing is i see it all that time and don't even touch it for like a month and then suddenly i go and get one b/c i couldn't resist.  I know its my fault but does anyone here think this is just bad?  He also smokes a lot and my mother told her to quit smoking.  He still does it but not as much..  I told him this How about you aren't not allowed to smoke but we just put a pack of cigarettes on the table right next to you.  You think that would be tough on you?  Does anyone see where i'm going with this or is my logic wrong.

 

 

I then last time would then eat with them and then they make some eggs.  I told them so many times if i eat with them, don't make that stuff.  Basically just make vegetables and chicken and thats it.  No sauce or anything as well.  And recently when i was eating with them, i forgot and then ate some crabs and then broke out even more in my face where i then broke down very hard inside my room because of it. Then my mother/father would go okay starting from now then, we not cooking anything you cook food for yourself then.  I go... you said said 15 times already.  After i go cook my own food and eat by myself you then say lets all eat the same food etc.  its like the same process going over and over again.  

 

 

I know its my fault for eating those food such as ice cream and crab etc but I completely forgot about the crabs.  The reason was b/c before i ate the crab my face was clearing up so much a few days before that i got happy so i forgot about it.  Then after i ate it, next day my face just broke out so much again.  

 

 

I really hate my parents so much.  I told them so many times quit doing that and they never listen.  They go you can't just eat vegetables and chicken everyday etc.  I told them i'm trying to clear my acne and they say fine okay but after some time, they always do crap where its causes me more acne such as leaving certain food i can't resist on the table or stressing me out.  Last time i screamed at them and said my acne is getting better but now you come into my room and talk about stuff i dont want to hear and now im stressed out more.  And as a result, i get more pimples the next few days.

 

 

Does anyone here have an opinion on this?  Am i over the line with getting mad at them?  Before someone says get your own place, i do have the money to get my own place.  However, i would then be paying a lot of rent but wouldn't have a job so i would run out of money pretty quickly.  Does anyone here think this is wrong of them or of me to get angry at them?  I told them so many times i would look for a job once my acne gets controlled and they go okay but they would then stress me out every 2 weeks so my acne then gets even worst b/c i'm screaming since they keep talk about my future etc.  

 

 

All i ask them is to quit stressing me out when i am trying to clear my acne.  Is that too much to ask?  I'm tryng to clear my acne so i can go and try to have a normal life.   Most ppl my age already have jobs and some even are married and have kids already.  They would tell me to drink the soup and say its good for you... but i have no clue if that soup is bad for the skin or not.   That could be another reason why my acne is getting worst.  I tell them quit putting those junk food right in the middle of a place since they DON'T EVEN EAT IT.  

 

 

Am i asking too much from them?  I know if i was a parent and my kid had acne and told me this stuff, i would never stress him/her out because i would know what going through acne is like.  They just don't give a damn.  Last time they said oh you don't even have that many pimples etc and you are a guy and not a girl so quit worrying about it.  But then recently my mother saw my face erupted a lot and then didn't say that.  I then said... are you happy now?  You're the reason for this.  Stressing me out over and over again.  Now my face is so bad that i can't even leave the house anymore.  And the acne i have is lots of cysts so anyone know what a cyst is can tell why i'm angry.

 

• 
  
   
•  

 

 Seriously? you're using your acne as an excuse to not get a job? In the real world, everyone has flaws,  and you can't let those flaws prevent you from doing what you need to in life. Get a job and go to a dermatologist.

[drewfish01]

Let me say a few things right now.  I know the cause of my acne.  Its because of certain foods and stress.  If no one bothers me, i am not going to be stressed so my face would heal my acne.  If i only eat the food i make, i won't break out at all.  I have went to dermatologist many times already and they are useless.  They make you try benzoyl peroxide which i tried back many years ago when my acne was bad and it made things worst.  I know what my cause of my acne is.  The problem is my parents are the ones that are causing me to stress and the ones who are tellng me to eat with them.

 

 

To someone say how come i haven't moved out?  I moved out last year.  My rent was $1500/month and thats for a studio.  In the city i live, the rent is expensive and i doubt many of you here could even afford $1500 for rent.  I stayed for 1 full year and then moved back.

 

 

I have many times talked with them in a calmly matter.  I done this at least 6 times last year.  It doesn't work.  You guys just don't get it because your parents are not like this so obviously you don't go through stuff.  I see one person here who mentioned they have similar paretns so that shows i am not the only one but others here probably aren't like this which is why they are so biased.

 

 

I do go and get my own food.  I buy my own food and cook it.  They then tell me to eat with them still.  I honestly dont know if you guys are even listening to what im saying.  Basically everything you guys are suggesting, i tried already.  I'm not poor.  I have money in the bank but if i move out and pay 1500/month every month, i would be going to run out of money.  I did this for 1 year already and again i doubt any of you could afford 1500/month for rent for just yourself. 

 

 

I can probably tell you guys who tell me stop worrying about acne probably never made close to severe acne in your life so obviously for you ppl with mild acne or maybe moderate at the worst, you don't think its that big deal.  Truth is most ppl who don't go through stuff don't understand it and tell others its no big deal but when it hits them, then they get the feeling others go through.

[cvd]

Hi Drewfish

I just read your post above and have some thoughts. Yes it is very hard for other people to understand how much acne can affect our emotions and our relationships! We are all different and have different situations. You are in a very difficult one...an adult living at home. This is hard even under the best of circumstances!

My background is research and social work so I might be able to help.

My first thought is to approach your situation in a very different way. This will take some experimenting if you are game to try it. My thought is you might want to pretend you are much older than you are right now. Why? Because your folks are treating you like a child. By pretending to be much older it sort of balances things out. So imagine how a much older man would handle the situation. Imagine what kind of man you will be in 5-10 years. Imagine what kind of personality you will have (...there are no right or wrong answers here). Will it be a demanding personailty or a patient one? Etc. Remember this is an experiment and just something to help get past this difficulty with your folks.

So try it. With every interaction and situation with your parents pretend that you are this older man. What happens? You can message me about this.

It sounds like you have had bad luck with derms. Sometimes it takes forever to find a derm who actually helps. Keep looking for that one! It's worth it (I know). Have you tried topical antibiotics? I love Cleocin-T. I usually have had bad luck with BP but am now using a BP cleanser (Panoxyl-4%) that is okay for my sensitive skin.

Have you considered living with other young people? My son lived in a big house of vegetarians and loved it. How about an ashram or an organic farm? What would happen if you indulged your concerns about foods into say working on an organic farm?

Have you read books on food allergies and how they affect stress and emotions? It's very enlightening! Also read books on stress and how to handle it. Become an expert. How about yoga or hiking or walking? Do you do any of these things?

Leave your folks out of the equation for a moment and think about how you want your life to look. How about in 5 years? Is there any small thing...just one that you can try right now?

Re: your folks. They may just be stuck in their ways. They are concerned about your but don't have a clue how to really help in the way you want. They are forgetful and invite you to eat with them again. What would happen if just for today you let them off the hook? Just for today. And then see how you feel tomorrow.

You may want to get formal allergy testing. I think you have some food allergies that are adding to your distress. Having verified food allergies will also diffuse some of the emotions about this with your folks. You'll be able to show them a piece of paper outlining what you can't eat. Even still they may be unable to understand. Older people can get this way.

This is why it is so essential for you to try being a different kind of person yourself. Become an expert in flexibility...forgiving...forward thinking. It may free you up.

Feel free to message me if you want. I hope this helps!

Edited by cvd, 12 February 2013 - 02:08 PM.

[drewfish01]

Hi.  I do believe very few dermatologists are really helpful.  Most of them just give you benzoyl peroxide or antibiotics and thats it.  I dont use it because it makes my red marks worst.  I have experiemented so many stuff in my life so i know what works and what doesn't.  

 

I have thought about living wtih roommates before.  They were however not as young as me.  One guy who i met and we had same hobbies etc... we were going to get a place.  He then turned me very crazy.  Suddenly texting me scary texts, calling my phone then shutting it the moment i hear it.  This was when i met him things were going cool and i thought this person would be great to have as a roommate.  Then annother person who is lot older.  He was a night person, i was a day person.  He's a cool guy but things just didn't work out well.

 

I have never read a book on allergies etc.  However, i have extensive knowledge from reading articles on the internet.  I know what foods are good/bad for acne etc.  A dermatologist last time thought i was some medical student b/c it seemed like i knew so much about this stuff.  Thing is i could prevent my acne if it isn't my parents stressing me out and telling me to eat with them.

[Green Gables]

Move out. Get a job. 

 

You can't put your life on hold because of your acne.

 

I had severe acne (rated as most severe on the scale that dermatologists use) for years and years. I ALWAYS had a job from the time I was legal to work. I moved out at 17.

 

Frankly you sound like the kind of person who would rather make excuses. Guess what. There will always be an excuse. Forget the excuses. Go live your life in spite of your acne.

 

I believe in you. Good luck. 

Edited by Green Gables, 12 February 2013 - 07:58 PM.

[drewfish01]

You know what i think is kind of funny?  You guys who are being negative say do this and that like its so easy.  You mention how you had severe acne back then and it didn't hold you back.  Sure i can see that... however if you were going through that exact acne right now... would you have type the response you just did?

 

 

It seems like its those who battled through acne then tell ppl how easy it is and to stop letting acne control your life but only AFTER THEY CLEARED IT.

[Krissy Melo]

have you thought about grabbing a night shift job or a job at a warehouse or somewhere as a laborer? i work nights because theres less people around to see my acne...it makes me feel less stressed while i am trying to get it to heal. (my acne is caused by stress also). so maybe thats a good option atleast for a job...and, if you work nights, your whole schedule is different from your family's -- which means less interaction with them -- which equals less stress!!

 

i dont think you're crazy or wrong in your feelings...i completely understand where you're comming from. you just gotta figure out how to get you outta this cycle so you can destress and clear your skin up and do things your way!!

 

night shift works for me...look into it

 

message me if you wanna talk or need someone to vent to.

[Rorius]

You know what i think is kind of funny?  You guys who are being negative say do this and that like its so easy.  You mention how you had severe acne back then and it didn't hold you back.  Sure i can see that... however if you were going through that exact acne right now... would you have type the response you just did?

 

 

It seems like its those who battled through acne then tell ppl how easy it is and to stop letting acne control your life but only AFTER THEY CLEARED IT.

 

I started University & also got a job while I had severe acne a couple of years ago. I have many friends who also have had a similar experience & are able to get on in life. I'm currently a month into taking Accutane & do not have clear skin.

 

Sure it's hard, but life goes on & I don't feel like I need to sit around doing absolutely nothing and rely on my parents for everything, all day long. And I'm nowhere near 26.

[drewfish01]

In other words you are just another young poster who hasn't been in the real world.  I had stayed in my own place for 1 year and my rent was $1500/month.  I bet you probably live in a dorm or with a roommate and pay like 500 dollars a month or something in some town.  

 

Let me guess.  You make a big deal about your age as well.  Like instead of saying you are 20 you say well im 21 soon.  

[tricky]

You’ve got an answer to everything haven’t you. You come on here and ask for help/advice… and when we give it, and if it’s not something you want to hear, you rubbish it.

 

I get it… you’ve got acne and you are depressed, and you feel like no one in your family is supporting you. SO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

 

Get a job.. or do some voluntary work, to get you out of the house and leading a normal life, rather than being stuck alone in your room, getting even more depressed and annoyed with your parents. Help out at a homeless shelter or something. No one there will care if you have acne… they have far more serious issues to deal with… and will welcome your help. You might find it extremely rewarding too. I know I did. So much so that I know work for a homeless organisation. Just an idea.. there are loads of things you could do, if you put your mind to it, where people wont care about your acne, or treat you differently.  The voluntary/charity sector is a great place to start. 

[bluefilteredlight]

I have two pieces of advice for you:

 

1st - MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE! I had a similar situation to your when I was in my early twenties. I have situational stress and that caused a portion of my acne. My mother was always screaming and yelling about something. We could not communicate properly with one another. Until I moved out I didn't realize what a weight was lifted off my shoulders and my face started to clear gradually, not entirely though. I will never EVER move back into that house again because we have different lifestyles. What that meant for me was I was determined to find any means necessary to survive. Live with friends. Find a really cheap apartment. Live with relatives. Whatever it takes. 

 

2nd - GO FIND A JOB! Don't let your acne become the reason you become introverted. I work in sales believe it or not. I face the public everyday with acne and still do my job. Most decent human beings will not judge you. I work mostly on enthusiasm. That's what gets me my sales. I have trained many young individuals with acne worse than mine that still go out and try their best. Whenever I feel depressed from my acne I think about all the people that would be lucky to be in my position. That humbles me greatly. I know that there are people with disabilities that are far greater than mine that still cope with everyday life knowing that they will not have all of life's opportunities. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my body and food in my stomach. Sometimes when things are going bad in our lives it clouds our judgement to make good decisions and be appreciative about what we do have.

 

Hopefully you can find a resolve quickly to your situation. For me moving out was the best thing I have ever done. What works for you may not work for me and vice versa but we are all communicating about it and that is a step forward. If you ever feel like talking more don't hesitate to message me. We are all in this for the long haul. 

[Pianina]

To any possible advice or opinion drewfish01 will probably just answer "I bet you *insert any kind of bullshit*" and makes it into an excuse to show how miserable his life is. He bets no one here has it as bad as him. 
I think the only satisfying answer to him would be:

"Omg, poor you, your parents are real monsters to make you suffer like that... I mean forcing to eat dinner with them and telling you that should fix your life... It's outrageous, you should make it clear that they have no right to stress you out, they have no understanding that even a single wrong step will make your acne worse and then you will never ever be able to find a job. They should just move out and leave you the house so that you can recover, those bastards... Sure, nobody has as- severe acne as you and can't even picture what you are going through, but anyway, we are on your side and think that you should show your parents their place. It's a harsh world out there, not even a chance to find a cheaper apartment or someone to live with, so try to hang around your parents house as long as you need to."
 

[Green Gables]

You know what i think is kind of funny?  You guys who are being negative say do this and that like its so easy.  You mention how you had severe acne back then and it didn't hold you back.  Sure i can see that... however if you were going through that exact acne right now... would you have type the response you just did?

 

 

It seems like its those who battled through acne then tell ppl how easy it is and to stop letting acne control your life but only AFTER THEY CLEARED IT.

 

Umm...yes...we're telling you HOW we responded when we had severe acne. I worked in Public Relations and lived away from home and had NO parental support during one of the worst acne periods of my life.

 

Did I like having acne? No. Was I depressed about it? Of course I was. I tried a million different things to try to cure my acne before I finally found something at a pretty old age...for the whole prime of my life I had UGLY PIZZA FACE ACNE. I still had a job and sure as hell didn't rummage around in my parent's basement waiting for a miracle. 

 

There is a difference between feeling sad and angry about something and letting that sadness/anger hold you back. 

[aspirin]

I am the same age as you, and I get it with the whole Asian parents thing. It is just a completely different family culture than other people, and it goes beyond rent money and having meals cooked for you. My mom passed away last year, and because of her short illness I decided to quit work to help take care of her. My acne has exploded in the last few months (it has never been this bad, and I have had severe acne before), to the point I will hopefully be starting my second Accutane round next week. As someone who has social anxiety and is easily prone to depression, I have not felt this bad in a long time, if ever. Sometimes I think something has died in me. I am lucky to have money saved from work.

 

Right now, I am focused on taking steps towards not being depressed. I find socializing very exhausting lately, but I am forcing myself to interact even when I don't feel like it. The further you go into the antisocial rut, the harder it is. I have set a goal of getting a car by March. By the end of the year, I will be either back to work or back at school, regardless of my skin. If my depression gets any worse, I will go for counselling. I've never lived on my own. You have, and you already know how to cook. You've done it once, you can do it again.

 

My final piece of advice is, don't hate your parents (and I don't think you do, you just get frustrated with them). They are worried about you, even if it seems in a negative way. I miss my mother every day, and I really miss her homecooked meals. Sometimes I even miss her talking about my acne.

 

Your post hit a nerve with me, as I understand what you are going through. When there are issues at play besides acne, it makes it that much harder to deal with acne. There are a lot of people with severe acne that can lead normal lives - I get that. Because of this new bout of depression, I have to work a lot harder at having that normal life. But it is not impossible. I used to have a job and was happy (sometimes lol). Now I have to claw my way back to that position again. But I know I can do it.

 

I hope we are able to resolve those issues and move on with our lives.

[brightling]

Dude I get what you're saying here and I can even identify, but you are being a tyrant (lol, i can be the same way). I mean, it doesn't matter what's fair and what's not fair because one thing you need to realize is LIFE IS NOT FAIR. As long as you live under your parents roof their word is law. You have to put so with their BS--and its not even BS in this case. I wouldn't put up with being forced to eat with the parents either though, but I think the best way to take care of that is to just keep doing what you're doing, and basically be so unpleasant that they don't want you there (don't worry it'll happen eventually). I do think its asking way too much if you expect them to conform to your lifestyle.

Another thing I will say that is probably going to piss you off is that you cant let your acne keep you from living! Unless you got full blown congoblata or something i think there is probably more going on here than acne.... I think you are probably focusing on curing your acne as a way of dealing with your anxiety and worry about the job situation and as a way of dealing with the fact that you probably feel like a loser and/or a failure. I get that, and I feel for you, but you cant just stop living on account of your stress or dietary habits causing acne. You will NEVER be able to live some kind of life on your own without some kind of stress plaguing you, so get that out of your head. You also can't avoid eating and you can't expect to live on some bizarre diet for the rest of your life if its forcing you to live like this! That's not a solution; its just torture and probably you are doing it to distract yourself from your real problems.

Go to your doctor and get a script for antibiotics like doxy or minocycline if you have cystic or nodular acne. Take them every 12 hrs without food and watch your acne worsen and then clear miraculously over the next month. If that doesn't work get yourself on accutane. You have nothing to lose if you're living like this (you might also consider therapy).

Edited by brightling, 17 February 2013 - 06:24 PM.